Losing Weight As A Couple...?

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sensitivefool
sensitivefool Posts: 343 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
It was his idea, first of all, to get healthy for himself. I was like, hellz yeah, I can buy healthy groceries now. I'll totally do this with you. (I suppose I invited myself along but I don't see the harm in that unless I become a nosy jerk... do you?) A week in and he isn't enjoying it. I've lost 10 lb.s and am feeling amazing. I think he would like to continue for the sake of his health, and God knows I want to. My plan is to keep my mouth shut if he starts eating poorly again. Or should I try to gently persuade him to continue eating healthily if I see the opportunity? He binged last night, which is fine, he's done well all week. But as we all know, old habits die hard and I would like to have a plan if things ever veer off the tracks. Any opinions?

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  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,074 Member
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    This can be a very fine line to walk, so proceed with caution. If he falls off the wagon, generally what I've seen on here as advice is being supportive without being overbearing. You cannot tell someone what to eat as much as you can force someone to exercise. His first week is rough since he's starting up new changes. But why not work together to shop together, cook together, and plan out how you both can enjoy some indulgences without overdoing it. Changes won't happen overnight, and you can continue to motivate him and point out when he is doing a good job (like thanking him for coming along when you go on a walk, or helping to make dinner). I would say that's the best course of action!
  • lemonsnowdrop
    lemonsnowdrop Posts: 1,298 Member
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    If he binged last night, maybe you two are being too restrictive in your diets? You said "healthy groceries," which is fine, but it leads me to believe that you don't want treats in the house at all. Eating foods you enjoy every now and then is healthy and can keep you from binging. Just make sure to fit them into your day. Aside from that, encourage him without being forceful. He ultimately has to make decisions for himself. If he wants to lose weight and be healthy, he will, but he'll make that choice on his own.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    You can't tell a grown man what to eat. I wish!

    Focus on you and be supportive of his choice, whatever it is. That's all you can do.
  • Ishii19
    Ishii19 Posts: 109 Member
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    Or why not set some ground rules about it now while you're still early on? "Are we motivating eachother to stay on track? Or are we better off just doing our own thing?" The more I talk about things with my honey the better - a lot of times he isn't thinking what I had guessed.
  • ana3067
    ana3067 Posts: 5,623 Member
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    No need to just "eat healthy" to lose weight. Chances are he's getting discouraged because he's not been eating a lot of things he loves, right?

    HAve you guys been tracking calories?

    I'd recommend trying this website out:
    http://www.exrx.net/Calculators/CalRequire.html

    Put in average values for non-exercise activity if you guys don't have a very consistent, regular workout schedule (I have a consistent weights schedule but I decided to switch to MFP's net method so I log my exercise now instead - great for times I'll wind up needing a break from the exercise or can't work out on the same schedule). Subtract 20% from it and use that as a starting goal, and if you guys don't lose about 1lb a week or 4lbs a month, then lower it by another 50-100 cals and monitor again. If you exercise then log it and eat back half the calories (or you could eat back a bit more - if I feel like I've half-assed it or it just wasn't that intense, then I'll do half; if I really felt a good workout I'll do 75% - and I'm logging 50 or 75% of the actual workout time so that the calories add up).

    Then, eat what you'd like while making sure you are still eating something well-rounded. So I eat junk food still. Lately I haven't been eating as much because I've been focusing more on fiber, and I haven't really been craving it as much. Although I dreamt of cookies last night so I'll probably wind up logging a cookie today lol. You can eat anything if it's within your calories. If you make a recipe (e.g. spaghetti sauce) then create the recipe on here and divide it into portions so you have a better idea of how much you are eating. Weighing or at least measuring food is also important, and logging correctly is very important. So e.g. if you measure raw chicken, you log it with the raw nutritional info. Measured it cooked, log it for the cooked nutritional value.
  • Jelaan
    Jelaan Posts: 815 Member
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    If he is not enjoying what he is eating and is just looking at it as "diet" food, ask for his input on what he does like to eat, modify the recipes, look for new recipes together, ask him to help you shop and prepare meals. It may help him feel he has more control over what he is eating and hopefully enjoy it more. Work treats into your daily calories so he is not feeling deprived. Some people find just eating diet 'rabbit' food discouraging and depressing
  • sparklefrogz
    sparklefrogz Posts: 281 Member
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    My plan is to keep my mouth shut if he starts eating poorly again. Or should I try to gently persuade him to continue eating healthily if I see the opportunity? He binged last night, which is fine, he's done well all week. But as we all know, old habits die hard and I would like to have a plan if things ever veer off the tracks. Any opinions?
    Ask him what he wants you to do. :)
  • violasmith85
    violasmith85 Posts: 274 Member
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    I'd just work on cooking healthy meals and lower portions. You can't control what he does all day but you can help make his sit down meals healthier which is a huge step. I'm doing the same thing with my hubby.
  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
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    Or why not set some ground rules about it now while you're still early on? "Are we motivating eachother to stay on track? Or are we better off just doing our own thing?" The more I talk about things with my honey the better - a lot of times he isn't thinking what I had guessed.
    Setting ground rules sounds like you're trying to treat your partner like a child.
    I don't think it's that. It's staying in communication with your spouse to know where the boundaries are when working together to lose weight, which is a loaded issue for some.

    My DH and I are also working on weight loss together. We are both working out using DDP Yoga exercise program, and we both push each other to stick with it. We plan on adding walking soon, and I have supplemented this with some Hip Hop Abs (not following the program though), and I track my calories using MFP. DH isn't tracking calories - he doesn't want to, and that's fine. He does eat my meals, though, so he has been eating fewer calories without trying. But this works for us because we've communicated as such. I think that's what was meant by ground rules - knowing what each other wants to work on and knowing what and when you should push and critique, and where not to.
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Just ask him. Ask, "what do you think we should do if one of us has a different goal?".

    Me and my partner eat separately apart from the evening meal (tea). Sometimes we plan to go over our calories on tea, but only do so if the other wants to too.
  • logg1e
    logg1e Posts: 1,208 Member
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    ask him to help you shop and prepare meals.

    Huh? He's her partner, not her child.
  • benefiting
    benefiting Posts: 795 Member
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    I don't see the harm in warning him he is getting off track. Help motivate him into sticking with his goals and remind him that he is doing it for his health. Learn to cook together, go exercise together, anything to help him start enjoying his journey in fitness. It sounds like you already have a good attitude when it comes to him have a day of no control as long as it's a uncontrollable week, then he may have an issue. Maybe if you continue and he sees your progress it might inspire him to continue his. Good luck. :)
  • sensitivefool
    sensitivefool Posts: 343 Member
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    My plan is to keep my mouth shut if he starts eating poorly again. Or should I try to gently persuade him to continue eating healthily if I see the opportunity? He binged last night, which is fine, he's done well all week. But as we all know, old habits die hard and I would like to have a plan if things ever veer off the tracks. Any opinions?
    Ask him what he wants you to do. :)

    That's probably the best idea here. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Hahah!!
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Just keep focusing on you and if he wants to continue on, he will.
  • sensitivefool
    sensitivefool Posts: 343 Member
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    Thank you for the responses everyone.


    ... And to those who commented as if I were going to tell him what to do... I said in my post that I planned to keep my mouth shut. What I was looking for were any other possible options that would support him and his health.
  • TLIVIGNSTON
    TLIVIGNSTON Posts: 81 Member
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    can always throw a gentle reminder out, that's what my partner and i do. i told her that if we work out and diet together, and i poush her to hard.. not to yell or what ever... just tell me. just keep it real.

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