unsupportive post to an unhealthy friend

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  • _SantaClause
    _SantaClause Posts: 335 Member
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    I think a PM to the person would have sufficed in this instance.

    This is why my diary is closed and I NEVER look at my friend's diaries. I am an adult and I balance my calories on a weekly basis. One day might be a little under, one a little over. I don't want feedback or someone critiquing my choices. In turn, my friends are all adults and I don't have time to police them all. Nor do I want to.

    This is just for another perspective. I think we make MFP what we want/need it to be.

    I checked for this because sometimes if i know i am going to have a big event I will do my cals weekly instead of daily, so some days I may just consume 500 cal a few days in a row then you see me eat 3000-4000 cals on a given day of garbage party food becuase I planned a weekly approach to the event and not a daily one so I get what you are saying.

    In her case it went back for weeks, her goal was 750 a day and most days she barely hit 500 cals........ and normally when people calorie cycle they post about it so others dont get freaked out by their food diaries.... at least I do.... I warn people via status updates to not be alarmed by my VLC intake for a few days if I am gearing up for a big event where I know food will be eaten...

    So I get the idea of tracking differently, also people have bad days, they forget to log or even get busy and undereat mistakenly.... I get all that.... sadly this wasnt the case.

    Gossiping is fun!
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    So, you couldn't just delete her and go away? You had to not only PM her, but you then started a thread to show how good you are and bad she is? Classy.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    She's better off not having you as a friend if all you can think about is yourself and your own demons and not give much thought to hers. You're doing her a favor, really.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    I'm surprised you would even know what she has been eating....why were you looking at her food diary?

    why wouldn't you look at someones diary?






    That question astounds me. I don't look at other people's diaries because a. it's none of my business what they eat or don't eat, b. it has no relevance to my life, and c. who has time? And who cares?
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Had to do that a couple of months ago. The person in question was also complaining about how she had no energy and had a pic of her laying down with emphasis on her ribcage. She was a mom too! I would ask her why she was surprised that she had no energy when she was starving herself. I also would ask her why she was depriving her child of a healthy parent. I got ignored, so I got fed up and deleted her. She was starting to trigger me as well, so I did it for my own health. I do hope she gets help. EDs hurt not just you, but your loved ones as well.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    i always delete people i see eating 1200 or less

    too triggering for me and i aint having that *kitten*
  • 1stplace4health
    1stplace4health Posts: 523 Member
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    I have had to hide their threads on my message board. They trigger me. They strive to be malnourished & underweight. That's not my goal. Although I don't deny friend requests, I will not support an unhealthy lifestyle. You're not alone.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    I understand the need to not have people on your friend's list that might trigger things in you.

    Your comments of "two sticks with no muscle tone" and " her legs were super skinny, like not a thigh gap, more of a thigh absence" are hurtful and in no way productive to any part of this conversation.
  • 1stplace4health
    1stplace4health Posts: 523 Member
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    I'm surprised you would even know what she has been eating....why were you looking at her food diary?

    why wouldn't you look at someones diary?

    I care. It isn't just about receiving support you have to give it too. That's what it's truly means to be a MFP.






    That question astounds me. I don't look at other people's diaries because a. it's none of my business what they eat or don't eat, b. it has no relevance to my life, and c. who has time? And who cares?
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    I had to do the same with a girl who ate 1800 calories but burned 1100-1600 in one session without eating back her exercise calories.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    I don't "like" anyone's diary entries for this very reason. I don't read others diaries either simply because I don't have time. My diary is closed because I had people commenting on it and I found that because of that I wasn't logging truthfully and that was only hurting me. So I closed my diary and I'm 100% truthful now.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I delete people with ED diaries also, because I find it triggering and also because I'm not here to play therapist. I say that in my profile but I still get occasional friend requests from people with <750 cal a day diaries. That sounds harsh, but I have dealt with real-life friends with ED and it is exhausting. I don't have the emotional investment to do it online, particularly as it is unlikely that I'd ever make any difference in any event.

    I don't look at diaries day to day, or "like" diary posts unless someone elses post makes me curious (like "omg, dinner sounds awesome!"), but I'll have a check of a new friends if it is open.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    You sent her a message, was it really necessary to post a thread too?

    the point is if you have an MFP friend whom is hurting themselve dont tell them "good job"

    So If your MFP is hurting themselves help them. That why you are there friend right?
  • chilly1470
    chilly1470 Posts: 178 Member
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    Hello, clueless people, OPEN diary, translation, OPEN!!! If I have to offer advice, or am asked to do so, I am looking at the diary. You don't like it, close it and move on. Don't ask for advice or help. The whole idea of what we have here is friends sharing and caring and helping. For crap's sake, it's a food diary, not their bank account statement. Get over yourselves acting all self-righteous and pious about a stinking daily menu plan. Don't use MFP if you don't like it. And if someone wants advice or affirmation that is what the forums are for. She didn't name the person. She was venting and sharing her feelings about it.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    I'm surprised you would even know what she has been eating....why were you looking at her food diary?

    why wouldn't you look at someones diary?












    That question astounds me. I don't look at other people's diaries because a. it's none of my business what they eat or don't eat, b. it has no relevance to my life, and c. who has time? And who cares?

    You do realize this is a site where people record and track their food, right? And if they have an open diary it's pretty much fair game?
    I personally keep my diary closed right now, for personal reasons. I've had it open in the past and will probably open it again at some point. I have no problem if others have closed diaries as well. Everyone has their own reasons for the status of their diary.
    Those of my friends with open diaries, you bet your *kitten* I creep them...I like seeing what kind of foods other people eat. It gives me ideas for myself/it's fun.

    I don't support chronic undereating (like <750 cal like others have said) though. I've cut a couple people loose over that. I don't have time for that nonsense..I'm not a therapist and I have enough issues of my own.
    [/quote






    I do know what the site is for. It's a tool for me to track calories and exercise, when I choose to. I have no interest whatever in what anybody else eats or doesn't eat, it's nothing to do with me, and I have an open diary but it's of no interest to me if anyone else sees it, though why anyone would bother is beyond me.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    A lot of people with these kinds of eating disorders have self-esteem issues. This friend could have used a helpful and truthful friend rather than being judged and dumped. I'm sure this didn't help her.

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