How am I supposed to balance friends?

AshlynG923 · September 2014

I've been helping out a friend plan her wedding a few nights week. It seems like whenever I'm with her we always end up eating heavier food that I'm not used to typically eating. I'd be more comfortable doing that if it wasn't happening so often (at least a few times a week). I hate eating light all day just so I can account for these meals.

I understand that this is a lifestyle change and not just a diet to stick with it long term. But for me personally, I like to go lighter with my food during the week so I can relax a bit on the weekends. This mindset has helped me keep off the 30ish lbs that I lost 4 years ago.

Would it be rude of me to start telling her no thanks and that I've already had dinner? I don't want to come off as rude but I feel like it's getting a little out of hand and I'm afraid of gaining my weight back.

dopeysmelly · September 2014

It's your life. Take control of it!

In other words, it's not rude IMO.

Great_Mazinga · September 2014

If it doesn't fit your lifestyle, it's not rude to decline. Most of us could not afford to eat out every night for our health's sake. Even trying to make "healthier" choices can be daunting, and still hide plenty of sodium or sugars you may not want. Just be courteous. Maybe eat with her once a week, as a treat, not as a rule.

JessiBelleW · September 2014

You can say 'no thanks' or 'im okay thanks' or 'I'm not really hungry thanks". None of these are rude.

You could always bring something (healthier) to share if you wanted?

sseqwnp · September 2014

Well first, you have to find their center of gravity ..

Phanntom · September 2014

I don't know as it would be rude to decline foods you either don't care for or want to avoid....unless of course "she" thinks your friendship is reliant on food or obesity.

In the end, you have to do what you feel is good for you and your health.

You could address it with her up front telling her, something like...."no thank you....it took a lot of effort to lose 30 pounds and it's a struggle every day to keep it off." If she's miffed by this, you have to question how good of friend she actually is. IF she's a good friend, she should be as concerned for your welfare, just as you are.

Timelordlady85 · September 2014

if your helping a friend with her wedding, maybe suggest healthier foods for you both. I know if i was planning my wedding i wouldn't be thinking about eating "unhealthy foods". you can always politely decline and if she asks tell her about mfp and how this is a lifestyle change so once in awhile is okay but your not trying to undo all the hard work you've done.

kikityme · September 2014

Not that I think it's rude to decline food, cause it's not, but why don't you suggest bringing dinner. After all, you're there to reduce stress right? I'd assume someone bringing me dinner would reduce my stress.

Seriously, someone bring me dinner.

p_emmel5 · September 2014

+1 for Great_Mazinga & kikitime's post(s). Another option is to just cut back on the serving sizes. You're still eating with her, but you're controlling the intake. You need to take care of YOU first. Losing 30 something pounds required self control. Apply the same self control in this situation

Might be the opportunity for you to bring in a healthy option to break up the heavy menu routine for both of you.

I doubt she would think it was rude as long as you didn't follow up with a comment like: I can't keep eating like a pig every night. That might get you in some hot water :happy:

keefmac · September 2014

I delcline food and treats.all the time, it's not rude at all!.

Maybe take some snacks along with you?.

Went for a family meal yesterday, normally it would have been 2800 kcal for what I used to eat, I still enjoyed a burger with diet coke and it came out at 1200 (god bless diet coke). I didn't feel guilty refusing a pint etc..

J_Fabulous · September 2014

I agree with all the comments here. It is not rude to politely decline. If you feel guilty about it, limit yourself to one meal with her per week. Also, portion control is very important. I eat pizza and pasta but I limit myself and measure my food. Generally, I make 2-3 meals out of a restaurant's main dish. Salads or appetizers as a main meal may also be an option so long as they are not fried. If you are eating at her house, it should be easier to measure your food. If she is a friend, you should not feel self conscious about measuring your food and she should understand and be supportive. If she is threatened or insulted by your healthy lifestyle, she is not worth being friends with. Just my two cents.

asia1967 · September 2014

Maybe she feels like she should feed the two of your, since you are helping her. Just another way of looking at it. I know that was how we were brought up. You always feed someone who comes to your place and helps. I still follow this practice even today.

MinnieInMaine · September 2014

Not clear from post.... Is she cooking for you or are you dining at restaurants?

If it's the former, then you could let her know you're not hungry a couple of times but every night might seem weird. Just try to eat less and/or ask to contribute with a salad or bring a dish you make at home. Or just let her know you'll have dinner at home but you appreciate her generosity.

If it's the latter, I'd strongly suggest finding places that have a variety of options including some lighter fare. She can have her heavy food if she wants and you can go light.

Don't feel you have to eat the same as her just for the sake of companionship.

seltzermint555 · September 2014

I don't know as it would be rude to decline foods you either don't care for or want to avoid....unless of course "she" thinks your friendship is reliant on food or obesity.

In the end, you have to do what you feel is good for you and your health.

You could address it with her up front telling her, something like...."no thank you....it took a lot of effort to lose 30 pounds and it's a struggle every day to keep it off." If she's miffed by this, you have to question how good of friend she actually is. IF she's a good friend, she should be as concerned for your welfare, just as you are.

I agree with the above, and it's pretty similar to what I was going to suggest. If you're close enough to this friend to spend time with her several days per week then I'd imagine you're more than close enough to have a brief, honest conversation with her about successfully managing your weight. Even if it just means that she overlooks your "failure" to try and/or polish off every yummy food that is presented to you.

When it comes to stuff like this OP, you and I sound kind of similar. So I "get it". I do not mind at all eating super light breakfast and dinner one day so that I can have a big restaurant lunch with a friend or my dad. But if it was happening several times per week it would seriously interfere with my routine and adjustment would be necessary.

Joannah700 · September 2014

Well first, you have to find their center of gravity ..

But seriously, yes, it's a busy time for her right now with her wedding - but she's your friend too and she can still support you and your decisions.

Not knowing your friendship and relationship with her, can you be honest, and say - it's easier for me if I eat light food during the week do you mind if we cook X, Y and Z together while we go over wedding stuff or instead of going to restaurant A, let's go to restaurant B that has some lighter fare.

Francl27 · September 2014

You could offer to make or bring dinner and make something healthier.

AshlynG923 · September 2014

Thanks everyone! I'm just going to try to maybe limit it to once per week rather than more than that. Seeing points that others have made really do put things in a better perspective!

How am I supposed to balance friends?

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