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Am I Fighting A Losing Battle?

StormyDaze65
StormyDaze65 Posts: 3 Member
in Introduce Yourself
:embarassed: Hi everyone. I go by StormyDaze65 because that seems to be my natural state. I am almost 49 years old and feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I never had a weight problem until I had a hysterectomy when I was 32. However, I finally lost the 40 pounds I gained from that. Then, when I was 40 I was in a horrific car accident where I broke my right leg in five places below the knee requiring 7 surgeries over a 2 year span and more to come in the future. To say the least, my exercising abilities are limited. I also live with my super skinny fiancé who eats any and everything all the time and LOSES weight if he misses a snack! It's very discouraging. I can't get it through his head that I cannot eat every time he does. I am 5'5" and he is 6'3" and he only outweighs me by 20 pounds! It is embarrassing. Yeah, he says he loves me just the way I am. Blah, blah, blah. I hate me! He insists on having Little Debbies, cookies and candy in house all the time. The only thing I have managed to get him off is soda and in two months he lost 40 pounds! It's just not fair. HELP!!!!!

Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    :embarassed: Hi everyone. I go by StormyDaze65 because that seems to be my natural state. I am almost 49 years old and feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I never had a weight problem until I had a hysterectomy when I was 32. However, I finally lost the 40 pounds I gained from that. Then, when I was 40 I was in a horrific car accident where I broke my right leg in five places below the knee requiring 7 surgeries over a 2 year span and more to come in the future. To say the least, my exercising abilities are limited. I also live with my super skinny fiancé who eats any and everything all the time and LOSES weight if he misses a snack! It's very discouraging. I can't get it through his head that I cannot eat every time he does. I am 5'5" and he is 6'3" and he only outweighs me by 20 pounds! It is embarrassing. Yeah, he says he loves me just the way I am. Blah, blah, blah. I hate me! He insists on having Little Debbies, cookies and candy in house all the time. The only thing I have managed to get him off is soda and in two months he lost 40 pounds! It's just not fair. HELP!!!!!

    stop worrying about what he's eating and drinking and just do you. if it bothers you that much, have him put all his treats in a specific cupboard that you dont have to go in.

    you dont need to exercise to lose weight, just a calorie deficit.

    good luck!
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    I agree, he needs to be considerate at least to the level of putting his fattening snacks away in a specific location that you don't see them laying out or run across them when you are looking for something else. He should support you in your quest for healthy weight regardless of his own eating choices.

    My husband is fond of high calorie beverages, ramen noodles, and stuff like that that I won't touch. He seems not to mind being big. I think it would be healthier if he lost the weight, but I can't MAKE him do it. So the thing we have to do is separate our eating habits from theirs.

    Make yourself healthy and delicious things so you don't feel deprived. Stewed apples with cinnamon and a touch of brown sugar, smoothies with frozen banana, strawberries, and yogurt (use a food processor and minimal liquid, and it's like soft serve ice cream but only 200 calories for 16 oz! Fresh cantaloupe and other fruit in season. poached pears in wine. His junk food will look pretty measly in comparison. lol
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    Could you perhaps stock the home with healthier snacks or at least healthier or pre-portioned snacks? Maybe those little 100 calorie pouches of cookies and things so that when he is snacking, you can have a little something something. Or perhaps make fruit popsicles! And keep back 200 - 300 calories a day for having those snacks (you might want to find a few that have some protein or fibre in them so you're not feeling too hungry).

    I know it's hard - I get jealous of snacks too... I see men who seem to just eat and eat and eat and never gain anything - but I think it's important to notice just how active they are too.

    You can do it, you can win, you just have to believe it. Tell yourself that every morning, noon and night :)
  • FemWeight
    FemWeight Posts: 96
    Girl worry about you! Just like my husband he keeps saying he wants to lose weight but while I'm working out he doesn't. When I grab after work out snack to keep me from being below 1200 calories he has already been snacking and says he would like some of what I'm having too. Some can pull that off . That is their ordeal if they want to do their thing let them. We need to focus on us we got to what is best for us whether we agree with anyone else specially those we love.

    Good luck to you deary I am here if you need a supporter , someone to listen to you or just a new friend :)


    PS. They say mean can lose weight faster than women :(
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    Make yourself healthy and delicious things so you don't feel deprived. Stewed apples with cinnamon and a touch of brown sugar, smoothies with frozen banana, strawberries, and yogurt (use a food processor and minimal liquid, and it's like soft serve ice cream but only 200 calories for 16 oz! Fresh cantaloupe and other fruit in season. poached pears in wine. His junk food will look pretty measly in comparison. lol

    Can I just say... yum!? Recipes please? :D
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    PS. They say mean can lose weight faster than women :(
    K, I feel like I'm hijacking this thread haha. It is true the lose weight faster than women... but the caveat is that they also GAIN weight faster than women. Focus on that part :P
  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
    you can lose weight by eating less with no exercise at all. get a food scale and learn about nutrition and the foods you love. i eat potato chips on an almost daily basis, as well as chocolate, hash browns, cheese and more goodies, and i average a pound loss every week. true, i now eat them in measured portions, but honestly it's working for me - the first thing that has as an adult who needed to lose weight.

    my husband is 6' 7" and i'm 5' 3.5", and at one point i outweighed him by 20 pounds. it happens. i feel bad you seem skeptical that your bf loves you based on your weight. my husband married me at my heaviest weight in my life, and years later we're still together (and now i weigh 50 pounds less than he does). my point? you can be loved and lovable at any weight. you might want to focus on not hating yourself. no matter how heavy, skinny, short or tall you are, you're the you you've got. and we're always our own worst critics.
  • sabineliebling
    sabineliebling Posts: 32
    Isn't it annoying? My husband weighs less than me and I hate it - he has our entire 10 year relationship. That's one of my goals, to weigh less than him! Of course, it would help if HE would get with the program and bulk up a bit too. He's so skinny! I'm always like, shoving protein shakes his way and suggesting strength training workouts, LOL. I think I need to just slip extra coconut oil in all his food.
    Anyway, I feel ya, and it can be depressing, which doesn't really help with feeling motivated to lose weight. I agree with the suggestion that he keep his food in a separate cabinet. I gotta say though, he may be skinny, but he can't be very healthy if he's eating stuff like little debbie snack cakes all the time. That is total garbage "food." No nutrition at all, just a bunch of empty calories, and all that sugar is really really bad for, well, everyone. So maybe you can come at it from a general health perspective. Clean eating will make you feel better, you are what you eat, literally! If I ate chips and little debbie cakes every day I would have no energy and so many bathroom problems, yuck. Sometimes people don't even realize that the crappy, run down way they feel everyday is due to their diet, they think it's just normal to feel tired and gross all the time. It's not! Eat whole, real foods and I promise even he will notice a difference.
  • RunsOnEspresso
    RunsOnEspresso Posts: 3,218 Member
    My boyfriend eats a lot more food than me as well but it is something you have to accept. He can eat more. Mine eats ice cream every night. I sometimes have ice cream but usually make greek yogurt with dark chocolate chips or granola. I hit my protein goal AND have something sweet.

    You need to find a balance and focus on you.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
    He can't have cookies because you're on a diet?

    You sound envious that he's eating junk food. Life isn't "fair", stop expecting it to be. Stop holding someone else accountable for your choices.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    Katie, here's the how to on those foods:

    Stewed apples: Peel, core and slice one or two apples (depending on size). put them in a small saucepan with just a splash of water or juice, a tsp of cinnamon, a tsp of brown sugar. Cook until soft, eat warm.

    Smoothies: Freeze bananas and buy frozen strawberries and/or peaches. dump the frozen fruit in the food processor, add a tsp of vanilla, optionally a scoop of yogurt, and about a half cup of milk. Food processor will probably be about 1/3 full or so. process on high until smooth, eat like ice cream.

    Pears: Poach (aka simmer) in red wine for about 20 minutes, making sure pears are covered. Before adding the pears, spice the wine with cinnamon, vanilla, and a little sugar so the pears soak up those flavors when cooking.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    P.S. It's obvious unfortunately that there are some rude, unhelpful people on these boards, not just those who are supportive. I recommend simply blocking them.
  • FemWeight
    FemWeight Posts: 96
    PS. They say mean can lose weight faster than women :(
    K, I feel like I'm hijacking this thread haha. It is true the lose weight faster than women... but the caveat is that they also GAIN weight faster than women. Focus on that part :P

    I never knew that . ty :D
  • StormyDaze65
    StormyDaze65 Posts: 3 Member
    :bigsmile: Thanks girl! I will do just that! Sorry it took me so long to reply, but I am still navigating the site. LOL. I don't want to hate myself for the way I look when it can be prevented. YOU are doing great, btw!
  • missiontofitness
    missiontofitness Posts: 4,059 Member
    I agree, he needs to be considerate at least to the level of putting his fattening snacks away in a specific location that you don't see them laying out or run across them when you are looking for something else. He should support you in your quest for healthy weight regardless of his own eating choices.

    My husband is fond of high calorie beverages, ramen noodles, and stuff like that that I won't touch. He seems not to mind being big. I think it would be healthier if he lost the weight, but I can't MAKE him do it. So the thing we have to do is separate our eating habits from theirs.

    Make yourself healthy and delicious things so you don't feel deprived. Stewed apples with cinnamon and a touch of brown sugar, smoothies with frozen banana, strawberries, and yogurt (use a food processor and minimal liquid, and it's like soft serve ice cream but only 200 calories for 16 oz! Fresh cantaloupe and other fruit in season. poached pears in wine. His junk food will look pretty measly in comparison. lol

    ....I am going out and buying a ton of apples now. Thank you for the ideas! :)
  • StormyDaze65
    StormyDaze65 Posts: 3 Member
    I already did :bigsmile:
  • CariJean64
    CariJean64 Posts: 297 Member
    I spent thirty years trying to eat like my husband does. It doesn't work for me. I gained an obscene amount of weight. Now, when I see him snacking, I just let him snack. Or, I eat ONE chip, or ONE cheese curd, or whatever he's having. And I LOG IT.

    Truth isn't hard to understand... it's hard to ACCEPT. I finally ACCEPTED the fact that I can't eat like a man, especially one who is 7 inches taller than me. I must eat for MY metabolism.

    Remember, giving up is the only way you can truly fail at this.
  • fellowshipper
    fellowshipper Posts: 7
    To the OP: Although I agree that you're ultimately responsible for your own choices, I also know how hard it is when the person you're living with leaves all their oh-so-awful yummies out in plain sight. I have issues with moderation, and I know myself well enough to know that if I can't control myself around something, it's best to just not have it around at all.

    Chocolate cake isn't allowed in the house anymore unless it comes in one piece at a time. ;)

    My mom lives with me right now, and she has a terrible sweet tooth. I've never really had one aside from chocolate, but darned if I don't want a doughnut every time I see one in the box on the kitchen table. We eventually worked out a system where now we keep healthy (or at least healthier) options on the table and her "sin cabinet," as I call it, relegated for the plastic-wrapped death pastries she's so fond of and that I never seem to want until I happen to pass through the kitchen. Maybe such an arrangement could work for you?

    To the person who posted that stewed apples recipe: I think you just inspired my snack choices for the next couple months. Thanks!
  • Weightlosstips
    Weightlosstips Posts: 59 Member
    I hear all the ladies defending the ladies. Do the ladies ever bring sweet treats to the cupboard when its their husbands weakness? Just thought Id throw that one in there. By the way Stormydaze65, I agree that you should concentrate on you. Measuring your portions and choosing your foods strategically will have positive results. Start by eliminating anything that contains high fructose corn syrup. Good luck.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    No, I don't buy or stock unhealthy things that would tempt my husband. I love him, I would not feed him junk. That doesn't stop him from going out and buying the junk himself, unfortunately. I provide so many healthy and tasty alternatives, it's not like there is nothing good to eat. U can lead a horse to water.... sigh.

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