trying not to cry and overeat and cry some more

rAc_hEl
rAc_hEl Posts: 246 Member
in Motivation and Support
Its my fiances birthday. He got really drunk and I was holding our two month old. We got in an argument and it was about me not letting him hold our 2 month old. So while I was holding our son he choked me on the bed until I nearly passed out. I didn't though. Anyways our neighbors called cops and he's now in jail. I'm trying so hard not to eat everything or cry but Idk I just needed to vent his brother is pissed at me for telling cops :(

Replies

  • libbydoodle11
    libbydoodle11 Posts: 1,351 Member
    Tomorrow is a new day. I am sorry you are going through this.


    Log the food you are eating and close up the kitchen. Easier said than done, I know. Try to get some rest. You know that baby is going to need you any minute now.

    Maybe also google any women's shelter in your area. You may be able to get some support from them on helping you cope with some of the stuff you went through this eve.
  • heidispideymfp
    heidispideymfp Posts: 179 Member
    His brother should be pissed at him for abusing you in front of his child, not at you. You are not to blame.

    Look at a women's shelter, like the poster above mentioned
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    It sounds like what you eat is the least of your worries. Is he usually like this, or just when drunk?
  • Xiaolongbao
    Xiaolongbao Posts: 854 Member
    Wow. That really really sucks and it is NOT your fault at all.

    A man that would choke you (regardless of whether you are holding a child, regardless of whether you provoked him, regardless of whether he is drunk) is not someone you need in your life especially around a baby. And his brother is obviously a complete **** if he's trying to make any sort of excuse for that kind of behaviour.

    Cry. Eat. Do whatever you need to get through this but please talk to people about what has happened and get some support.

    You are strong enough not to need to let anyone treat you like this.
  • cdoesthehula
    cdoesthehula Posts: 141 Member
    It probably doesn't help to say this now. But isn't it lucky that you've discovered he does this before you got married?

    For now, just look after yourself. There is nothing wrong with crying, I think overeating is not something to worry about right now. Go and find people who can help you. There are womens shelters near to you.
  • JSE81
    JSE81 Posts: 114 Member
    You need to get out of there. Go to your family or friend's place or like others have said, a women's shelter.
  • sbarella
    sbarella Posts: 713 Member
    Wow. That really really sucks and it is NOT your fault at all.

    A man that would choke you (regardless of whether you are holding a child, regardless of whether you provoked him, regardless of whether he is drunk) is not someone you need in your life especially around a baby. And his brother is obviously a complete **** if he's trying to make any sort of excuse for that kind of behaviour.

    Cry. Eat. Do whatever you need to get through this but please talk to people about what has happened and get some support.

    You are strong enough not to need to let anyone treat you like this.

    All. of. this. :flowerforyou:
    Hugs for you and your baby. Get some support from a woman's shelter, you don't have to go through this alone. And when I say "going through this" I mean "getting rid of this abusive and destructive relationship that cannot possibly give you anything good short/mid/long-term".

    You can do this :flowerforyou:
  • lapierrecyclist
    lapierrecyclist Posts: 153 Member
    (((HUGS))) to you. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe and your little one safe. Call your family and friends and find a place to stay. For the baby's sake, and for yours.
  • fayelobeck89
    fayelobeck89 Posts: 105 Member
    Try not to worry about the food you're eating at the moment, you need to figure out if you want this man in yor life or if you want to carry on being in an abusive relationship.

    I grew up in a household where both my parents were alcoholics and violence was a regular thing in our house, this has resulted in me suffering from depression for as long as I can remember, I've never found it easy to make friends, i find it hard to trust. I'm scared of the dark, scared of loud noises and I shake uncontrollably if there is an argument going on around me, it could be in my street and my doors and windows could be locked but I will still vibrate with fear.

    I'm only saying all of the above because this is potentially what could happen to your baby if you continue the relationship.

    Just keep logging, don't worry about your intake, you can reign it back in when your in a safer place, physically and mentally.

    I hope everything works out for you x
  • bwogilvie
    bwogilvie Posts: 2,130 Member
    National Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233. They're also at www.thehotline.org, but as their website mentions, computer usage can be tracked, so the phone is a safer bet.

    They can help you think through your options. You could also call Hubbard House in Jacksonville: (904) 354-3114.

    No one deserves to be assaulted by their domestic partner. Please reach out for help, to friends and family or to one of the hotlines.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    it is not your fault, you did absolutely nothing wrong, he deserves to rott in prison

    you deserve happiness ,support , understanding, empathy, compassion, love and security

    please find yourself some support and figure out some ways you can remove you and your baby from this situation
    -womens shelters
    -womens abuse centers
    -friends and family (not his family as they have shown they do not care about you ie. mad that he is in jail


    do not worry about your food intake right now just focus on getting you & your baby safe
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    That is so scary!!
    PLEASE get help - to save your baby's life, if you don't care about yourself.
    He's not going to stop; the abuse will only get worse, and being in jail will make him more mad, more dangerous.

    And his brother should be mad at _him_ for being drunk & attacking you, wanting to endanger the baby!
    If the family were firm in showing how wrong he was, he might straighten himself out.

    Do not let him back in your house / apartment.
    Get a restraining order*, borrow a gun, get the locks changed, move out, whatever it takes to keep him away _permanently_.

    * which does nothing by itself, but could give him more time in prison if you survive him violating it


    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/dying-ga-mom-saves-baby-hiding-toilet-article-1.1946161

    http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/story/25559506/woman-shot-speaks-out-about-abusive-relationship

    http://fox2now.com/2014/09/18/domestic-abuse-survivors-include-woman-shot-in-the-head/

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11604293

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2329375/Woman-choked-raped-abusive-ex-boyfriend-dispatcher-informs-cops-help--instead-tells-victim-just-ask-attacker-leave.html

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/16/domestic-violence_n_5474177.html
    Especially pay attention to the graphic wheel about power, control, abuse.


    This woman defended herself against her abusive, violent boyfriend.
    http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20140204/PC16/140209702/1006/

    So did this one:
    http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/58247697-78/office-release-news-shot.html.csp

    So did this one:
    http://www.alabamas13.com/story/24263281/birmingham-woman-shoots-ex-boyfriend-hiding-in-her-basement

    This woman's new boyfried protected her against her abusive ex-boyfriend.
    http://triblive.com/news/adminpage/4916338-74/brighton-heights-invasion#axzz2iT48TagU

    This woman protected another woman who was being attacked by her booyfriend.
    http://tbo.com/news/crime/deputies-riverview-man-shot-dead-while-beating-girlfriend-20130817/
  • uconnwinsnc1
    uconnwinsnc1 Posts: 902 Member
    It sounds like you need to never speak to this man again. Get out of that house, please.
  • jazzie_red
    jazzie_red Posts: 180 Member
    Get out now.

    Get out now.....

    Did I say get out now? Leave, run, as fast as you can.

    If he says he's sorry, he will behave for a while, and it will occur again.

    This is not the type of person you want your child to grow up around. What if he starts on the baby next?

    Leave. Get out.

    NOW....
  • kkimpel
    kkimpel Posts: 303 Member
    National Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233. They're also at www.thehotline.org, but as their website mentions, computer usage can be tracked, so the phone is a safer bet.

    They can help you think through your options. You could also call Hubbard House in Jacksonville: (904) 354-3114.

    No one deserves to be assaulted by their domestic partner. Please reach out for help, to friends and family or to one of the hotlines.

    THIS .... RUN it doesn't get better ... call the number
  • mrsbadkarma
    mrsbadkarma Posts: 78 Member
    As everyone else has stated, PLEASE find somewhere else to go and get HELP.
    You DO NOT DESERVE THIS, and neither does your child!
    Please, think about your baby. You want the best for your child, right?
    Being in an abusive relationship/home isn't the best for them.
    Please, do it now before it's too late.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    And you're with this guy... why??

    This can't be new behavior. Recognize it for what it is and GET OUT.

    I say this because I was in a relationship like yours, although I didn't have a baby with the guy. I left him as soon as he started to swing in my air.

    People here have posted options - USE THEM.
  • ILoveGingerNut
    ILoveGingerNut Posts: 367 Member
    ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY HIM????
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
    What everyone else has said. Run, and run fast. Pack a bag and go. Don't bail him out of jail, don't wait for him to come home, and don't ever be alone with him. Just take your baby and go.
  • Mackneeds2losew8
    Mackneeds2losew8 Posts: 20
    You are not to blame.

    I know, it is very hard, I went through a similar situation last summer but, my son was not born yet, he was still in the womb.
    You need to get out of there.
    You love your fiancee, you care about him, you are going to feel like *kitten* but... its for the best.
    Remind yourself he choked YOU, he hurt YOU, put yours and his child in danger.
    He did wrong, not YOU.

    Do the right thing for your kid and yourself, go somewhere safe, and get away from him.
    He has done it once... he will do it again.
  • TMM211073
    TMM211073 Posts: 153 Member
    Tell his brother to go f**k himself.... What the hell is HIS problem, apart from the *kitten* of a sibling he's protecting....

    Get out of there,YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.... Your other half has clearly got issues - drunk is not a reason, an excuse or any form of justification for his appalling behaviour....!!

    Please seek advice and get the heck out of there - if not for your sake, but for the sake of your son.... He deserves a Mummy that is safe and well enough to look after him.

    My ex was a violent abuser and it took me 5 years to escape and believe me, it is the best thing I ever did.... I am remarried and very happy now.

    Anyway please look after yourself and stay safe - if necessary keep talking to us - we'll help in any way we can, but what really need to do is get the heck out of there and find someone who can help and advise you.

    xXx Much Love xXx
  • PatchEFog
    PatchEFog Posts: 152 Member
    {{{hugs}}}

    Now: GO get a restraining order and get this man out of your life before he KILLS you and your child has no mother.
    This type of abuse, even if it was one time, is ONE TIME TOO MANY.
    Abusers like this NEVER change. DO NOT let him KILL you to prove it.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
    Honey, don't worry about the food right now. Worry about you and your baby. That is far more important.

    As PatchEFog said, get a restraining order.

    If you don't have family to help you, then ask for help at the sheriff's department or police station. They will have the resources for you and should hopefully have someone on staff who is trained to help you.

    Him going to jail was the right thing. His brother can get bent.

    Please, please, PLEASE DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE!! You and your child deserve so much more. :heart:
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    Please pack up and leave now. If you have any parents or family that you can stay with, please start making those arrangements

    I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but foods are the last of your worries right now. he will most likely make bail very soon and that could likely be a bad situation when he gets home.
    Chances are, if it happened once, then it will happen again. I've been in your situation and I know exactly how hard it is. I know you probably love him and want to try to save your family, and are scared to start over. And if your anything like I was, the low self esteem only makes it all worse. But please believe me, this most likely will get worse. Your baby is still young and deserves to grow up in a happy and healthy home. If your boyfriend thought it was okay to get that drunk around a baby, then assault you, he clearly doesn't think much of you or that baby. Please make some calls and try to get away now, while you still can.

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