The Five Love Languages
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_BearNecessities_
Posts: 432 Member
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A friend of mine and I are having a discussion and I recommended that she read The Five Love Languages to help her and her husband understand each other better. But, as part of that discussion, I wanted to ask for the thoughts and experiences of others so she can get a better representative sample as to whether or not the book would help her. So, if you've read the book, what is your feedback?
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Replies
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I haven't read the book, but I am familiar with what it talks about. I took a marriage and sexuality class and this was brought up.
My boyfriend and I took our little quizzes to find out love languages and, honestly, it's been great. It's amazing to know that his cleaning the kitchen is him showing me love. Even if that's not how I want to receive love or how I, personally, show it.
I think that everyone should read it to help better effectively communicate with you're significant other0 -
I've read the book and I think it was really good.....of course, it's only one aspect of a person's make-up or personality but if it helps any towards partners understanding each other better and one understanding themselves better, than it can't hurt....it's a short book and an easy read....easy to understand....:)...highly recommended0
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Great book! It helps a lot to understand what is our partner's love language and focus on demonstrating our love in an effective way. Like not spending a lot of money on gifts when a hand on the shoulder or a nice word can have a bigger impact.
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A friend of mine and I are having a discussion and I recommended that she read The Five Love Languages to help her and her husband understand each other better. But, as part of that discussion, I wanted to ask for the thoughts and experiences of others so she can get a better representative sample as to whether or not the book would help her. So, if you've read the book, what is your feedback?
It is right on point. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. My boyfriend's are quality time adn physical touch. Tell me I am pretty, and stroke me a little bit and I am a happy girl.0 -
I think it was a good read. It's very helpful to understand the message you're sending, receiving and what you do best with hearing.0
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I believe it is a good idea to use these kinds of resources to open up discussions between spouses so that lingering issues do not grow.
This book is a good choice. One that my Wife and I enjoyed and which really helped me understand how differently She and I see the world is "Man Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti" by Bill & Pam Farrel.0 -
Bump for more feedback please0
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A friend of mine and I are having a discussion and I recommended that she read The Five Love Languages to help her and her husband understand each other better. But, as part of that discussion, I wanted to ask for the thoughts and experiences of others so she can get a better representative sample as to whether or not the book would help her. So, if you've read the book, what is your feedback?
Read the book@The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It was recommended for me to read by a friend who was going through a rough patch with her husband, for me to understand where she was coming from. Reading the book made them both realise how very different they both were. They both communicated and communicate love differently ~ The body-body/touch/kiss hubby VS the "Do not touch me/kiss me /feel me up wife". When she'd made the effort to use his 'love language,' to him, which was unnatural to her, he'd reacted stating that it felt awkward and weird. Acted in a way, according to her, which made her uncomfortable ~ he'd responded like it was icky [her description]. She's since stopped trying and is on the fence about the 'where to go from here?' in their relationship. He often complained about her not trying to be more intimate, and when she does ... Boom ~ judgement. *shrugs*
She is uncertain whether the book helped her at all, or merely highlighted to her that 'grave steps' need to be taken and she needs to step up and do it, to retain an element and semblance of sanity.0 -
Read the book@The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It was recommended for me to read by a friend who was going through a rough patch with her husband, for me to understand where she was coming from. Reading the book made them both realise how very different they both were. They both communicated and communicate love differently ~ The body-body/touch/kiss hubby VS the "Do not touch me/kiss me /feel me up wife". When she'd made the effort to use his 'love language,' to him, which was unnatural to her, he'd reacted stating that it felt awkward and weird. Acted in a way, according to her, which made her uncomfortable ~ he'd responded like it was icky [her description]. She's since stopped trying and is on the fence about the 'where to go from here?' in their relationship. He often complained about her not trying to be more intimate, and when she does ... Boom ~ judgement. *shrugs*
She is uncertain whether the book helped her at all, or merely highlighted to her that 'grave steps' need to be taken and she needs to step up and do it, to retain an element and semblance of sanity.
The language of "touch" is not always about sex. If you are only touching because of sex you're doing it wrong.
My husband is a "quality time" and "touch" person. I am a "gifts" and "acts of service" person. Translating "time" into a "gift" has helped me be able to give him that time, but I really do need alone time and enjoy doing things without him.
also helped me understand my best friend who is also "quality time."
Gifts is a difficult language - people tend to think you are "greedy" or "materialistic." I love when people gift me with baked goods, plants they grew in the garden, a card made of construction paper and colored with crayons, etc. It's not about money it's more about someone saying "I'm thinking of you, here's something tangible as a reminder."
I recommend this book to EVERYONE I know. Even though my husband didn't read it, I did get him to do the quiz with me by reading the q's out loud and having him answer.0 -
Read the book@The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It was recommended for me to read by a friend who was going through a rough patch with her husband, for me to understand where she was coming from. Reading the book made them both realise how very different they both were. They both communicated and communicate love differently ~ The body-body/touch/kiss hubby VS the "Do not touch me/kiss me /feel me up wife". When she'd made the effort to use his 'love language,' to him, which was unnatural to her, he'd reacted stating that it felt awkward and weird. Acted in a way, according to her, which made her uncomfortable ~ he'd responded like it was icky [her description]. She's since stopped trying and is on the fence about the 'where to go from here?' in their relationship. He often complained about her not trying to be more intimate, and when she does ... Boom ~ judgement. *shrugs*
She is uncertain whether the book helped her at all, or merely highlighted to her that 'grave steps' need to be taken and she needs to step up and do it, to retain an element and semblance of sanity.
The language of "touch" is not always about sex. If you are only touching because of sex you're doing it wrong.
My husband is a "quality time" and "touch" person. I am a "gifts" and "acts of service" person. Translating "time" into a "gift" has helped me be able to give him that time, but I really do need alone time and enjoy doing things without him.
also helped me understand my best friend who is also "quality time."
Gifts is a difficult language - people tend to think you are "greedy" or "materialistic." I love when people gift me with baked goods, plants they grew in the garden, a card made of construction paper and colored with crayons, etc. It's not about money it's more about someone saying "I'm thinking of you, here's something tangible as a reminder."
I recommend this book to EVERYONE I know. Even though my husband didn't read it, I did get him to do the quiz with me by reading the q's out loud and having him answer.
Interestingly enough, you and my friend are similar@book analysis. Her husband on the other hand, believes he has been patient enough with her requesting for her openness to his impromptu expressions of love ~ not necessarily sex@touch/kiss/body-body. For some reason, after having her babies, she just isn't into sex anymore and the very idea of 'touch' to her translates to fertility [her words]. At the mere thought of his pending return ~ she breaks out, for starters. He is a sweetheart and they do love each other. She believes that she might be holding him back.
FACT is ~ many interpret sex as an expression of love, just as some interpret sex as recreational without love. The beauty of differing personalities. The uniqueness of an individual. The expression and application of love, as it resonates per person VS their conflicts [self, life, circumstance, other people, responsibilities].0 -
I think it's a good book for people who haven't really thought about how their partner perceives them/what they want out of life and love. It's very reductionist, very simple, and very accessible. You can read it in 2-3 hours, tops. There's nothing groundbreaking about it. Several of my girlfriends have used it as a way to access their significant others' more introspective side. For many couples, it's easier to say, "here, go read this for few hours and then categorize yourself" than it is to figure each other out along the way, which can be harder when some people don't even know what makes them tick.0
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I haven't read the book, but I'm very familiar with the concept. My beloved and I talked extensively from the beginning about exactly how we each give and receive love, what it looks and feels like to us, and made sure that we're able to express love in the ways that the other hears it clearly. He's found that he's much more into touch than he'd previous realized, and I've found that I'm much more appreciative of gifts and service than I'd previously thought...I'm a big toucher, but I love getting things from him, no matter how small or silly, that say he was thinking of me. The fact that he'll send one of his t-shirts sprayed with his cologne home with me does more for me than a bunch of jewelry would.
I find that knowing for sure how the other person perceives the things that they say and do for you, and the things you say and do for them, makes communication and security so much easier to achieve.0 -
Read the book@The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It was recommended for me to read by a friend who was going through a rough patch with her husband, for me to understand where she was coming from. Reading the book made them both realise how very different they both were. They both communicated and communicate love differently ~ The body-body/touch/kiss hubby VS the "Do not touch me/kiss me /feel me up wife". When she'd made the effort to use his 'love language,' to him, which was unnatural to her, he'd reacted stating that it felt awkward and weird. Acted in a way, according to her, which made her uncomfortable ~ he'd responded like it was icky [her description]. She's since stopped trying and is on the fence about the 'where to go from here?' in their relationship. He often complained about her not trying to be more intimate, and when she does ... Boom ~ judgement. *shrugs*
She is uncertain whether the book helped her at all, or merely highlighted to her that 'grave steps' need to be taken and she needs to step up and do it, to retain an element and semblance of sanity.
The language of "touch" is not always about sex. If you are only touching because of sex you're doing it wrong.
My husband is a "quality time" and "touch" person. I am a "gifts" and "acts of service" person. Translating "time" into a "gift" has helped me be able to give him that time, but I really do need alone time and enjoy doing things without him.
also helped me understand my best friend who is also "quality time."
Gifts is a difficult language - people tend to think you are "greedy" or "materialistic." I love when people gift me with baked goods, plants they grew in the garden, a card made of construction paper and colored with crayons, etc. It's not about money it's more about someone saying "I'm thinking of you, here's something tangible as a reminder."
I recommend this book to EVERYONE I know. Even though my husband didn't read it, I did get him to do the quiz with me by reading the q's out loud and having him answer.
Interestingly enough, you and my friend are similar@book analysis. Her husband on the other hand, believes he has been patient enough with her requesting for her openness to his impromptu expressions of love ~ not necessarily sex@touch/kiss/body-body. For some reason, after having her babies, she just isn't into sex anymore and the very idea of 'touch' to her translates to fertility [her words]. At the mere thought of his pending return ~ she breaks out, for starters. He is a sweetheart and they do love each other. She believes that she might be holding him back.
FACT is ~ many interpret sex as an expression of love, just as some interpret sex as recreational without love. The beauty of differing personalities. The uniqueness of an individual. The expression and application of love, as it resonates per person VS their conflicts [self, life, circumstance, other people, responsibilities].
you say he's a sweetheart but it kind of sounds like he's not. "he feels he's been patient enough..." "He judges her..." "he says it's awkward and weird..."0 -
you say he's a sweetheart but it kind of sounds like he's not. "he feels he's been patient enough..." "He judges her..." "he says it's awkward and weird..."
Dr Chapman worded it aptly@how the tongue can soothe or hurt. In a marriage where 2 people seemingly love each other, and one fails to 'want to CHOOSE' to learn the love language dialect of his/her spouse, any effort made by one of the two, over the course of 10 years of marriage, where his 'PHYSICAL TOUCH' language is used on him as a bullet, in my book, he is a Saint.
Her primary is "Receiving Gifts," as you'd also declared was your language, with her second being "Acts of Service" ... She has now deduced that she may have 'lied' to him going into their marriage. She just loathes intimacy [her description]. She often states when he isn't around, that when he realised what was up[with reference to her and intimacy issues], it was too late. As a group, we've all volleyed@possible fixes for her ~ from counseling to hormonal issues ... She just cannot "CHOOSE" to accommodate that [her words]. She would rather accommodate him being with a woman she approves of. My friend is a beautiful blonde young woman[only just turned 30], a former model who chooses 'faces' to represent big modeling campaigns. Upon seeing her, no one would ever think 'her issue' is her issue.
Being as attentive to her as he is. Being the ever present father to their children ... No matter the hour ...They text or call, he is available ~ A sweetheart.0 -
I've read it. Everyone interprets their own way of feeling affection. So if you're not feeling valued by a SO, the SO may not know in which way you feel affection. They show you one way, but it isn't the way you need. This is one of the many ways couples misunderstand each other's intentions.
I've also read The Five Love Languages for Children. I show my love in many ways, but I wanted to understand in what way they need it shown.
Tell her to read the damn book... Even if she doesn't agree, she can at least be educated on that viewpoint.0 -
has not made a difference with ours, but we are almost to that point of dissolution0
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I've read it and many other book son marriage , but Sacred Marriage is a best and most helpful book on marriage I've ever read0
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