Confessions of a Binge Drinker

Cheerio64
Cheerio64 Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello, my name is Ashley, and I am a binge drinker. Ever since college, binge drinking has been just one of the few in my little box of unhealthy obsessions along with smoking, gambling and compulsive overeating. Lately I've seemed to spiral out of control on all accounts. And I realized that drinking is 100% of time the card that causes the others to fall. I don't know the day that my harmless college-like drink fests went from silly weekend fun followed by a Philly cheesesteak to, literally, slamming my best friend up against the wall by her neck after being told to leave her apartment followed by an $80 cab ride to my parent's house, along the way, losing my phone and half my belongings. It probably would have been a very dangerous drive had I not misplaced my car keys as well. I woke up yesterday thinking, who am I? How and when did I become this person? I used to have it all under control. Even the compulsive overeating which I countered, of course, with obsessive exercise. Why does everything have to be TO THE MAX? I can't just have one cookie, I have to eat the whole bag, I can't just have one beer, I need to drink to the point that I'm falling down. The other night was a hard lesson in just how far things can spiral out of control if you let it. The obsession is the evil that overcame my sense of reason.

When I was in high school, I became obsessed with a picture of a fit athlete I cut out of a magazine. My life became out being her or as close to her as I could be. And the person I became was not the healthy, fit athlete at all. It was a frail, skinny girl walking around starving all the time. Then food became my obsession. It was the untouchable fruit. I would starve myself each day only to eventually cave to the obsession of the untouchable fruit and find myself binge eating out of control. Then in college, I added a few more to my obsessions box, drinking and smoking. And finally, after nights of drinking and smoking obsessively, I turned to the casino for my next rush, gambling away my rent money, waking up in a panic the next day, thinking what have I done???

Yesterday was Day 1, today is Day 2. One day at a time, I am going to regain control of my life again. Everything in moderation, isn't that the famous phrase? Its easier said than done but I need to do it, for my friends, my family and most importantly, for myself.

Replies

  • floweredsteel
    floweredsteel Posts: 56 Member
    You can do it! Seek out a support group to help you stay on track!
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    It's all linked. I recommend seeking out the help of a therapist who can work with you. :)
  • 1fabjean
    1fabjean Posts: 2
    Hi Ashley. . I would recommend, like the other before me, a good therapist. And good supportive friends too. Good luck.
  • kimnsc
    kimnsc Posts: 560 Member
    Hi Ashley, Find a good therapist that specializes in addiction issues, a support group and lean on your friends. I wish you all the best.
  • LCatherine721
    LCatherine721 Posts: 2
    My story is similiar to yours, I had the eating disorder thing in high school, was skinny and starving up until age 24, I also obsessively smoked Mj, then I discovered opiates, became a raging heroin addict, now im in recovery, but I binge eat like crazy. I'll starve myself for a couple days, then binge eat like a gallon of ice cream a lot of yogurt and twix bars. I'm trying really hard now just to stop because i'm so miserable....I think you're an addict like me, in all aspects, meetings help, i recently got a sponsor and am on my way to doing the 12 steps because they supposedly help with everything and help you change your life, goodluck
  • lizzie14115
    lizzie14115 Posts: 77 Member
    Well done for recognising that there is an issue!. Facing up to it, and seeking help is the answer, feel free to add me. Would like to offer you my support on your journey x
  • hmrambling
    hmrambling Posts: 321 Member
    Everything in moderation, isn't that the famous phrase?

    Not if you have an addiction.... I have been sober about a year and a half. That means that I have not had a single drink. Being sober from alcohol does not mean that I get to have alcohol in moderation. It means that I need to abstain from alcohol. I encourage you to see a therapist or check out Alcoholics Anonymous, or both if you think you have a problem. Binge drinking can be dangerous. We read about it in the headlines all the time that people don't make it - people die from binge drinking.
    I think you're an addict like me, in all aspects,

    Alcoholism is self diagnosed. No one *in recovery* can tell you that you are an alcoholic or addict. You have to figure that out for yourself.

    There is a solution!
  • Rabid_Hamster
    Rabid_Hamster Posts: 338 Member
    AS to the OP. Congratulations on acknowledging the problem. That's the first step. The next step is doing something healthy and productive with that knowledge. I hope you can agree it isn't something you can manage on your own right now. You'll need help from outside of yourself to get it back under control and it may involve dramatic changes to how you live your life now.
  • acsbeck
    acsbeck Posts: 9
    As someone else who has struggled with an "all or nothing" mentality (thanks, OCD!) I'm going to tell you that your particular battle will be different from everyone else's.

    It's not necessarily about "staying on track". I know that when I try to stay on track, I get obsessive and unhealthy, and it sounds like you do as well. It's all about learning how to moderate and learning how to let it go when things don't turn out quite the way you had expected. You will have days when you don't stick to your plan, because life can throw us off course sometimes. It's tough, but you will learn how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.

    MFP can be a fantastic tool, but it's a double edged sword because it can promote an all or nothing mentality. Take forum posts with a grain of salt, because for every amazing supportive person there's a shrieking harpy who will tell you you're not doing enough. Don't worry if you miss a day or if you don't feel like sticking to an eating plan, because there's always tomorrow. As you said, one day at a time. Don't let yesterday's actions impair today's. I'm a firm believer in harm reduction. Any forward movement is positive, even if it's a small one.

    Best of luck in your journey!
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    Something in there is causing you to seek out these behaviors that basically cause all thinking and feeling to STOP. So what are you thinking or feeling that is so painful it drives all of the OCD/addictive stuff? If I could answer that for my own self, lol....

    I strongly suggest you look into AA and/or therapy. The habits will tell you not to do that, that you're okay, that it's not so bad, that shrinks are for crazy people etc etc. Ignore that voice and listen to your own voice, the one that made this post. You deserve to live a long and healthy life!!

    ETA: I'm sorry for the catfight that erupted on your thread. I hope you can ignore it :flowerforyou:
  • DaniJeanine
    DaniJeanine Posts: 473 Member
    Hello, my name is Ashley, and I am a binge drinker. Ever since college, binge drinking has been just one of the few in my little box of unhealthy obsessions along with smoking, gambling and compulsive overeating. Lately I've seemed to spiral out of control on all accounts. And I realized that drinking is 100% of time the card that causes the others to fall. I don't know the day that my harmless college-like drink fests went from silly weekend fun followed by a Philly cheesesteak to, literally, slamming my best friend up against the wall by her neck after being told to leave her apartment followed by an $80 cab ride to my parent's house, along the way, losing my phone and half my belongings. It probably would have been a very dangerous drive had I not misplaced my car keys as well. I woke up yesterday thinking, who am I? How and when did I become this person? I used to have it all under control. Even the compulsive overeating which I countered, of course, with obsessive exercise. Why does everything have to be TO THE MAX? I can't just have one cookie, I have to eat the whole bag, I can't just have one beer, I need to drink to the point that I'm falling down. The other night was a hard lesson in just how far things can spiral out of control if you let it. The obsession is the evil that overcame my sense of reason.

    When I was in high school, I became obsessed with a picture of a fit athlete I cut out of a magazine. My life became out being her or as close to her as I could be. And the person I became was not the healthy, fit athlete at all. It was a frail, skinny girl walking around starving all the time. Then food became my obsession. It was the untouchable fruit. I would starve myself each day only to eventually cave to the obsession of the untouchable fruit and find myself binge eating out of control. Then in college, I added a few more to my obsessions box, drinking and smoking. And finally, after nights of drinking and smoking obsessively, I turned to the casino for my next rush, gambling away my rent money, waking up in a panic the next day, thinking what have I done???

    Yesterday was Day 1, today is Day 2. One day at a time, I am going to regain control of my life again. Everything in moderation, isn't that the famous phrase? Its easier said than done but I need to do it, for my friends, my family and most importantly, for myself.

    I wish you all the best!!! The first step towards any healing is recognition. You're on the right track and you were very brave to put yourself out there :)
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
    You might consider seeking out a 12 step program (or a few of them).

    Good luck! You aren't alone!
  • BikerGirlElaine
    BikerGirlElaine Posts: 1,631 Member
    Just going to post here so that you know that you can PM me to talk if you want. Why would you do that? Because we have a lot in common.
  • crystaltreks
    crystaltreks Posts: 1
    This is a general comment to most of the replies.

    As someone who has dealt with the same issues, I can tell you right now that when you get to a place that is so dark you are drinking yourself into blacking out on a regular basis, it also means you are likely in a place that you no longer care if you end up dead or raped. It's a place of emotional void. I'm not saying it is right or wrong, simply explaining why that type of comment doesn't help.

    I know it is difficult to understand if you haven't ever been there.

    I'm dealing with the same. I had been in recovery from many issues. But this year was dealt some harsh blows and have found myself once again back in the same place. Luckily, I have some amazing friends that look out for me. But today I also found myself looking up new therapists and ready to get back to a healthy place. It's a battle you cannot face alone. And you shouldn't have to. I promise, finding help, and dealing with the underlying issues at hand is the way to go.
  • stillhere1981
    stillhere1981 Posts: 119 Member
    I find myself binge drinking more lately, but I have a whole slew of issues. I find if I have a third drink, then it's really hard for me to stop. So, I try to keep it to two or less. I do think moderation is possible, maybe not for everyone though. You have to figure out what is right for you.
  • Amanda4change
    Amanda4change Posts: 620 Member
    The first step in solving a problem is acknowledging that you have a problem. Honestly I don't think that drinking is something that you will be able to do in moderation, from what you have said it sounds like you are an alcoholic. My suggestion would be an impatient treatment center (if this is an option for you) if you aren't able to do that I would find your closest AA meeting and start going.

    Here is a link where you can find information on local meetings: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-local-aa
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,217 Member
    Hey, good for you for recognising the issue and taking the step!!

    MFP is great, but can I also recommend www.hellosundaymorning.org it is a blog community for people making a commitment to reviewing their relationship with alcohol. It's a wonderfully supportive community (not that MFP isn't!) full of people who are there for the same reason and get where you're coming from.
  • Cheerio64
    Cheerio64 Posts: 3 Member
    Thank you all for your advice, motivation and... tough love. The purpose of this post was to put my story out there on a public forum so that I could "formally" hold myself accountable for my previous actions and for the life changes I want to make. But the outpouring of advice, empathy, and resources was more than I could have expected. I will definitely be looking into the things suggested and hopefully soon I will be able to update this post with positive life changes :)

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