Mental Reconciliation

vtemp2013
vtemp2013 Posts: 33 Member
in Motivation and Support
Days like today make me realize that physically losing the weight hasn't been the biggest obstacle, but instead the hardest thing has been mentally reconciling my "new" self with my old one.

Some days I was terrified that I had done something wrong or that I had somehow only lost water weight that would somehow be back when I woke up in the morning. Maybe those new shirts I bought weren't going to fit anymore. Maybe I was going to wake up, arms and legs hard and round with magically appearing fat, and my even fat pants would no longer button. All of these things ran, and still sometimes run, through my mind.

It took me standing on the fourth scale I bought that month, arms filled with bottles of shampoos and lotions to see if the red numbers actually went up any or continued to "lie" to me, to realize how ludicrous that mentality was. Those scales weren't lying. Those numbers weren't lying. They were going down when *I* went down, and would go up when my body went up--albeit fluctuations from slight water gain, excess salt, and the weight of food I had just eaten.

The scale is a reflector of me. The new me, the old me--it's always of me. And there is no possible way that I will ever gain almost 44 pounds back overnight.

And while it got to the point where I obsessively weighed up to 15 times a day, over and over again, sometimes going so far as taking out the battery for a scale reset "just to be sure," and sometimes still want to, I can feel myself adjusting to this new me. My mentality is changing. I'm no longer wanting to weigh every time I walk into the bathroom. If I wake up a pound heavier than I was yesterday despite being under calorie goal, I am confident that it is not permanent. I now look at my before/after pictures and notice the change that everyone else has noticed for months.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I finally realized that just as a body shape or weight isn't permanent, your mentality shouldn't be either.

My body has long left the 200s. Why should my mind still be stuck there?

Replies

  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
    Many people feel the same way you do; their mental image of themselves hasn't changed or kept pace with their weight loss. In other words, they still see themselves as heavier-bigger-fatter than they really are. I've seen this on these boards repeatedly and I've struggled with this as well (I've lost 63 pounds from my all-time highest weight to where I am now). And yes, many of us fear putting the weight back on or losing the gains that we've made.

    I think it gets back to making this about "a lifestyle change" and not just "a diet" or "a weight loss." IMHO, we have to keep being vigilant in tracking our calories, maintaining our calorie limits (it's all about the calories in and the calories out) and getting some sensible exercise each day.

    Good luck to you and God bless you.
  • 1Cor1510
    1Cor1510 Posts: 413 Member
    I was talking to my hubs about this last night. I pulled out a T shirt I bought last weekend and it's tiny. I looked at it in the store thinking there's no way I'd fit in that thing and sure enough, it not only fits, I've been getting compliments left and right on it. I still believe or think or whatever it is that those clothes CANNOT fit ME of all people, and sure enough, over and over, I'm back to the fitting room with smaller sizes than I originally brought in. It's been a few months of this now, and I wonder if I'll ever get used to the size I am. I suppose it's a good problem to have, in fact, it's the one that I wanted, it's just hard for the brain to catch up to reality sometimes :flowerforyou:
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
    Aw, I completely understand! I've done well moving into smaller jeans and pants but I held on to my XL tops because I can't imagine my "assets" fitting into anything smaller. This weekend I put one on and looked in the mirror and just started laughing. I looked like I was wearing a tent. It was time to let that particular shirt go and accept that I'm not the size I used to be. So much of this process is completely mental!

Categories