Advice please before I go insane!

LAWNYBEE · September 2014

Hi all back again for the 3rd time, this time is different, I have this burning fire in my stomach and I am determined to do it this time!

Now before I spill all - please no horrid comments, thanks.

Ok so on Saturday I was a shocking 16 stone 10lb and I'd started feeling crap about myself and my wobbly bits and starting my diet/lifestyle change again. I'm currently a size 16/18 UK sizes.
On Sunday I had an arguement with my bloke, he says I've stopped making an effort and let myself go etc, of course I flew off the handle (truth hurts I guess) anyway since then ( 5 days ) I've managed to lose 12lb however I was with a complete prick of a man before this boyfriend who used to put me down telling me I was stupid, ugly, fat, lazy etc ( I was about 13 stone with him, so bigger now, I was with him from aged 15 to 31, so 16 years of torture, I got the strength to leave him aged 30, he died in a car accident 6 months later so my head has been all over, however cruel words still cut really deep)

Just that little statement on Sunday from my new man ' you've let yourself go, you don't make the effort any more' argh it's opened the biggest can of mental worms ever and now I really cannot stomach food, I just feel weak and pathetic for eating, I've got a cross trainer and exercise bike and I've put in 1000 calories exercise today - and eaten 512 including tonight's dinner and just had a plum and banana before my exercise as when I exercise on an empty stomach I feel I could pass out.

I'll happily share my diary to all and be open and honest, could just do with some advice as to how to lose weight and tone up
I've never been a big eater, just been the wrong stuff.

I run my own business selling furniture so I get to work at 8am and finish around 5pm I sit on my bum all day in a cold warehouse, answering the phone/internet sales etc etc...unless I'm lugging furniture about, I then get home, cook, clean (bit ocd with cleaning everywhere has to be like a showhome at all times)

Before all of this I lived on a takeaway a night with no breakfast or lunch and a couple of bottles of wine a night or several beers.
I've seen the light and I really don't want to go back down that track... I know I have a few issues from years ago that I need to get sorted..

I'm 5'7, got E cup chest so running is a nightmare even with a sports bra.. I've banished all bad fatty foods from the house, hidden the takeaway menus and also managed to go teetotal since Saturday, although I have been tempted I can tell you.. friends and family describe me as strong when I need to be. My legs aren't too bad, I really need to tone my tummy, bum and tops of thighs.

I'm aiming for a dress size 12 UK and a weight of around 12 stone as my first goal adjusting it to fit my size 12 dream as I get closer.. If that makes sense?

There we go.. all out, any advice? I can upload current pics, show my diary, whatever.. help help help. Thanks :-)

kihle2011 · September 2014

The only advice I have is to eat more. You should net at least 1200 calories of food everyday. It's the bare minimum people need to survive. If you did nothing but exist, you would need 1200 calories for your body to function.

Since you're exercising, you should probably even eat more than that but without knowing height and weight I can't tell you how much but you could plug your stats into the TDEE calculator on iifym.com to compare with the MFP numbers. I eat 20% less than my TDEE for a healthy loss of ~2lbs a week (but I had over 100 lbs to lose). I think less than 75 to lose you should only do 15% which is like 1.5 lbs a week.

Elsie_Brownraisin · September 2014

Before trying to reduce cals, cut booze, start exercise, cut out routine take aways, I'd start one or two at a time before adding in others. Say, reducing alcohol and introducing excercise for a few weeks. The alcohol thing works differently for different people, I am not teetotal, but I did stop drinking altogether for about a year when I started as I was also drinking excessively and gradually added it back in. It's what works for you, you may find it better not to drink at all than try to moderate it at this time.

You could log your food for the next couple of weeks, without looking at cals, just to see what you eat and when. If there are any times of the day that are worse than others (e.g. you're an evening snacker, so when you start reducing cals, you can plan to save some at the end of every day so you can have a snack or 2 and won't feel as deprived).

Still have your take away, but once a week or fortnight and when you do, only order enough food to fill you up (e.g. curry with rice or naan bread, not both). When you start reducing your cals you can plan for your take away.

Edit to add: when working out calories you need to lose weight, if you are following MFP guidance, ensure that you don't put that you are completely sedentary (that's lying down all day) and resist the temptation to put that you want to lose 2lb a week, it will leave you with very few calories, probably the minimum of 1200. This is difficult to stick to and you can still lose weight whilst eating plenty more than that.

And make sure you eat back your exercise calories. I don't work mine out in the same way, but plenty of people on here say that the MFP estimated calorie burns are excessive. The solution perhaps would be to buy a tracker (fitbit or garmin or something), or maybe only eat 75% of the calories given for the exercise. But do eat them! You can use them for treats such as the takeayway.

Sorry if you think this is out of line, but have you considered counselling in relation to your previous relationship and self esteem? You can ask your GP for a referral. There are waiting lists, but it is on NHS, so free of charge.

As for bras - try Shock Absorber bras - level 4 and not the 'running top' kind. Pricey, but I started as a H cup and now an F and have always kept the baps under control. Even on a trampoline.

TwelveSticks · September 2014

The main thing you have to do is be consistent and not swing from one extreme (eating take-ways and drinking loads!) to the other (eating a starvation diet and working out like a demon!). Find a middle ground and stick to it, week after week after week. It's not a quick process. I know you've lost 12 lbs in next to no times, but most of that will (sadly) be water weight and you won't keep losing at anything like that rate, no matter what you do. Aim for 1-2 lbs a week and be happy with that. Even more importantly, don't get discouraged if you don't lose 1-2 lbs in any given week, as weight loss is not a linear thing (especially for women).

I suggest you use the tools MFP provides to set a goal - tell it you want to lose 1-2 lbs a week and it'll tell you how much to eat. It'll probably be 1200 calories per day, as that seems to be what it tells most women, though you're quite tall, so you may be given a couple of hundred more.

Once you have your daily goal, eat that much EVERY DAY. Then, if you get the chance to do some exercise, do it. And make sure you also eat back at least some of the exercise calories as well - I suggest at least half of them, preferably 2/3rds of them. Don't eat significantly more than your total for the day (inculding your exercise calories) and don't eat significantly less either - that is just as important!

If you have a night out, or a blow-out day, then don't panic. Put it down to experience, and accept that you may not lose weight that week (but at least you probably won't gain!). If you want, then you can balance the odd 'bad' day by eating a little less on one or two other days in the same week, but try not to do that too often as it leads to bad eating habits, and at the end of the day we all need to learn how to eat healthily and how to maintain our weights for the long term.

ExRelaySprinter · September 2014

Very good advice above^^.
Yes i agree, definitely cut way down on the booze and take aways (that was my downfall too).
Maybe take a packed lunch to work or if you need to go somewhere for Lunch, try somewhere like Subway (instead of Mc D's).
You look great from your pics, i wish my legs looked like that in leggings.

Plus you are pretty tall, so you can hold your weight better than most.
As for exercise and toning, a lot of the Ladies on here do strength training which i've seen works wonders. Or maybe jump on a Bike or Powerwalk at the weekends if you don't like the Gym.
But Good Luck with it all!

LAWNYBEE · September 2014

Booze has gone, teetotal now, I can go months like this, I just go off booze and won't touch any for yonks!

Lunch, cold warehouse, middle of nowhere, nearest shop 5 miles or so away, so I tend to just sip water all day at work to keep hunger at bay.

It just feels soo wrong to eat 1200 calories, I know I was before, but now I think about it, that's loads!

Hopefully the exercise will make me hungry :-)

cw106 · September 2014

positive start. you are back and raring to go.
kick the booze for a month to get a jump start.
i lived/worked in grimbsy( fond memories) in the 80's and cant remember even seeing a gym back then.
as you deal in furniture and have space, consider picking up a used treadmill for walking at work whilst still being on phone etc.
good luck.

Kaelitr0n · September 2014

Before you completely write off running because of your large chest, check out this high impact compression bra: http://www.amazon.com/Enell-Maximum-Control-Wire-Free-Sports/dp/B000093AIC/

We have similar sized bosoms and this is the only bra I've ever found that allows me to jog. I still hate jogging for the most part, but this allows me to fact that reality more than hide behind the discomfort of my body.

Elsewise, listen to people when they tell you to eat more calories. Starving yourself only does a huge amount of damage to your body; organs and metabolism for example. I'm rather a fan of the "eat more to lose more" approach. It's also important to keep the healthy fats in your diet up (and is an easy way to boost your caloric intake!) and the damaged/unhealthy fats to a minimum. I'm not rehashing the saturated vs. unsaturated fats memorandum here either--loads of new studies show that saturated fats from appropriate sources are much healthier for you than unsaturated. Try to work in coconut oil, other cold pressed MCT oils, and animal fats from grass fed/wild/organic sources. Also avocados, if you can. One a day is super for your heart! If you want more information, message me and I'll get you the literature

Liftng4Lis · September 2014

Start with something sustainable. Quitting everything at once is a recipe for failure long term. You've quit the drinking and so much take out, that's great! Now just eat at a deficit and you will lose weight. If you can add some strength training in there, that would be great to maintain your muscle mass while losing.

joanna_82 · September 2014

Why not make your lunch at home and take that with some healthy snacks to work with you? All you need to do is put a sandwich together, some fruit, some other snacky bits and pieces, and that will keep you fuelled throughout the day and then you are less likely to eat more when you get home. Plus you feel you have enough energy to excersise.

You need to be kind to yourself, eat good foods, a balanced diet and keep active and the weight will come off. Promise.

tiny_clanger · September 2014

I don't think diet is the issue here. In fact, your post is very worrying to me. I think you need to seek some help about your body image *before* going down the dieting road. Can you get an appointment to see your GP or does your employer offer counselling services you could access to discuss your body image issues?

LAWNYBEE · September 2014

There is a little more to this story... sorry to share, don't want to say all this to immediate friends and family..

Monday my OH and I continued to argue, I even accused him of having an affair, anyway that aside, we went home, I had a good cry and we vowed to try again.. we both said work was interfering with home life etc, both run own businesses and both put in well over 60 hours a week..

Tuesday I got up still a little miffed and upset as you do.. still convinced he's cheating or thinking of it.. but I think that's my body hang ups interfering with everything else..

Tuesday we pull up at work and the bloke I share the front office with (We share rent to make it cheaper)was in there and he'd slashed his wrists..
It was a shock and I've got a week off work cos of the sight of it all, gory I can tell you.. Gosh my head is so messed up :-(

Maybe that's why I'm off my food.. wow I'm having a shi**y week!

pinkiezoom · September 2014

You really should take the advice from all above about the eating more calories.
I am no expert so cant comment much more on that, but as for the things that have been done and said to you in the past, you need to deal with those. You look beautiful in your picture, don't let your past haunt your future.

Of course dealing with the emotional aspect is a long and tough journey, but maybe time to put it all to bed?

You should think of it like this, when someone is putting you down, making you feel bad over a long period of time, it is more a reflection on how they feel about themselves, and to transfer all that negative and damaging rubbish onto you, somehow makes those type of people feel better, also it has a lot to do with their own insecurities ( if i tell her she is fat and useless, she wont have the strength to leave me etc ).
You sound a strong motivated woman to me, own business, managed to free yourself of an abusive relationship, so instead of looking inward at all the things you have been told you are, have a look at the truth, what you really are at your very core.
On a side note: I have loads of weight to lose, and i am eating 1500 calories a day, and have lost 4lbs on that in just a week, so the numbers have to balance.
Chin up x

LAWNYBEE · September 2014

Thanks for all the advice :-) Feel tonnes better sharing all my woes, thanks :-)

shanehollanduk · September 2014

Hello from the UK too.

A lot going on in your head; understandably - maybe visit your GP and see if they can offer some support?

Also, please lose weight for you, not for your partner. If it's not for you, you'll end up resenting him even more, and there will be a circle of arguments. As a man, I can say men can be cruel (but then so can women!) - no one should say someone has let themselves go.

That said, it took me to admit that I was obese, and sleepwalking into diabetes, higher blood pressure and a host of other problems.

If you decide you want to feel better physically, and reduce the risks of all sorts of problems then I'll support you all the way.

I was desk based largely too; lots of small things you can do: take away your chair. Yes I did say that. If you are on your feet, you'll naturally move around, to keep your legs from aching, rebalance etc. You will lose tons of weight without even realising.

Walk everywhere. I know I am like an evangelist on this, but buy a pedometer (if you have an iPhone it has one built in) and make sure you do 10,000 steps everyday. Then build up to 12,000, 14,000 etc Every day.

People who walk 10,000 steps a day are also far less likely to get diabetes, and a reduce cancer risks.

You may or may not get a lunch break if you own your own business (I know, I have been there), but go out for 30 minutes, and walk at a pace that leaves you slightly breathless. Trust me, if you are on the larger side (and I was clinically obese) then I understand the idea of the gym terrifies. The key thing is to get your body moving. You can build up to other exercise along the line.

Food. Ban biscuits, cakes etc at work. Make friends with your greengrocer. Feel ravenous by 11am? Eat 100g of ham (you can buy packs in supermarkets for about a £1) - the protein will keep you full at 100cal. Start eating nuts, 3 or 4 brazils and walnuts - the fatty acids will help with your mental health, and keep your skin and hair looking good when you are losing weight.

Feel free to add me as a friend

Patttience · September 2014

Ok my advice:

weightloss is 80% NOT 80% exercise. Sounds like you are doing enough activity in your daily life. Its enough!

Get your diet under control.

Get your alcohol dependency under control. Go to AA for the support.

Get a councillor/therapist whatever you need.

Develop your commitment to your diet and weightloss and health. Actually sounds like you need to make health a priority.

Avoid stress, go to the councillor for help. STay with the councillor to learn some other coping methods apart from alcohol.

Food: fat is not bad but takeaway is. And so is sugar so don't start doing that. Eat vegetables fruit, whole foods. Chances are you've gotten most of your calories from alcohol until now but you might find yourself getting hungry so if that happens, cut down the carbs and don't go near sugar. Moderate low carbs keep hunger at bay. Try the 5:2 fast diet. check out the fast diet website and forum. Keep your protein intake up but try to make it whole foods and not processed foods like sausages.

Good luck and stay committed.

karenj_m · September 2014

Doing the right way....not so extreme and you will succeed. When you go all out aggressive and try to lose so much so fast, there's a tendency to burn out.

Here's a little calculation I did on your numbers (remember all numbers are ballpark numbers as everyone is different), it will give you an idea (I converted to pounds):

To lose weight, choose an option from the table below (this is with using "lightly active" for exercise included, so if you exercise "moderately active" you will lose it faster)

Weight Loss Table
Option # Calories Per Day Target Date for 66lbs

#1 2003 calories December 24, 2015
#2 2128 calories May 25, 2016
#3 2003 calories December 23, 2015
#4 1877 calories September 22, 2015
#5 1752 calories July 22, 2015

Eating at 500 calories a day is setting you up for disaster. Gather yourself, and with a good workout program, and slight calorie deficit, you would be more likely to succeed.

Karen

Note: These are estimates. You may need more or fewer calories a day. Track your progress; eat more calories if you lose too much weight, or feel hungry/tired.

trinatrina1984 · September 2014

Hi, I think you have been given some very good advice here, it sounds as though you have been through a pretty tough time and with this latest shock I can see why you're head might be a bit all over the place. I think it couldn't hurt speaking to a councilor or something. Also there is lots of good info in this thread

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants (sorry I know posting this irritates people but its very useful)

Best of luck with it, feel free to send me a FR if you want

FoodieMotion · September 2014

Hey Hun,

You really are having a bad time and I really hope it gets better soon. I'm also 5ft7 and lose and gain and lose and gain.

It does sound like you're not eating enough....fruit, salad, meat, get whatever you can inside you whilst you are at work. Also, if you can afford it being self-employed, it sounds like you really need a break for some rest and recuperation time. It is going to be very hard to balance your eating when your head is all over the place.

All the best.

jfbisbee · September 2014

There is some good advice in what I read so far. Patience is key. Dont try to loose all the weight and change all your bad habits overnight, it will not work. There are bad things that happen in life that are unfortunate but that we cannot control, do not dwell on them. The changes you need to make will take some time and you need to find the strength within you to achieve them (with a little help from your friends :-)). Good luck.
P.S
Log everything! Everyday.

sbergie11 · September 2014

Hope things start to turn around for you soon. You said you would like to tone your tummy and that you sit on your bum all day. The advice I have is to invest in one of those ergo balll chairs. Not sure where you get them, but it is a chair shaped like an exercise ball. By using that all day or even short periods of time each day, you will be engaging your core muscles for balance and stability while at the computer/phone. Good luck!

Advice please before I go insane!

Replies

Categories