Boyfriend's Comments/Pressure to be hot

Does he know about your eating disordered history? If not, I would tell him and also tell him that his comments about your body are triggering and to knock it off! If he does know, and he still says that... : / No bueno. Either way, he probably just needs to be flatly told not to make that sort of comments, and may need to be reminded a few times. Whether or not he's trying to be helpful or complimentary, it's not coming across that way. As soon as he understands that, I would guess that he'd stop. So just be honest with him!

I guess there is another angle to the story as I have started comparing myself to his previous girlfriends -- who are all gorgeous and skinny. At times I wonder why he chose me -- but I suppose a lot of that has to do with my old self-depricating thoughts that I'll never be skinny enough. He also constantly gets hit on by other girls (cute girls), in front of me, which brings me down but also motivates me to want to be the hottest girlfriend he's ever had. (He turns all of these girls down btw). Yes, I am feeling super insecure right now, which is why I kind of welcome his comments as motivation. The old (*BAD*) thinking of self-hatred was the only thing that motivated me to workout back in the day...

I don't think he does it to be malicious. But it does weigh heavily on me. Yes, I want to lose the rest of the weight for me, but also want to feel like I'm good enough for him. Just trying to find a healthy balance and not revert back to my old way of thinking..

yeah I get comments a lot about "when we get you boobs" geez. my hubby is always raving about how good I look but we need to get me breast implants cuz they shrunk. I am not that interested in that. I would go for a lipo on my arms or a couple of new tattoos before major and expensive surgery. that's what they make awesome bras for. I am sure your man thinks he is encouraging you. just take it with a grain of salt.

when he says things like this my response would be "I don't know what you're talking about, I am already hot" or some other response to let him know I don't agree with his image of me.

Actually, if those are exact quotes of what he's said, I don't understand why you think he's saying anything about your body. You don't mention his tone when he's said these things or what other conversations may have been taking place or anything about what else he said along with those words, so it's difficult to say with certainty what someone else meant. You could ask him to elaborate, though.

What I hear there is that he's excited to work out with you because he sees how well you are doing already (and may even be envious because he isn't right now), and he thinks that if you two are working out together, and looking and feeling better about yourselves, you're going to be one HOT couple! Hot doesn't necessarily have to do with how you look only. Of course you will both be looking even better than you do already, but you will also have more energy, have more confidence (which is super hot) you will be spending quality time together, and more than likely have an even better sex life than you already do have.

It sounds like he's trying to motivate you and maybe even trying to get you to say something motivating back to him (or trying to motivate himself), seeing as how he's possibly feeling a little jealous and possibly doesn't feel worthy enough for you.

He didn't say something like "you shouldn't wear a bikini this summer, but next summer, if you work out with me, eat healthy, and do the exercises I say, then you'll look hot, and then I'll be happy to be seen with you".

I do have an eating disordered past, too, so I know what it's like to take these types of comments, internalize them, and make them about me when they aren't. It sounds like you aren't giving yourself enough credit here and are losing confidence for some reason. Could it be something else bothering you? Could it be that anyone saying anything at all about health, fitness, eating better, working out, looking a certain way is just too much for you to handle? Ask yourself the tough questions and be honest when you answer yourself. If you are feeling insecure right now, anything anyone says can be misconstrued to sound like the harsh voice in your head.

<<cyberhugs>>

No. But nobody wants to date me.

Anyway, I just want to notice that you are dating the same guy. Be careful of these patterns. They may look different but they are the same. And that's not bad luck but just what we unconsciously look for in mates.

I hope this boyfriend grows up and if by any sad chance you break up, start to work on the pattern. No one deserves to be talked to like a sub human, BY a sub human. These guys are tools with no vocal skills.

But you seem to be doing well, so I hope you find someone who is worthy of your stick-to-it-ivness.

This is the vibe I'm getting as well.

I wonder if comments like this would sit well with anyone saying this guy is just trying to be motivating.