100 Pounds Lost-Judgement is Such A Dangerous Thing

greytniki
greytniki Posts: 51 Member
In March of 2012, I adjusted my weights in MFP to the highest weight I had ever weighed. I thought I was ready to finally reclaim my life back after recovering from my 6th surgery post motorcycle accident in 2007. Yet I was still struggling with a lot of pain issues in my foot and back and shoulders. I started counting calories, lost 7 pounds and I made an appointment with my doctors office to find out what else I could do. When I got to the doctors office I found that I was seeing her new Physicians Assistant. Honestly, it was the worst medical experience I have ever had and I've had lots and lots. She had not taken the time to find out anything about my history and knew nothing about me or my past car accident with closed head injury or my more recent motorcycle accident and subsequent surgeries or the surgeries that I had and continue to put off but that result in some limitations. She was condescending, she was what I'm sure she thought was "tough love"ing by refusing to listen to my concerns and telling me I needed to quit making excuses and that I had pain because I was fat not because I had broken bones and torn ligaments and damaged muscles and nerve damage. There was no middle ground for her, it was all absolutely 100% that all my problems were because I was fat. I left there in tears, angrier then I've ever been and although I had lost 7 pounds I refused to do anything more. Basically I allowed someone else to control my actions.

It wasn't until December 27, 2012 when I saw my regular doctor (the PA was no longer there, thank goodness) that I was encouraged in a kinder, more realistic, knowledgeable of my circumstances manner to start doing some things to become fit that I got back on track. Almost 8 months lost because of words. Because someone chose to make a judgement without knowing anything about what they were judging. I'm not a big excuse person. In fact one of my motto's is "No excuses", but there is a difference between realistic limitations and excuses. Those who suffer from long term, chronic injuries know, deep down inside of themselves, when they are being realistic and when they are making excuses. My doctor understood that I needed to address physical issues of having multiple, severe and traumatic injuries and incorporate common sense into a fitness plan. She also knew that there were psychological issues that I needed to address. And for me there were definately spiritual issues I needed to confront. It's been a process.

I went from a car accident in 1997 that left me with a closed head injury, torn muscles and nerve damge along with 1 year of occupational and physical therapy to a motorcycle accident in 2007 that left me with a broken wrist in 4 places, shattered foot, fused ankle, seperated shoulder and destroyed other shoulder joint along with a lower back injury and ruptured colon and 19 more months of physical therapy 3 days a week. I finally got tired of being a medical, pain racked mess and I just pretty much gave up to wallow in the place I was for another couple of years. Then I when I finally get myself to the point where I feel like I might be able to make a change I meet a PA who thinks she can base everything on what she thinks she knows without really knowing anything and she thinks that by basing her expecations on her 30 year old, never been injured lifestyle capabilities. I know she *thought* she was helping but she became a huge stumbling block in my already battered mind.

But eventually I overcame that obstacle and learned two important lessons in the process: 1) Do not judge people on what you think you know, learn the whole story before you think your qualified to offer advice or opinions. 2) I can not let other people and their opinions manipulate my reaction and actions.

So as of yesterday, March 20th, 2014 almost 2 years to the date of when I first started and then stumbled and had to restart my journey, I have lost 100 pounds.

Replies

  • quackmunch
    quackmunch Posts: 20 Member
    Sorry to hear about your experience with the PA but well done on the 100lb loss!! That's fab well done you :)
  • CarolinkaCjj
    CarolinkaCjj Posts: 622 Member
    Thank you for inspirational and poignant story. I had a similar though not as horrible experience with an older GI doctor - told me to weigh every day (for me, the worst idea possible) , could see I was crying but kept saying "you must not be tracking your intake correctly", treated me like an idiot (I understand nutrition and biology and do not need a dr to talk down to me) - then I just shut down, pretended to smile and will refuse to ever see him again. Primary care doctor is kind and patient - she suggested welbutrin to deal with stress and 33 pounds later suggests she was on to something.

    And Congrats on the 100 pounds - I am hoping that will be me next January.
  • emilyc85
    emilyc85 Posts: 450 Member
    Amazing story!! You have done so well and I am sorry that the PA was such a ***** :( There are certain circumstances were "tough love" is inappropriate.

    I am so glad that you have found your way and have made changes on your terms!! Congrats!!!:drinker: :drinker:

    Good luck in your continued fitness goals !! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • shmulyeng
    shmulyeng Posts: 472 Member
    You definitely proved your motto, "No Excuses". You had every excuse not to take control of your health but you did it anyway.
  • furniem
    furniem Posts: 145 Member
    Congratulations on the 100 lbs lost. Huge accomplishment. I really hope you told that PA where to stick their advice and reported them. As well as give your Dr the feedback as well.

    Stay strong and good luck!
  • Pirate_chick
    Pirate_chick Posts: 1,216 Member
    congratulations!
  • midnightjogger
    midnightjogger Posts: 45 Member
    Congratulations on your success. Sorry about how poorly the medical profession treated you-but I'm glad to see you only let it hold you back for the moment! I am reminded daily-not to judge others through this sight!
  • lavender_fairie
    lavender_fairie Posts: 76 Member
    U have been thru the WRINGER- how in the H did she not think all those injuries and surgeries DIDNT contribute to troubles with your body losing weight?! Sometimes even smart folks are so blind. And stupid.

    I've had a similar experience but nothing- NOTHING- compared to all these obstacles u have faced. When I was depressed, it was bc I was "overweight." When I had a persistent ear infection it was bc I was "overweight." I know weight contributes to some ailments, certainly! But not EVERYTHING that happened in my life was bc of being overweight. The most depressed I have been in my life=lowest weight ever. U can't put ppl in a box based off presumptions and put a bow on the box and say, "yeah, now, isn't that so much better!?"

    I think you are amazing. Truly. And having ppl (who r sposed to help you) throw roadblocks in your path to success just shows HOW amazingly strong you actually are.
  • cchew686
    cchew686 Posts: 108
    First off, congratultions, that is a wonderful accomplishment!

    Secondly, as someone above posted, tough love is not always appropriate. I work in a medical office where I have heard a doctor (somewhat overweight herself) literally raise her voice to pregnant women for gaining too much weight. Don't misundertand me, gaining too much weight while pregnant is a bad thing (gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, etc.) but there is no need to raise your voice to a patient because they need "tough love." Some medical professionals can be... dumb@$$es, and refuse to acknowledge any circumstances.

    Okay, rant over, I am glad you have recovered from your injuries/surgeries so well ans congratulations again!
  • Beeps2011
    Beeps2011 Posts: 12,190 Member
    My doctor understood that I needed to address physical issues of having multiple, severe and traumatic injuries and incorporate common sense into a fitness plan. She also knew that there were psychological issues that I needed to address. And for me there were definately spiritual issues I needed to confront. It's been a process.


    It is a PROCESS, for sure....sometimes a leader or an authority figure will speak to you, sometimes they won't. Just get on with what you need to be doing, for YOURSELF.

    Great job!! 100 lbs down is a great, great achievement!
  • bg192905
    bg192905 Posts: 68 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss and managing the struggle. People make assumptions and sterotype so much it becomes fact to them. What a shame. Inspiring that you were able to overcome!
  • muzichick
    muzichick Posts: 331 Member
    Congratulations on your loss :)
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
    Congratulations and peace. You have come far and have done well.
  • Congratulations on your loss, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with people judging you! I'm totally with you on the knowing the difference between legitimate limitations, and making excuses...

    It's not my physical health I've struggled with, but my mental health, and I know that in the past it's been my depression and anxiety preventing me from being motivated to eat healthier, and exercise more... I know that that was never an excuse, and anyone trying to give me 'tough love' like that would have made me break down and lock myself in my room for days... whereas now, I know when I get up in the morning if I'm making excuses for not getting up and active, and give *myself* the lecture I need to get going :)
  • lauraashley09
    lauraashley09 Posts: 182 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss. Don't let one bad experience with a PA cloud your judgement about all PAs. There are bad doctors, nurses, and other health professionals as well.
  • 6mimi
    6mimi Posts: 1,432 Member
    Thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on you amazing weight loss and claiming your life back!!:flowerforyou:
  • Wow, greytniki--way to go!! That is so impressive. As someone who is just starting down the path of fairly substantial weight loss, it's nice to know that real people make it to the finish line (instead of clip art skinny hot chick ads lol), and what a story. It's always tough when dealing with somewhat well intentioned people who otherwise haven't got a clue. Sorry you had to hear that in that manner. That said, what a blessing to have had the second conversation that gave you gentle permission for success.

    I'm not sure that medical folks have any idea how much weight (no pun intended :)) some of us heavier folks put on their words. I, too, had a medical person (doctor) tell me that all I needed to do was to join some overeaters club, and then she proceeded to pick on her son whom I had never met for being obese, like it embarrassed her with being a doctor and all, that she blamed his father for his lack of self-control. I took one look at this woman and thought, OK, her myopic view is asinine and so self-centered, but at the same time, I left there feeling really sorry for her son and blaming myself in awful ways going back to childhood overeating to calm nerves.

    Flash forward a couple of years (like your 8 months) and I met a kind doctor who looked at my chart, saw my calculated (obese) BMI, and gently told me after seeing my scared facial expression that probably indicated I was waiting to be shamed by him (and me silently!) that it was OK, as in don't worry. He then said, "A good way to look at this is that there is room for improvement. It's not 'Bad' or 'good', but you have room for improvement where you can. Try to make some small changes where you can, and remember that it's OK. You are still happy and smiling, and your vitals and blood work look good. Just think: Where can I make room for improvement here, no matter how small, when I can?"

    I relaxed and nodded and for the first time felt like I had the kind perspective I needed; instead of looking at weight loss as something I HAD to do (groan) to meet health and social obligations and that I was "bad," I felt like I had all the power and that weight loss/getting healthy was a choice that I wanted to make without the feeling of obligation to anyone else, or to make myself "Good" in other people's eyes. It was very freeing.

    It's been about a month since I saw that kinder doctor, and I started MFP 20 days ago or so. So far, I've lost my first 10 pounds and have a much more relaxed perspective on weight loss (much less self-shaming) and am much more self-accepting. It's interesting to think how much power words can have on us in certain settings if we let them! On the bright side, like you said, your story is a great reminder not to judge others on the basis of weight alone (or anything else, for that matter, right?).

    In any case, congrats again. One more success hero to help keep me on my path--yeah!! Thanks for sharing.
  • xoxchelaxox08
    xoxchelaxox08 Posts: 5 Member
    Congratulations! I've went through something similar, only not nearly as traumatic. In 2007 I was in a motorcycle accident where I couldn't walk for months. I ended up gaining a lot of weight, went back to school for senior year, and got made fun of for becoming a "fatass." I then gained even more weight by eating my feelings and hating myself. I couldn't work out due to the pain, and I gave up my favorite sports and hobbies. My doctor, the same one who knew how bad my accident was, told me it hurt to excercise because I had gained the weight. It couldn't possibly be because of the metal in my knees. His advice? Lose weight. Ha! This year I finally said enough is enough, found a doctor who would give me appropriate pain medication, and now I've lost some weight! I can enjoy going to the gym again! Except now I'm in nursing school and work full time, so I don't get to work out as much as I'd like. But I still count my calories and go to the gym when I get the chance! Someday I'll get where I want to be!
  • aliricp
    aliricp Posts: 8 Member
    What a great testimony of your weight loss..people that are judgmental like that are NOT worth our time. Glad to see you overcame it and moved on. Congrats. You are such an inspiration..
  • Kate7294
    Kate7294 Posts: 783 Member
    Great job on your loss! 100 lbs. is awesome! I also have had some experiences with Doctor's/PA's that weren't to my liking. One ended up putting me on anti-depressants for 7 yrs. ( supposedly Bi-Polar no just un-happy I was so overweight) and another who was determined I need cholesterol meds ( statins). I refused to see the latter lady again. The first 7 yrs. I'll never get back.
    Here's to hoping for better cholesterol numbers soon.
  • independant2406
    independant2406 Posts: 447 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss! I know some people find tough love the only way to go...and maybe it is for them... but for many of us it has the opposite result.

    Thank you for being a voice of reason and for inspiring the rest of us to keep going!
  • Congratulations
  • trudywc2
    trudywc2 Posts: 233 Member
    Congratulations, sorry about the judgemental PA. She definitely picked the wrong career.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    My gosh, that is a story full of horror and triumph. You are amzing. A true success story in so many ways.
  • fifty6ford
    fifty6ford Posts: 59 Member
    So sorry you had to go through that difficulty. You are amazing and an inspiration!
  • MistyHiker
    MistyHiker Posts: 175 Member
    Doing the boogie dance on your 100 lbs gotten rid of!

    CONGRATS!!!
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