NSV: The Salted Caramel Ice Cream Caper

First of all, let's be clear: nothing on god's green earth is as good as Bi-Rite's Salted Caramel ice cream. It's smoky sweet heaven in a spoon. I very rarely bring ice cream into the house, since I do have trouble not binging on certain foods. I completely agree with people who adhere to the "don't deprive yourself" philosophy, but I had an eating disorder and part of my recovery involved introducing trigger foods into my home rather carefully. I work on dealing with my emotions without numbing myself with food, or rewarding myself with food, or stuffing away difficult feelings with french fries in a bucket of ice cream (not that there's anything wrong with french fries in ice cream).

I decided to get my favorite ice cream from Bi-Rite, renown for their hand-made ice cream, esp. the salted caramel. I've been feeling bummed about a romantic situation and also struggling a bit with PTSD from a very scary medical incident that put me in the hospital at the end of August. In the past, right before I abuse food, I would feel this sort of panicky "nownownownownow" when any kind of strong feeling would overcome me.

Well not this damn time. I brought the ice cream into the house. I had a few spoonfuls. Then I had a few more to make a half cup serving. Then I thought, "Let's eat the whole thing." Even though I was full from lunch and was satisfied, on one level, with the ice cream I had just eaten. "But I'm feeling bad, who cares? Come on, what's the use, you're going to binge on this ice cream anyway, everyone in here knows it, just do it now." Stupid sabotaging brain!

Only I didn't do it anyway. With great effort I put the ice cream back in the freezer and went about my business. And this is a huge NSV for me, because for once I didn't let my anxiety or sadness or fear run the show. Sorry kids, I'm in control now.