Frustrated!

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MelanieP_TX
MelanieP_TX Posts: 159 Member
in Motivation and Support
Today I am still feeling anxious about comments made yesterday at my parents house. They have a treadmill so when I sleep over for the weekend I like to use it.. When I came down after kicking my own *kitten* and feeling amazing my dad said something to the effect that I was obsessed with exercise.. it was a lil side conversation between he, my husband and my mom, like a joke!! It really hurt my feelings and actually made me shed a few tears- of course I didn't let him see that . I quickly answered Well, if trying to do 30 mins of cardio and a 25 minute circuit training DVD almost everyday is being obsessed then I am sorry.. He quickly replied oh, no I don't mean it like that and used my husband as his scapegoat who then used my dad as the scapegoat.. So when I confronted my husband he says no, I am really proud of you, I think it is great. Why are you trying to pick a fight with me.. Then I am feeling bad again!! SO much for those endorphins I just released.. I just felt crushed. But he has made numerous comments as well from time to time.. nothing specific but just UGGH whateverr!!! So I ask the server specifically what I want for dinner, I know the amount of calories in just about anything, lol.. I thought I was just trying to be healthy. Why would that bother anyone? Right now I am down to 143 LBS. At one point I weighed 234..
As everyone is sitting there stuffing face with tons of Italian appetizers, wine, pasta, meatballs, and sausage etc etc.. I am rummaging the pantry and fridge for something to eat. As I know that this is my own fault for not bringing food with me I am trying to be as discreet as possible. Then it starts again.. Brother in law- What are you doing?? Um looking for something to eat- Oh with the roll of the eyes, smirk y smiles.. Seriously?? Who cares what I am doing. All day I felt very unsupported and that sucks- I hate to think that they think I am looking for attention because I am on a diet. I know that at times I can talk too much about dieting etc, but at least I am not obsessing about negative things like I used to. Making the choice to become healthy has brought me such a new lease on on life. I smile everyday and have passion to live again! I have 15 pounds to go to reach a 100 pound weightloss, and rightfully so, I am proud of that. :happy:

Replies

  • hjy319
    hjy319 Posts: 269 Member
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    I think you are doing a wonderful job! Keep up the good work and don't let them get you down! :)
  • MsSaturday
    MsSaturday Posts: 89 Member
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    your doing great! Just try and ignore them, I know its not easy, I am dealing with the same thing form my family at times, They are constantly trying to feed me garbage, and reminding me I haven't lost enough weight yet to turn down the fried foods yet... that's one reason I like this site so much, healthy support! Hope it gets better for you :)
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    You know I can see how that can hurt but I wouldn't take it to heart. Don't hold on to it yanno. Sometimes people who aren't bettering themselves like to throw jabs at those of us thats doing our thing. They aren't really trying to hurt you as much as they are trying to make themselves feel better about their situation. Maybe they wish they could be more like you and in seeing you do so well they are feeling vunerable.

    Use those comments as fuel girl. You are doing well and feeling good. They were happy with the old you, but you weren't. You made the change to feel better about yourself and thats all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
  • poodle65
    poodle65 Posts: 1
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    Regrettably, I have found that people are jealous that you have tried to take control of your life, and this applies in particular to husbands! They think now you have lost weight, you are going to run off with the first man you see, and don't relaise that with all their negative feedback, you feel like doing exactly that sometimes!!
    Chin up, you're doing a great job!:smile:
  • marymooster
    marymooster Posts: 134 Member
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    You are doing fabulous.... Just remember people respond to things and people based on their own experiences and insecurities. You need to not take their behaviour as a personal reflection of you. Parents are raised in a different time and era where watching your weight and looking after yourself was considered indulgent. You just get on with it... eat what's in front of you and so on. Husbands can be in a precarious situation, balancing between fitting in with parents expeically father in law's and being supportive to you. sometimes they can get it wrong.. not out of any intent to be personal affront to you just keeping the ball in the air so to speak.

    Most importantly i want to say to you .... The more comfortable and accepting of you and your behaviour you are the more comfortable and accepting others will be. So I would ask you to look deep and see where you may be a little uncomfortable with where you are... do you feel excluded at times/ Do you feel the odd one out? Do you feel insecure in what you are doing at times, like you want to just be one of the gang? Just some things you may want to explore.

    So... give yourself some slack... Enjoy your regime and lifestyle... What you think is what is important. How you feel about yourself is the most important... If someone makes a comment... Don't take it personal... Comments are more about the person making them than the person hearing them..... Keep it up best wishes You are fabulous...
  • Samana06
    Samana06 Posts: 107
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    Oh hun! Try not to let it get you down ... I've lived by this saying for the longest time "Friends are God's way of apologizing for your family". I know you can't avoid them, but maybe sitting them down (in a group or one on one) and tell them that this is important to you. You aren't doing it (totally) for vanity, but for your health. Tell them that you'd rather be around to be hassled by them for a long time!
    My immediate family (boyfriend and parents) aren't that way, but my extended family are. Except they're the opposite. If I eat something "unhealthy" even if it's all they've fixed then they give me crap for not staying on my "diet" even if I've allowed for that meal. Or if I deny something to eat (because I've NOT allowed for it) they give me crap for starving myself and being "too good" to eat junk like the rest of them!
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    First off, YAY YOU!!!!!! Almost 100 lbs! YOU ROCK!!!

    I think family stuff is some of the hardest. When I started to lose weight and change what I ate, and say "no thank you" to Mama's Comfort Dishes, it felt like I was rejecting not just the food but my family--and I didn't know just exactly how to deal with that, and neither did they.

    I remember one particularly bad Thanksgiving in college. I had brought my own (subtle) measuring spoon, and had carefully portioned a little bit of everything--even the potatoes, stuffing, and pie--but it was still noticed. Dad took me aside and said I needed to eat more so that I wouldn't hurt my Mother's feelings. Well, after reciting the calorie and fat content of every bloody thing on my plate to him I was in tears, and so then he went back in to try to comfort my Mother--"she's a little confused right now, but she'll take home some leftovers." Meanwhile, my brother was trying desperately to change the conversation to football or the weather or the family cats--all the while trying to compensate by serving himself seconds and thirds with grand gestures like "Mmmm! Mom! This sure is good! Yuuuuum-eeee!"

    That made me realize that I wasn't the only one who was uncomfortable.

    I will tell you that it took several years and a cross-country move 1300 miles away from my parents, but eventually, I managed to adopt food behaviors, religion, and politics different than that of my family . . and still remain a loving and caring daughter.

    Give yourself a hug-- YOU'RE DOING GREAT!
  • MaddyBrah
    MaddyBrah Posts: 8
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    I honestly dont know how you could do it without support. i have my whole family and friends behind me and thats why i do it, to make them proud. but 85 pounds! Thats amazing! You're doing great! making healthier choices and exercising every day is great! Everyone should do it, whether they want to lose weight or not, just to stay healthy!
    I feel like ive completely changed my life around just by joining this site.
    Good luck hun. Keep going and ignore whatever anyone else says, they are just jealous! You're probably looking sexier and more radient than any of them!
    Keep up the good work!
  • jmwolffyy
    jmwolffyy Posts: 212 Member
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    You are doing awesome, and it is stories like yours that motivate me to keep going. I don't have a lot of support from my husband either, and he loves to eat things that are horrible in front of me, and even worse, to make those comments about it. It is SO frustrating, so I know exactly what you mean. But like the other posters have said, it is often that they are jealous that we have made good choices and STUCK WITH IT because they can't or won't.
    You are getting healthy for YOURSELF, not for them (although it is a nice side benefit that they get to know the healthy you who likes who you have become), so don't let their comments get you down. Just remember that the support here is going to help you out, because us MFPers got your back!
    Keep up the great work!
  • slm4
    slm4 Posts: 37
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    Just hang in there! I know exactly what you mean about exercising and eating right and how difficult in is when you feel people are constantly judging you for it and doing nothing to help. It sounds like you've got a great routine down and I think it's wonderfully strong of you to be as committed to your goals as you are. Maybe everyone else really wishes they had your initiative but, because they don't at the moment, they're trying to cover up their own insecurities with comments and make you feel weird so they won't have to. Just blow it off. I'm short too, so I know how hard it is and what a monumental difference even one pound makes!
  • bmhicks627
    bmhicks627 Posts: 17
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    My dear.... previos posts are absolutely right. People's irritation is usually because they are mad at you that they are now conscious of their bad habits and are jealous. I am so proud of you and use this as an example of what I CAN and WILL achieve. I have had to explain to my husband and some in my family that they make those comments and forget them 5 minutes later and they hang with me for days. My husband tried to say it was just a side comment and he had no idea I was taking it so to heart. He is much more conscious of these things now. I remind him that food is an addiction for me and unlike all other addictions, I can't stop using it. So help me by avoiding those comments.

    Keep going and rock it girl!
  • ksnielsen
    ksnielsen Posts: 8 Member
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    Mel I am so proud of you, and as I have said before you are a big inspiration for me, and now my husband. You are doing a great job. Sometimes I think that food is the way our family shows how they love us. If you are feeling frustrated or down please call me. I will be there to support you. You are doing great! Kepp it up.
  • MelanieP_TX
    MelanieP_TX Posts: 159 Member
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    I honestly dont know how you could do it without support. i have my whole family and friends behind me and thats why i do it, to make them proud. but 85 pounds! Thats amazing! You're doing great! making healthier choices and exercising every day is great! Everyone should do it, whether they want to lose weight or not, just to stay healthy!
    I feel like ive completely changed my life around just by joining this site.
    Good luck hun. Keep going and ignore whatever anyone else says, they are just jealous! You're probably looking sexier and more radient than any of them!
    Keep up the good work!

    Thanks! Don't get me wrong, I do have an EXTREMELY AMAZING FAMILY and support by all of them but it's the irritating side comments that hurt my feelings- I guess they don't realize that being around all that delicious food can be stressful for me at times. I am trying really hard to reach my goal weight by my Birthday on March 8th so I am trying not to even be relaxed on the weekends as I usually am.. I am also trying this new book so it's taking a little getting used to.. but it works! I've lost 6.3 pounds in the 2 weeks I've tried it..

    Just like bmhicks627 said "their comments do hang with me for days as well, where they don't even give it a second thought"
    So with that being said ALL of you're comments have absolutely lifted the weight (that was on my chest) when I went to bed last night and that I woke up with this morning. You all are my inspiration and keep me going for my goal! Thank You!

    Thanks Kimmy! You know first hand how teasing can get in our family, lol.. Thank You for being here for me as well! xo
  • MelanieP_TX
    MelanieP_TX Posts: 159 Member
    Options
    Today I am still feeling anxious about comments made yesterday at my parents house. They have a treadmill so when I sleep over for the weekend I like to use it.. When I came down after kicking my own *kitten* and feeling amazing my dad said something to the effect that I was obsessed with exercise.. it was a lil side conversation between he, my husband and my mom, like a joke!! It really hurt my feelings and actually made me shed a few tears- of course I didn't let him see that . I quickly answered Well, if trying to do 30 mins of cardio and a 25 minute circuit training DVD almost everyday is being obsessed then I am sorry.. He quickly replied oh, no I don't mean it like that and used my husband as his scapegoat who then used my dad as the scapegoat.. So when I confronted my husband he says no, I am really proud of you, I think it is great. Why are you trying to pick a fight with me.. Then I am feeling bad again!! SO much for those endorphins I just released.. I just felt crushed. But he has made numerous comments as well from time to time.. nothing specific but just UGGH whateverr!!! So I ask the server specifically what I want for dinner, I know the amount of calories in just about anything, lol.. I thought I was just trying to be healthy. Why would that bother anyone? Right now I am down to 143 LBS. At one point I weighed 234..
    As everyone is sitting there stuffing face with tons of Italian appetizers, wine, pasta, meatballs, and sausage etc etc.. I am rummaging the pantry and fridge for something to eat. As I know that this is my own fault for not bringing food with me I am trying to be as discreet as possible. Then it starts again.. Brother in law- What are you doing?? Um looking for something to eat- Oh with the roll of the eyes, smirk y smiles.. Seriously?? Who cares what I am doing. All day I felt very unsupported and that sucks- I hate to think that they think I am looking for attention because I am on a diet. I know that at times I can talk too much about dieting etc, but at least I am not obsessing about negative things like I used to. Making the choice to become healthy has brought me such a new lease on on life. I smile everyday and have passion to live again! I have 15 pounds to go to reach a 100 pound weightloss, and rightfully so, I am proud of that. :happy:

    Actually, I have 9 pounds to go to achieve 100 pounds lost!! (but who's counting):tongue:
  • bobandrachel34
    bobandrachel34 Posts: 3 Member
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    Wow, I think you have proved you have the determination to attain your goals, great work. Try remember that quote, "Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it" You don't have control over what others say, but you do have the control on how you let it affect you. Keep succeeding!

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