Bi Polar Disorder

JordanGirl5
JordanGirl5 Posts: 56 Member
edited September 23 in Motivation and Support
I was originally diagnosed with depression 9 years ago. I was prescibed Paxil. Let me tell you, that stuff was created by the devil. Not only did I feel like I was "watching" my life but I suffered from thoughts of suicide (actually attempted it by taking the entire bottle one night) and I gained about 30 pounds. They switched my medication, the depression didn't lessen, I gained more weight. Why? Because my "comfort" was/is always food. I took a total of 6 medications at different times. None of them seemed to brighten my mood, lessen the worry, decrease the anxiety. I was at the point where I thought I was meant to be unhappy the rest of my life. In 2009 I suffered my first manic depressive episode. I began seeing a psychiatrist who informed me that people who suffer from bi polar disorder are often misdiagnosed with simple depression and medicated accordingly. Thing is, anti depressants can cause bi polar symptoms to become worse.

I'm finally on a regular regimine of mood stabalizers AND anti depressant and I see a therapist on a regular basis. I will ALWAYS have bi polar disorder, it never goes away, but I am learning to cope with it. My manic phases are amazing. I have lots of energy and feel unstopable. Then come the lows, where I want to do nothing but sleep. I need to find an even ground, just don't know if that will ever exist for me.

Losing weight has never been easy for me. Its certainly been compounded by my medication. I will not allow something that I cannot control to define me. I will overcome the obstacles in my way and succeed.

I loved myself once...but I've hated myself for so long it is going to take me a while to like myself again...I hope one day to be able to say that I DO love myself...

Replies

  • goofygin37
    goofygin37 Posts: 6
    Girl I hear ya!!! I totally understand what you're going through. I'm in a good place right now and have been for a couple of years now. I hope you find a happy place that sticks. :)
  • chanchara
    chanchara Posts: 6
    I hated paxil but I had to take paxil CR for panic attacks later on and it helped out a lot. I have been on so many antidepressants since I was a teen but I havent been on any for a while now. I was on ADHD meds for 4 years but now Im off all meds and Im trying to live my life without meds and it can be really hard. I eat a lot when I get anxiety or bored. I gained a a lot of weight over the past year and a half and Im working really hard to get it off. I hope that you learn to love yourself no matter what! =)
  • hotpickles
    hotpickles Posts: 639 Member
    We are all here to support you!

    Sending lots of love your way :)

    L.
  • prencesskl
    prencesskl Posts: 123
    I hear ya! You can do it!
  • momma_nany
    momma_nany Posts: 14
    I can relate with you 150% I do not take the drugs they give me, and i do have manic spills from time to time and i have been this way as long as i know. I was on like 12 pills and slowing increase one to two of them gaining weight and having no emotions what so ever so, that is when i decided to stop them all. the panic attacks come and go also yes it a crazy day in my world but i rather that then being numb and dead to the world. I have learn to deal with alot of the emotions no not perfect but lots better.

    So i say to you you will get better and you will LOVE yourself again. Keep your head up and good work on striving for another day of happiness.

    Much Love and happiness to you and your family.
  • watkinsc
    watkinsc Posts: 177 Member
    You sound as though you have finally found a physician who understands you, and your disease. That is a HUGE obstacle to overcome, as you well know. But it is such an important step. You are moving forward, you are thinking positive, and you are being realistic (which is really, really difficult with bipolar disorder). Continue to do your research on your condition, recognize your thought process, and reach out for help from your md or therapist the very second things start to feel they are slipping back. You can do this and be successful, your challenges are different from others, but they can be overcome... Break the challenges down into simpler parts and don't allow it to become overwhelming. Slow and steady progress in the right direction is how I do it. And if I have a bad day, well, it is just that, a bad day, not the end of the world! ( I am not bipolar, but was diagnosed as a teen with a severe depressive disorder and severe panic attacks in the 1980's when the answer was to put everyone on tricyclics (bad bad bad) then maoi's (ugh), then in the 90's and 2000's ssri's and ssni's and I then finally got my balance about 8 years ago (thru medication, therapy, an outstanding physician, a couple true friends, and my constant personal research into human psychology). Don't stop trying to find the answer. It is out there and you will succeed. Complete failure is frankly just not an option... right?
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