It's like he doesnt even care!

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  • championnfl
    championnfl Posts: 324 Member
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    Ladies! Thats one of the ways men show there love for you,has nothing to do with your weight loss goal. Just turn it down!:wink:
  • mfergie889
    mfergie889 Posts: 77
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    I believe that while being clueless, some men might have good intentions. My bf knows I LOVE chocolate and candy. I have specifically asked him not to bring me any/ save me any etc. But he will go to the store and come back with a cupcake or candy etc, and when I say, "I cant have that!!!" he says, "Oh, I thought you would like it, I bought it for you."

    In my case, my boyfriend knows its an indulgance and that I love it, and I think he wants to come out looking like the best boyfriend ever by providing "treats". Hes finally gotten it, and now if he buys my anything, its fat-free gummies.
  • lwyz_smln
    lwyz_smln Posts: 46
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    I know it's hard, but stay strong!! I too am not an out of sight out of mind person, so it either has to be thrown out or given away immediately; either that or put a lock on "his cabinet"! ha ha

    I'm lucky and have a very supportive husband, but even with the support it's hard to make such big lifestyle/habit changes when our lives seem to revolve so much around food i.e when we eat, what we eat, etc!
  • pgp_protector
    pgp_protector Posts: 207
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    You should see the subs my Wife bought me :D 1.4 pounds each, different types. Each One was supposed to be a Lunch for me. (And no nutrition info on em either)
  • kate72
    kate72 Posts: 11
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    A good man will support you when it comes to improving yourself. I am not saying he isn't a good man. But I agree with the fact that he is testing you. I agree he MAY be testing you to figure out if you are serious, when he figures if you are serious....then that my girl, is when you find out if he's a GOOD man........because he will either support you or try to sabotage you.
  • kate72
    kate72 Posts: 11
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    one thing you need to do is change your user id from WISHFUL THINKING to something more proactive like POSITIVE THINKING, or IT WILL HAPPEN...:flowerforyou:
  • Belle_Fille
    Belle_Fille Posts: 469
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    he keeps asking me whats wrong. "its like you just got mad all of a sudden" (im not mad. just hurt/upset)
    i just want to cry. (IDK why im emotional about it. ive been an emotional wreck a lot lately) really nothing is WRONG. i know its not worth getting upset about. but i cant help it. its frustrating
  • vero_1
    vero_1 Posts: 85 Member
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    Hi! I don't know if your husband is doing it on purpose to be mean or he might just not know better. I have a husband that used to surprise me with junk food and cappacino's and he did it because he loved me and it used to make me happy. At first, he would bring me cappacino's, than I explained to him that this will bring me above my calorie intake and to please ask me before he buys something. It wasn't his fault he was just trying to make me happy. Now all is good, he knows better and I buy him junk food(like chips and cookies- that he likes but the kinds I don't like) that way it's not as tempting. Good luck and when your husband will see you are serious about losing weight, he will start supporting you. My husband, now, is so proud of me and knows that this time I am dedicated and I will lose the weight.
    Sometimes men just want to make us happy by giving us treats that they know make us happy (or used to)... if these things used to make you happy he will probably continue doing it for a while until he finally realizes it is not working. Have you talked to him about it? I mean, tell him you recognize that he is trying to do something to make you happy by offering you what he considers to be yummy treats but that if he really wants to impress you here is alist of the things that you would really welcome instead! Then (and this is the really hard part) gently remind him about it every time he offers the "wrong kind" of treat and, if he is listening, eventually he will get the picture.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,239 Member
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    I can't read his motivation any more than you can. He may be trying to test you, may feel insecure because you are trying to get healthy and he is not, may want to sabotage you, may be thinking you used to like this and wanting to give you a gift you will enjoy. Whatever it is, it is obviously not helpful to you, and you will have to figure out a way to deal with it. Just as an aside, I know many women like slamming men as simple or whatever, but I have heard of just as many wives doing the same thing to their husband when he is trying to lose weight and she is not. This is not something male or female, this is people in general male or female, who do not know how to handle you losing weight.

    I have two suggestions. First, find a support group. MFP can help with that, but it would be good to have people in person who can encourage you and don't mind a call when you are feeling stressed. I suggest someone the same sex as you to avoid other issues.

    Second, you mention you don't want to be wasteful. I understand that having be raised that way, but if my wife brought a big high calorie pop to me after I had told her the first time I don't want that, I would simply pour it down the drain. Giving stuff away is good, if you can do it quickly. If not, trash it. It was not your waste since you didn't buy it, and maybe he will get the message better than you telling him in words.

    Nothing beats explaining things to him either, and asking why he is offering you this stuff.
  • T7807
    T7807 Posts: 8
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    My sister also struggles with her weight. Her husband told my husband that he wants her to "stay fat" so no other man will want her.I like what Jim said. It's really bound to make it clear to him if you smile and say "honey thanks for thinking of me but these things are not on my diet and because you don't like them I have to throw them away"
    And do so in front of him so he won't bring home anything else to sabotage you. He will know he is wasting his money.
  • sconns21
    sconns21 Posts: 92 Member
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    It may be that he also wants to lose weight so when he sees you doing well he subconsciously wants to see you fail so he will feel better about himself. It may also be that he enjoys his food and he enjoys having your lives revolve around it. I know a lot of men get annoyed when they have to eat diet spreads and skim milk because they prefer the tastier option and don't worry about their weight.

    I would be annoyed though that he knows you're dieting but is still offering you food. On the flip side however you need to get used to sitting with other people who are chomping down on chocolates etc because it will happen everywhere you go. People at work and friends will offer you sweet treats all of the time.

    Good luck

    x
  • hparke
    hparke Posts: 28 Member
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    punch him in the mouth!!! LOL Just kidding but that s not fair to you!! Its hard enough as it is without enablers...Stay strong:wink:

    No its ok, punch him in the mouth. My husband fills the house with junk and says "Well if you dont want to eat that stuff just dont eat it ..."
    I really feel like hes doing it on purpose. hes not a sweets eater. he doesnt care much for candy, chocolate, cookies, pop, etc. that was my thing. so he knows that i know that these things are just going to sit in there until i eat them. or thats what he assumes anyways. the chips hell eat. but the cookies and stuff, ill probably give away at my first possible chance. out of sight doesnt always work for me. if i know they are in there, its always on my mind. ive already gone to the kitchen 2x to get "just one" cookie. but stopped myself (both times) and just walked away. but its hard

    Good job for resisting both times! I know it's very hard to do that. Could also be that he doesn't want to be left behind when you're succeeding to change your life for the better and the "what-if " scenarios come into play like you leaving later on or something like that ( idk, just saying).

    I don't know about your situation, but I know for me I've tried before many times to lose weight and failed, so he could think it's just a matter of time before you cave in again. Tell him you feel it seems he's unsupportive and trying to deliberately sabotage you. He may not even realize that it comes accross that way and ask him what his intention is when he does those things. Then tell him your're serious this time and you need all the support you can get, especially from him and that he can come along on the journey or get left behind (find better ways to say it though).

    The separate cabinet thing is a good idea also...or have him leave all that stuff in the garage.

    Keep resisting and fighting the good fight and we're all here to support you and help you out!
  • lesleyk26
    lesleyk26 Posts: 14 Member
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    hes teasting you babes as my partner does it too he comes home with a pizza and cheesy chips and always asks if i want some but with us both saying no will prove you are strong enough to do that keep up the good work babes were all proud of you
    :smokin:
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  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
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    Bless your heart. I don't know why they do this. Maybe they're afraid of change. Maybe they worry we'll mess with their food. When I started a year ago my hubby was always asking me if I wanted a bite of his frozen pizza or if I wanted icecream. He bought me a huge heath bar (my favorite) to give to me with an anniversary card. I sent him to Braum's for milk and he comes back with peanut butter cookies with chocolate chips in them. I just had to really use my willpower here. I can't get mad at him because this is my lifestyle change, not his. He stopped offering bad food when he realized I was serious. He worried for a little while that I was going to go "too far" and either injure myself or get too skinny. When he realized I was eating all the time (but healthy food) and that I had more energy and strength than I ever had, he got onboard. He does enjoy the benefits of a smaller, more fit, and much happier wife.
  • bbb84
    bbb84 Posts: 418 Member
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    You are not alone.... and i feel like i am having the same conversation over and over again. Ugh...I call him a "sabotour (bc i didnt know a word for someone who tries to sabotague)" give him the mean mug and go eat a piece of fruit. It's soo hard. Maybe these ladies are right, maybe we are being tested.....who knows? I know that we can do this!!! Stay strong and trust in your MFP peeps for support.

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