It's like he doesnt even care!

Belle_Fille
Belle_Fille Posts: 469
edited September 23 in Motivation and Support
I'm trying to lose weight obviously and trying to make healthier choices. ive made it clear that i dont want and will not buy prepackaged food. I went to the store the other day and got just enough to last us a week because we were supposed to be snowed in. Well we got like close to 15 inches but they have plowed out roads pretty good and so the boyfriend went to the dollar store. He went because he wanted snacks. I didnt buy any the other day. Well he comes back with a big 64oz Dr pepper for me. (we have a 24 pack case here, and have for a few weeks, and ive only had 1 out of it. ive made it clear i dont want pop. now i feel like i have to drink the one he brought me. i hate wasting things.
he also brought home cookies. chips. dip. bacon. a lot of precooked/packaged things.
hes shoving (not forcing) a can of pringles in my face asking if i want any now. "no thank you". him "theyre ceddar! here" me "no. i dont want it" him "fine."
then a few minutes later "are you sure? we havent had pringles in a long time! i thought youd like them"

UGHHHHH
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Replies

  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
    punch him in the mouth!!! LOL Just kidding but that s not fair to you!! Its hard enough as it is without enablers...Stay strong:wink:
  • Belle_Fille
    Belle_Fille Posts: 469
    i know ive "dieted" in the past and didnt stick with it. but would it kill him to take me seriously? to support me?
  • misspink2886
    misspink2886 Posts: 1
    Men just really think on a whole nother wave length. Just keep up the good work. And if you need to be blunt with him. He'll get it one day :-):wink: :wink:
  • freerange
    freerange Posts: 1,722 Member
    Tell him to quit being an *kitten* and either support you or leave you along, and if he won't support you, you will leave him along too,,,,, if you know what I mean. :wink:
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    He is testing you. Give in and you won't hear the last of it. Just say no thank you. Don't argue. Don't restate your case. No thank you and be done with it. He doesn't think you can do it. Do you want to give him that satisfaction?
  • jenX1174
    jenX1174 Posts: 154
    I'd like to believe he's not purposely trying to undermine your weight loss efforts. But you just have to continue to make it clear you do not want these items. If he insists on keeping them in the house, then you insist he assign himself a cabinet where he keeps them so you're not constantly tempted by his junk.
    My honey, fortunately, is supportive -- he has a cabinet I assigned him, it's one that I hardly ever have to open. When I first started this 3 weeks ago, he made some chocolate chip cookies and saved me two just in case. I explained to him do not EVER save me any "just in case".....if I really want them, I will make them myself. My thought is by the time I get around to making the cookies homemade or buying them, I will have talked myself out of it.

    Just be strong honey....you can do it, don't give in --- think about how much worse you will feel if you do. If your mouth is watering, go brush your teeth, or chew a piece of gum, and drink a glass of water...it'll help.
  • Belle_Fille
    Belle_Fille Posts: 469
    He is testing you. Give in and you won't hear the last of it. Just say no thank you. Don't argue. Don't restate your case. No thank you and be done with it. He doesn't think you can do it. Do you want to give him that satisfaction?
    Heck no!
  • MOMvsFOOD
    MOMvsFOOD Posts: 654 Member
    punch him in the mouth!!! LOL Just kidding but that s not fair to you!! Its hard enough as it is without enablers...Stay strong:wink:

    No its ok, punch him in the mouth. My husband fills the house with junk and says "Well if you dont want to eat that stuff just dont eat it ..."
  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
    next time tell him.. 'thanks, but sabotage is not on my meal plan now'
    then smile sweetly and peel yourself an orange :)
  • kittytrix
    kittytrix Posts: 557 Member
    My husband used to do the same thing. I don't think it's done on purpose, but when so much of our lives revolved around food it was a natural thing for him to offer me ice cream as we watched a movie. After a couple of months, he got the picture and has done it less and less. He now encourages me to work out when I am down and even cautions me not to stress eat. I also think it was him just being polite. I generally don't like chips anyway and he used to always offer to be nice.

    Remind him that you are trying to watch what you eat without getting bent out of shape. ;) Stick to your guns and you will make it.
  • dspearsb
    dspearsb Posts: 186
    My hubby is the same way. I just ignore him and continue to stick with my routine. If he brings home more junk, don't touch it. If its left there long enough either he will eat it or you'll throw it away because you're sick of looking at it.

    My husband is also very jealous. So I just remind him that summer's coming and heads will be taking a double take to look at us. Wondering how that slim, hot mom ended up that 'chunky" man. LOL That usually gets him back on track.
  • MelleyJ
    MelleyJ Posts: 198
    I would talk to him about how you feel and how his not supporting you is really making you feel. It's hard enough, like somoene else said, without people tempting you. All the meals out with friends. Food is so connected with our socializing and it's hard enough. I would suggest that you talk to him and let him know that his constant temptations and asking you really hurts. (I know it would hurt me if my husband didn't support me). It has become so easy for me to be healthy now because I do have that support. I have truely transformed my eating and my life and I couldn't have done it without my husbands support. I think talking it out is your best bet.
  • ahbach2005
    ahbach2005 Posts: 119
    There is alot of comfort in old habits.

    I definitely do not condone what he is doing....
    Stay strong its tough when one person is trying to change their lifestyle and the other is not. You may be going outside his comfort level and this is his way of "staying comfortable". It is really easy to get this way as a guy. I'm lucky my wife would never put up with that type of thing...I would never try to do anything to her like that though.

    Good luck
  • Belle_Fille
    Belle_Fille Posts: 469
    punch him in the mouth!!! LOL Just kidding but that s not fair to you!! Its hard enough as it is without enablers...Stay strong:wink:

    No its ok, punch him in the mouth. My husband fills the house with junk and says "Well if you dont want to eat that stuff just dont eat it ..."
    I really feel like hes doing it on purpose. hes not a sweets eater. he doesnt care much for candy, chocolate, cookies, pop, etc. that was my thing. so he knows that i know that these things are just going to sit in there until i eat them. or thats what he assumes anyways. the chips hell eat. but the cookies and stuff, ill probably give away at my first possible chance. out of sight doesnt always work for me. if i know they are in there, its always on my mind. ive already gone to the kitchen 2x to get "just one" cookie. but stopped myself (both times) and just walked away. but its hard
  • car_hartt
    car_hartt Posts: 4
    My husband does the same thing!!!!. I'm like, ok, I doing this for real, no excuses. The next day while we are at the store he goes, "So you want to buy some ice cream? And I want a bag of chips" :/ seriously? I told him then have his mommy buy it for him lol
  • ErrataCorrige
    ErrataCorrige Posts: 649 Member
    Jerk! On purpose or not, that is so frustrating. Every weekend I have to dodge my husband brining up different ideas we should have for lunch or dinner. "How about pizza? Let's get some Chinese?, Boy am I really craving tacos!" Grrrr....

    But I got him back. I have been on this journey for 5 months and know better han to give in to him. Then yesterday I asked him to join me doing the insanity fit test. (I basically pressured his ego into it.) I was super hard, no doubt, but I kept it up and powered through, and did great. He made it 15 minutes in and had to go throw up and sit down.

    But did I ask him if he wanted any pizza...lol, no. But I was tempted.

    We support your good choices! Keep it up!
  • Pinkranger626
    Pinkranger626 Posts: 460 Member
    I have to say I have the exact same problem. Mine isn't just my significant other, but my friends, my family, and my schoolmates. I once had a friend tell me I made her feel bad for eating junk because I would make a big deal about it. Now, I try not to push my beliefs on people and when i say something it's only because i care about you.... so i apologized for pushing her about her eating habits. However, why do people seem to think it's ok to give people crap for trying to eat healthy. I'm a fitness instructor so I workout like a maniac, and because of this people are constantly making comments like " you can eat whatever you want since you workout so much" and " it's just this once" and " you don't know what it's like to struggle with weight"

    Keep up your good work, remember you are doing this for you and that you feel better, look better, and are healthier for doing what you're doing. He may not even realize that he's doing it, I know I've always been a person who bonds over food. My idea of a night out is going out to eat with friends and visiting and being home by 10:30 ( I know weird for a 23 yr old!) so it may be that he just misses your food connections?
  • licha75
    licha75 Posts: 391 Member
    Hi! I don't know if your husband is doing it on purpose to be mean or he might just not know better. I have a husband that used to surprise me with junk food and cappacino's and he did it because he loved me and it used to make me happy. At first, he would bring me cappacino's, than I explained to him that this will bring me above my calorie intake and to please ask me before he buys something. It wasn't his fault he was just trying to make me happy. Now all is good, he knows better and I buy him junk food(like chips and cookies- that he likes but the kinds I don't like) that way it's not as tempting. Good luck and when your husband will see you are serious about losing weight, he will start supporting you. My husband, now, is so proud of me and knows that this time I am dedicated and I will lose the weight.
  • sweetangelfor20
    sweetangelfor20 Posts: 8
    My husband of 10 years does the same thing to me! I think he is jealous and insecure and he always says things like i love you no matter how big you are....loved you skinny loved you bigger and love you now! Which is really sweet but it seems like he does try to make me fail and he wont even take a walk with me. It is getting better though he is giving me tips when he sees me doing things wrong while working out which is good well maybe? Dont get me wrong my husband has never once called me heavy..fat..or etc. he is a good husband just not supportive of me trying to lose weight!
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    next time tell him.. 'thanks, but sabotage is not on my meal plan now'
    then smile sweetly and peel yourself an orange :)

    Love it!! All that talking and stuff is like beating a dead horse. He already knows what she is trying to do. I would use this as fuel. Don't get mad at him. Get even by being successful. Getting mad is only going to add unwanted stress. Who needs that right? Leave that soda. Forget those pringles. Focus on the big picture. You can do it. Use his actions to fuel your determination.
  • championnfl
    championnfl Posts: 324 Member
    Ladies! Thats one of the ways men show there love for you,has nothing to do with your weight loss goal. Just turn it down!:wink:
  • mfergie889
    mfergie889 Posts: 77
    I believe that while being clueless, some men might have good intentions. My bf knows I LOVE chocolate and candy. I have specifically asked him not to bring me any/ save me any etc. But he will go to the store and come back with a cupcake or candy etc, and when I say, "I cant have that!!!" he says, "Oh, I thought you would like it, I bought it for you."

    In my case, my boyfriend knows its an indulgance and that I love it, and I think he wants to come out looking like the best boyfriend ever by providing "treats". Hes finally gotten it, and now if he buys my anything, its fat-free gummies.
  • lwyz_smln
    lwyz_smln Posts: 46
    I know it's hard, but stay strong!! I too am not an out of sight out of mind person, so it either has to be thrown out or given away immediately; either that or put a lock on "his cabinet"! ha ha

    I'm lucky and have a very supportive husband, but even with the support it's hard to make such big lifestyle/habit changes when our lives seem to revolve so much around food i.e when we eat, what we eat, etc!
  • pgp_protector
    pgp_protector Posts: 207
    You should see the subs my Wife bought me :D 1.4 pounds each, different types. Each One was supposed to be a Lunch for me. (And no nutrition info on em either)
  • kate72
    kate72 Posts: 11
    A good man will support you when it comes to improving yourself. I am not saying he isn't a good man. But I agree with the fact that he is testing you. I agree he MAY be testing you to figure out if you are serious, when he figures if you are serious....then that my girl, is when you find out if he's a GOOD man........because he will either support you or try to sabotage you.
  • kate72
    kate72 Posts: 11
    one thing you need to do is change your user id from WISHFUL THINKING to something more proactive like POSITIVE THINKING, or IT WILL HAPPEN...:flowerforyou:
  • Belle_Fille
    Belle_Fille Posts: 469
    he keeps asking me whats wrong. "its like you just got mad all of a sudden" (im not mad. just hurt/upset)
    i just want to cry. (IDK why im emotional about it. ive been an emotional wreck a lot lately) really nothing is WRONG. i know its not worth getting upset about. but i cant help it. its frustrating
  • vero_1
    vero_1 Posts: 85 Member
    Hi! I don't know if your husband is doing it on purpose to be mean or he might just not know better. I have a husband that used to surprise me with junk food and cappacino's and he did it because he loved me and it used to make me happy. At first, he would bring me cappacino's, than I explained to him that this will bring me above my calorie intake and to please ask me before he buys something. It wasn't his fault he was just trying to make me happy. Now all is good, he knows better and I buy him junk food(like chips and cookies- that he likes but the kinds I don't like) that way it's not as tempting. Good luck and when your husband will see you are serious about losing weight, he will start supporting you. My husband, now, is so proud of me and knows that this time I am dedicated and I will lose the weight.
    Sometimes men just want to make us happy by giving us treats that they know make us happy (or used to)... if these things used to make you happy he will probably continue doing it for a while until he finally realizes it is not working. Have you talked to him about it? I mean, tell him you recognize that he is trying to do something to make you happy by offering you what he considers to be yummy treats but that if he really wants to impress you here is alist of the things that you would really welcome instead! Then (and this is the really hard part) gently remind him about it every time he offers the "wrong kind" of treat and, if he is listening, eventually he will get the picture.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,336 Member
    I can't read his motivation any more than you can. He may be trying to test you, may feel insecure because you are trying to get healthy and he is not, may want to sabotage you, may be thinking you used to like this and wanting to give you a gift you will enjoy. Whatever it is, it is obviously not helpful to you, and you will have to figure out a way to deal with it. Just as an aside, I know many women like slamming men as simple or whatever, but I have heard of just as many wives doing the same thing to their husband when he is trying to lose weight and she is not. This is not something male or female, this is people in general male or female, who do not know how to handle you losing weight.

    I have two suggestions. First, find a support group. MFP can help with that, but it would be good to have people in person who can encourage you and don't mind a call when you are feeling stressed. I suggest someone the same sex as you to avoid other issues.

    Second, you mention you don't want to be wasteful. I understand that having be raised that way, but if my wife brought a big high calorie pop to me after I had told her the first time I don't want that, I would simply pour it down the drain. Giving stuff away is good, if you can do it quickly. If not, trash it. It was not your waste since you didn't buy it, and maybe he will get the message better than you telling him in words.

    Nothing beats explaining things to him either, and asking why he is offering you this stuff.
  • T7807
    T7807 Posts: 8
    My sister also struggles with her weight. Her husband told my husband that he wants her to "stay fat" so no other man will want her.I like what Jim said. It's really bound to make it clear to him if you smile and say "honey thanks for thinking of me but these things are not on my diet and because you don't like them I have to throw them away"
    And do so in front of him so he won't bring home anything else to sabotage you. He will know he is wasting his money.
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