hard to be happy

cerysrhi
cerysrhi Posts: 262
edited September 23 in Introduce Yourself
Its quite simply this I find it very hard to be happy for my husband after he lost almost half a stone this week.Since our son was born 18 months ago I found I never had anything for myself I gave up my hobby so my husband could continue with it I joined the gym but due to commitments to my husband and son couldn't keep it up and I have now found this which he has decided to do too (so he will probably see this). I have to watch everything I eat, forward plan and find it very difficult to stay within my cals unless I workout. He however has found it quite easy as to lose 1lb a week he gets a calorie allowance of 2330 cals as opposed to my 1310 he doesn't workout and can eat almost anything and still come under calories. he is slightly overweight but not nearly as much as I am and he doubles my weight loss for the week. Yes I'm jealous but am I right to feel that this is unfair given the hard work i put in every week. I want to be supportive but I finally found something for me and I now I have to share it with someone who is better at it than I am. Am I just being selfish??? just tell it to me as it is i don't offend easily x

Replies

  • acknan
    acknan Posts: 261 Member
    A few of things...

    1. Men typically lose weight quicker than us ladies do. It sucks, but it is what it is.

    2. If you calorie count is too low to eat, you might want to change your loss goals. I initially set up my account to lose 2 pounds a week and found that my calories became restrictive. Even if I ate really well, e.g. veggies, whole grains, water, water, water, I was at or above calorie counts without plenty of exercise. I found it frustrating and depressing to watch what I was eating and being good, but constantly seeing red numbers on my page. I switched to 1.5 pounds lost a week and got about 240 more calories a day. I still exercise and eat well, but at the end of the day, I see numbers that I can be proud of, not guilt.

    3. Keep it up. Even if you aren't losing quickly, you are eating better, exercising more, and making positive changes for yourself. So your hubster is surpassing your success, it's frustrating, but not the end of the world. I suggest talking to your husband about your concerns and see if there is a way that he can help support your efforts more and help you carve out sometime for yourself!

    Good Luck!!!! :)
  • dawnslaughter
    dawnslaughter Posts: 125
    my husband is the same he loses way more than me every time he goes on a diet, but he puts it all back on because he does not keep to the calories! he has way less, and loses too much to quickly, and then eats and it all goes back on. as he is out at work he has the app on his phone and is sticking to the plan this time so he is losing slower.

    i have been watching my calories since 2005, in that time every january he has "gone on a diet" every january. he has lost his extra 2 stone by may and put it all back on by october.

    i tell him to eat what he wants at work so i cant see him eating the extra calories. i tell him what we are having for tea and what the calories are. so we have the same size portions when we eat together.

    At least on the plus side he will be supportive of your weight loss.

    Men always seam to lose more than us.
    You can tell him that you can go to the gym together they have creche at gyms now or, you can go in the evening and he can go after you, or you go on monday he goes tuesday etc.


    You are doing this for you no one else.

    You can do it i have every belief in you.

    Dont make it a competition. Just think that he has decided to lose weight not out of competition but because he has seen how well you are doing and you have motivated him.
  • dawnslaughter
    dawnslaughter Posts: 125
    i agree totally i have mine set to lose 1/2 a pound


    A few of things...

    1. Men typically lose weight quicker than us ladies do. It sucks, but it is what it is.

    2. If you calorie count is too low to eat, you might want to change your loss goals. I initially set up my account to lose 2 pounds a week and found that my calories became restrictive. Even if I ate really well, e.g. veggies, whole grains, water, water, water, I was at or above calorie counts without plenty of exercise. I found it frustrating and depressing to watch what I was eating and being good, but constantly seeing red numbers on my page. I switched to 1.5 pounds lost a week and got about 240 more calories a day. I still exercise and eat well, but at the end of the day, I see numbers that I can be proud of, not guilt.

    3. Keep it up. Even if you aren't losing quickly, you are eating better, exercising more, and making positive changes for yourself. So your hubster is surpassing your success, it's frustrating, but not the end of the world. I suggest talking to your husband about your concerns and see if there is a way that he can help support your efforts more and help you carve out sometime for yourself!

    Good Luck!!!! :)
  • vegheadmomma
    vegheadmomma Posts: 9
    Hello, let me start by saying congrats on trying to make a change. I know where you are coming from. I used to weigh a nice 130 pounds and was considered to be quite attractive, but then i packed up and moved to hawaii with my husband-- because he had dreams of a job out here. I left all my friends and family and was all alone here, and then i got pregnant. After my son was born i was stressed, had nothing to do but parent and no hobbies. starting to feel down i gained weight. Now after 2 years and 2 kids i am sick and tired of feeling bad about myself. I used to eat like my husband, but he can eat whatever he wants and if he wants to lose weight all he has to do is watch his food for a week and he will drop it. I have been trying to lose weight for 10 months now and i am stuck at the same weight for months, and i am running 12 miles a week!! But all i can say is dont give up! There are plenty of women like you out there, and i am one of them.
    We are so worth the effort, we have the hardest job and the most on our plate compared to many. It is great to put others first but dont forget about yourself!!! You deserve to look in the mirror and love what you see. If you want any one to talk to or to vent, dont hesitate to write me!! GOOD LUCK AND YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
  • satgsang1
    satgsang1 Posts: 12
    Hi there. I obviously can only speak from my experience but I think when we start to pay attention to our diet and change the way we eat all the stuff we eat over comes to the surface. It sounds to me, if I heard you correctly that you feel bummed out because you give yourself up to your family and don't feel like you have anything for yourself and when you try and your husband does the same thing you compare yourself to him which ends up feeling like once again you don't have something for yourself. So, it's seems to me that it would be natural that these feelings would arise however for me it really helps to say to myself my reaction is normal but not necessarily true. Then there is more space to look at yourself and say "hey, I'm the one committing to my family but not totally to myself." I'm the one who needs to step up for myself, no one is going to do it for me. If you step up for yourself and find ways to commit to you then I would bet that the comparing you do with your husband and the feeling that there is nothing for you will decrease. Try little steps, like maybe when your husband is home start taking time out for you and ask him to take care of your son. Even if it's just to step outside and breath for a few minutes. Just keep coming back to you, compare yourself to you. Like look where you are now compared to where you were before you made this time for you to focus on this lifestyle. Maybe make a list for yourself. I don't know if you have netflix but they have exercise videos. When I don't have time for the gym I get on netflix and do an instant watch pilates class. Anyway, you can do it only you can give yourself back to you, do it your totally worth it and then of course you are giving more of you to your family as well. I bet your husband could appreciate that as well as you.
  • MsFitnFabulous
    MsFitnFabulous Posts: 432 Member
    I agree with the previous posters on how horrible it is that men have a faster metabolism. But hey we got the brains so I think it's the better deal lol. I would suggest that you find some time & an activity just for you. And tell your husband to use that time to bond with your son. If you continue to give all of yourself to them, what will be left for you? If its praying or yoga or meditation anything that just lets you be...then do that. I used to be the most unhappy person I know. I no longer care about happiness, I have JOY! Happiness is too circumstantial for me. I choose to have a good attitude no matter what is going on in my life. My prayer time & worshipping God has given me that. So find your niche!
  • stella77
    stella77 Posts: 282
    Men usually get the better end of all deals!

    That is why you should never give up anything for them. Keep up with your hobbies and your gym. And just pretend to be clueless. They never appreciate you giving up anyway!

    Congratulations on your weightloss so far! It IS very difficult esp. post baby! I hear you!
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