Not feeling very beautiful today :/

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lucy0924
lucy0924 Posts: 11
in Motivation and Support
Today has just been one of those weird days. I've been working out, losing weight, eating right, all that sounds good right? but i woke up and just looked at myself in the mirror for a long time and started wondering how did i get here, how long will it take to change what I've done to my body, and worse I just felt disgusted by myself...i'm 22 and i've never even been on a date before...will i have to wait until i lose all this weight for someone to find me attractive? I hate thinking like this because it is super depressing and these thoughts or feelings are not consistent but every now and then they creep up into my mind and hurt my ability to focus on my goals...i guess i'm just posting on here to see if anyone can relate...and how do u deal?

Replies

  • Jessi9598
    Jessi9598 Posts: 26
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    You are beautiful!! And there are men out there who love us for who we are, through thick and thin (my husband!). Just keep your chin up- you can do this!!
  • VezNo1
    VezNo1 Posts: 83
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    Cheer up gorgeous, we all have flat days. Try and set some goals with some rewards and keep your chin up.

    And hey 6lb so far is great work, keep it up - you can do it

    Vx
  • blondie1238
    blondie1238 Posts: 182
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    Ohhhh we all have days like this! You're doing the right thing for yourself... so try not to beat yourself up. I used to date people that were soooo blatantly awful for myself because I didn't think I deserved better. Once I started to learn to love myself, the right person came along. Maybe as you start to learn to love yourself (and yes, that may be as you lose weight), you will find someone... but my guess is that it won't be because you're skinnier... it will be because of the way you carry yourself when you love yourself more. That's how it was with me. :happy: Keep your chin up, and remember, the right person is worth the wait.
  • MandaLee8908
    MandaLee8908 Posts: 1,353 Member
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    I agree with Jessi9598. My husband has watched me gain 50lbs in the years we've been together (9 years, married 2 1/2) and never once has he called me fat. In fact, he still seems just as interested in m ay bodys when we were first dating! You'll find him one day but don't focus on that...focus on you and making YOU happy. :-) Good luck and God bless you!
  • leafsan
    leafsan Posts: 21 Member
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    First; you are beautiful, doesn't matter that you've never had a date or any of that stuff. It doesn't mean anything in the long run.
    Second, I've been in your shoes many times. Part of the reason I joined this site was because I'm tired of not getting dates, feeling like I'm not the pretty one and being a third wheel with my best friends (they're getting married next year).
    I had several days like this last week, and so yesterday I went to the mall and got a make over. It was great! I feel much more confident just knowing a bit more about myself.
    Buck up, I'm going to friend you, we can always use new friends.
    I know things will look up slowly. Things will slowly improve. Promise!
  • petithamu
    petithamu Posts: 582 Member
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    I relate...I go through phases and so far, I get a day like this once a week...how do I deal..honestly, I cry it out. I look at myself in the mirror, I see what I have done to myself and of course, deep depression sets in...and I cry...but then I wipe the tears away and say out loud, 'but I have done this! I have been eating healthy for 30 days! I have done Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred! I no longer sit on the couch and eat cakes and chips, I am active!' I don't know why it helps but it does...then I take a bath. It may be odd but I find talking to myself helps a lot. It's normal we get days like this. I find exercising a very emotional thing and I often cry after a work out...god I sound like a sissy...but it's such a great release!

    You have to believe you are beautiful and you have to trust yourself that you will get to your end goal. Look at how far you have come and be proud of every little goal you achieve. =)
  • clioandboy
    clioandboy Posts: 963 Member
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    Feeling beautiful has nothing to do with being beautiful, beauty is in the eye if the beholder. But if you feel confident you can be more attractive to others but also feel so much better in yourself. Your mood is gonna vary especially whilst changing your life, you are gonna have good days n bad days but you just gotta decide if you are worth it and dig deep to commit for you. The very best if luck from a plain Jane xxx
  • Tasha1476
    Tasha1476 Posts: 220
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    I know just how you feel. I have many many days like that. Where I look in the mirror and all I can see are the improvements that need to be made. But I just have to remind myself of how far I have come, and how loving myself no matter what is the only way I can keep improving. Please don't beat yourself up! Think of all the wonderful changes you have made and be SO proud of yourself. Soon a day will come where you feel complete joy when you look in the mirror.
  • Manda1987
    Manda1987 Posts: 207
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    I met my fiance when I weighed 190 lbs. Since then, due to some mishaps with antidepressants, I've gone up to 262.5 lbs. He always loved me for who I was and never criticized me.

    The guys who don't think you're good enough for them when you're overweight aren't good enough for you! I know it makes it harder to meet them, but I think of it as an advanced filtering system to weed out the superficial.
  • Neliel
    Neliel Posts: 507 Member
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    Just looked at your pictures and you most certainly ARE beautiful! You're very attractive and the reason you haven't been on a date yet is because you haven't met anyone worthy of going on a date with you yet :)
    I definitely know how you feel though. I've felt so unattractive ever since the weight started going on about 5 years ago. You just have to push past those thoughts. You are doing this for yourself because you deserve to feel totally happy with the body you are in.
  • ajax03
    ajax03 Posts: 96
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    I can relate. I used to have days like that.

    Everyone knows that "you are your own worst critic." Well, I'd venture to say it's about time you start being YOUR OWN BIGGEST FAN!

    Men find a woman's "self-awareness" and "sense of attractiveness (for lack of a better word), VERY ATTRACTIVE. In other words, men like women who can work with what they've got. ;~)
  • Syrianbeauty87
    Syrianbeauty87 Posts: 1
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    Hello lucy0924! I am sorry to hear that you have those feelings about yourself..Stay encouraged and keep working on your goal. You are beautiful and you have to believe that or start believing that. Some of the ways that may boost your confidence is by dressing up very sexy(stay classy tho) Also, play with your makeup..(don't overdo) light makeup(mascara, eye shadow, lipstick w/lipgloss) and about someone finding you attractive...I am sure alot of people find you attractive gurly! But, U have to first learn to love yourself b4 any1 can love u and REMEMBER confidence in a woman is Sexy! So get to know and love yourself :-) Hope all goes well 4 u lady!
  • NineInchGirl
    NineInchGirl Posts: 169
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    Aww Lucy! YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!! In and out!!! And well..we all got those days, but you gotta shake it off! That roller coaster goes up...and then it goes down but it never changes who you are!!! You rock and you know it! To have come this far and accomplished so much!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! And just like all the other reviewers say, there IS men that love us the way we are and accepts us just how we are and supports and motivates us! Your prince is on his way Lucy! He just got lost along the way but patience he'll be there soon!!!!

    Chin up pretty Lady!!!
  • blondie1238
    blondie1238 Posts: 182
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    All smart women here! Keep that chin up and carry yourself tall :happy:
  • CallejaFairey
    CallejaFairey Posts: 391 Member
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    I know where you are coming from totally. I was fat all through high school, and even though all my friends were chubby too, they all seemed to have no problem finding someone to be with, but never me. They started wondering if I even liked boys because I was never acting all gaga over them like they were, what was the point, none of these guys would want me. I didn't go on my first date until i was almost 19. Even then, I think the only reason we went out was because we had become best friends after I went away to University, and we were both lonely. Not really the best reason to start dating :P It lasted for a few years, but because of the way we started, mostly out of loneliness, wasn't the best way to start, things fell apart, and i was on my own again, and again, I was always the single one. And even though i never beat myself up over my size, the constant singleness always made me question if it was because of my weight. That was when i realized....the person I am supposed to be with will like me as I am, no matter what. So I stopped thinking about how it sucked to be single when all my friends weren't, and when I wasn't even looking or expecting something, I met the right guy.

    Yes, some guys are looking for the perfect body on their woman, but I like to think there are a lot of other guys out there that look for the inner beauty, and the confidence that comes with it. If you can't look at yourself and like yourself, unfortunetly, others seem to feel that and can reciprocate. Which means...you need to understand that losing weight isn't just about being skinny, it's about liking yourself enough to get healthy!

    I know, easier said than done, even in my upbeat state, I still have those days just like you, where I look in the mirror and go ug. Then I would focus on something about myself that I like, and only look at that. The fact that you made the effort to join MFP, and actually use it, well that says to me that you want to get healthy. So don't dwell on that other stuff, just dwell on the good stuff, pretty soon you will notice that you don't even look for the stuff you hate, but the stuff you like, and how every time you look, what you are doing to you body by eating healthy, makes that part look even better.

    Skinny is not the be all end all a lot of people want to think it is, and get very dissapointed when nothing but the body size has changed. It's all about the mind. You can do it!
  • downtome
    downtome Posts: 529 Member
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    I do have days like that as well. I'm 41, recently divorced and working on myself. Not only am I trying to change the outside, but the inside as well! It's not easy and it takes times and work to break through the emothional and physical barriers but in the end you will be a confident,outgoing woman.

    There are days when I wake up and even though I am fat and working on it and have lost weight, I feel fatter and disgusted more so on some days than I do on others. I don't know why this is but it seems to happens a lot.

    Even though I was married for the last 20 years of my life, I wonder, will I ever find that right someone for me? Do I have to lose 155 pounds for men to find my attractive? In my mind, yes I do BUT, I also have to feel good about myself, enough, so that I am willing and ready to let someone else into my life. If I am lacking confidence, I'm sure it is quite noticable to others. I have to find myself and get my self together before I can love anyone else. I have used my weight as an excuse for far too long so that no one would bother me and I would stay out of trouble. I am now ready to shed the layers and begin to eventually let people in.

    I guess what I am saying, because I know I'm rambling, it is that no matter what size you are, you have to love yourself first and really truly like who you are before anyone else will. Your doing the right thing by working on you and losing weight and exercising, but it has to be what you want and you need to be doing it for yourself!

    So it doesn't matter if your 22 or 41, we all get these felling of self loathing and dispair, we also need to realize that being in a relationship isn't the most important thing in the world! Yes, it can be lonley being alone but you first must learn to be with and LOVE yourself! I'm working on it, it's not easy but it's getting better day by day! Good luck 'Hun and Hugs to you, you are beautiful, don't forget it! And you don't need a man to validate you!
  • lucy0924
    lucy0924 Posts: 11
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    aaah! i am so encouraged by everyone that posted on here! thank you for speaking reality to me...today just shows me how great MFP really is because i'm actually very motivated now to fight to think positive about myself and fight even harder to stick to my goals for myself and not other people

    i'm also excited about all my new friends...i hope i can encourage you all through this weight loss journey as much as yall have encouraged me today :)

    <3 Lucy
  • mds2372
    mds2372 Posts: 53
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    I am so happy to see that you everyone has managed to encourage you and really, I was just about to post a very similar topic. Knowing that others have days like these makes me feel just a bit less lonely. We are all beautiful and we can all do amazing things with the support of each other. :)
  • hpygirl64ColleenLinder
    hpygirl64ColleenLinder Posts: 146 Member
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    i'm almost near my goal weight and I still battle with these kind of days and that's probably because women are brought up to think they are never good enough, resulting in we are never quite satisfied. you hang in there, take it one day at a time and know that if you keep your eye on the prize that you will conquer whatever goal it is that you have. WHERE YOU FOCUS, YOU WILL LAND, so keep invisioning yourself exactly as you want to be and you will get there. i'm here to help you if there is anything i can do at all just say the word. love to have you friend me so i can keep you motivated with my daily health tips (that goes for anyone out there in MFP-land. ;) Colleen from Seattle

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