Fed up with my father!!!

tsummey
tsummey Posts: 15
edited September 23 in Motivation and Support
im really frustrated with my father.. he is such an *kitten*.. there i said it!!! ahahaa!! felt good :D i still dunno what to do.. im sick of him talking about my weight.. he mentions it at least 2x a weekend when he is visiting me, i am a head strong, independent, and outspoken woman, i keep my head up and my soul strong, i got this way on my own, just like i got fat on my own,, not from gentle loving and nurturing guidance from a parental figure like most because i had none... i have been on my own since 14 and everything i have to this day is from my hard work and determination to be more than a child that was left to fend amongst wolves. i always have made good food choices i just succumb to binging on those good choices when im stressed or sad which has been a constant in the past 2yrs.. it has been exceptionally rough the past 2yrs for me,,, but i went 15yr without talkin to him and he still has the gall to judge me?? im happy bein me fat or not, im confident and amazingly beautiful if i do say so myself :D and when people talk of me they dont say that fat girl they say Terra oh ya i know her :D with a smile, i made this conscious effort to change for me, not for what ppl think or anything like that.. and honestly this is my little secret. i love this site but i dont want to tell everyone what im up to i just want the help to be able to feel and see the progress in the mirror and i want to overcome my binge habits more than i care to get thinner... i feel so utterly and completely out of control when they happen and i do not like feeling out of control! I have told my father in few words to worry about him and i will worry about me.. but im about to go ballistic on him... im not a child, im not your child i just call you dad, sometimes,, with all that you have done wrong and have wrong in your life you wanna sit there and judge me? make little jokes, does it make you feel better? does it blind you from your own shortcomings?? i dont see how it can, just like having a million gadgets and 4 gps units in your car at the same time and bags full of random stuff wont complete you, just like my binging didnt fix the holes in my soul. worry about what you can do to be a better you and i will continue to worry about what i have to do to be a wonderful me.. thats what i want to say to him but he is so just idk not normal that i dont think he will understand!!!

Replies

  • tsummey
    tsummey Posts: 15
    omg.. i posted without proof reading.. i can spell really!! but not so much when i vent.. thanks message board for being my therapist for the night :P
  • lknight
    lknight Posts: 3
    Hang in there! I totally know what you mean about "well-meaning" parents being so far off track. Mine are the same. The older I get, the less time I spend worrying about them or what they think. Also, the less time I spend with them, by choice! It is the healthiest way for me. And when I start to feel guilty, I tell myself I am only taking care of myself.

    You are doing great! Don't let anyone derail you!
  • LauraLLee
    LauraLLee Posts: 210
    This is a great place to vent and you have done a great job, proof reading or not... It suck when those people who are suppose to be the closest to us dont support us like we want them too. Many times it is a very hard pill to swallow, but I heard you say all the right words about yourself and if you believe them you are going to be just fine. Take care of yourself, Love yourself, and know that you are loved. ( even if your biologicals dont get it)
  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
    sending you a hug cause that was a darned fine vent/rant and you obviously needed to say all those things, and say them right away .. to heck with proofreading!

    i sure can relate *S*
    Bottom line is.. you can choose your friends and support systems..but not your family..and if family cannot/willnot provide the support you need.. ignore their unhelpful crap and smile sweetly at them. Then ask them if THEY feel better after being mean to you, while you offer them something fattening *grins*

    sorry.. am afraid my sense of retaliation is a wee bit warped..but...always makes me feel better under similar circumstances *S*

    hang in there!
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    My mom used to be this way.


    I finally told her that my weight was not a topic of conversation AT ALL. Ever. Never ever. And if she couldn't control her mouth, she wasn't welcome at my home. I am a GROWN WOMAN who doesn't need to hear the obvious. I don't point out her faults (even though I should).

    She shaped up. Good thing too because she's a good grandmother.
  • strawnf
    strawnf Posts: 5
    You can choose your friends but not your family. Sounds like you are a very strong person. You are in control. Hang in there, you can do it!
  • Enigmatica
    Enigmatica Posts: 879 Member
    I heard that loud and clear. When I was a teenager my dad thought it was funny to call me "the Crisco kid" and say, "Because you're fat in the can." Oh. Haha. Asswipe. I was 5'3" and 120 pounds at the time.

    I got the hell out of there within weeks of turning 18, and never had any desire to spend time with my parents since. I did go through a waste of time for awhile there when someone tried to convince me that I should "resolve" old issues with my mother, after my dad died. Please. Utter waste of time! She's guano loco and mean as a hot rattler and you know when I was finally able to focus on my HEALTH and start losing weight??? Right after I shut her out of my life.

    So sorry you've been going through that. I'm just going to say that it's okay to do whatever you WANT to do with that. You don't owe him a damned thing. Take care of YOU.
  • soccermum75
    soccermum75 Posts: 588 Member
    First thing my mom says when she comes for a visit is that i should lose weight. So i totally get it. Just don't let it affect you.
  • tsummey
    tsummey Posts: 15
    aww... hugs to all of you!! i think instead of allowing his thoughtlessness get to me i will simply state that its a no no topic,, i mean we already have a no no list going on anyway lol, now it goes

    1. Stop asking me to drink apple cider because its not happening
    2. Dont talk about my weight and I wont make fun of how many SD cards you own


    :) all your comments help ALOT!!! Thanks for helping the cause!!!
  • tsummey
    tsummey Posts: 15
    I heard that loud and clear. When I was a teenager my dad thought it was funny to call me "the Crisco kid" and say, "Because you're fat in the can." Oh. Haha. Asswipe. I was 5'3" and 120 pounds at the time.

    I got the hell out of there within weeks of turning 18, and never had any desire to spend time with my parents since. I did go through a waste of time for awhile there when someone tried to convince me that I should "resolve" old issues with my mother, after my dad died. Please. Utter waste of time! She's guano loco and mean as a hot rattler and you know when I was finally able to focus on my HEALTH and start losing weight??? Right after I shut her out of my life.

    So sorry you've been going through that. I'm just going to say that it's okay to do whatever you WANT to do with that. You don't owe him a damned thing. Take care of YOU.

    wow.. that is so wrong! my dad was just as much an *kitten*! he would make us go on 3month fast where we ate nothing but one food item, no dairy products or meat ever, vegan extremist i called it... because vegans ate better than we did, if he could pull our skin on our sides we were fat, and he didnt hesitate to use every name and word in the book to express his disdain, i ran away from home and never looked back, you know.. now that i think about it i started gaining weight when i started communicating with him agian.. 2 yrs ago,... maybe im not as past the past as i thought???

    im right there with ya on the mother thing to!

    we should never have to remember the things we do... but we probably wouldnt be the fighters we are if we didnt right??? <3 love to you girl :D
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 956 Member
    I love my parents, am glad they are around, but sometimes they will never see you as an adult and treat you with the respect you deserve - don't be afraid to respectfully, without anger, explain to your father that his words are like a knife - they hurt and are no longer going to be tolerated. No idle threats. Advise him that you will walk out the door if his verbal abuse continues - then do it the next time he makes an unwanted comment. I did that with my Dad - packed up my bag and left early after one to many comments from him. He apologized, and now we have a great relationship. He knows my weight is an off limits topic. Good luck to you - I think your incredible to put up with it so far.
  • lindainak
    lindainak Posts: 101
    My husband's father did that his whole life. My husband was his least favorite of his 5 kids. Every time he would see Wayne he would ask loudly in front of a room full of people/family, how much do you weigh? Weird cause his dad was "fat" most of his life till he decided in his in his 70's to go the opposite way; skin hanging from bones. My husband would never tell him to mind his own business and Mom would never say, hey hon mind your own business. I would have to make fun of his Dad for being such a cad. Just a mean man.

    My own dad was generally a sweet guy BUT he liked to scare me by threatening to toss me off cliffs. Well when I was 10 he did this in a tourist area at the top of a mountain so I screamed bloody murder while he was dragging me to the cliff. Boy was he angry with me for being such a baby. Never happened again ever. Funny my Mom never said anything to him?

    So my moral is loudly embarass your dad every time he makes fun of your weight. SO DAD ARE YOU SUCH A LITTLE MAN THAT EMBARASSING AND HARASSING ME GETS YOU OFF? I say blow away cause he is a bully and will always be a bully.
  • tigertchr23
    tigertchr23 Posts: 418 Member
    Kudos to you for staying strong and for reaching out to us. I wish I knew what to say but I am not really great about avoiding emotional eating sometimes either. But I am here to support you and would be glad to be your MFP friend if you would let me. I can help encourage you if that helps.

    Keep your chin up. You are the bigger person. :happy:
  • tsummey
    tsummey Posts: 15
    My husband's father did that his whole life. My husband was his least favorite of his 5 kids. Every time he would see Wayne he would ask loudly in front of a room full of people/family, how much do you weigh? Weird cause his dad was "fat" most of his life till he decided in his in his 70's to go the opposite way; skin hanging from bones. My husband would never tell him to mind his own business and Mom would never say, hey hon mind your own business. I would have to make fun of his Dad for being such a cad. Just a mean man.

    My own dad was generally a sweet guy BUT he liked to scare me by threatening to toss me off cliffs. Well when I was 10 he did this in a tourist area at the top of a mountain so I screamed bloody murder while he was dragging me to the cliff. Boy was he angry with me for being such a baby. Never happened again ever. Funny my Mom never said anything to him?

    So my moral is loudly embarass your dad every time he makes fun of your weight. SO DAD ARE YOU SUCH A LITTLE MAN THAT EMBARASSING AND HARASSING ME GETS YOU OFF? I say blow away cause he is a bully and will always be a bully.

    <3 this was great!! thank you for sharing!!

    good advice :P
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    I finally told her that my weight was not a topic of conversation AT ALL. Ever. Never ever. And if she couldn't control her mouth, she wasn't welcome at my home. I am a GROWN WOMAN who doesn't need to hear the obvious. I don't point out her faults (even though I should).

    I gotta say as much as you try to not let it affect you. I does, it will, you are human.

    Sometimes as much as you don't want to you have draw that line in the sand. And say "this is off limits and it's up to you to respect that if you want to maintain our relationship." (I'd hope after 15 years of not talking your feelings would be more important to him than his "jokes" and judgments. It's my guess that he's got more to lose here.)

    HERE'S MY VENT:
    I gotta say I had an Ex-BF who judged me on my weight. In many ways he was a wonderful guy. But in this matter his repetition of comments and looks and judgments wore me down. And he completely derailed my efforts with mixed messages, he always tried to feed me, but still complained that I was overweight.
    When I made efforts to get back on track his encouragement was patronizing and a bit humiliating. (I really do think he was trying to help, but just didn't "get it")
    After we broke up and I was able to do what I wanted for ME!!!!! I lost 17 lbs. I'm at a healthy BMI. I'd like to lose another 10 just for vanity. But I'm so all about the HEALTHY that maintaining is way more important than vanity. It's baby steps that get me where I'm going. And it's such a relief not to have to combat is misconceptions about how I'm going about it all wrong how I don't exercise enough or the right way. How I should be more like him.
    The thing is we still talk. He is in many other ways a good friend, but I recently have let him know this subject is off limits.
    (He lives 800 miles away so he hasn't seen me since I've lost. The other day on the phone he let a comment about my weight slip. And it felt sooo good to say "wait a second fella, you haven't seen me in 8 months... you have no idea what I look like now.")
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