I feel like such a failure

xnattiex · February 2011

Hi, I'm finding it so difficult to lose weight, I just keep eating bad things when i know i'm not supposed to...i cant seem to programme my mind to do it. The worst part is, is that i'm doing this for charity (and myself of course) yet i still can't get into the right mindframe, and i only remember what im doing it for when its too late.

I'm so upset with myself, and between this and some other things going on in my life at the moment, i feel really low all of the time.

Are there any tips people can give me to try and boost my motivation? I look at the success stories all of the time, and i would love to have one on there one day, but with 90lbs to lose and no motivation i just cant see myself getting there.

RTricia · February 2011

The Forgiveness Diet:

http://caloriecount.about.com/diet-forgiveness-b491848?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter_20110203&utm_term=title1

RTricia · February 2011

A Diet of Forgiveness
By diane_petrella on Feb 03, 2011 10:00 AM in Dieting & You

By Diane Petrella, MSW, CPCC
If you repeatedly overeat despite your best efforts, you may be using food to cope with underlying feelings of anger and resentment. While eating may seem to be a temporary fix, it perpetuates a self-destructive problem. To find a permanent solution, add a diet of forgiveness to your weight release program.

Forgiveness is Powerful

Opening to forgiveness frees you from energy draining thoughts and feelings that can prevent weight loss progress. By feeding yourself forgiving thoughts, you release the impulse to use food to manage feelings of shame, guilt, and resentment towards others. You literally lighten your mind and body with a calming energy that sets you free.

Forgiving Others

When you open to forgiveness, you purify your mind and body with loving energy. This helps you to love and respect your body because you become a more loving and respectful person. When you harbor resentment towards those who may have hurt you in the past, it’s as if you take out on your body the hurt and neglect you experienced earlier in your life. Research has shown a link between obesity and childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse. By releasing the pain associated with childhood trauma, and liberating yourself through forgiveness, you no longer need food to self-medicate.

Forgiving Yourself

Your body has a consciousness of its own and it really does respond to your every thought and feeling. By apologizing to your body for ways you may have abused it, you communicate genuine affection. It may seem strange to think of talking to your body, but you actually talk to your body all the time anyway. Think of all the times you tell yourself that you “hate” your body, or are “ashamed” of it. To release this pattern, apologize and let it go. When you have abused or neglected your body, either by your words or actions, simply say to your body, “I’m sorry”. This isn’t a hand-wringing, people pleasing kind of apology. And it’s not about inducing guilt. It’s about freedom from guilt and taking responsibility.

Likewise, when you make a slip in your weight release plan, forgive yourself and let it go. The difference between successfully releasing weight or not, is often due to a self-loving and accepting attitude. Set-backs need not interrupt your motivation. When you respond with self-love and self-compassion, you no longer are “weighed down” by self-blame. Your weight release efforts then become effortless.

How to Forgive

Forgiveness doesn’t always come naturally, especially in this often vengeful world. But the fact is it's a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re excusing bad behavior. What it does is release your toxic attachment to the behavior and to the person responsible.

Forgiveness is taught in most spiritual traditions. I personally use a forgiveness process based on the Hawaiian practice called Ho’oponopono. This process is useful when you have neglected your body in any way. Simply repeat to yourself, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you for all you do for me.” The soothing energy of these words is uplifting and opens the pathway for you to forgive yourself.

When upset with others who may have hurt you, use the following forgiveness process. Begin with a release affirmation, such as, “I release these feelings (or, this anger, etc.,) into the arms of Divine Love”, or simply, “I release these feelings”. Then add, “…and I open to the healing power of forgiveness.”

Your thoughts....

How do you forgive those who have wronged you?

Diane Petrella, MSW is a psychotherapist and life coach. She offers her clients a spiritual approach to weight loss and helps them develop a loving, respectful relationship with their bodies. Click here and enter your email address for a copy of Diane’s Seven Easy & Effortless Weight Loss Secrets and to receive her monthly e-newsletter, Living Lightly, for spiritual insights and tips to release weight with confidence and love. To contact Diane directly visit her website at www.dianepetrella.com.

stephaniekendrick · February 2011

Have you talked to your doctor about the possibility of being depressed? I recently went back on medication for depression and it has helped me to keep my mind at more of an even keel, which in turn has helped with trying to keep motivated on healthy food and exercise. Feel free to message me privately if you want to talk more about it instead of publicly. Good luck!

mochama12487 · February 2011

I guess what you have to tell yourself is that you cannot deny the foods you want, but instead, should learn how to ensure portion sizes are correct and that what you are eating fits within your calories. I know it seems like a lot of things that need to change, and I understand how it is overwhelming at times as I have more than 100 pounds to lose. Don't beat yourself up for what you did yesterday, or even earlier today, you cannot change that. Look forward towards later today and tomorrow, and make those decisions one at a time when they come at you. Soon, your eating habits may change, and then you will begin to feel better and will then see the purpose behind better decisions.

Good luck:happy:

in_it_2_win_it · February 2011

It will happen.. you gotta believe you have the tools and the mind frame and you just need to put it in to use.. I sometimes have the same problem; where I wanna go have a huge burger and not wanna work out... but for me I make it a game.. I work out during the day and at dinner time ( my favorite meal of the day) I look at how many cals I have left over and I see what good things I can eat. Don't deprive yourself, don't take away from the experience. Telling yourself what is good and bad is like sitting at a restaurant looking at the menu and telling the waiter " I can eat this but I can't eat that".... working hard is working well...

jrueckert · February 2011

Take control. Just say no. Just do it

mccorml · February 2011

im sorry you feel like that

idk the thing that got to me most was like when i saw what was high calorie and that i could subsitute for something that tastes almost as good but is half the calories those are the changes i made i eat fast food alot like i used to eat 2 cheesy bean and rice burritos at taco bell that was almost 900 to 1000 calories but 2 crunchy tacos and beans is 410 or something close to that or if i go to wendys i get the chili instead of frys and cut off like 200 to 300 calories right there we all have bad days just try and eat your alloted calories and drink that water and youl get there

snockers3112 · February 2011

Why not buy an exercise bike, then if you over eat, force yourself to work the calories back off - I think after a while you'd think the food just wasn't worth it? Just an idea lol

wilmelenne · February 2011

Don't you hate that feeling....that's my motivation. I felt like that for a while and I hated how I acted and how I felt so I decided to do something about it. I'm happier these days...don't put yourself down, slowly you will get into it and when you do you'll feel GREAT!

franzy · February 2011

Don't give up we all have times like this and all you can do is take it one day at a time. One advice is to plan you meals (lots of veggies and fruits) in the morning and everytime you eat something from you list check it off and you'll be surpise at the end of the day. This works for me when I fall off the wagon. Good luck

pftjill · February 2011

Yes-do not ever completely deny yourself of the foods you love. All things in moderation are fine. I have a guy at school-I am in school to become a personal trainer-in my class there is a guy who brings in McDonalds, In-n-out, whatever junk he can, because he is trying to gain weight. I tell him there are much better ways to gain than eating that junk. He keeps giving me excuses. It drives me crazy and I keep begging him to go and get his cholesterol checked, Sorry that was a tangent. I am completely fine with things now and then, just not going over board. Have you been working out?

akbrats · February 2011

So far I have lost 40 pounds in about 6 months. I've lost most through this website. The first thing is you need a friend to keep you accountable. Then do not think of the big picture and the total amount of weight to lose. Yeah I wanted to lose 80 pounds when I first started out. But I concentrated on 10 pound increments. Once you lose that first 10 pounds you will start to feel better. I'm at a place now where it is really hard. I'm half way to where I want to be and find myself settling with the amount I've lost. Lastly, don't weigh yourself every day. I force myself to not weigh in for at least 4 days. Plus I would rather monitor my success in my clothes and how they fit. Hope this helps

K3LLYSU3 · February 2011

First of all you have to be ready to do this for yourself. Dieting is very dificult. There are so many good things to eat out there. But you have to want it. Start first thing every day with a good low calorie b-fast ( I have oatmeal EVERY morning) then for lunch try a low cal meal (I have an apple & a smart ones meal EVERY lunch) it gets you on a schedule & you kind of get used to it. After a week or two try to change it up a little. But its kind of a mind set. Good luck, if I can do it you can too! Kelly

Burgertogo · February 2011

I have been eating right for almost 3 weeks and the old body has not given up a single lb. I know it will at some point... without some reward of LBS off the scale its hard.

achart · February 2011

I have over 100 pounds to lose, so I'm with you there. It's hard to do what's good for us when doing what's bad for us tastes so good! I'm in my 3rd week on the site and I lost 3 pounds in the first week. But I knew I gained weight this week, so I didn't get on the scale. I couldn't bring myself to see a number that was higher than last week. It's hard to stay motivated. For me, I think about all the great, much smaller clothes I'll be able to wear (shirts that actually button across the front!). I know I hide behind my weight - it's easy to blame a lot of things on being big - but I'm ready to find out what life is like as a smaller (in poundage) person. If you want to do it, you will. No one can choose to do it but you. Just keep it up and you're whole attitude may change :bigsmile:

gary_rowe · February 2011

Give yourself small achievable goals. Don't try to do it all at once.

How to programme your mind:

1) Find a dark quiet room and relax (tense up first, then make yourself relax)
2) Count backwards from 10 to 1 and imagine yourself descending some stairs
3) Choose two words to describe what you want to do (eat less, avoid chocolate, etc)
4) Repeat these words several times and stay relaxed and focused on them
5) When you're ready, count back up to 10 and imagine yourself climbing back up the stairs

Carry on as normal. Repeat the above as necessary.

Best of luck with your journey.

anewattitude · February 2011

You WILL get there but you must believe in yourself. With your current negative self talk you are setting yourself up for defeat but you can turn that around. Think of all the blessings in your life and focus on what you truly want to achieve. Be realistic with your goals and give yourself little rewards along the way to boost your self esteem. For example, promise yourself a nice pedicure after you lose 1 pound and so forth. The important thing is to be kind to yourself and if you have a day where you were not focused then pick yourself up and move on. Start off slowly by finding an activity you enjoy and turn into a workout. Each little bit of exercise you do and each time you make yourself eat a healthy meal you will see an improvement in your mood which will motivate you to continue on!
Everyone on here, or at least mostly everyone has had the same struggle at one point or another. Look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself you can do it then.. DO IT! You know you can you just can't see your own potential in your current state of mind.

wishing you success and good health!

nolasaints · February 2011

I struggle every day so I don't know how much help I'll be, but some things that have worked for me is to make a list of why you want to lose the weight and how your life will improve once you do and what you'll do when you lose the weight. I carry the list with me and when I'm tempted to cheat or slack off on working out, I'll look at the list. Also, I like to look at weight loss in five pound goals so it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Just start with the first five pounds and move on from there. And when I'm really needing motivation I like to go to the mall or look online at clothes I want to wear once I've lost the weight and that usually keeps me going. Also, Bob Greene's book, "The Life You Want: Get Motivated, Lose Weight and Be Happy", has really helped me. Good luck!

lexcelsior · February 2011

I know what you mean. It's so easy to fall back on bad eating habits.

This is only Day 1 for me, but something I'm going to try is making a conscious effort to not buy bad stuff when I go to the grocery store. If it's not in my house, I can't eat it.

I'm also taking the time to research easy, filling recipes that I'll enjoy cooking and eating on a regular basis. One of my bad habits is that I'm kind of lazy when it comes to cooking, so I often give in to fast food or bad microwaveable stuff. I'm hoping to re-discover my love of cooking and turning bad habits into good ones.

I'm not sure if that helps, but don't give up.

You're on this site so you obviously do care. You've got it in you.
Baby steps is all it takes to get the ball rolling.

*highfive*

Shybea81 · February 2011

Don't feel like a failure, it took me over a month to learn to walk away from bad foods. Once you get into the hang of saying no, it becomes easier. I try to not even start eating something that I know I'll mindlessly eat, and remind myself it will still be there after I hit my goal. I also like to have a day where I can eat just a little bad. I'm not perfect. I still find myself mindlessly eating from time to time but I just remind myself that I'm trying to change 30 years of habits, it's not gonna happen overnight.

I feel like such a failure

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