Losing Weight Without My Fiance's Support

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kirstinlee
kirstinlee Posts: 152 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey everyone,

When my fiancé' and I first met, I weighed around 160 lbs. Since then, I've gained about 10 lbs and I hover between 169 and 171.
I've finally made the decision to get down to what has been my goal weight forever, 150. The thing is though, he's totally against the idea of me losing weight.
He's always taken a liking to fluffier girls, but I'm not only losing weight for aesthetic reasons, but also for health reasons. Almost everyone in my immediate family who is blood-related is obese -- my mom, aunt, uncle, dad, grandma... you get the point. Heart Disease, Diabetes, issues with the Thyroid, and Kidney issues also run rampant in my family line. I know that at 169 I'm not quite close to being medically deemed "obese", but I'm also still very young. I want to get a hold on my eating and exercise habits, and lose my extra weight now, so that it's not so much of an issue 20, 30, 40 years down the line. I've tried to explain this to him numerous times, but all he sees is that he likes fluffier girls, but I'm not going to be so fluffy if I lose weight.
It frustrates me, because other than this issue, he's an all-around good and sweet guy. :frown:
He isn't sabotaging my efforts, but he's definitively not actively supportive... could anyone give me some advice on how to be successful when the person I'm closest to doesn't want any part of it?
Thanks~

Replies

  • fitbot
    fitbot Posts: 406
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    once he sees your happiness, confidence and newly added friskiness I am sure he will not be complaining. :)

    I understand this can be tough, but you are doing it for you. Sometimes having someone defiant just makes me want to achieve my goals more so perhaps you can use this for motivation?
    Congratulations on making the decision to make yourself healthy. I generally find that some men are reluctant to change but later realize that it was actually beneficial for them too... I know a lot of people on this message board say that their SO's are now eating healthy by association and loving it. A lot of people do not realize that healthy food can actually be really delicious/

    Good luck
  • cherdan
    cherdan Posts: 162 Member
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    Is he overweight himself? It sounds to me like his own insecurity is manifesting. He is afraid getting thin means you will go off and find someone else. He should be supportive of you and put his own issues aside. It sounds like this will be a test on your relationship. Hope everything works out.
  • kazjohnson
    kazjohnson Posts: 6
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    it is truly hard to do this without support from your partner, I know as this is what I'm doing now, but it is possible if you focus on you and your needs and aspirations, not on anyone else's. It is your life, not your fiance's. At the end of your life, you won't want to be bitter and to think that his lack of support robbed you of an extra ten years of life, possibly the chance to see your own children or grandchildren growing up. Focus on the positive, that by doing this you are actually going to live longer, enjoy life for longer and be around for him for longer. Your question made me focus on why I'm bothering to do this so thank you also.
  • jratcliff82
    jratcliff82 Posts: 18
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    I myself like "fluffy" girls. Ive been with my life partner for almost 3 years now, shes the skinniest girl ive ever been with. so over the yrs ive "fattened' her up to my liking....key word My. She hated the extra lbs she put on, would even cry about it, but me, being me and set in my ways told her if she lost any weight she would lose her gf also. im also over weight but that was never my reasoning behind liking bigger women, it was just that i liked hugging sum1 with out feeling my elbows. So i was a bit harsh with her when she started working out and dropping the lbs...ok i was downright mean about it, and i would fix huge meals loaded with butter and other fatty foods to mess her up.....BUT then it hit me that she was serious, she was gona do this with or with out me and if i truly loved her i would be there with her making both our lives better. this light only came on after she lost 30+ lbs and every1 we work with talking about how good she looked. i was terrified i was gona lose her, so i joined in with her....i said all that to say this, if your bf is as awesome as u think and say he is then he will eventually wake up and realize hes gona lose u if he doesnt at least do a silent protest.:wink: keep doing what your doing, he'll either come around, or the next guy will love you, and your new skinner self!!!
    good luck hun!
  • etron
    etron Posts: 33
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    The first thing that came to my mind is that he might be trying to make you feel comfortable how you are so that your feelings aren't hurt. My fiancee always tells me I'm sexy even though I know that I need to lose weight. Sometimes it's annoying because I wonder if he actually likes me thicker or thinner... I realize he loves me either way so I need to do what is best for myself.

    The other thing that came to mind is that he might be insecure about his own self-image and the thought of you being overweight makes him more secure.

    This sounds like a great topic for pre-marital counseling :) In the mean time, look to people here for support. It's an amazing online community.
  • kirstinlee
    kirstinlee Posts: 152 Member
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    Is he overweight himself? It sounds to me like his own insecurity is manifesting. He is afraid getting thin means you will go off and find someone else. He should be supportive of you and put his own issues aside. It sounds like this will be a test on your relationship. Hope everything works out.
    He is a bit overweight himself. One think he does have a problem with is being afraid that he'll lose me one way or another... so it makes sense now that I look at it from that perspective. Thanks :smile:
  • cherdan
    cherdan Posts: 162 Member
    Options
    Is he overweight himself? It sounds to me like his own insecurity is manifesting. He is afraid getting thin means you will go off and find someone else. He should be supportive of you and put his own issues aside. It sounds like this will be a test on your relationship. Hope everything works out.
    He is a bit overweight himself. One think he does have a problem with is being afraid that he'll lose me one way or another... so it makes sense now that I look at it from that perspective. Thanks :smile:

    This is very common. Glad I could help :) Good luck
  • talkingdog
    talkingdog Posts: 4
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    Same situation, only 20 years down the road and (50 pounds over into metabolic syndrome).

    Only thing that has ever put a dent in weight gain for me is low-carb.

    Wife is extremely hostile to low-carb, or indeed any other type of guidance on cooking. She knows best (despite that fact that she and everyone else in the family, including the dog, is overweight).

    Only way I can seem to gain any traction is to procure my own supplies and cook for myself.

    If you are proactive enough nothing and nobody can stop you.

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