Deep psychological crap...

noltes2 · February 2011

Sometimes I feel like I am scared to be thin. Do any of you ever feel that way? I know it sounds silly because this is a weight loss site, but when I choose to reach for that burger I ask myself this very question. Am I trying to sabotage my body and goals? Why on earth would I keep setting myself back?

My whole life since I was 7 I have blamed my problems on my weight. Oh - I don't have many friends because of my weight, the teacher doesn't like me because of my weight, guys don't like me because of my weight, I'm not the favorite child because of my weight, I'm not happy because of my weight... I have dieted since I was 7 years old and the cycle continued my whole life of losing weight and then gaining it back. Deprivation, then over-consumption it's a terrible thing that is so ingrained in me. Over the years sure enough my weight ended up growing and growing. Sure, I have never been morbidly obese but part of me is scared that's where I'm headed in the long run because of my cycle and trends. With every pound I drop, the more fearful I become of what's to come when I do become thin and look my best.

The more weight I lose the harder it becomes to stay consistent and work towards losing more. I know that eating Red Robin will cause me to gain weight the next day, and I know that drinking diet soda will bloat me. I know eating 8 valentine's chocolates will cause me to take a step back after working out for 2 hours - but I continue to do these types of things. 75% of me is in this for the long haul and is ready to look and feel my best. But there's 25% of me that keeps sabotaging my progress and while I'm still losing weight because of the 75% of me, the loss has gotten very slow. And not because I'm plateauing it's because I break my structure time and time again. I gain and lose the same 1 pounds for 2 weeks now instead of keeping consistent. And it is directly related to my diet choices.

I also wonder if I'm scared to be thin because my parents have put so much pressure on me all these years and broken me down, and this is me not giving them what they want. I honestly DON'T know why I keep sabotaging my progress by making poor choices. It's not as simple as life's temptations, behind every choice there is a reason. I've lost 37 pounds but I don't feel like I've accomplished anything, I truly feel guilty for not having lost more! I see my reflection and it still upsets me to see. I see my thighs bulging out, my love handles pouring over my jeans and my extra large triceps. So why isn't it simpler to just stay on my program that I KNOW works? It's simple science - calories in - calories out = weight gain/loss/maintenance. I am overweight, and I want to be healthy.

Sorry for the rant... I've just been struggling a lot lately and wondered if any of you can relate to this.

porcelain_doll · February 2011

Fear of success. It's a real thing. If you google "fear of success," you'll find lots of articles written about it. Some people fear the attention they will get after losing weight, even though that was one of the reasons they lost the weight. It is a weird thing. Or, another problem would be that you won't be able to blame things on your weight anymore. This will leave you feeling more vulnerable and exposed.

misskelly121 · February 2011

Ive definitely had moments where I feel just like you do. Just remember who you're doing this for..YOU and only you! Don't worry about what other people think, because its not about them. Its okay to take time for yourself to get healthy and make your body the way you want it. And damn girl 37 lbs! You should be so proud of that!! You can do it. Make sure you always have positive self talk, it really does make a difference when you tell yourself you can do it and that your on your way to being the best you!

martinkwalker · February 2011

I think it may be important to note that every one gives a different meaning to different things. If I look at a Mustang car it doesn't mean anything to me, but if I am a car enthusiast who collects vintage Mustangs it means a lot. I hate cleaning the house, it means boredom, but I know people who love cleaning the house, it means control, organization and peace of mind.

They say to never use your picture on a billboard because it may remind someone of their ex, or their boss who they don't like or a weird neighbor, etc. Everyone gives everything a different meaning.

You may be able to change what being thin means to you. What does it mean to you now? You can change what it means. To me, I don't even think in terms of being "thin"; to me "thin" means sick or not healthy. When I think of getting in shape and weighing less, it means being healthy to me, and in being healthy, I may weigh less than I do now.

Maybe if you changed the meaning you gave to being "thin" you could welcome it and let it be. Thin means mobility, fun, freedom, you can wear cool clothes and are more healthy.

I have used this approach in other areas of my life and it has helped me a lot with depression, I hope it helps you. I got it from Anthony Robbins.

azlady7 · February 2011

i think everyone can relate. is your current profile pic a current pic of you? if so...i hate to tell you this but your arms and 'love handles' look great. you look fabulous. i would definitely say this is a poor self image issue and you need to learn to love yourself as you are. we all have self image issues and we all have bouts of bad days with poor self sabotaging choices. try not to let this funk your in destroy all your hard work. you have to know your worth it. thats all that matters. good luck hon.

CarlydogsMom · February 2011

I think for many, weight loss is a combination of both physical and psychological work. Much of your text resonates with me, but for some reason, this time of this current weight loss for me, I feel differently. I don't know what the change was this time versus the two other times I've lost weight in my life (only to slowly see it come back on), maybe it's that I'm approaching 50 and feel like what I'm doing will be IT, the last time I can really focus on getting my body in shape before my knee goes out or whatever. I don't have any advice, other than to say that I think you'll find alot of people here who can either commiserate with you or offer you help. You may need to seek some sort of counseling to get to the bottom of your sabatoging your weight loss, but it was very courageous of you to write this message, and I hope that others can provide some advice!!!

paigemang♥ · February 2011

You are absolutely 100% right, it is psychological. Our ego's are contantly telling us that we are not good enough...that we have to rely on something to make us fail. Thats where the hard part comes in, you have to ignore that longing of your subconcious to sabotage your goals. Stay in the present moment and dont look at what might happen, just notice why you are wanting to eat/do something to fall off track. That will bring it to surface and help you let that feeling or moment go.
Losing 37 lbs is a HUGE success...keep your health mental and physical in the front of your mind and remember its all for you. Noone else lives in your body, its the only one you have so keep in healthy and happy :flowerforyou:

Good luck and God bless

skinnyme125 · February 2011

I feel like it might be a good idea for you to talk to a profesional. This is something that you have been dealing with since you were seven and no seven year old should have to go on a diet. A healthy lifestyle is the only thing for a child of that age. Your problems sound way too deep for just anyone to answer. Go to a pastor or someone that can councel you. Some insurances will pay for it as well. It also seems to me like you are afraid to lose weight all because you are afraid you will gain it all back and then you will be a failure once again in your mind. YOu need to get comfortable within your own skin and as long as your are healthy that is the most imortant. Don't make this just about weight make it about your overall health. Stop worring what everyone else thinks about you and your size or anything else. Just be you and treat your body as if it is a temple the way God intended. Keep it clean, healthy and it will be beautiful. It may be beautiful right now and you wont let yourself see it. Look at yourself through someone elses eyes. We are always our harshest critics. We see every flaw and never think we are perfect, others see us as fine and alot of the time wish they looked like someone else, maybe even you.

Kityngirl · February 2011

I completely relate. I'm almost at the weight I was during a really awful segment of my early 20s, which happens to be the smallest I've ever been. I think I've been maintaining and hovering around where I'm at now because I associate being that size with that time in my life. I've finally decided to stop holding myself back and just go for it, underlying fears and all. :flowerforyou:

Dmonique85 · February 2011

Sweetheart, I don't see any huge thighs, or extra large triceps. I am just in the beginning of my journey...but I do think that you look great, and while you may have some more pounds you want to lose, you have to love yourself to life & to health. I have just screwed up this whole weekend...and I know how important it is to lose the weight...but I have to fix my brain on the fact that food is not a reward, it helps us to sustain life. We do have the chance to make it something that tastes good, but really the side effects are what we should be paying attention too. I need to eat what makes me feel good, not when it's in my mouth, but when I am using it. Also, maybe you should take a white board marker to your mirrors, and write I am beautiful now & on a journey to a healthier me.

givprayz · February 2011

I just went to your profile and looked at your photos (it's not stalking if I tell you about it, right?) You have made wonderful progress, and I don't see those love handles or big thighs/arms either. Look at your pictures against pictures of other real people, and try to really see yourself. If you keep seeing faults, look at the pictures upside down. Once you see that you have a beautiful shape compared to other normal people (no runway models or movie stars, they aren't real) you can let go of these anxieties. I wonder that you still have a goal of losing so much. Are your goals realistic/healthy?
Love yourself enough to cut yourself a little slack. Allow some room for guilty-pleasures, and forget about the "guilty" part. If you just can't, then by all means, seek some therapy to help you over some ugly childhood situations that have made you self-critical.

deandp371 · February 2011

I agree that counseling might be a good idea. Sometimes we just need someone to give us an outside point of view. It doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" necessarily. A good counselor could help you understand what triggers might cause a lapse - or even help you to think about what the best goals are, for you!

jensadzewicz · February 2011

I'm having the same problem, like I'm afraid to loose weight. Afraid to be noticed, I was always in the background and now people are noticing me and it freaks me out! When you've been a certain way your whole life its an extreme change, I've been this way for almost 30 yrs. Now I'm at my lowest weight in my adult life with only 16lbs more to go. Loosing almost 30 now. And I've been freaked out lately. So I think the last leg of my journey will be a slow one to help myself get use to the new me.

Deep psychological crap...

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