trusting people

mjd0109
mjd0109 Posts: 152
edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
So this is not weight loss related at all, just so you know from the start!

I know for sure that I'm not the only one with trust issues, but for those of you that have conquered your trust issues....how did you do it?

This is something I've dealt with for a few years now and still interferes with all relationships I have (particularly men). I've tried talking to friends about it but it usually ends up being a man bashing session! I'm hoping someone with outside perspective can give me some insight.

So, what helps/helped you get over it?

Replies

  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    I trust my man with all of my heart, for me I don't have trust issues, I have jealousy issues.
  • mjd0109
    mjd0109 Posts: 152
    I trust my man with all of my heart, for me I don't have trust issues, I have jealousy issues.

    Ahhh that's rough too!
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
    Yea, I have a real hard time trusting people too. I guess thats why I don't have many friends. :ohwell: It may be from my rough life but I am sure others have had it far worse than I. I have had family members take everything I ever had and also lost everything I ever had to natural disasters, and almost my family. I have been through parents divorcing twice as well. I can't trust many people at all. I don't keep friends either. Its hard for me to open up too.

    I hope we both can learn to trust again but I think that time will help.
  • mjd0109
    mjd0109 Posts: 152
    Yea, I have a real hard time trusting people too. I guess thats why I don't have many friends. :ohwell: It may be from my rough life but I am sure others have had it far worse than I. I have had family members take everything I ever had and also lost everything I ever had to natural disasters, and almost my family. I have been through parents divorcing twice as well. I can't trust many people at all. I don't keep friends either. Its hard for me to open up too.

    I hope we both can learn to trust again but I think that time will help.

    How did I know you would have something to say about this? Lol
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    Trust takes time.
    I was in a relationship for 10 years...4 dating...6 married. He cheated and I left.
    My faith in men hasn't broken, but it will be a long time before I can fully trust anyone (man or woman) fully again.
    I've never been very trusting...but I've always been honest about who I am with whomever I meet or speak with. Lies and deceit do not help with trust on any matter.
    It's a learning process...and I do not believe that anyone out there trusts everyone they meet. It's not possible. Put your faith in a few people at a time and build from there.
  • UneJolieFemme
    UneJolieFemme Posts: 86 Member
    I had trust issues too with men, until I realized it wasn't men I wasnt trusting, it was ME.

    I couldn't trust myself to make the right choices. Because I made a few bad ones before. Until I realized so what, that doesn't have to define me for the rest of my life. What's important is to learn and not keeping making the same mistakes.

    Now, the way I see it... Worst case scenario, if he cheats, it's because he was not worth it. It will hurt, but it won't be the first time I will be hurting. So I know it won't kill me, it will make me stronger and I will move on with my life. Maybe the next thing will be even better.

    We've been together for 3 years and so far its been the best decision I made of my life ;)
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
    Yea, I have a real hard time trusting people too. I guess thats why I don't have many friends. :ohwell: It may be from my rough life but I am sure others have had it far worse than I. I have had family members take everything I ever had and also lost everything I ever had to natural disasters, and almost my family. I have been through parents divorcing twice as well. I can't trust many people at all. I don't keep friends either. Its hard for me to open up too.

    I hope we both can learn to trust again but I think that time will help.

    How did I know you would have something to say about this? Lol
    You asked and I gave my honest opinion. Am I barred from saying anything?
  • mjd0109
    mjd0109 Posts: 152
    Trust takes time.
    I was in a relationship for 10 years...4 dating...6 married. He cheated and I left.
    My faith in men hasn't broken, but it will be a long time before I can fully trust anyone (man or woman) fully again.
    I've never been very trusting...but I've always been honest about who I am with whomever I meet or speak with. Lies and deceit do not help with trust on any matter.
    It's a learning process...and I do not believe that anyone out there trusts everyone they meet. It's not possible. Put your faith in a few people at a time and build from there.

    Yeah, I've been cheated on more times than I can count, even while planning our wedding (with the original cheater!), not to mention daddy issues. Maybe it was just naivete that made me blindly believe in the good of other people and trust them before.

    Now its to the point that when someone asks me on a date I immediately starting questioning their intentions in my head. It makes me sad because I know that's not who I really am! Oh life! lol
  • mjd0109
    mjd0109 Posts: 152
    I had trust issues too with men, until I realized it wasn't men I wasnt trusting, it was ME.

    I couldn't trust myself to make the right choices. Because I made a few bad ones before. Until I realized so what, that doesn't have to define me for the rest of my life. What's important is to learn and not keeping making the same mistakes.

    Now, the way I see it... Worst case scenario, if he cheats, it's because he was not worth it. It will hurt, but it won't be the first time I will be hurting. So I know it won't kill me, it will make me stronger and I will move on with my life. Maybe the next thing will be even better.

    We've been together for 3 years and so far its been the best decision I made of my life ;)

    That is an excellent point. Thank you :)


    Roy, you are not barred! I was just saying that I knew you would say something
  • roylawrence87
    roylawrence87 Posts: 970 Member
    I had trust issues too with men, until I realized it wasn't men I wasnt trusting, it was ME.

    I couldn't trust myself to make the right choices. Because I made a few bad ones before. Until I realized so what, that doesn't have to define me for the rest of my life. What's important is to learn and not keeping making the same mistakes.

    Now, the way I see it... Worst case scenario, if he cheats, it's because he was not worth it. It will hurt, but it won't be the first time I will be hurting. So I know it won't kill me, it will make me stronger and I will move on with my life. Maybe the next thing will be even better.

    We've been together for 3 years and so far its been the best decision I made of my life ;)

    That is an excellent point. Thank you :)


    Roy, you are not barred! I was just saying that I knew you would say something
    I know, I just want to settle this so I can take you out again! That is if I ever have a chance. I probably blew that away already. :laugh:
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
    you just have to realize people are people and all people have their issues. that said i dont fully trust people at first but i give benefit of doubt, usually they will quickly show their true character
  • tinkerbell1964
    tinkerbell1964 Posts: 152
    everyone has baggage , from way back to their childhood , a lot of my issues including trust came out within my 12 months of counseling 7 yrs ago now ..... best thing i'd ever spent money on imho
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    I am a very open person and tend to take everyone at face value. I will give them my trust. I am very unforgiving, though.

    Betray my trust and never get it back. I'm still looking for Dennis. 1970? Remember, Dennis? Gonna put a dent in your forehead if I see you again.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    I am a very open person and tend to take everyone at face value. I will give them my trust. I am very unforgiving, though.

    Betray my trust and never get it back. I'm still looking for Dennis. 1970? Remember, Dennis? Gonna put a dent in your forehead if I see you again.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'd hate to be Dennis.
  • bahrainbel
    bahrainbel Posts: 194
    I don't really trust anyone, fully, who doesn't share close DNA with me. I trust my mother and father fully, I would really struggle to name anyone else. It makes for an easier life :-)
  • RedneckWmn
    RedneckWmn Posts: 3,202 Member
    I had trust issues too with men, until I realized it wasn't men I wasnt trusting, it was ME.

    I couldn't trust myself to make the right choices. Because I made a few bad ones before. Until I realized so what, that doesn't have to define me for the rest of my life. What's important is to learn and not keeping making the same mistakes.

    Now, the way I see it... Worst case scenario, if he cheats, it's because he was not worth it. It will hurt, but it won't be the first time I will be hurting. So I know it won't kill me, it will make me stronger and I will move on with my life. Maybe the next thing will be even better.

    We've been together for 3 years and so far its been the best decision I made of my life ;)

    I couldn't agree with this more! I've always had trust issues as well and it was definitely affecting my relationships. I try to trust people to an extent now until they give me a reason not. I try and be a little cautious but not over the top. For me I constantly have to remind myself to trust people and that they have given me no reason not to trust them. It's definitely a process though. Good luck!
  • JEK717
    JEK717 Posts: 1,497
    I am the same way. I can not name a single person. Usually i find myself getting deeper so i back out out of habit. This is a hard issue to discuss and a hard question to answer.
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