I might be target-weight-phobic....

sparklesammy · February 2011

I have been thinking about this for a while. I have lost a lot of weight (129lbs). My weight loss has been yo-yoing up and down since the start of the year. I know why this has been happening, because i have basically been sabotaging myself! I will hve one bad week then a good week and lose a few pounds, then completely overindulge and put it back on again.

So it struck me that i might be deliberately sabotaging myself!!

Why?

I'm actually really really scared to get to my target wieght.

It would mean that i wasn't on a diet...and im scared i won't be able to cope. Im scared because i know myself, and if i let myself go there...I might not come back till its too late.

If there is anyone who has felt like this i would apreciate your advice? Or...if you reached your target and moved on to maintenance, was it straight forward? How did you cope? Do you still log every day? Do you still weigh yourself often?

kmm7309 · February 2011

I know alot of people spend another year on this site doing maintenance calories after they lose their goal weight. You have worked way too hard to be sabotaging yourself, my dear! I haven't been where you are, but I would recommend setting your goals to not gain or lose anything and keep up your exercising and good eating habits for a year. By then you will be well-educated about what is good and bad for your weight, and you should be comfortable with eating. Good luck and congrats!

carrieliz81 · February 2011

I have a similar problem... I am a self-sabotager, and have to be really careful that I notice when I am starting to do it so I can remind myself why I want to lose more. I think for me, I'm not sure what to do with the extra attention I've been getting now that I'm skinnier, and it freaks me out because I'm used to just being invisible. So if I get some attention I'm not used to, I get nervous, and then I start to get out of control on the eating...

I don't have much to suggest, except maybe try to identify WHY you are scared or anxious about getting to your target rate and try to acclimate yourself to having that be part of the new you.... confront it within yourself, be aware of the signs of self-sabotage starting, and remind yourself why you have the target you set!!!

schninie82 · February 2011

*slap

you will be fine! you have lost 129 pounds already, thats AMAZING!!! Think of all the hard work you have done and effort YOU have put into it....when you have reached your target weight, you dont just stop...you MAINTAIN... its a life style choice...get on with it and have a happy life, stop the worrying anf fretting!!

Good luck x

fitterpam · February 2011

Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm totally a self saboteur. I am down 50+lbs. When I realized that I was the same weight as my highest in high school, I suddenly stopped losing.....it has taken a few months for me to keep going, but I said to my husband just the other night that I would be okay being at this weight for the rest of my life. WHAT?!?!?!?! I'm still 60+ to my target.....it's like I've given up before I've even gotten anywhere!

Hanzo44 · February 2011

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandpainting#Tibetan_sandpainting

Buddhist monks spend days making an awesome sand painting only to sweep it away and start again, the exercise teaches:
Impermanence, one of the essential doctrines or three marks of existence in Buddhism. The term expresses the Buddhist notion that all of conditioned existence, without exception, is in a constant state of flux.

in short do not worry, there is always change, when it comes time for your sand painting to be wiped away, just make a new one...

As others have said, you lost 129 pounds what makes you think you do not have the power to keep it off and maintain your target weight?

choley222 · February 2011

I am totally with you on sabotaging myself. I am closer to my goal than I have ever been before and I start giving myself treats that I don't need. I have never been this small before and everytime I tell somebody that I have 30 more pounds to lose I get a crazy look, so then I start telling myself well maybe I am a little crazy lol. Then I remind myself that there is a reason I set a goal and I have to keep on going. You have come a very long way and I am sure you will be fine. Just keep reminding yourself it is a lifestyle change and not a diet (I hate that word). Plus I don't know about you but when I give myself little treats that I am not used to my body doesn't react well to it haha. Congratulations on how much you have lost already

chlc2 · February 2011

I agree with schninie82. The thing about all of this is supposed to be that it's not a diet; it's a lifestyle. Diets are temporary and that's why we all fail at them. Eating healthier and exercising (which I'm assuming you're doing because you've lost an amazing 129 lbs!!!) is supposed to become an everyday part of our lives. You may need to make adjustments once you've reached your goal weight in order to make it a maintenance thing, so I think that staying on here for a while to figure out what adjustments work for you is a great way to figure that out, but at the end of the day, you're still doing things to improve your lifestyle from what it was 129 lbs ago. Don't stress about reaching your goal weight; get excited to try new things and track your way on here to understand how you're going to maintain it. Welcome to your new life. Enjoy it...no, EMBRACE IT!!!!

fitnesspirateninja · February 2011

Crazy...I was just coming on here to post a similar topic. I'm very scared of reaching my goal weight because I've never been able to maintain. What will I change this time around in order to prevent that from happening? I would love to hear from other people about their experiences.

menchi · February 2011

I'm not sure if I'm target-weight phobic although I have this perception that it's harder to maintain than to lose. I have a suggestion for helping to deal with your fear though. Perhaps you can have a "trial run" of doing maintenance by temporarily declaring yourself at target weight and trying maintenance for a week (or whatever set amount of time you want). That way if it freaks you out, you have dieting to fall back on to clear your head. Alternatively, you may find that you like it and it helps you look forward to getting to your target.

Remember that even when you get to maintenance, you still have to make good eating and exercising choices so it's really not that different from dieting except you will have a few hundred calories more in a day. If those extra calories are what's scary, you might want to manually set your goals so you can gradually ease into the maintenance calories instead of getting a big increase all of a sudden. I'm doing that since I'm 8lbs away from target and I'm totally planning on continuing to log. I like being aware of what choices I've made and just because I've reached target doesn't mean I have to quit MFP.

By the way, I think you are

amazing :flowerforyou: for having lost all that weight and kept at it for so long. Good luck getting to and beyond the finish line!

mamagooskie · February 2011

I am worried about the same thing.....I'm still 40ish lbs from my goal weight so I'm not quite there yet, but what I planned to do was set MFP to maintence and log in everyday, log in my workouts and food, and just be accountable and see how it goes, It may take time to get it just right but I know I"ll need the support still, since I tend to wander off course if left to do things like this on my own.

NotAllWhoWanderAreLost · February 2011

i stalled out when i got to 178 because that was my previous adult-weight low. I have now reached my initial goal of "getting to healthy" (bmi) @173 but the loss has been very slow since New Years and i have plenty of days where i just blow it with my goal of "clean eating"... Like just now when i ate 1 reece's pb cup. Umm yeah. :grumble: Anyhoo, i look at myself and i KNOW that i have around 20 lbs still to lose as well as a whole LOT of toning and strength building. I never dreamed that i would actually MAKE it "to healthy" let alone to my subsequent goal of mid-way thru the healthy range and physically fit (~150#). So its sorta like now that i am on the cusp of this being a reality i am not sure how to actually wrap my head around the reality of it all (does that even make sense?) :noway: :laugh: Anyhoooo, i think what you are feeling is a normal part of the process. We've just gotta work at all the unexpected bumps in the road as they appear i guess.

Best of luck on your journey!

Smokechic · February 2011

If I had to guess why you are self sabotaging yourself, I would say that right now, with the help and support of MFP....you feel secure. You know what you need to do everyday and its become routine. You may be fearing that big change to your routine and possibly fear not being able to do this without tracking your calories. You fear the unknown and being that you were previously weighing in the higher numbers, you fear that will happen again if you are left to do this "alone".

First of all, remember how much you want this and use that as motivation to keep up the great work that you have already done. Don't allow yourself to feel defeated, if you start to, remember that you CAN do this....you already did. Losing all the weight that you have has made you a strong person, physically and mentally. You can do this and why not keep tracking while your maintaining? When YOU are comfortable to not track then you'll know what to do. Maybe even track here and there just to see that you are still on track.

Keep up the great work and trust yourself, have faith that you can do this. Good luck to you, and AWESOME job so far.

kiffypooh · February 2011

I totally understand what you are saying, however, I have no great advice to get you out of it. I'm sorry :ohwell:

I decided the end of last year that I just wanted to get to 175 (rather then 150) and maintain for a year. I had been gaining and losing the same 5 lbs going from 185-190 for MONTHS! So I decided, I would just get to 175 where all the clothes people have given me fit nicely and go with that for a while. I weighted in at 198 last Friday :noway: I don't know why I do it, I've done it before. I got to 150 and just as quickly as the scale hit that number it bounced right back up. I think mine has something to do with how I was raised. My sister and my brother and I all bud right up to success then do something to ourselves to make it not happen. Just the other day I stared whining to my husband about how I "dont know how to lose this weight"...really?!?!?! I've lost 65 recently, I think I know how to do this!

My suggestion would be to not weight yourself. Track, stay within your points and weigh yourself in a week. I had planned to do this a few months ago. I weigh in at Weight Watchers so I was going to get on the scale backwards and then show my hubby my book when I got home so he could tell me when I hit 175. I didn't follow through on that one. Maybe that will be my next plan.

I hope you figure this out and please let me know when you do. Beyond that, know that you are not alone and you deserve to hit your goal!!!

kiffypooh · February 2011

I forgot to add that 184 is out of the obese range and into the over weigh range. Once I realized that it became harder to lose too. Gotta love our minds :laugh:

porter09 · February 2011

i do exactly the same, i have lost 133lb and need to lose another 20 or so and one week i dont touch anything i shouldnt but the next i just cant say no, it is harder now than it was losing the first lot of wieght and really frustrating, i just think im gonna be stuck where i am till god knows when.

BigBoneSista · February 2011

I use to be this way. I was losing weight so well and then I started getting a lot more attention from people..especially men and I just put on the brakes. I couldn't deal with the weight loss. I couldn't deal with reaching my goal and having to maintain it. I never was told that I had to work on the inner me as well as the outer me. I started at 324 got down to 204 and gained back to 246.

The wake up call. I went shopping. I could no longer fit the clothes I had in my closet. I bought 4 pairs of jeans, a few tops and this huge sweater. In the dressing room I was just feeling so sick. My size 16 was now back up to a size 24 in jeans. When I got home I never remove the clothes from the bag. For 15 days I just stared at it. Every day pissing me more off than the next. I was tired of me making my life miserable. No one else to blame but me for my unhappiness. Me for the sabotage. Me for not being able to deal with compliments. Me for not being able to deal with unwanted advances. Me for tucking my tail between my legs and taking the freaking easy way out once again in stead of STANDING UP AND DEALING!

Before the 15th day came to the end (the day after Thanksgiving) I grabbed that bag took it back to the store. The money I got back went towards a gym membership, a exercise mat, weights, Kinect Your Shape, food to get started and some water bottles. I signed back on fit day and started logging my foods and exercising.

I had to start working on the inner me now because I already know how to lose weight. It was something that I did daily and that I continue to do today. I except no excuses from myself. Regardless of how I feel unless I'm injured, I will exercise. Regardless of what my body may say what it wants to eat I will stick with my plan. Food is not the answer to my stress or my loneliness. Food is my energy source. Compliments & advances? Hey I deserve them. I look good. I had to learn not to take everything that came my way so seriously and just move on.

I'm in a much better place now. I removed my blinders and got real honest with myself about myself.

Sabotaging is all mental and you have to dig way pass the surface to find out the real reasons you do what you do and address them. Its not something that happens overnight. When there is a break through you will definitely have a light bulb moment where everything just seems to come to light and you can finally exhale.

sparklesammy · February 2011

Hey guys, I've just read all the posts, thank you so much for your support and advice.

It's been a bad day so far!! I wish i had read these earlier. Im trying to read for an essay which is due on monday and have eaten a heap of chocolate whilst procrastinating. Idiot!!

A couple of you mentioned that when you have said to people you still have some to lose and they give you that are you crazy look!!! it makes you think yeah your right i dont need to lose anymore people tell me all the time i look great. meh! But!!! You guys are right I have a target for a reason!!! My target weight is within my healthy bmi braket and i want to get there...regardless if i look ok already. I am still carrying 13lbs too many....they have to go.

I'm going to try a bit better.

And yes. I will continue to log after i reach the target. and weigh in. I just wont talk to the people who keep telling me (and talking to my best friend behind my back) that ive gone too far, or im obsessive about it! If i was a bit more disciplined right now it would be a good thing!!

I didnt eat chocolate for the first 2 years of my diet. Then i started having it as a one off treat. Now it seems to be creeping in way tooooooo often. I need to stop that. I don't need it. I'm not sure what I think it is giving me. Its not bringing me any sense of elation. its certainly not making me thinner...and i end up feeling guilty after i eat it (when i know i had too much!!)

I might be target-weight-phobic....

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