Self sabotage

gracemtn
gracemtn Posts: 33 Member
edited September 24 in Motivation and Support
I am constantly stopping mid momentum. It is always when I start to see results too. Things start fitting better and I celebrate at the fridge.

I have been stumped. Than it dawned on me. I have never had a good relationship "skinny." I was raped, had horrible boyfriends and un supportive friends. I had a few traumatic life occurrences and gain weight. Fat I met the man who treats me like a goddess, have an amazing job, worlds greatest kid and true friends.

I think subconsciously I am afraid to be skinny again. Afraid that the blessing that fill my life will disappear with the fat.

Anyone else hit this wall??

Replies

  • fat_beyonce
    fat_beyonce Posts: 133 Member
    No but I would suggest you look at it like an evolution everyone and everything changes eventually.
  • trudypickles
    trudypickles Posts: 51
    Wow, you have sure been through a lot and what you have realised about you relationshio with weight makes sense, it must have been difficult for you to admit it to everyone on here and that may be the first step in overcoming your worries. Brave girl x x
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,033 Member
    I can relate, I think being heavy is a way to hide ourselves so that we wont be as attractive. Dont get me wrong, I want to be attractive to my husband and I want to look nice. But part of me doesnt want attention from the opposite sex unless it is my husband. I think women who have been raped or molested often feel this way. You are not alone. But this time I want to meet my goal mainly for health reasons. It might be hard but we can do it
  • Bridge_CG
    Bridge_CG Posts: 429 Member
    It sounds like you're in a healthy place right at the moment, so why not be healthy? You have survived a lot and a few pounds is nothing. If you ever need anything... You can contact me on here and be my friend. Although I have not been what you have been through, I have had my share of toxic people and my ups an downs.

    You sound like you're an amazing woman.
  • ktcheck
    ktcheck Posts: 5 Member
    get it completely...just had the same conversation with someone. As soon as people started to notice my weight loss I stopped trying (right about 40lbs). I've gained 10 back. I've always been outgoing, funny life of the party, but due to my past I don't desire attention from the opposite sex...I think in the back of my head I'm afraid that If I get thin I'll get noticed and I don't want to be. Sounds crazy, huh?
  • elid
    elid Posts: 209 Member
    Try to think of it as becoming healthy, not becoming skinny. You deserve to feel GREAT and at the tip top of health!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I understand completely. Maybe think of it as one step beyond getting healthy, think of it as getting POWERFUL. Stronger. You're already a strong and powerful person emotionally, because you've made positive changes in your life and no longer let toxic people bring you down. Now it's time to be just as powerful physically.
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
    It seems that it is indeed psychological for you. If body size is correlated with traumatic experiences, it can truly have a subconscious effect on your self-image. If this is an underlying problem that you absolutely can not cope with, I could only recommend that you see a licensed professional to help you deal with your emotional and psychological distress, assuming you haven't already done so, given that you were the victim of sexual assault and unhealthy relationships.

    If you're already dealing, then I retract my previous suggestion. For broad advice, I would simply say that changing the perspective on your weight loss goals could be beneficial. In the laws of physics, it's very hard to stop momentum. So, if you're seeing accomplishments and success, then feel the need to celebrate by putting back exactly what you've put out, you're willingly allowing your body to become confused and accustomed to staying within a range of weight. I say if you're going to change your lifestyle, everything about it has to change. For the better.

    Meaning, rewards should come in the form of creating more of a healthier alternative celebration, such as one cheat meal for the day instead of a binge session, or maybe taking a break from cardio to do more stretching and/or relaxing type of exercise, instead of just stopping for a period of time. Things of that rewarding type of nature. It doesn't mean you've completely sabotaged yourself by doing what you normally do, it just means that the thought process behind it needs to be tweaked a little here and there.

    Also, the fact that you've noticed it means you recognize a pattern. Break it, and you hopefully that will shake the negative thoughts associated with your weight.
  • nsueflorence
    nsueflorence Posts: 295 Member
    I know what you mean I always say the only good part of gaining all this weight is being able to go to wal-mart and not have some creep hollering at you. I hated that kind of attention.
  • gracemtn
    gracemtn Posts: 33 Member
    It is odd and selfish to say. It is a relief that some of you know the feeling.

    Thank you for all you words of love and support.

    I am going to look to getting into a boxing class or bjj. If I feel more power I might be empowered.
  • Moma_Do
    Moma_Do Posts: 108 Member
    You have to take your power back!! Those people damaged you ( and me ) & until we take our power back they will always control our lives. Also we let our emotions and food take our power from us, we are way more powerful than we think. We are perfect when we are born, than we get messed up along the way, lets get back to our true nature. Live it girl. It's all inside waiting for you.
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