Staying Positive Around Negativity

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no_worries
no_worries Posts: 61 Member
in Motivation and Support
My boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up a few months ago, and I had to move back home so I can get back on my feet. Since I'm here I thought it would be a good idea to get back in shape for myself, so I got a gym membership and have been going regularly since the first of the year.

I'm motivated to get back in shape, but my mother is really keeping me down. She thinks I don't workout right. I do at least an hour of cardio a day, and weights as well. She wants me to do classes, saying that I can't motivate myself, though she's not in my brain when I'm working out. She has also never been with me when I workout so how does she know how I do it?

I've read so much over the past year (I lost 20/25 pounds in 2010, but gained it all back) so I'm pretty sure I know how to lose the weight. She went to the gym for like a month, didn't see any weight loss then stopped.

I have some tangible goals that I want to make. I want to run my first 5K this year, and be able to hike to the top of Half Dome this summer. We went to Yosemite as a family in October, and hiked up to Sentienal Dome (about a 2 mile hike round trip) and that killed me. That shouldn't have killed me; and now my sights are set bigger, and I know I will make it. But of course, my mother has something to say about that and thinks my goals are stupid.

I'm so frustrated about her negativity. It's not just her negativity towards how I workout, it's also her negativity towards everything in my life. I just want to scream.

Replies

  • tammyquinnlmt
    tammyquinnlmt Posts: 680 Member
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    That's got to be tough. Everyone has that antagonizing factor in their life somewhere. You just have to keep your head up, and keep towards your goal. The best way to quiet a doubter is to prove them wrong. Wishing you the best on that 5k!
  • PhoenixFire975
    PhoenixFire975 Posts: 70
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    I'm sorry about all of this negativity around you. Maybe try finding some positive friends that you can spend time around to uplift you and your goals. As for your mother, there may be some underlying reason she is pushing you. Maybe she wants you to lose the weight too but says it in the form of "needing to take classes". She may not mean any harm, but really be concerned. It might help to sit down and ask her why she wants to pressure you so much, and why she doesn't think you'll reach your goals. I'm not really an expert, just throwing my opinion out there, hope it helps though:)
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
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    I know it's hard when it seems like others just want to push you down. Sometimes it's jealousy, sometimes it's people thinking they're "trying to help", thinking that if they get you to quit now, you won't be as upset if you don't stick with it. And I know, trust me, I know how hard it is to NOT let those people weigh you down. My mother keeps telling me that there's no way I'm going to be able to stick to this long-term and that I'm just going to go back to my old eating habits once the weight comes off. I believe that I'm making a LIFESTYLE change, so that's not going to be an issue. Thank goodness for places like this - we can be around a group of people that we know will support us and will encourage to keep going and to not let the others around us affect our changes. Best of luck to you!!
  • rosnnj
    rosnnj Posts: 25 Member
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    Although it is hard for us to think that our own mothers get jealous of us, they do. She may be a bit envious of your motivation and persistence in going. I suggest that next time she says something you say 'hey i got you a guest pass, lets go do that class you were talking about'. She'll either have to put up or shut up or eat crow...good luck. STAY STRONG.
  • Nikstergirl
    Nikstergirl Posts: 1,549 Member
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    Yeah, Mom's can be tough sometimes to figure out. Mine always has something to say to me too, and not always positive. "Why did you cut your hair like that?" "Boy you're really filling out, huh?" Both of those have come out of my Mom's mouth at one time or another.. to name a few. I think if you just tell her that you're doing it your way for a while and if it's not working in say three months, then maybe you'll consider her advice, maybe she'll be supportive if she sees you losing weight and feeling better! Good luck with everything, it can be tough to move home!
  • pcallahan1976
    pcallahan1976 Posts: 8
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    Just stay motivated inside your head! I have a brother (a twin brother at that) who is the same way as your mother! Although he does know about exercise. I'd just say, "Thanks mom, I'll keep that in mind" with a big smile on my face and do what you're doing! If you're a Super Star inside your head, then others will start seeing it soon enough! Find those in your world that will motivate you and stay on track with MFP. It helps!!!
  • poarche
    poarche Posts: 62 Member
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    ok, first of all! I think your workout plan is a very good start! secondly, i would use c25k to learn how to run a 5k...that's how i lost my first 8lbs! you can do anything you put your mind to! ask anyone on MFP who has lost any weight, you have to fly above the negativity, even when it comes from within your own head! furthermore, i wasn't being supported verbally by many of my closest friends when i first started, but MFP was my family. i somehow added the best group of friends possible. when i fell off and stopped loggin in they stayed on top of me, and now i am back and loving it!
  • danger2011
    danger2011 Posts: 12 Member
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    Then scream! Work out your anger. The best thing to do is prove her wrong! You will reach your weight goals...you are doing everything right. Don't worry! I have been trying too, and sometimes notice my mom glance to my mid section! I know there is still work to be done....but I am working on it!

    Try to be positive! I know its hard!
  • shalynna89
    shalynna89 Posts: 324 Member
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    I can relate, only my problem is my mother in-law. She told my husband a month ago I should join weight watchers with his sister. We wnt to dinner over at their house sunday, but I took my own that was about 400 calories. My husband went over yesterday morning to write a paper and she told him I needed to be eating more, that I wasnt doing it healthy, and if i keep going like I am I'm just going to gang it all back. Last night I found out his dad went in to my moms work and talked to her about it. Saying that if I was doing this for my husband I didn't need to because he loves me no matter what i look like, and that it scares him. My mom lost over 150 pounds doing the same thing I am, and so she let him know she checks n me and knows what I'm doing and if she was worried she'd talk to me.He said again how he was really concerned, and doesn't agree with it. It pissed me off! I don't understand his mother at all saying I need to join weight watchers and then when I do start losing weight she complains about that too. Its so fustrating. I unlike you don't have to live with her though. That would be extremly tough. I would just try to spend as little time as I could for right now. With me I get fustrated about it, but it also makes me want to lose the weight that much more to prove her wrong, that way she can't say anything once I do. I loved the idea of getting her a day pass to the gym! My mother in-law has always been skinny and has a great metabolism, most her kids are the same way. But I am like 60 pounds heavier and can do a mile faster than she can, i know there's an age difference but still. Focus on proving her wrong, and try brushing it off even thoug its tough.
  • tatiana_13
    tatiana_13 Posts: 325
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    Its hard when you move back home. Your mom is all of sudden RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! Its hard to know why she is behaving the way she is. But, perhaps, she is stressed out by your return home? But, I wouldn't spend a whole lot of time trying to figure that out...it is what it is. But I might try to disengage her from this part of your life. We sometimes really want the people closest to us to share this part of our lives with us, but sometimes, that's just an unrealistic expectation. So, as much as possible, don't. Share it with your support network on MFP.
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
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    Well, it sounds like you've got a plan and that's good.

    I'm a big fan of a series of small changes that you can maintain.
    Gradually shifting your life in the direction you want to go. Instead of being transplanted into someplace foreign where you've lost all of your security. Because in times of stress we all want the comfort of the familiar.

    Sounds like your Mom had made a big change that she couldn't maintain.

    If you put it like this maybe...
    Mom, maybe you are right, but I can't focus on every at once so for right now I'm focusing on making workouts a regular part of my routine. Once that is part of my routine I'll make adjustments as I go, but right now it's better for me to do something than to do nothing.
  • no_worries
    no_worries Posts: 61 Member
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    Everyone's advice and positive words are just what I needed. She's always been a very headstrong person. I will just focus on proving her wrong instead of letting her get to me. Thanks for all of your support. You all rock!

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