I am here to kick *kitten* and chew sugar-free bubble gum

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daizycakez
daizycakez Posts: 2 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Howdy y'all,

I am usually the wall flower, hovering in the corner away from the crowd, watching everyone else and taking stock of "their" lives by evaluating their actions. I almost prided myself in being able to decipher the entire life tapestry of a stranger just by sitting back and watching what they were doing; their actions; their words spoken, without them ever being the wiser. Perhaps they were lonely in their marriage and using the occasion to attempt one last effort to find spice in a lackluster union. Or perhaps they were the Perfectionist, studying and manipulating each and every thing around them. Some were Social Butterflies, flitting from conversation to conversation with the ease of a lazy summer breeze.

One evening while I was deep in thought, studying my subjects around me, I had a horrible thought....What if someone is studying me? What would they see?

A beautiful smile on the outside, but would they see the lack of self confidence internally? Would they see the beautiful woman I used to be, or would they see the overweight, overworked, tired blob of mass that I had become?

I got married two years ago, waiting later in life to make the plunge and I was blessed to have found my true soul mate at the age of 40. He sees the "Inner me", and he loves me for that. However, he too fell in love with me when I was the "Beautiful Me" on the outside, and I sometimes feel like such a disappointment to him for letting that go.

As a psychology buff, I know that I can project my disappointment and blame it on others, but realistically, the disappointment lies within myself. I am angered that as my Aries zodiac sign projects, I am a controlling presence, yet I cannot find the will to control myself.

So here I am. Daizy, standing in front of a virtual world in all my obesely overweighted glorly and admitting....I have lost control and I am here to kick *kitten* and chew sugar-free bubble gum.

First week, though I know it is mostly water weight, I lost nine lbs. only 41 more to go, and this little flower WILL make it.

Have a beautiful day, y'all.

Daizy :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • Jaynequ
    Jaynequ Posts: 39
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    Well done you. You have faced up to the problem and started to do something about it. You should be very proud of yourself! Just do one thing for the rest of us - chew that gum with your mouth closed!!!
  • ladybu6205
    ladybu6205 Posts: 165 Member
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    Welcome to MFP... Keep logging in, log your workouts not matter how small they may seem, how big they are and log everything you put into your mouth... Keep your focus and you will do well! There is TONS of great people here to help encourage you and motivate you along your journey to a healthier you...
  • ShelleyBowman
    ShelleyBowman Posts: 54 Member
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    Welcome Daizy! I'm brand new here myself, just a whopping 3 days old in MFP age....
    You are very in touch with yourself, I'm sure the psychology background helps. Self awareness goes a long way.
    I know you can do it! Keep up the great work! 9 pounds? That's wonderful!

    (A suggestion if you'd like: take measurements & pictures. I am finding there are spells where I am not really losing weight but clothes fit better. Pictures taken in say, boy shorts & a sports bra... you can compare them week to week and actually SEE the difference. As for the scale- while those numbers are important, so are measurements. I just started with measurements/pictures 2 weeks ago though I started my weight loss Jan.1. Really kicking my own butt for not recording sooner)
  • tweety170
    tweety170 Posts: 167
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    Well said. I'm proud of you for taking this step!
  • LoriT129
    LoriT129 Posts: 312 Member
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    Welcome! and good luck! I, too, am a people watcher/analyzer. What better way to stay in denial than to focus on others issues rather than my own?? Now that I am losing weight, I still people watch but from a total different vantage point; walking instead of sitting!! :)

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