This has been the worst week ever

I get sick. I get sick a lot. I feel sometimes like I was born without an immune system and should just live in a bubble. I have been sick the last 3 weeks. I had strep throat for about a week, got semi-better, and then somehow got croup. Croup!! Babies get croup. Adults getting croup is really bad

I hate getting sick. It ruins my entire schedule. I don't want to eat anything, I can't workout, I can't do anything but sleep. I've been confined to my house for the last 2 weeks. 2 weeks in the house!! The first week I was doing pretty decent...eating as well as I could, logging everything, posting on the forums. This last week, the sadness and depression of being sick has overwhelmed me. I stopped logging. I stopped drinking my water. I stopped caring about what I was eating.

Today I was walking through the grocery store and decided that since I had blown my entire week anyways, what was one more day. Nachos!! Nachos and chocolate milk would make me feel better. I grabbed my hand-basket and a case of diet pepsi that was on sale at the front of the store, and made my way to the cheese aisle. I grabbed a bag of shredded nacho cheese and tossed it in basket. I started towards the chip aisle. I cant even remember the last time I walked down there it's been so long. Still, I made terrible choices all week, so I figured one more day isn't going to make a difference. I passed the chocolate milk and grabbed a 2L...it wouldn't be enough to just get a single serving. Go big or go home, right? I should have just gone home. I kept walking to the chip aisle. I could taste the nachos...yup they were definitely what was needed to make me feel better. The guilt I felt was quickly rationalized with a "But you've been sick and you're sad. It's ok, no one will know. What's one more day?"

And then my pants fell down.

My pants fell down to my knees and my pink, granny-pantied @ss flashed the poor elderly man who was checking to make sure none of the eggs in the carton he grabbed were cracked. I'm not sure the crack he saw was the crack he was expecting.

My hands were full - one hand had the basket with the cheese and chocolate milk, the other hand was carrying the case of diet pepsi, and I was trying to balance my purse on my poorly postured shoulder. I had felt the jeans kinda shifting and working their way down around my hips, but I figured all it was doing was making my butt look a little saggy; I was only in a grocery store getting ready to pig out - who was I trying to impress? As soon as I realized I was about to drop my drawers I didn't have enough time to let go of what was in my hands to make a grab for the pants before they went AWOL.

I'm pretty sure it was microseconds, but I learned 3 things:
1. Time literally does slow down when you're mortified
2. Not wearing pants near the refrigerated aisles is extremely chilly even for a short period of time
3. Even when you're sick and it's a certain 5-7 days of the month, always ALWAYS wear good underpants

I grabbed my jeans, hiked them over my apparently-not-long-enough-jacket, gave the old man an awkward smile, and quickly shuffled into the canned goods aisle. Pants, safely back where they belonged, I started to laugh. Seriously? Did that just happen to me? I knew my pants were getting big, but I hadn't lost enough weight to fit into the pants that I outgrew when I put back on all this weight. At least I didn't think I had.

It clicked for me. All the hard work I put in over the last few months paid off. It was working. The working out 6x/week, the food logging, the healthy food choices, the forum posting...it had all worked. I WAS thinner. I DID lose inches. One more day WILL make a difference. I am sick, but I can still make the best choices I can every single day. I can still choose to eat an apple and not nachos. I can drink my water and not chocolate milk. I can let myself heal and get better and the gym will be there when I'm ready. It's not about all or nothing. It's about consistency. It's about consistently making the best choices my circumstances will allow me to make.

I reflected quickly on the week I had. On Valentine's day, two different men thought I was special enough to send 3 dozen roses and a box of chocolates to my office. The cute contractor who fixed the water damage in my condo a couple weeks ago texted me and asked me out. I put an offer in on a house and got an amazing deal - I'm going to own a home! I have a manager who is extremely understanding and let me work from home so I wouldn't have to accumulate sick days, and I can still get all my work done. I've lost 22lbs and it feel like just as many inches, in 7 weeks! I am looking good and my confidence is skyrocketing. Things are really going well for me. Does it suck to be chronically sick? Yeah it does. But upon further investigation I realized my lot in life isn't to terrible. My cup isn't half empty. It's not even half full. Its' overflowing.

I never made it to the chip aisle. I put back the chocolate milk. I put back the cheese. I may have scarred a poor old man and I may never be allowed back into that grocery store.

This has been the best week ever.