Confused

WalkingGirl1985 · February 2011

Again, im visiting with my friend and she seems to be twisting my mind in a lot of ways but sometimes I wonder if she makes a point. Like today..she expresses a concern because of excessive exercise (where she is right..i put in 2-3 hours daily, especially when i have a lot of free time and it keeps me busy and away from food) and she tells me..maybe your putting in all the extra work because you have low self esteem? I do agree, i have battled that almost my entire life, still do once in a while. Do i just workout this much just to feel good during that time? Maybe it will ease my feelings? I'll be honest, I still have a desire to be thin sometimes i question if i truly want to do it for my health. I feel like most of the time, even trying to stay positive I'm still not accepting most days that I was once and am still heavy (even for 185 pounds) I feel like i still have a lot of emotions to deal with..even when stepping on the scale and see i haven't had a loss or even gained it just kills my mood for the entire day and if i have a bad week i feel like i have to workout extra hard just to balance things out. I just feel a lot of confusion. I'm trying as hard as i can to stay and think positive regardless of good/bad weeks and stay true to myself, but even that can be an obsticle.

david081 · February 2011

Hi Suzanne, congratulations btw on your fantastic achievement in losing 54lbs - that can't have been easy! Maybe low self esteem comes from looking in a mirror and seeing a person looking back who is not what you'd wish to be... If so, you are doing all the right things to address it. If your body can cope with all that exercise and you have the time, why not? I have no work right now, so I too am out on the road walking, jogging (in the gym if bad weather) - and it makes my feel great! If it is working for you, and you don't have any 'issues' arising from it, then stick to your routine, which is clearly working for you!

best regards, David

helloiloveukitty · February 2011

I can relate to this. I don't really have any advice but you are not alone at all in your feelings here. I don't think the desire just to be thinner is so bad, it just depends on if youre hurting yourself to do it, and IMO from what you described there I would not call it excessive or hurting yourself.

KimbersNewLife · February 2011

I think you are doing fantastic! Keep doing what you are doing and if it makes you feel good stick with it. I don't want to offend you but maybe some of your friends comments stem from jealousy? I have found that the more weight I lose the more Certain people in my life make such comments. As long as you still have time for regular activities and you feel good keep it up and know we are cheering for you. Also feeling all these emotions, that is a good thing it means you are working through some emotion issues and it is normal and healthy. Hugs to you and just know you are not alone!!!

Hugs, Kimber

SpeakNow101 · February 2011

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Katz85340 · February 2011

First, let me start by saying, you are a beautiful person inside and out! It is not uncommon (after being heavy) to look in the mirror and feel like you still look the same (or still feel heavy). Girl, you have lost 54 lbs.!!!! Do you know how amazing that is?! I don't see anything wrong with you working out so much if you have the time and it brings out the good endorphins (but if you're concerned, see your primary care and get his/her opinion). Sure, your friend may be a little jealous and maybe she is truly concerned that you may be addicted to the exercise which is also not uncommon (much like my addiction to healthy eating and MFP)! LOL! She may have valid concerns if you are not also combining your goals with some soul searching (and/or counseling) to see what is causing your doubts/fears. Are there things you need to resolve within yourself? If so, you should combine (in whatever setting is comfortable for you), a method to help resolve these things. I see my therapist at least once every few weeks just to address my mental health as well as my physical health, and I've really seen a difference in how I view myself compared to, let's say, 15 years ago. Talk about low self-esteem! Now, when I look at myself I see the real me and not what I used to look like.

If you don't see weight loss on the scale all the time, don't worry about it! You are working out every day and are building all kinds of muscle weight which will counter any weight you lose. But that's a good thing! The more muscle, the more weight you will eventually lose and keep off! Just keep those muscles well lubricated with water, water, water to help keep them in top performance for burning those calories!

I think you're awesome! Keep up the good work!

TaraMaria · February 2011

Let me just share a bit from my experience hunny.

) I'm at my ultimate goal weight. I am now skinny. Yes, I feel good. I'm happy that after years of sickness, not being able to play with my son or be a wife to my husband that I am finally having a chance to be all that I can be. However...you know what I feel the worst about? The stage that you are in now. I was the exact same way. My heart was heavy. Almost self loathing. I hated getting on the scale. I hated putting clothes or even attempting to look cute because what was the point? I didn't look the way I wanted or feel the way I wanted. Why bother?

This breaks my heart looking back on it now. Because I realize now, THAT was the girl that carried me through everything to get me to now. SHE was the one who lost the weight. SHE was the one who had the strength to keep working out, to keep counting calories, to keep sweating, to keep enduring pain and to keep going forward. She had courage, determination and fortitude. And that is the girl that created me. If it weren't for her? I would not exist. I didn't give myself enough kudos back then. And I should have. I should have encouraged myself. My phrase is "Love the one you are with." No matter what stage of the game you are at. You don't know where life is going to take you and in the end, YOU have to be your biggest cheerleader.

Examine your motives. You said on a status that walking helps you sort through your emotions. It helps you figure things out. You enjoy spending time with your thoughts. Keep doing it. Add positives in there. Don't be mad at yourself when the scale doesn't hit certain number. Be proud that you are going to keep going. When you look in the mirror don't be upset that you don't see the right image looking back. Be proud that its 54 pounds smaller! You are getting there.

Love the Suzanne you are with now, so you can be all of the Suzanne you are going to be in the future.

Burtonrah · February 2011

This breaks my heart looking back on it now. Because I realize now, THAT was the girl that carried me through everything to get me to now. SHE was the one who lost the weight. SHE was the one who had the strength to keep working out, to keep counting calories, to keep sweating, to keep enduring pain and to keep going forward. She had courage, determination and fortitude. And that is the girl that created me. If it weren't for her? I would not exist. I didn't give myself enough kudos back then. And I should have. I should have encouraged myself. My phrase is "Love the one you are with." No matter what stage of the game you are at. You don't know where life is going to take you and in the end, YOU have to be your biggest cheerleader.

Love the Suzanne you are with now, so you can be all of the Suzanne you are going to be in the future.

Suzanne, keep up with what you are doing, which you are doing phenomenally!!! Yours and this post made me just about bawl my eyes out, I had a hard time reading through the tears. Take this advice to heart and keep up your amazing work girl! I'm going to make sure to keep this post for inspiration too! So many of us have been there, or are there, or will someday be in this same mindset. Keep moving forward and your goals will be acheieved!

Bermudabarbie · February 2011

I agree. You are doing such a wonderful job, Suz. This whole "self-image" thing takes a very long time to "sink-in." I can relate! I don't feel you are being excessive. I don't believe you are hurting yourself in any way whatsoever by wanting to exercise and feel fit.

Keep up your great progress. You are doing wonderfully.

Confused

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