Need to vent.....again.

Zuznana
Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
edited September 24 in Chit-Chat
My willpower is being tasted to the limits and I'm afraid I will fail. Why is there a chocolate chip cookies made I really don't know. I think it's my husbands idea of trying to make me fail, because he is not doing this or doing as well as me and I think he is annoyed that all I do is count calories and weigh food. Well tough, I'm doing well, stop ruining it for me......also he is surprised that I don't really take any notice of his compliments. How could I? He use to say I looked great when I was size 18 (UK size) and almost 90 kg (around 198 pounds).

I've been so angry at him lately. I don't think he is pulling his weight and I don't even think I want him to. Sometimes I want him to move out. It would be so much easier for me. But not for the kids though. I've been so confused lately. I just need to get this off my chest so I don't start shouting at him.

Even little things like getting up with the kids sometimes would be nice of him. Or maybe for once put the kids and me first and not the stoopid xbox games. He speaks to the people there more then us. I have nothing against gaming, I'm gamer myself, but there is a limit to it. When you prefer the virtual company and ignore us when we are talking to you, it's wrong........

I need to stop now or I will go on one very long one, sorry to clutter this board, I really needed to vent a bit. :mad: :angry: :explode: :grumble: :huh:

Replies

  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
    Vent away! I am so sorry you are in a rough spot. It makes it hard when you don't have support from a partner!
  • BreakingUpWithObesity2013
    BreakingUpWithObesity2013 Posts: 276 Member
    I can relate to where you are coming from...my husband used to rarely help me at all and he was addicted to the xbox...came home from work and went straight to his games and ignored me and his 2 kids. Luckly that all went away...and everything is different now. DOn't let him get you down and make u fail on ur diet!! You can do this...you are stronger than you know. Keep your head held high and do what you need to do. :)
  • Caper88
    Caper88 Posts: 418 Member
    It sounds like the issue is bigger then your weight. Maybe he thinks once you shed the weight your going to leave him for some who does all things you wish he would do for you and your children.
  • paleslypink
    paleslypink Posts: 16 Member
    Personally I would just throw the cookies in the trash. Maybe he'll take notice then.
  • fevre
    fevre Posts: 60 Member
    It's always good to talk through your problems! I think it can be hard on a lot of couples when one person is on a diet but the other isn't.
  • Adsnwfld
    Adsnwfld Posts: 262 Member
    It is hard when you don't have the full support of your family. Some night when the kids have gone to bed, sit down and talk to him, let him know how important this is for you and how you would like a little support. Or just don't try to screw up what you have accomplished.
    Don't let your feelings stay bottled up, it isn't good for you
  • wiggleroom
    wiggleroom Posts: 322 Member
    So sorry you're struggling. Living with ANYone day in and day out can get crazy (hey, sometimes I'd like to get away from ME for awhile).

    The fact that he thought you looked great when you were bigger ... to me, that means he really loves you for who you are. That's a good thing. =)

    As for the gaming, maybe he's too comfortable in the marriage so he doesn't realize he ought to be more intentional in spending time with you and showing you his love. When you're not in vent-mode, maybe you could tell him that you miss talking with him and being with him. If you make it about inviting him to spend time with you, and not accusing him of neglecting you (even though that's how it feels, and that's legitimate!), it will likely have a much better outcome.

    I've been married 18 years now, and even though I am 100% opposed to divorce, I have had plenty of days when I've actually wished I believed otherwise because things can seem so hopeless. But it always, always passes (not necessarily quickly), and I remember that he's the man I chose to be mine forever -- as my husband, my friend, my family member. As time goes on and we make it through our difficult times, our love has so many more layers to it.

    I'll be praying for you.

    - Mandy
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,458 Member
    I'm single......for a lot of the reasons that married people gripe about.


    You're either lonely or annoyed. Those seem to be the choices. :laugh:
  • dave4d
    dave4d Posts: 1,155 Member
    Just be careful when you vent. My exwife found one of my posts about her once on a site like this, She was not a member of the site, but it deeply offended her, and she never forgave me for it. That is one reason she became an ex.
  • lenwie
    lenwie Posts: 240
    vent away and as you say better here than at your hubbie, although sounds like hubbie needs to understand that he is in a family and not a single man. Marriage is a partnership. hugs:flowerforyou:
  • JeanK56
    JeanK56 Posts: 76
    Personally I would just throw the cookies in the trash. Maybe he'll take notice then.

    Sounds like a good idea to me! On the serious side, I hope you and your husband can resolve your issues. From experience, staying together for the kids is not always worth it. The kids see what is going on no matter how young they are. A little girl I know once said to her Mommy : "Mommy do you feel better now that you are done yelling at Daddy?" The mommy didn't think her little girl knew what was going on. Eventually the parents separated and are better for it.

    I left an abusive marriage. The kids knew all along what was going on and nobody, including neighbors, coworkers or friends were fooled.

    Could counseling be an option for you?

    Like I said, I hope things get resolved for you and your family. Stay strong and the exercise and changing of your eating habits will help you get through tough times as well.
  • goohan
    goohan Posts: 155
    It sounds like the issue is bigger then your weight. Maybe he thinks once you shed the weight your going to leave him for some who does all things you wish he would do for you and your children.

    that came to my mind as well
  • crazymama2two
    crazymama2two Posts: 867
    Personally I would just throw the cookies in the trash. Maybe he'll take notice then.

    LOVE this idea...

    or take a hammer to the xbox...either he'll take notice or he'll leave .. which either way it's something you want.
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    Don't be afraid to fail. Just know that you're going to have times when you're just not going to have that will power. Sometimes it's not a bad thing to give in to your temptation, just be mindful of not over-doing it. From what I've read about the Biggest Loser, they literally have a "pig out" day where they can consume what they want and as much as they want, just so that they can see how badly their body feels afterward. Having something sweet here and there isn't going to make or break your diet. If you have a "bad day"... chalk it up to that and move on to tomorrow. :flowerforyou:
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    I'm single......for a lot of the reasons that married people gripe about.

    Amen! lol
  • georgiagorwell
    georgiagorwell Posts: 101
    I gave my boyfriend a list of things I wanted doing before I got back from work, not naggy things just like doing his own washing or washing up the plates etc from the meal the night before. I got back from work and none of these things were done, so the next day I took his xbox controller with me! I felt a little weird having it in my bag at the hairdressers but everything was done when I got back!!
  • CalorieNinja
    CalorieNinja Posts: 645 Member
    First I want to say I am sorry your feeling this way - it sucks I know. As far as him not following your diet, men don't like change (in my experience) and losing weight to him could mean he may lose you because your looking even better than what you did before. Also, you shouldn't expect him to follow your dietary needs, he is human if he doesn't want to so be it - he shouldn't be expected to. I know its hard to power through it - maybe assign him a cabinet to keep his stuff in and don't even look in it. I don't think he is trying to ruin it for you, its just he normally eats this stuff and probably doesn't see what is wrong with it.

    Accept his compliments - he is just complimenting you because it is what you want to here. He married you didn't he? He took his vows he loves you skinny or big your beautiful to him and he still wants you to know your beautiful - accept them, enjoy it many of us don't even get compliments so appreciate it!

    To address your anger: Do you think its resentment because your working so hard on your body and he isn't? I found that I get a lot more agitated now with my husband and realized its because he isn't "fully supporting me by exercising and dieting" with me. Just a thought? Have you talked to him about pulling his weight around the house? Does he work, do you work? As far as you wanting him to leave have you tried couples counseling? I would hate to see a marriage split - its hard on everyone.

    I understand the EXCESSIVE gaming, I have been in your shoes. Sometimes (again only in my experience I can't speak for everyone) the people that dive into the gaming world and don't leave any room for the real world are depressed, upset with their lives so they make a "new" life in fantasy. Maybe he is just upset as you but doesn't know how to voice it?

    I am not taking sides, just trying to give you a new perspective :)
  • InstantSunshine
    InstantSunshine Posts: 355 Member
    Georgiagorwell - genius idea! Actions speak so much louder than words.
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    It sounds like the issue is bigger then your weight. Maybe he thinks once you shed the weight your going to leave him for some who does all things you wish he would do for you and your children.

    I just don't know what else I can do to make him see. I keep saying about all the stuff (ok, maybe not so blatantly, but I don't want to hurt his feeling by sounded cruel), but it's all the same to him, "yeah" and back to the things he was doing.
    Personally I would just throw the cookies in the trash. Maybe he'll take notice then.

    But I can't, he said they are for the kids. But we all know, that kids will have couple each tops (my son only had one, they are huge) and the rest will be eaten by him.
    So sorry you're struggling. Living with ANYone day in and day out can get crazy (hey, sometimes I'd like to get away from ME for awhile).

    The fact that he thought you looked great when you were bigger ... to me, that means he really loves you for who you are. That's a good thing. =)

    As for the gaming, maybe he's too comfortable in the marriage so he doesn't realize he ought to be more intentional in spending time with you and showing you his love. When you're not in vent-mode, maybe you could tell him that you miss talking with him and being with him. If you make it about inviting him to spend time with you, and not accusing him of neglecting you (even though that's how it feels, and that's legitimate!), it will likely have a much better outcome.

    I've been married 18 years now, and even though I am 100% opposed to divorce, I have had plenty of days when I've actually wished I believed otherwise because things can seem so hopeless. But it always, always passes (not necessarily quickly), and I remember that he's the man I chose to be mine forever -- as my husband, my friend, my family member. As time goes on and we make it through our difficult times, our love has so many more layers to it.

    I'll be praying for you.

    - Mandy

    Thank you for your prayers. We have been married for 8 years, but quite frankly, we've had problems since our daughter has been born. That was 7 years ago.
    It's always good to talk through your problems! I think it can be hard on a lot of couples when one person is on a diet but the other isn't.

    Every few months, we have a chat and talk for ages and kind of clear the air, but then it all comes back, nothing ever changes and then the talk again and no change....and so on. I'm trying to remember all the good things, why we got married and the good times, but it just doesn't seem enough.

    As for divorce, I haven't thought that much ahead, I don't think I want to go that far, but just to have some space from each other for some time. Since losing our shop, we've lived in each other pockets for so long, it's getting too much. And I'm not even going to mention any work he should be finding, that is completely different story.
    Just be careful when you vent. My exwife found one of my posts about her once on a site like this, She was not a member of the site, but it deeply offended her, and she never forgave me for it. That is one reason she became an ex.

    Ouch....that is not good. I tried to get him in to try as this really works, but he is just not interested. He is too busy on his gaming website to join something else......and if he does...I don't know, he probably knows anyway.
    I'm single......for a lot of the reasons that married people gripe about.


    You're either lonely or annoyed. Those seem to be the choices. :laugh:

    Wise, very wise, lol. You post made me laugh.
    I can relate to where you are coming from...my husband used to rarely help me at all and he was addicted to the xbox...came home from work and went straight to his games and ignored me and his 2 kids. Luckly that all went away...and everything is different now. DOn't let him get you down and make u fail on ur diet!! You can do this...you are stronger than you know. Keep your head held high and do what you need to do. :)

    I'm so happy for you. It is nice to hear things can turn around. I was almost losing faith in that.
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    Could counseling be an option for you?

    Like I said, I hope things get resolved for you and your family. Stay strong and the exercise and changing of your eating habits will help you get through tough times as well.

    We done that few years ago......and it was good for a bit, but things went back to the old ways and worse.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    First I want to say I am sorry your feeling this way - it sucks I know. As far as him not following your diet, men don't like change (in my experience) and losing weight to him could mean he may lose you because your looking even better than what you did before. Also, you shouldn't expect him to follow your dietary needs, he is human if he doesn't want to so be it - he shouldn't be expected to. I know its hard to power through it - maybe assign him a cabinet to keep his stuff in and don't even look in it. I don't think he is trying to ruin it for you, its just he normally eats this stuff and probably doesn't see what is wrong with it.

    Accept his compliments - he is just complimenting you because it is what you want to here. He married you didn't he? He took his vows he loves you skinny or big your beautiful to him and he still wants you to know your beautiful - accept them, enjoy it many of us don't even get compliments so appreciate it!

    To address your anger: Do you think its resentment because your working so hard on your body and he isn't? I found that I get a lot more agitated now with my husband and realized its because he isn't "fully supporting me by exercising and dieting" with me. Just a thought? Have you talked to him about pulling his weight around the house? Does he work, do you work? As far as you wanting him to leave have you tried couples counseling? I would hate to see a marriage split - its hard on everyone.

    I understand the EXCESSIVE gaming, I have been in your shoes. Sometimes (again only in my experience I can't speak for everyone) the people that dive into the gaming world and don't leave any room for the real world are depressed, upset with their lives so they make a "new" life in fantasy. Maybe he is just upset as you but doesn't know how to voice it?

    I am not taking sides, just trying to give you a new perspective :)

    Your username is very well chosen.:drinker:
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    Personally I would just throw the cookies in the trash. Maybe he'll take notice then.

    LOVE this idea...

    or take a hammer to the xbox...either he'll take notice or he'll leave .. which either way it's something you want.
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    I suggest talking to him.

    I also suggest smashing that damned gaming machine.

    I don't get this need breed of men who think it's ok to act like a teenager when they're married with children. But that's just my 2 cents. My husband has a PS3 and he plays on it but at appropriate times...after the household is taken care of.
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    I gave my boyfriend a list of things I wanted doing before I got back from work, not naggy things just like doing his own washing or washing up the plates etc from the meal the night before. I got back from work and none of these things were done, so the next day I took his xbox controller with me! I felt a little weird having it in my bag at the hairdressers but everything was done when I got back!!

    That is brilliant idea.
    First I want to say I am sorry your feeling this way - it sucks I know. As far as him not following your diet, men don't like change (in my experience) and losing weight to him could mean he may lose you because your looking even better than what you did before. Also, you shouldn't expect him to follow your dietary needs, he is human if he doesn't want to so be it - he shouldn't be expected to. I know its hard to power through it - maybe assign him a cabinet to keep his stuff in and don't even look in it. I don't think he is trying to ruin it for you, its just he normally eats this stuff and probably doesn't see what is wrong with it.

    Accept his compliments - he is just complimenting you because it is what you want to here. He married you didn't he? He took his vows he loves you skinny or big your beautiful to him and he still wants you to know your beautiful - accept them, enjoy it many of us don't even get compliments so appreciate it!

    To address your anger: Do you think its resentment because your working so hard on your body and he isn't? I found that I get a lot more agitated now with my husband and realized its because he isn't "fully supporting me by exercising and dieting" with me. Just a thought? Have you talked to him about pulling his weight around the house? Does he work, do you work? As far as you wanting him to leave have you tried couples counseling? I would hate to see a marriage split - its hard on everyone.

    I understand the EXCESSIVE gaming, I have been in your shoes. Sometimes (again only in my experience I can't speak for everyone) the people that dive into the gaming world and don't leave any room for the real world are depressed, upset with their lives so they make a "new" life in fantasy. Maybe he is just upset as you but doesn't know how to voice it?

    I am not taking sides, just trying to give you a new perspective :)

    You have a good point with the resentment. But I don't think it's because the weight loss. I know it's about something, be it the wasted time he could have spent with the kids or the money he wasted or the way we live....I need to dig deep (there is another use for that term, lol) to find out.

    But I can say, I really appreciate all your replies. I actually feel lighter now and all your responses gave me lot to think about and all in a good way.

    Things here need to change, but for them to work, I really need to sort my mind out to really know what I want from me, him, us...the whole thing.

    I know that I want to be more active and live a healthier and have been saying that I do not have friends that are into exercising, so I'm kind of on my own for now, but things are looking up as I do the trampolining and planning to join the running club here.

    I also think that big part of the problem is that I have moved to England with him and my family only see our kids once a year. Just before we left, we said to my great-grandmother that it;s only for 6 months....few years passed and we still lived here and she only saw my daughter 3 times before she passed away.

    Now my grandmother is really poorly and I'm not there to look after her. I'm here, stuck in this situation......And venting myself on here to you guys. Sorry, there seems to be so much on my mind......it came flooding back now, lol

    Back to saying thank you for all your listening and advice. :smile: And sorry if I went off this somewhere, you all are very fast typers, but I'm not. :smile:
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    I suggest talking to him.

    I also suggest smashing that damned gaming machine.

    I don't get this need breed of men who think it's ok to act like a teenager when they're married with children. But that's just my 2 cents. My husband has a PS3 and he plays on it but at appropriate times...after the household is taken care of.

    I did say I can't do that, I do play games myself...but like you say, after all household duties are done....well most of them, I'm not that keep on ironing. :laugh:
  • CalorieNinja
    CalorieNinja Posts: 645 Member
    May I suggest that maybe your depressed so right now nothing he or your family does will make it right until you find your happiness. Maybe you should seek counseling just for yourself, I had to and it made a world of difference.
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
    I could be, that would explain why I cry every time I hear a czech song or watch toy story 3....I know, the least like film to cry at. :sad:
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