Being hit, when you are already down!

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mlsmathias
mlsmathias Posts: 21
in Motivation and Support
Been struggling with myself...focused on myself...guess hubby decided after 20 years of marriage he needed more attention then I was giving him. So lost...just devastated. Not sure how I am gonna get through this. 20 years 2 kids later and he cheats. I am so raw with emotions...I have no family outside of our children and what I am married into. Feel stupid posting this on here of all places. Someone please tell me when the anger is going to take over....I can not handle the heart ache of it. I need to be angry but all I feel is devastated.
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Replies

  • Sherry1979
    Sherry1979 Posts: 457
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    You're NOT stupid for posting this here. . .that is what this site is for and what we are all here for. . .is to support & motivate one another!! I really don't have any good advice for you but I will definitely have you in my thoughts and prayers!! :heart:
  • Daisygurl7
    Daisygurl7 Posts: 129 Member
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    I can't give you any advice, but I'm really sorry....I'll be praying for you. I can't imagine how you are hurting right now. Thinking of you!
  • Warmbloodwear
    Warmbloodwear Posts: 387 Member
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    Oh "HUGS" to you!!!! I am so sorry.. I have no advice on this but I can imagine the devastation...My parents got divorced when I was 11 and it was cause my dad cheated on my mom... All I can offer is support and my compassion for your situation...
    My husband if 5 years and I are apart right now cause of a job transfer and I worry all the time it will come between us...
    Hang in there.. Your amazing, your strong and you can do this...
    I found this quote the other day and I loved it..Hope it helps
    "Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left." ~Hubert Humphrey

    P.S My mom had the anger shortly after so I assume it will come sooner than later...:cry:
  • millesun
    millesun Posts: 209 Member
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    ((((((((((((((((((((big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Honey you are not alone here. I feel for you because I went threw the same thing 9 months ago. It will get better, you will get angry, sad, mad, hurt, angry. My heart hurts just reading your post! Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like to chat more.
  • lukimakamai
    lukimakamai Posts: 498 Member
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    I'm so sorry!!! It will take time to get over the hurt. But I would recommend not making hasty decisions based on the anger and hurt. Take time for yourself and figure out what you want. Then take time with your husband (I know this is hard to hear right now you probably can't even handle looking at him)- go to councilor and decide on your next steps. Marriages can survive this, but it will take time!
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    Do NOT feel stupid! This is what this community is about. My now ex husband did the same thing. We were officially divorced on the third of this month.
    Feel free to friend me or PM me if you want to talk. I've been in the boat that you're in right now.
    *hugs*
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    So sorry for your pain...dont know the situation details but you WILL survive. My marriage ended because of infidelity but my mom stayed with my dad after he cheated and said the marriage was better after they worked through it. Reach out if you need support.
  • sunshine4me
    sunshine4me Posts: 69 Member
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    Yuur not stupid ! Your venting! And that is a reasonable thing to do! It will after all affect your state of mind and hence your weight! You didn't say whether or not you were divorcing but I suggest you take a time out and give yourself and your spouse time to evaluate the situation. If you decide that you need to be on your own then... you will find the support you need. Nothing is ever taken away without something else showing up to replace it.
    Hang in there!
    Marylee
  • bstamps12
    bstamps12 Posts: 1,184
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    I don't really know what to say here but I know you need some encouragement! Don't know if you are religious, but I would definitely rely on prayer right now. Immerse yourself in kids and whatever takes stress off, like exercise. Don't let yourself go in your time of need! Your kids need you too and you can take joy in the fact that they are there with you. I can't tell you how any of that would play out since I haven't been there, but don't feel stupid. You are rightfully looking for support and I am sure there are plenty of other strong women on here who can give you guidance who have been through it.

    To everyone else reading this...we are all here for each other about fitness and eating and everything...here would be a chance for her to lose her progress in fitness due to outside stresses, she needs motivation and support more than the rest of us right now!
  • szieres
    szieres Posts: 97 Member
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    Life's journey's sometimes seem to take a path we never intended to go down, however, one day there will be a time when you look back and thank God you went. Everything in life happens for a reason. We may not understand today why or how, and beg everyday for an explanation, but just understand it was ment to be. Confused and angry is healthy.. don't get blinded. Continue to focus on yourself and children (no matter how old they are), and let selfish people walk away. One day they may realize their mistake and learn from it. In the mean time, take care of yourself, LOVE yourself, and continue to lean on anyone who will listen (even if its a friend on MFP).. there will always be someone who takes the time to listen. Good luck.. and everyone here is here for YOU.
  • Ddavis1967
    Ddavis1967 Posts: 34 Member
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    Well damn if that doesnt just SUCK. You know what? It feels like the end of the world right now, but IT WILL GET BETTER. Stay focused on yourself and the anger will come. It will, however, be quite exhausting. Dont lose your focus on you and dont let the emotions get the better of you. It will be a long time coming, but the peace will come eventually. Never never never blame yourself or let anyone else put the blame on you. I am so sorry for your pain and I have been there and done that. If you need a friend or just an ear to bend i am here for you girl.
  • jenrogerspm
    jenrogerspm Posts: 21
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    Honey you are in the right place. Feel free to friend me :) I feel for you (btdt). My ONLY words of advice ... don't let this sabotage you right now. Keep your chin up, ((((lots of hugs))).
  • jenrogerspm
    jenrogerspm Posts: 21
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    Honey you are in the right place. Feel free to friend me :) I feel for you (btdt). My ONLY words of advice ... don't let this sabotage you right now. Keep your chin up, ((((lots of hugs))).
  • catniss
    catniss Posts: 326 Member
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    first of all, I'm so sorry that you are going through this and nothing I or anyone else will say will help make it better except to let you know that you are not alone. you may never meet any of us or even know our real names, but the one thing I have discovered about MFP is that we really, truly care for and about each other.
    some people can't handle any sort of change in the status quo and perhaps your husband is one--regardless, I hope you don't blame yourself and think that your decision to make yourself important gave your husband the right to cheat--there is no excuse or justification for that.
    I imagine that the anger will come, but right now give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel--there's no right or wrong way to feel, no right or wrong order that the feelings come. it is heartbreaking.
    Can you contact a couselor? A pastor or priest? Someone on the outside that can help you sort out your feelings and help keep you focused on yourself and pushing through. You don't have to do this alone. Whatever you do, don't give up!!!
    I wish you peace and comfort and strength.
  • mandijo
    mandijo Posts: 618 Member
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    I'm so so sorry. I know that no words can possibly alleviate the hurt you are experiencing right now. My mother cheated on my dad for years and years, and when they finally divorced, I was 19. I saw every raw emotion my father had. It was heartbreaking and painful, but what I realized is that the relationship I had with my dad became so much more significant once they were apart. I cherish what I have even though it hurts and it hurt my father. I like that quote that warmbloodwear posted. You can't control his actions, but you can control how you react and what you do from here on out. Take all the time you need to go through the stages of grief, and then focus on you and your kids. Reflect back and see once where you can make changes. Nobody is perfect. There's always room for growth. Again, I am so so sorry you have to experience this, but they are right. We are here to be a community, so please never feel like you can't talk to us!! Many prayers being sent your way!
  • elli
    elli Posts: 593
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    don't feel stupid. You have every reason to feel devastated and to grab onto whatever help you can right now. Take one day at a time. Concentrate on breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. Even if you don't feel like it - go through the motions of your day to day routine. And continue to reach out for support wherever it is available. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there. elli
  • kimberlyanneturner
    kimberlyanneturner Posts: 44
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    It sounds like you have a lot of support out there. Lots of prayers going out for you too. so very sad when something like this happens. NO words can make you feel better right now. But know that you are not alone. Take care of you and your children..God bless. Know that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
    Kim
  • tritta01
    tritta01 Posts: 311
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    So sorry for your pain...dont know the situation details but you WILL survive. My marriage ended because of infidelity but my mom stayed with my dad after he cheated and said the marriage was better after they worked through it. Reach out if you need support.




    Same with my parents, my parents are much closer after they actually got a divorce due to cheating and now they are closer then ever and actually moved back in together. I dont wish this on anyone, but sometimes negative things come to become positive. My parents were married nearly 25yrs when this happened.
  • sandram82
    sandram82 Posts: 615 Member
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    I know this is a tough time right now, but I am sure you will overcome this, you are in the right spot and you have soooooo much support here!! HUGS to you, I know you will get to the angry, I have been there.. you will go thru so many emotions, but honey dont let it take control of the progress you are making with yourself!!
    You can do this!! Friend me if you would like... HUGS HUGS and more HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • trigrrl
    trigrrl Posts: 104 Member
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    i was married and had a similar thing..except it wasn't 20 yrs and 2 children..i felt so alone since i had no family near me i had to make a new social network and start over...it was a low point...you are going to have a rough time for some time but it will get better...and you just need to realize this is his shortcoming...you post anytime you need to and know we are all here supporting each other

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