Online Daters - How long do you wait?

porcelain_doll
porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
edited September 24 in Chit-Chat
I have ventured back into the world of online dating. At least I am trying to. My problem right now is not receiving responses from the few I've written to so far. I don't come on too strong or make my messages too lengthy, or do any copy-and-paste type thing. As far as I know, I haven't done anything to creep anybody out.

My question to you is, how long do you generally wait to respond to a message from someone if you're going to respond (assuming there is nothing keeping you from doing so)? Do you give it a few days? A week? I guess it's likely different for everyone. But I'm still curious to know what you do. Thanks!
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Replies

  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Anytime I have tried have never gotten many responses so I figure after a couple of days the person isn`t interested.
  • Serenitytoo
    Serenitytoo Posts: 449 Member
    I try to respond fairly quickly otherwise I forget it is there and miss it completely. I have tried sending a few but most of the time they go ignored. And like you I think they are nice short messages that don't come on too strong. Too bad they don't know what they are missing :flowerforyou:
  • Melisha82
    Melisha82 Posts: 243
    I met my husband online so I feel ya (and it does work!!) :) It's sooo much easier to filter through the weirdo's that way, huh? lol. Me, personally, I always messaged people back as soon as possible.. but I know others aren't online as much as me so sometimes it could take a few days. If it's over a week I would maybe send one more message to see if they still log in, if not then I'd move onto the next one.
  • ladyjnaes
    ladyjnaes Posts: 2
    if i am paying then i usually try to respond in 24 hrs but Im like you I would like to hear from a guy. Is it to pushing to send the first contact? I myself havent been sucessful with online dating.
  • Akeddie
    Akeddie Posts: 18
    oh my goodness. Why play games? If you message someone and they don't message back forget them. If they message you and you're looking at it why not message back? Would you wait a couple of days if someone e-mailed you a job offer? Probably not. It shows interest if you get back to people ASAP. Just don't message a whole bunch of times during the day. But if you message them back and then they get right back to you while you're still on, go ahead and reply!
    I online dated and checked my profile once per day. If there was a message I wrote back, if not, I checked out what else was available :)
  • Bratkins
    Bratkins Posts: 47
    Respond whenever you want to. If you can't be you then what is the point? lol
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    I met my husband online so I feel ya (and it does work!!) :) It's sooo much easier to filter through the weirdo's that way, huh? lol. Me, personally, I always messaged people back as soon as possible.. but I know others aren't online as much as me so sometimes it could take a few days. If it's over a week I would maybe send one more message to see if they still log in, if not then I'd move onto the next one.

    thats awesome that u were able to find ur hubby online. i'm kind of creeped out by online dating.
    but I would consider meeting someone on MFP :smile:
  • Shash27
    Shash27 Posts: 172
    I met my boyfriend online and we've been together for 2 and a half years. It works :-) I messaged back as soon as possible if I was interested in them. I just wanted to be myself and not play games..that's the whole reason I went online in the first place. Good luck!!
  • snockers3112
    snockers3112 Posts: 190 Member
    If it were me receiving a chatty email, and I was interested in the person, I would respond as soon as I received it. Maybe these people don't check their email accounts very regularly OR maybe they think it cool to leave it a few days...If I didn't receive a reply in around 2/3 days I would give up on 'em :)
  • sillygoose1977
    sillygoose1977 Posts: 2,151 Member
    I met my guy online as well. We've been together 3 years next week! He responded to my post right away and I responded back the same night. No sense playing games. If they are really there to meet someone they will respond.
  • deejaifresh
    deejaifresh Posts: 14 Member
    I met my boyfriend online too, just over 2 years ago. You can usually tell how long it's been since someone was online (depending on the site) so if I saw that they've been online since I sent it, I would assume they weren't interested. And then be pleasantly surprised if I did get a reply haha.

    Funny story is that my now boyfriend thought i was stuck up because i apparantly didn't reply to his messages a couple days after the first time we talked, but I never did get the first message, so I was glad when he messaged a second time haha.
  • Reese2008
    Reese2008 Posts: 33
    When I did it, i'd give 3 days. Given work schedules, etc.
  • meagalayne
    meagalayne Posts: 3,382 Member
    If I was interested, I always messaged back the next time I was online. No games necessary.

    Met my boyfriend in July 2010 and couldn't be happier... If people aren't responding, just assume they either haven't got your message or aren't interested and keep looking in the mean time. Plenty of fish in the sea!
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
    Like most people said, if they don't respond in a few days (maybe 4 MAX), forget them!

    I'd keep the messages cute and short. Comment or ask one question about their profile specifically. Don't reveal too much in the first message, they can check it out on your profile!

    Don't get discouraged, either. I'm sure you'll meet someone great! :flowerforyou:
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    If I like what the message stated and the profile. ASAP. If I'm not interested... Never.

    Why waste my time or anyone elses? I'm not on "Personals" Site to make friends, I have plenty. Just saying. :flowerforyou:

    Also, just so that I don't unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, in my profile i write, "If i don't respond, don't be offended,, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and physical attraction is the name of the game online.

    If you haven't received a response, keep it moving. :flowerforyou: Online isn't the place to take things personal. :flowerforyou: Too many people to find a connection with. Good luck :flowerforyou:

    Edited to add: I don't initiate any contact. All the messages I receive are from men who are browsing. But that's just me.
  • NicNac86
    NicNac86 Posts: 130
    I met my other half online but not through a dating site! We've been together 3 years now, so it can work. Keep trying :)
  • yanicka
    yanicka Posts: 1,004 Member
    I am on Eharmony and I give them 4 days max. If they were interested, they would have come back before then. I am the one that contact them. Why wait?
  • Fitzpoppa
    Fitzpoppa Posts: 66
    I can't help, I met my wife in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. I would say 2-3 days max.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    Great responses from all, thank you!
  • bahrainbel
    bahrainbel Posts: 194
    The whole thing freaks me out, I wish I had the balls to try it! Surely if some one liked you they would respond straight away :-/ Can you tell if they have read the messages, like on here?
  • bayouswampmike
    bayouswampmike Posts: 14
    I would say if you want something to go for it ASAP. In today's society there's no use in playing games, even though some people do. If you know what you want you should go for it. A moment wasted can never be replaced. You should know once you talk to someone a couple of times if they are freaky...:smile:
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    Can you tell if they have read the messages, like on here?
    It depends on the site. The site I used recently doesn't show that, unfortunately. All this one will tell me is the last time he "updated" his profile, which was November, 2010. But I didn't take "updated" as meaning "last visited." So hopefully he's "last visited" since then!
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    Is it to pushing to send the first contact?
    I don't think so. Someone has to do it! :smile:
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I responded when I got the message, if i was on line then that means we can strike up a conversation. I didn't hang out and constantly check my messages, when I got them I got them, when I had time I replied. I'm marrying the man of my dreams, and we met on POF...I'm sure you know you're going to go through a lot of duds before you find your man, just be patient. Think of it as just having fun, with no attachements or expectations. I sent the first contact to my fiance...and when we planned to meet, he stood me up twice...but I had the best first date with him than I had with any other man, it was incredible...and we've been together for 3 years, getting married in 2...there are no rules, but if someone creeps you out or gives you the "no" feeling, then listen to your guts...and be smart...no going in vehicles, meet them somewhere, give your friend a heads up so they can come save you, etc...i'm sure you know the drill. just be open and honest, don't try and be someone you're not because you're eventually going to meet, and that would p!ss you off if he did that.
  • deandp371
    deandp371 Posts: 63
    I met my wife online, so it can work! She had a few bad dates and quit the site but didn't realize her profile was still up for a while when I happened to contact her!

    Cast out your line from time to time - you'll get a bite eventually! I doesn't hurt to change up your profile from time to time. You can have a friend check your profile too and see what they think - but be prepared for frank feedback if they're like that...

    Good luck!
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I'm more creeped out by finding a guy in the bar...that's where my age group meets their mates...it's a meat market...they could spin any bullsh!t story and away you go...I like the internet, you get converstation, and you can ask questions you wouldn't think of asking while staring into his face over a beer. You get to "hang out" with them a few times before you decide to meet them, kind of lets you filter the nut jobs. I don't know, it's socially different I guess. To be honest with you, I was in the process of shutting down my page when I did "one last look"...ended up messaging my future husband...and he was the last person I messaged...I did shut down my profile after I met him lol...
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    I also met my Husband online in 2003, not on a dating site, but he was in Canada and me in the UK, so we would never have met otherwise!! We clicked pretty much right away, and so I say go for it, don't be freaked out, make sure you are honest and take time to get to know someone before you meet. (we talked for almost a year before he got on a plane to the UK, but by then we were already in love with each other, when we 'met ' in person for the first time it was like we knew each other for years and years, I even knew how he liked his coffee) Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • meagalayne
    meagalayne Posts: 3,382 Member
    Is it to pushing to send the first contact?
    I don't think so. Someone has to do it! :smile:
    Nope! I always messaged first - Never really responded to anyone. Messaged my current boyfriend on Canada Day and we've been together since!
  • superwmn
    superwmn Posts: 936
    Just respond. If your response time scares someone away, I say they're not the right person for you. No games. That's just silly.

    Charmagne
  • Nigel99
    Nigel99 Posts: 498 Member
    If they don't respond in a couple of days, I would forget about that person. You don't want to waste time on somebody who doesn't seem interested in you.

    I met my gf online as well (but not through a dating service). We've been together over 10 years.
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