Why is he trying to stop me from losing weigh

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sarahpacheco611
sarahpacheco611 Posts: 13
in Motivation and Support
I should have known this would have happened. When i met my fiance ( who knows if he's that anymore really) I knew getting into a relationship with someone who has issues with food that it would be hard for me to discipline my self around him. I helped him lose 140lbs he started at 340lbs and went down to 197.... since than has gained back 75lbs and doesn't get the concept that you cant just eat bad and work your butt off in the gym to get rid of it. I decided this is his battle and i am just going to work on me. well now that i am trying so hard to be stricked with my self about food hes always trying to get me to mess up and its getting irritating. i have a goal of 100lbs to lose why the hell would i want to eat out??? really? I don't know i have just been thinking lately that maybe our relationship isnt going to work out if i cant have someone to support me in what i am trying to do for my self because there insecure of what will happen from it. no matter what i am losing the weight. its about me finally being happy.

Replies

  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    Good luck...I dont have any advice except do what is best for you.
  • SusieMendoza1108
    SusieMendoza1108 Posts: 9 Member
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    Have you tried sitting down with him and letting him know exactly how you feel? I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I see a similar situation with my sister and her husband. Everytime she is doing really well he brings her down. I'm glad you have realized that you need support, but before calling it quits you should explain to him that you need to do this for each other...to make sure you are around for many many years. Best of luck with this. Stay motivated and concentrate on your goals.
  • sarahtroupe
    sarahtroupe Posts: 164
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    Hello well what I can say is guys will b guys now my husband knows im trying to loose about 30 lbs also he will say 2 me at 10pm do u want sum Culvers...And I say no lol IK he doesnt mean any harm but guys jus dont get it... Whats more important is u have 2 do this 4 u and stay focused.... Im sure he didnt mean any harm:)
  • wyze
    wyze Posts: 248
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    sounds like a lot to handle. My best advice would be to to have a frank talk with him. Let him know how you feel about his relationship with food. also make him understand that you have your own weight loss goals which you are pursuing as well. Tell him how his not supporting you affects your relationship and the fact that at the end of the day, your goals is to be happy with your weight and relationship. This is assuming this talk hasnt already happened and that you are interested in salvaging your relationship.

    On the whole, i cant tell you what to do, but definitely talk to him first. Good luck and all the best in making a decision
  • heyitsmekatie
    heyitsmekatie Posts: 544 Member
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    the thought of you losing all that weight might scare him -- like he might worry that you'll decide you're too hot for him or that you could do better. before you call it off, you might want to talk to him about how he's making you feel. you must love him or you wouldn't have agreed to marry him (right?) so it's worth it to try to work through this. good luck!!!
  • Michelle_J
    Michelle_J Posts: 362 Member
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    I kind of know how you feel. My husband isn't overweight, never has been. But every time I tried to diet he'd say let's go out to dinner and I love to eat out. And I would go. And I would eat too much then start my diet again the following Sunday. I don't think my husband was consciously trying to sabotage my diets but I realized that regardless I was going to have to do it on my own. Now that he knows I'm soooo serious, he's very supportive. Maybe your fiance doesn't realize he's doing it. Or maybe he doesn't want to diet so he doesn't want you to. Just stay on here, keep doing what you're doing and you will have all of the support and encouragement you need to lose the weight you want. The support on here is AMAZING! We can easily out number him =]. And you can do it, with or w/o his support. Good luck hon.
  • LaDiablesse
    LaDiablesse Posts: 862 Member
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    I understand what you're going through. You have to live your life the way that makes you happy. Not just with weight loss, but with everything in life. It took me a long time to realize that. You can't make anyone else happy if you're not happy. The only thing I can come up with is that he's possibly insecure in himself and that's why he may (whether unintentionally or intentionally) be trying to sabotage your weight loss efforts. Good luck with your journey.
  • ChassityGetsFit
    ChassityGetsFit Posts: 173 Member
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    Well, I don't really knw what to say! I do think that maybe you should sit down with him and tell him exactly what you are trying to achieve and why you would like to wchieve it! Reassure him that it has nothing to do with him and that nothing negative will come from it! Maybe even try to understand WHY he's doing the things he is and find out his thoughts behind it! I hope everything works out ok for you in the end! Don't give up!
  • skinnylizzard
    skinnylizzard Posts: 460 Member
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    Have you tried sitting down with him and letting him know exactly how you feel? I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I see a similar situation with my sister and her husband. Everytime she is doing really well he brings her down. I'm glad you have realized that you need support, but before calling it quits you should explain to him that you need to do this for each other...to make sure you are around for many many years. Best of luck with this. Stay motivated and concentrate on your goals.
    That's too sad! My daughters boyfriend was the same. I think it's insecurity. I f you get in shape you won't want him anymore. Or maybe he doesn't like that negative feeling of guilt. At any rate, you need to stay the course. If your relationship is worth the fight for both of you (it takes two) then you will be able to figure out what the issue is and remedy it. Good luck, darlin'! I hope you don't quit because of issues he has.
  • knovello82
    knovello82 Posts: 110 Member
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    I didn't know if anyone else had this problem but I guess it happens in many relationships. My boyfriend is the cook in the relationship & we are both trying to loose weight (he's lost 15 pounds and I have no clue how), and sometimes he'll come home with junk food or plans to make a very fattening high calorie meal. When I have time to cook I try to make it light yet still filling. Then he acts like I'm hurting his feelings by not wanting to eat it, but the temptation is there!
  • ziggy1957
    ziggy1957 Posts: 8
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    hay ... your going to be tested all the time ....you know what you want....... you can see it ........ lose it .... come on do it ............
  • FitPhysique
    FitPhysique Posts: 284 Member
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    I can only imagine how yo umust feel. You were there and supported him during his weight loss and now that you need him he is not doing the same. I would suggest writing him a letter because sometimes conversations can get heated or if he is open to it maybe a couple therapist may help. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
  • sarahpacheco611
    sarahpacheco611 Posts: 13
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    Thank you all for your responses!!! I appreciate all the love. I will sit down and talk to him even though it should be self explanatory that i am serious. I am doing personal training 2 hours a week and 2 hours a week i am either walking 30 mins home from work our i am going to the gym and getting on the elliptical. I am also a massage therapist so i am active at work at well. I have almost lost 10lbs in 2 weeks. I can see that he might be scared that i am going to be out his league in his mind and think i will just leave him but what he doesn't get is his attitude is what would send me away. we have been together almost 3 years i think that where i am at right now is that i never think of my self i am always thinking of others. and as most of you said i have 2 be happy before i can make someone else happy and that is my mission that i wont stop. I am ready for this to happen no matter what it takes. He cant stop me but i will sit down with him to help make him feel better about the situation.
  • idahogirl71
    idahogirl71 Posts: 1,110 Member
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    It is important (from a psychological standpoint) to get down to the why of your overeating. If he lost the weight and did not do that step he is most likely either dealing with emotions and feelings from his past or has guilt for not sticking with it after losing the weight. Anyone can change their lifestyle of eating at least short-term, but if he was doing it for the wrong reasons (such as to please you) then that could explain why he did not continue on his journey.

    As for what he is doing to you...when one person in a relationship works to change themselves for the better and the other is not doing the same it causes distention in the relationship. He is seeing that you are making changes and is intimidated by it and fears that you will judge him. It is common for one person to sabotage another persons efforts in dieting when it is only of you doing it.

    What I would suggest is talking to him as a loving fiance, not as a dieter that is pissed off. And evaluate if 3 years is worth throwing away or worth working at. If he loves you he will listen to what your concerns are. I don't accept the excuse guys are guys because that is just a cop-out that allows them to make excuses.

    Sorry for all the psychological aspects. I am a Psychology student and this is part of why I am finally able to be successful in my own weight loss journey. My husband is extremely supportive of my emotionally, but he eats anything and everything he wants and cooks wonderful meals that I do not partake of. It is hard, but I know what I want and am utilizing the support on this site to get through it.

    Best wishes and I hope things go well for you.
  • bstamps12
    bstamps12 Posts: 1,184
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    Guys will be guys, but if you really care about this and he can't support you, it makes you wonder if he will support you in other things you really care about later in life? Think it through thoroughly girl, but put yourself first!

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