Oh Boy!

Jackie_W
Jackie_W Posts: 1,676 Member
edited September 19 in Health and Weight Loss
Just had a rather unpleasant exchange of words with my 17 year old son...
I love him to bits, but when I come home from work, I expect to find the house as I left it, but, I came home to find he'd made himself some lunch and left my kitchen in an absolute pig sty!
I then went to his room to find dirty washing strewn everywhere!
I just wish he'd stop treating my home like a tip and clean up after himself.

I know that it doesn't hel pthat he has to share his room with his 10 year old brother, but there is nothing I can do about that at this present time, we bought a 2 bedroom house, and are unable to finance a loft conversion - but then, having a room each, they might decide to turn 2 rooms into tips.

Just asked them both to tidy their room whilst I am out this afternoon - this seemed to fall on deaf ears!

I'm sorry to rant, but I've just about had enough of coming home to the same old scenario day after day.
My son doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from - despite my husband, other son and myself explaining that we cannot live like this.

Replies

  • Jackie_W
    Jackie_W Posts: 1,676 Member
    Just had a rather unpleasant exchange of words with my 17 year old son...
    I love him to bits, but when I come home from work, I expect to find the house as I left it, but, I came home to find he'd made himself some lunch and left my kitchen in an absolute pig sty!
    I then went to his room to find dirty washing strewn everywhere!
    I just wish he'd stop treating my home like a tip and clean up after himself.

    I know that it doesn't hel pthat he has to share his room with his 10 year old brother, but there is nothing I can do about that at this present time, we bought a 2 bedroom house, and are unable to finance a loft conversion - but then, having a room each, they might decide to turn 2 rooms into tips.

    Just asked them both to tidy their room whilst I am out this afternoon - this seemed to fall on deaf ears!

    I'm sorry to rant, but I've just about had enough of coming home to the same old scenario day after day.
    My son doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from - despite my husband, other son and myself explaining that we cannot live like this.
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:

    I feel for you.

    But, being a piggie myself growing up, it wasn't until I was on my own and living with someone that I loved dearly (and didn't want to be judged badly) that I "cleaned up" my act.

    I know how frustrating it can be, but darling, you and your husband and your other son are ganging up on him, which will make it worse. Take it from me, when you feel like no one likes you (though they love you) you feel no need to be to their standards.

    Use your favorite search engine and look up "positive and negative reinforcement". Use the simple ideas of rewards and removing a loved item to help train his brain to be receptive and to train him to take care of himself. Negative words only make him feel like he doesn't have to try anymore.

    :flowerforyou:
    It will get better, but it has to start with the responsible adults.
  • Jackie_W
    Jackie_W Posts: 1,676 Member
    I tried the positive and negatives before (when I got my Diploma in Psychology), but this just makes things worse - he just wants to use the computer all day every day - seems to think now he's working he shouldn't have to do anything at home - even told me that it's my job as the woman!

    Trouble is, when I was a full time mom, I used to do everything, I've been a full time carer now for 6 years and he still thinks I can come home and start again - no problem, but I get tired just like the nexxt person.

    I try to see it from his point of view - but I can't see the reasoning behind it - just isn't logical to live like this, I've never lived like this in my life and my children have never lived like it. My eldest has a friend whom does and thinks its ok to be like him in respect of treating his home as a doss house.
  • Juliebean
    Juliebean Posts: 317
    I tried the positive and negatives before (when I got my Diploma in Psychology), but this just makes things worse - he just wants to use the computer all day every day - seems to think now he's working he shouldn't have to do anything at home - even told me that it's my job as the woman!

    Your job as the woman?!?! :explode: :mad: :angry: :happy: :explode: Maybe try to explain to him that there are very few women out there who will see this side... And if he EVER expects to find a woman for himself he better clean up his act! Better yet, direct him my way! I'll explain it, and that way you won't be to blame when he's crying! :laugh:

    Hang in there! You're not asking too much and eventually he'll get it. Thinking of you... :flowerforyou:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    O my. I hope I didn't offend you :ohwell:

    Yes, now I understand more fully. My brother was the same. He lived in a pigstye and probably still does (I haven't been to his apartment in years).

    I'm surprised you didn't take a switch to his upity bum for saying it's your job as a woman. I say, give the kid a dressing down and then do the extreme (my father did....lol....it worked!!): toss out his things if he leaves them laying about. Soon, when he's nearly naked and has no food, maybe he'll process?
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
    - seems to think now he's working he shouldn't have to do anything at home - even told me that it's my job as the woman!


    Oh no he didn't! :explode:

    Are you positive he isn't related to my husband?

    If my stepson told me that, he'd be picking himself up off the floor, seeing stars!


    Look on the bright side...he'll be 18 soon and legally able to move out. Some people just don't appreciate a clean house until they have to take care of their OWN place.
  • girldeese
    girldeese Posts: 132
    All I can say is....Boy's! I know how you feel......sometimes I have to pretend my son's room dosen't exist.....then we are both happier!:wink:
  • Ezzie
    Ezzie Posts: 665 Member
    Hrmmmmppphhhh!!!:explode: :grumble:

    Yep, time for something.....you might try keeping the rest of the house clean, shoveling THEIR stuff into THEIR room and closing the door. Not sure what to suggest about kitchen...

    Worked with my youngest (he's 28 now) and he's turned into a neat freak with WHITE carpeting!!! ( Who are YOU and what did you do with my son???)
  • pecksun8
    pecksun8 Posts: 570
    You need to find a really hot young chic to come over when his room is a mess, and tell her to flirt with your son, then let him show her his room and have her just get disscusted and have her make some sort of comment about how she won't date a guy who can't clean up after himself...he'll clean the room for the both of them!:bigsmile:
  • Jackie_W
    Jackie_W Posts: 1,676 Member
    Thanks for all your posts - as for the girl thing, he had a girlfriend last year - who also hated that state of his room, he managed to somehow get round her, she ended up cleaning up his room! AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!:explode:
  • Jackie_W
    Jackie_W Posts: 1,676 Member
    Hey!
    I came home to a clean house today :bigsmile:
    Thanks for listening to my rant yesterday :heart:
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    You need to find a really hot young chic to come over when his room is a mess, and tell her to flirt with your son, then let him show her his room and have her just get disscusted and have her make some sort of comment about how she won't date a guy who can't clean up after himself...he'll clean the room for the both of them!:bigsmile:

    :laugh:

    You rock pecksun!!!
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    Thanks for all your posts - as for the girl thing, he had a girlfriend last year - who also hated that state of his room, he managed to somehow get round her, she ended up cleaning up his room! AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!:explode:

    :laugh: :laugh:

    I dated a guy once, a friend of my best girlfriend.....anywho, we always hung out at their apartment, which was a pigstye! We went over one morning and cleaned (may I note that they worked the graveyard shift at IHOP?). :devil:

    But, yes, you do have quite the little man on you hands......
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