SBF2 Reboot Boogaloo Feb. 21, 2011

Well my day is shot. We just got word that Miss A is not adoptable after all. The agency found out that she has active TB and is in a medical center for treatment. It did not say this in the database so I guess they did not know. There was a strange delay between hearing about her and then getting her referral so we wondered what was going on. This explains it. I think I am just going to quit telling people stuff until a girl's feet touch US soil when we bring her home. No reason to drag everyone else on a roller coaster ride with us. I really want to quit and I'm frankly very upset. How much can a person take? I don't know what to do with myself. I want to sit around and cry, but I also want to get on the treadmill and run as hard as I can till my heart explodes or I pass out. Crying will probably win out, first at least.
They said the DOE will continue to work on a referral.

Heartbroken again.
MM

MM, I don't even have the words. I'm just so very sorry.

Thanks ladies. You all are the best.

I have a crying hangover this morning and I didn't sleep well but life still goes on so I guess I need to as well. I think Steve is just not going to tell me anything next time until we have travel dates. The agency may not even let us know next time until they have completely checked everything out, which is the way it should have been done but they knew we were sitting on pins and needles.
Anyway, moving on.
Alex has been asking me for a week or so to make strawberry shortcakes because it's in one of his favorite books. I told him if I found a gluten free recipe I would make it for him. I found Bisquick gluten free mix at the store yesterday and it had the recipe on the back. I was going to buy strawberries and whipped cream anyway. I made it last night, and it was really good! No one would know it was gluten free. I am so glad that the gluten free stuff is tasting better. I may actually be able to get off wheat with substitutes like this! And usually when I make something special for Alex he doesn't like it, but he did like this.

I am going to try to continue my cleaning efforts in the house. I lost mojo for a couple of days but it's coming back. So that is a goal today. I also have to do school with Alex. I'm thinking I might tell him he can pick out a toy at the store if he learns to tie his shoes. He knows how to do it in his mind. I think he's kind of lazy like me though. I also need to put away laundry, and work out. I'm not sure what I feel up to doing. Could be a couple hours of cleaning, walking or taebo. Steve may be coming home from work early so that could change some plans as well. Oh and a friend invited me to her house for lunch. Not sure if I want to go. Not feeling social today.

Sorry, I'm rambling again. I'd better get busy.
MM

Morning,

The new meds have a bit of sleepiness as I adjust, and that combined with the snow is tricky today. I did manage a short weights workout, so I'm claiming a victory.

Other than that, it's the dentist, going to look at an apartment and trying to relax a bit. I'm going through my traditional "holy gah, it's nearly march and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything academically!" anxiety. It's brutal this year, but I just have to work through it. I sent of a re-re-redraft this morning, so now I wait. Mostly, I wait. I've decided to write the next thing while I wait, and then just bombard my committee with drafts for the next year. Fun.

Draft bombardment, boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

Mary, a cake show sounds fun.
V, how are you feeling today? Still sleepy?
Bobbie, how are you doing?

I tried so hard to avoid everyone yesterday but I had two invites out, which I turned down. Then I got a call from a friend who needed a sitter because she was in a bind. Ugh. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but when I get in a bind I want someone to help me out. It went okay. It just took an hour and a half longer than I expected and I didn't get a work out in.
Steve has to work this morning into the afternoon so it will be just me and Alex for awhile. I am going to try to get some much needed cleaning done. I may crash after that. AF is hitting pretty hard right now and I'm hurting quite a bit. I miss working out but I just can't do it right now. Maybe a walk later since it's going to be nice.
Tomorrow is church, and then we are suppose to grill out with some friends if it doesn't rain. Since the bad news I've wanted to hide. Then Monday my in laws are coming for the night. MIL has tests Tuesday morning. It will be a short visit but it will be nice to have them here as a distraction. Very slim chance we could her something from Russia on Tuesday.
I am still pretty down about what happened. I know part of it is hormones, so I hope in a few days I will be feeling more encouraged.
Just one day at a time boogaloo.
MM

Morning, pebbs,

Today is Zumba at noon, followed by some more cleaning (I've done a little already this a.m.) and some academic work. Last night the 3 a.m. "what if my technology doesn't work!" anxiety started. I'm feeling pretty stress-y in general right now, hoping that working out will alleviate some of that. Found out yesterday that the apartment peeps haven't decided who to rent to yet. (weird.) So, the palace is still an option. I have nerves. My current mantra when these things get overwhelming is "all of my problems are temporary". Which, come to think of it, is true for absolutely everything.

I made banana-apricot-almond flour muffins for baked good Sunday. Super good, although next time I'll use less honey as the bananas are already pretty sweet. (from the whole foods website). I felt pretty thrifty, because I had bananas I was going to throw away, and everything else ingredients wise was already in the house. Stewardship/not wasting food goal of the day, met. Small victories, I celebrate them.

Up in the air/nerve-y, boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

V, don't stress. Everything will work in one way or another. It's not always easy but everything comes to pass.

Mary, that's pretty good advice. I am a Bible believer and there's a verse that says (paraphrased) "Whatever is lovely, pure, true noble, etc think on these things." I read a book recently that asked what "truth" is. Truth is what is real. So when we "live" in the past it's not real, that's not now. When we say "What if?" about the future, that is not real. The future is not real, because it has not happened yet. All that has really helped me not to worry so much. Like my fear of not eating when we go to Russia again, just like I did last time. That's not real. I don't know what's going to happen, and most likely what happened before is not going to happen again. Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out there. What your husband said, reminded me of that.

I am feeling a little better today, physically and emotionally. We had a meeting after church with the Pastor and his wife, so that was very encouraging. They wanted to talk to us and pray with us about Russia and the adoption and ministry. I couldn't go through all this without my church family.
I am probably not going to get anything done today as far as exercise. Well, except that I should start laundry and clean up the house. In laws are coming tomorrow. May not get any in tomorrow either.
I told Alex that if he will learn to dress himself and tie his shoes then we can go buy him a toy. Now that's all he talks about. But it is making a difference, and he is trying. Whatever works. That poor boy has my lazy gene. He needs all the help he can get.

Feeling a little refreshed boogaloo!
MM