How can I help a friend?

LauraMcGanity · February 2011

My friend is about 100lbs overweight and has longstanding joint problems, in her back, hips and knees. She has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure and has been told she must lose weight. She's in her early 40's. However she's one of the people who categorically state they can't lose weight, diets don't work, she's tried them all, nothing works, and she's 'meant to be big'. I am worried about her - she is a single parent with one child, and I really want to help her get healthy, for the child's sake, if not her own.

But how can I do this without being overbearing?

mottles · February 2011

I would just set a good example, she will see how well you are doing. Tell her how MFP works and the benefits, then cross your fingers...

Zuznana · February 2011

That's a tough one. If she is not ready, it will be difficult. Maybe just mention how you are not actually dieting, but changing your eating habits for the healthier. Or just suggest if she wants to join you on walks, that you need "fitness buddy". But until she is ready, I don't think there is much you can do. But it is nice of you to care so much about your friend. We all could do with someone like you.

thektturner · February 2011

I have a similar situation with one of my guy friends. He is about 150-200 pounds overweight and just keeps getting bigger. Then he complains about the way he looks and gets really ticked if anyone even gently tells him he's overweight. He lost like 80lbs on some hopsital diet, then gained it all back and then over again (meaning he probably gained twice that amount back).
It really is virtually impossible to make someone change. It has to come from within if they're going to stick to it. Otherwise, they may comply when you're around and start sneaking food when you're not. That's an even less healthy relationship to food.

IndyRick · February 2011

In short, you really can't. You can set a GREAT example...but in the end, it's their life to live as they choose...not yours. That's a lesson learned from a long time ago.

not2late · February 2011

Setting an example is a good idea. Get her to join MFP so that she can track your progress and see how you can eat well and lose weight. Make sure that when you eat together you are eating the scrummy things she would like to eat. You know how you can eat anything and eat well and lose weight. Let her see that in action, let her know there are no good or bad foods, just different quantities.

If she can track you on MFP she may just start to become curious and start using MFP herself.

008Lizzy · February 2011

Unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.
You could perhaps try a joint incentive goal, maybe a promise to a "spa day or a treat for her of some kind.
Good idea as above to get her on here,..even if she just browses the success stories, and follows someone elses progress for a couple of weeks, might be enough to motivate her into it.
But at the end of the day, your friend has to choose her own destiny
Good Luck!!

HEATHERB500 · February 2011

Don't give up but be gentle about it. A great start for someone who has been very sedentary is to gradually add more daily activity. EX: When you go to do something together make sure you park at the back of the parking lot. Use the stairs instead of the elevator. When you two get together to do things you should try to do something active, but within her abilities. In the end it is up to her to change her ways, but if she sees how well you are doing and that she can do little things to start not a drastic change in one day, hopefully she'll come around. I am going through a similar circumstance, but my friend is only 28. She is a single mom of two and has high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and her liver function test are all abnormal even though she doesn't drink or take drugs. She is about 125lbs overweight. I have 2 daughters the same age as hers and I try to get her to meet me at the park at least twice a week. While the kids ride there bikes or play we walk with them. Also just FYI garlic suppliments can help to reduce blood pressure, but they can increase risk of bleeding if she is on any type of blood thinner. glucosamine chondroiton (sp) has also been clinically proven to help with osteoarthritis. One more if you can get her into a pool she may have fun and it is very easy on the joints. Good Luck:flowerforyou:

ambie35 · February 2011

I have the same problem with one of my friends, She is only 19 and is developing diabetes! actually alot of my friends could really benefit from MFP,but when they see me logging or hear me talk about it they roll their eyes and say "you little fitness nut" or "health freak" I try and tell them there is nothing wrong with taking ownership over their lives and they roll their eyes again.

lynz4589 · February 2011

do you ever go walking at the weekends? why not invite her along for a "day out" this is what Im doing this weekend, I have my whole family going for a "day out" which actually will involve a 6 mile round walk to the venue and back - not so much a venue actually but we are parking 3 miles outside of our favourite place, 3 miles of walking along a beach just to go for a lunch, let the kids run around in the park, more walking in the town itself and then a 3 mile walk back - it looks like fun for them but really its an excuse to get a decent workout in for me.

I guess the bottom line is as much as you want to help her change she will only ever do it if she has the willpower to do it herself. but if you can make it more social rather than just boring diets and exercise then it very quickly becomes a lifestyle change!

Good luck!

sabrads · February 2011

The long and short of it is that they need to want to change - if they dont then as much as you try to help them you are not going to get them to loose weight.

If they are negative about diets and dieting then let them see the results that you achieve through your journey.

Some people also like the attention that they get from an issue, so talk about weight loss with them and then talk about the process and get them involved in the fitness community.

However in the end you need to balance your positive help for them against their negative effect on you.

LFern · February 2011

If you are this good of a friend that you care this much - then just be there for her. Ask her how SHE would like you to help. Let her make the choices. SHE is the one that has to make healthier choices - you can only be there to cheer her on for each wise choice made.

Does she watch the Biggest Loser or any of those shows? It always takes my breath away when the Dr. gets on there and predicts what their life span is going to be and how young the anticipated death is for an overweight unhealthy person. Ask her if she is prepared for what happens to her child should she not wake up some morning.

Just be a friend. Once she makes the decision to become healthy - you will be there to help her on that journey :flowerforyou:

How can I help a friend?

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