Photos: Before & After 117 Pounds!

I appreciate all of your support and votes! So many came in that we crashed the contest server! It's back up now I've moved into 14th place! 2 days left to vote

http://photos.fitnessmagazine.com/face-of-fitness-contest/08/2011/14

I also just want to share the story that is with my entry:

I have worked hard to lose over 100 pounds through exercise and healthy eating. My whole life began to fall into place when I prioritized my health! I shed more than pounds, I shed insecurities, personal doubts and fear. I gained confidence and found the kind of happiness that can only come from being absolutely true to yourself. I even met the man of my dreams and he too lost over 100 pounds before we even met! I try to motivate and be an example to my family and friends, even strangers! I am passionate about fitness and would love to share my story in hopes of inspiring others who (like I one thought) think it's impossible to acheive their fitness goals and become their best selves. It's more than possible, it's attainable for each and every person. I want to be the person who tells them AND makes them believe it.

Here’s what I’ve never really said:

I wasn't a fat kid, quite the opposite. In my home we would live off of one of those 10 pound bags of potatoes for a week. That's it. My mother encouraged me to take advantage of the free lunch at school but the humiliation was just too much. Sometimes my teacher would share hers with me, when she figured out why I was so eager to help grade papers during my lunch hour. Here is where my issues with food began.

My childhood was a traumatic one, filled with abuse and neglect and finally the long illness of my mother and her passing when I was 12. The next chapter of my life was spent in a group home (California's answer to the over crowded foster-care system). Basically a modern day orphanage. The staff was unkind and the other girls were troubled (ever see the show The Bad Girls Club? Reminds my of my teenage years!). I remained in "temporary care" for about 4 years, until I became pregnant by my long-time boyfriend and emancipated at 17. He left me when I was 4 months along and I took advantage of an opportunity and a plane ticket to NY to visit some extended family, I never went back.

I spent a lot of my life just surviving. Denial was a game I played so well that I had managed severe memory loss of most of my childhood. I never dealt with the trauma and was very much on my own and alone for a long, long time. When my son was born (he is now 16) he became my absolute focus and being a good, no, AMAZING mother was my one and only priority.

Memories started to flood back and I ate my anxieties away. I began to slowly digest my past and a whole lot of food made me feel better. I was also lonely, I wouldn't really date much and NEVER got into a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I ate my way to over 300 pounds. At least 310 but maybe more as for a long time I requested the nurse at my doctor's office not tell me what that scale said! No one ever questioned it, no one ever called me fat. I was in denial and everyone let me be there. I seriously did not think I was THAT fat. It makes me emotional to even write that as I look at those before photos above and how I remember feeling like I looked so good. How could I not know?

In my late 20's I started to feel good about myself, I finally navigated and healed from all that was holding me back from happiness. I even threw caution to the wind and stopped hiding from photos and that is how I came to see that it was not "just a bad photo" as there were too many awful ones to deny. On my 30th birthday, just days after I saw some photos of myself at Christmas, REALLY saw, I took off my clothes and took a real hard look at myself in a full-length mirror. I saw what I had done to myself and decided right there I was worth a real try at losing weight.

I didn't make a single excuse, was hard as hell on myself and honest. I decided that every day spent not living the life that I wanted was a day spent not being my true self. I wanted to fall in love, I wanted to be the kind of person who went to yoga classes and liked exercise. So I researched and educated myself. I found this site and another I love (3FatChicks.com) and the before and after photos inspired me. I had determination AND hope.

I have been recording what I am going to eat the next day (the night before) almost every day since. I have become my truest self! I met my amazing husband along the way and discovered early on that one of the many things we had in common was that we had both lost a lot of weight (at that point I had lost 70, he over 100).

It's never really been about a number for me, it's about how I feel, about how I want to live my life and my health. We ALL have a story, I truly believe that fat is a symptom of something bigger. No one wants to be 300 pounds. I told myself that some people were just "bigger" and metabolism was like genetics and nothing I could control. I thought that it was just the way it is. I stopped accepting that. Losing weight seemed so impossible that by comparison it FELT so easy. Unbelievable. It works! It is attainable for each and every single person. There IS hope, we can ALL be healthier and more fit. Crazy thing is, it's simpler than you think

I love my myfitnesspal pals! Thank you for the support and encouragement!