Help with other people

DanL66712
DanL66712 Posts: 135
edited September 24 in Health and Weight Loss
Has anyone else on here ever tried to get someone else to lose weight? My father-in-law to be is quite substantial in size and I know my fiancée worries about his health and his wellbeing. The trouble is, that he doesn’t seem to have much motivation to lose weight.

He went to the doctors and got referred to a nutritionist and now gets weighed every two weeks, but only if he books the appointment. I’m fairly certain he hasn’t been once this year. I think part of the problem is my mother-in-law to be, who seems to have a skewed idea of weight, calories etc as she does all the cooking. Her attitude of ‘one little treat won’t hurt’ adds up over the day and I believe it is really not helping the weight loss. The portion sizes she can provide can also leave something to be desired.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach the subject with them, as I know it would mean a lot to my fiancée if my FIL to be could lose some weight by the time our wedding roles around

Cheers in advance

Dan

Replies

  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    Unfortunately, you really can't push anyone to do anything that they don't want to do.

    You can both let your FIL know that you are there to support him if and when he's ready. When you entertain your in-laws at your home, you can prepare good-tasting, healthy meals (without pointing out that they're healthy).

    The problem with pushing is two-fold: first, it often provokes the target to feel angry and shamed, leading to more overeating; and second, you've completely alienated that person by the time they actually DO want to make changes and they see you as Judgey MC Judgerson.
  • dracobaby82
    dracobaby82 Posts: 380 Member
    I'm thinking maybe you and your fiance' could talk to the FIL and let him know how worried you both are for his health... maybe see where the conversation goes, and just let him know you guys will help him and support him.
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
    invite the MIL and FIL to be round to dinner as much as you can stand and serve them up gorgeous nutritious healthy meals that are huge but very filling and educate them through the back door, you know you're onto a winner if the MIL asks for the recipie
  • Belle_Fille
    Belle_Fille Posts: 469
    you cant force anyone to do this if THEY are not ready. it doesnt matter what you, your girlfriend, the mother in law....no one else matters. THEY have to want it. THEY have to be ready for it.
    if you or the rest of you force him to do this when it isnt ready it will only push him further away and make him hate the idea of the lifestyle change that much more.

    my honest opinion? back off a little and let him tell yall when hes ready. THEN give him suggestions, or try to help. never force anything
  • UpToAnyCool
    UpToAnyCool Posts: 1,673
    they see you as Judgey MC Judgerson.

    ^:laugh:

    I posted a thread w/ a similar question a few weeks ago. I've had to take a step back and realize that despite good intentions, you can't live someone's life for them. Several folks suggested setting a good example. I am doing the best I can, but seriously it is a much more dire situation for my friend, confirmed by my friend's doctors.

    I know this seems super mean and passive aggressive, but since you are getting married, have you thought about joking about how he will have waaaaay more fun w/ his future grandchildren if he were healthier? (I know, I know - but this is my last resort suggestion! i"m pulling out the big guns here!)
  • JesaGrace
    JesaGrace Posts: 799 Member
    If talking to them doesn't help...maybe your actions of being healthy will...he will see(unless he doesn't live close, of course) you become healthy feeling and looking better and that may inspire him to change....or just pray someone outside of your family comes along to help....sometimes someone outside the family will have better results....you know what I mean??
  • granolagirl82
    granolagirl82 Posts: 23
    The best you can do is be the example and like someone else said try to invite them to dinner.
  • mommabear2002
    mommabear2002 Posts: 33
    There isnt too much you can do to get him or her to want to lose weight if they dont seem to care. One little thing I would try doing is inviting them over for dinner as much as possible, cook healthy food you think they will like and hopefully they may like it enough to ask for the recipe. And even if its just once a week, maybe that one healthy meal will help some what.
  • tross0924
    tross0924 Posts: 909 Member
    Like most people have said, you can't make anyone else want to lose weight and if they don't want to, they won't.

    One of the things I tried that was marginally successful was kinda just being general. I say things like "most people have no idea how many calories they're putting into their bodies." and "if people would just track what they eat they could see where the problems are. I mean if this meal is not very filling and 1000 calories and this meal fills you up and is only 500 calories, which would you choose. But if they don't track, so they don't know and are stuck making the same poor uniformed choices."

    It may take some time, but hopefully, eventually, you get the question from them about how they start tracking their food.

    GL and congrats on the upcomming marriage :-)
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