Please NOTICE me...

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2

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  • absolament
    absolament Posts: 278 Member
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    Are you losing weight for you or other people? Be proud of yourself. You've come a long way. Waiting for other people to be proud of you is setting yourself up for failure. Getting in shape is about how you feel about yourself.

    My husband isn't a weight kind of guy. He won't notice if I put it on or take it off. He just loves me for me and not my size. When I want him to notice, I state it and coax out some encouraging words from him. But if he doesn't notice, I don't let it get my self esteem down. I'm losing weight and feeling great for one person, and that's me. After all, I am the only one who has to live in this skin.

    If you really want people to notice you need to be obvious about it. Mention it to your friends and family. "Hey. Guess what? I just lost 13 pounds in the past two months. Don't I look great?" People are forced to acknowledge a straight forward question. Make it a full on conversation about your plans and your slip ups.

    To be noticed is to step out there and make them notice. To be happy is to be happy with one's self.
  • rcrea
    rcrea Posts: 80
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    Just wanted to send you a big ol (((HUG)))! I hear you. I really do. :heart:
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    He sees you every day, it will take longer for him to notice the difference. If you show him a before pic and then have him look at you now, he will notice.
  • Bratkins
    Bratkins Posts: 47
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    Of course you want people (him) to notice. But he probably loves you and thinks you are beautiful even without losing the weight. Weight loss can be an exercise in futility when someone already views you with rose colored glasses. That is when you can look and the mirror and understand that this is all for you. How often do you do something anymore that is solely for you? Especially being a Mom? Any time you work out that is for YOU. And you notice so that is fantastic.

    Keep up the good work. I started losing weight before MFP (a year ago) and I am down 40 pounds. Some people have just started telling me I look great, but they always do it carefully. Men usually aren't meaning to insult you when they appear aloof, they are just different creatures. Sometimes I just say :"I need to be lavished, tell me I am pretty!" when I want it. It works well. ;)
  • daddyratty
    daddyratty Posts: 305 Member
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    There's a faith-based book called The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Do you know what sorts of things make him "tick"? Perhaps you guys are both missing the mark on encouraging each other.

    But I'm with you on the "notice me" part. Encouraging words are my fuel. On the flip side, discouraging words slash my tires.

    The five are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. If you are able to, both reading this book could have a tremendous impact on your ability to "speak" to each other. For us and others we know, it's been revolutionary.
  • usmcpatience
    usmcpatience Posts: 168
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    There's a faith-based book called The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Do you know what sorts of things make him "tick"? Perhaps you guys are both missing the mark on encouraging each other.

    But I'm with you on the "notice me" part. Encouraging words are my fuel. On the flip side, discouraging words slash my tires.

    The five are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. If you are able to, both reading this book could have a tremendous impact on your ability to "speak" to each other. For us and others we know, it's been revolutionary.

    We've both read it, actually. It was great! I'm not normally an "affirming words" sort of person (he is, actually), I'm a physical touch person. However, that does not negate the fact that it'd be nice for him to SEE (and be excited) about my weight loss. I know he loves me for me. I know he doesn't care whether I'm 40 pounds lighter or not, but I was hoping he'd be excited about the new me, if you will. I guess I just keep waiting.

    And, yes, everyone...I am doing this for me. However, I would still like to think that my hubby could reap some of the benefits and perks from it!

    Thanks everyone! You're great!
  • flab2steel
    flab2steel Posts: 48
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    Your right we don't always seem to notice and pay attention when we should. We dont say things when we should at the right times. We are "kinda human" and have faults too. I try to make special moments and give praise and need to do so moreyou have made me realize I need to do so more often. Sometimes it takes more than just a hint. Let him know how you feel, when he doesn't notice and praise you. He probably is not doing it intentional. I apologize for us. You look great to me. We all need to be more consciences towards each other. That is why we joined MFP, right!?
  • amuhlou
    amuhlou Posts: 693 Member
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    Oh man I totally understand. I actually had a rant on here a couple of days ago.

    I have lost 12lbs no one has noticed. My husband lost around 14lbs with very little effort and everyone notices. I am feeling really hurt. We all need a little acknowlegement and encouragement.

    Big hugs to you.

    Hah I had a similar thing happen. My hubs and I work at the same place and for the longest time people mentioned his loss but not mine... and I had lost more than him! I had like 30+ pounds down and nobody had said a word! Thankfully my hubs noticed which made me feel better.

    I think it's because men pretty much put all their weight on in the gut, while women it could be distributed throughout the thighs/hips/arms/belly. It's easier to notice the absence of a big belly than it is to notice the absence of a half inch here, an inch there.

    You just have to know that there WILL be a day where they'll notice and they will be blown away. Congrats
  • CMH24
    CMH24 Posts: 101 Member
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    Honey, my DH left for his deployment and I lost 40lbs while he was gone. When he got back and I met him at the airport I expected a "WOW!! You look amazing!!" No.. nothing. After a couple days I got fed up and said something to him and he's like I'm sorry you do look good though.............................. /facepalm. Even now, nearly 60lbs gone and he rarely ever acknowledges that I am no where near the size I once was. I was a 17/18 and I am now an 8/10. Men just don't understand. If you are feeling that way you need to say something to him or just forget about it and keep doing it for yourself! I know it isn't easy because, even though I want it, I keep thinking *man when I lose this weight and I am 140's toned and smoking hot, my husband is going to want to show me off and think I'm so sexy* Nope, I don't foresee it. We're going to Jamaica NEXT fall after this coming deployment next month and I started thinking *I NEED THIS FOR ME* Just keep at it, you do look amazing though!
  • kgage1011
    kgage1011 Posts: 11 Member
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    Sam Sam Sam...My friend...it was YOU who inspired me to go on this journey myself. :) I saw the hard work and dedication you were putting into this and I told myself, "I want what she's got going on!" I too am a woman who seeks validation. It always helps from others, but nothing compares to the acknowledgement from 'the one and only.' We married guys that aren't like any other guys. They've been at one time, 'de-humanized.' Its not an excuse for him but I noticed with Patrick that I couldn't prompt him and really be satisfied by what he said. Now if your husband out of the blue without the prompt told you, "I can tell a difference from behind that you've gotten smaller, " would it have made you want to cry? Maybe not. It may have been that extra little boost you were wanting...the "HE NOTICED!" Talk to him dear. Tell him what you're wanting and tell him once he starts...don't ever stop! Patrick tells me I'm 'good-looking' when I roll out of bed...daily. Do I feel it, with nappy hair, horrible breath and bags under my eyes...no. But he's relentless, and it feels good. But its taken some time to get him 'trained' to do things like that.

    You're doing an amazing job! Not JUST your effort with living a healthy lifestyle, but an amazing job with life! What better compliment than to inspire? :)
  • lkkyer
    lkkyer Posts: 38 Member
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    I think several people have probably already pointed out what I was thinking: 1) He sees you everyday, so he isn't noticing the gradual changes YET and 2) Most men gain all of their weight in their gut, while women gain it different places. Me, I gain ALL of mine on my butt. To look at me from the front, I'm not all that big. So a lot of people don't notice when I lose or gain at first.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    We're men. Gotta give us a break. We're trying, but, honest to God, how are we supposed to notice that you changed the sheets in the bedroom from "Off white" to "egg shell". We're still working on putting the toilet seat back down.

    I am so glad for these posts though. It's like "Husband 101". I'm learning a lot and applying it in the field.
  • Still_Sossy
    Still_Sossy Posts: 868 Member
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    I totally get what you are saying! And I feel for you I really do. I have given up on my husband noticing my weight loss, I could walk in the room naked stand in front of him jump up and down and he would tell me to move out of the way of the Tv! LOL. Seriously, I think they just do not pay attention the things we do.
  • kamk16
    kamk16 Posts: 205
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    It's the same way here I have lost 15lbs and my pants don't fit the best anymore but unless I say oh look my pants are really big or I lost another pound this week then I get a oh well good job but I feel like I am fishing for compliments wish he would just notice and say something on his own.
  • Woodman725
    Woodman725 Posts: 288 Member
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    Maybe he thinks that if he points out how great you look now, that you'll think he found you unattractive before. Some guys just don't want to risk sticking their foot in their mouth. :flowerforyou:

    I'll vouch for this. But you still deserve to hear that you're beautiful. "Hey, you look pretty today" or "You make that dress look good" goes a long way. Just tell him this is what you need, I needed to hear it from my wife (her telling me to say it), and we've been married 13 years.
  • Purplegal
    Purplegal Posts: 137 Member
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    Ha! I just was steaming over this issue myself. Last night I even told my husband about how a dad at preschool pickup complimented me on how much weight I had lost (I was pretty surprised for a guy to notice actually!) and I made the comment "you have not even noticed I've lost weight!" and he did not say anything but just nod absently. Humph. MEN.
  • Stefani74
    Stefani74 Posts: 448 Member
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    Maybe he thinks that if he points out how great you look now, that you'll think he found you unattractive before. Some guys just don't want to risk sticking their foot in their mouth. :flowerforyou:

    Exactly what my husband told me when I asked him if he noticed the changes in my body that I have noticed since I have been working out. He didn't want to say anything for fear of making me feel like he really didn't like the way I looked "before".
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    Maybe he hasn't noticed because you have always looked beautiful to him.
  • Lisamariemlt
    Lisamariemlt Posts: 101 Member
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    having read so much about weight loss over the years
    I have read that it's at least at the 20lb mark that people begin to notice

    they say at that point it's a size difference give or take a bit

    hugs hon he'll notice when he's ready
    maybe he's a little insecure about you loosing and having others notice too
    so it's not acknowledging

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