HELP HE WANTS MORE CHILDREN!!!

mamatjtr
mamatjtr Posts: 20
edited September 19 in Health and Weight Loss
I'VE BEEN DOING SO WELL ON MY DIET FOR THE LAST COUPE OF MONTHS. I'M EATING RIGHT DRINKING MY WATER, DOING LOTS OF WALKING AND I FEEL GOOD THE WEIGHT IS COMING OFF SLOWLY BUT I'M LOSING:smile: NOW MY PROBLEM IS SINCE I'VE LOST SOME AND LOOK A LITTLE BETTER IN MY CLOTHES MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN ALL OVER ME AND NOW WANTS A THIRD CHILD. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THE BABY THING AGAIN MY BABY IS NOW THREE AND MY OLDEST IS NINE (GIRLS) AND I FEEL I'M DONE. I'VE TOLD HIM HOW I FELT ABOUT THIS AND HE JUST KEEPS ON PUSHING THE ISSUE. HE SOMETIMES HIDES MY B-PILLS BUT I GOT BACK UP:devil: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW I WANNA KEEP LOSING MY WEIGHT AND LOOK EVEN BETTER. I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND OUR LITTLE FAMILY THE WAY IT IS, I REALLY DON'T WANT NO MORE KIDS JUST A BOTTLE OF WATER AND A NICE FRUIT SALAD:tongue: PLEASE HELP ME FIND A WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY AND PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU CAN GO TO THE GYM AND STAY FIT WHILE PREGNANT !!!. I'LL START ED TO LOOK LIKE A WHALE AND BECAME VERY LAZY WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AND REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE WHAT I WORK SO HARD AT. PLEASE HELP:sad:

Replies

  • mamatjtr
    mamatjtr Posts: 20
    I'VE BEEN DOING SO WELL ON MY DIET FOR THE LAST COUPE OF MONTHS. I'M EATING RIGHT DRINKING MY WATER, DOING LOTS OF WALKING AND I FEEL GOOD THE WEIGHT IS COMING OFF SLOWLY BUT I'M LOSING:smile: NOW MY PROBLEM IS SINCE I'VE LOST SOME AND LOOK A LITTLE BETTER IN MY CLOTHES MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN ALL OVER ME AND NOW WANTS A THIRD CHILD. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THE BABY THING AGAIN MY BABY IS NOW THREE AND MY OLDEST IS NINE (GIRLS) AND I FEEL I'M DONE. I'VE TOLD HIM HOW I FELT ABOUT THIS AND HE JUST KEEPS ON PUSHING THE ISSUE. HE SOMETIMES HIDES MY B-PILLS BUT I GOT BACK UP:devil: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW I WANNA KEEP LOSING MY WEIGHT AND LOOK EVEN BETTER. I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND OUR LITTLE FAMILY THE WAY IT IS, I REALLY DON'T WANT NO MORE KIDS JUST A BOTTLE OF WATER AND A NICE FRUIT SALAD:tongue: PLEASE HELP ME FIND A WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY AND PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU CAN GO TO THE GYM AND STAY FIT WHILE PREGNANT !!!. I'LL START ED TO LOOK LIKE A WHALE AND BECAME VERY LAZY WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AND REALLY DON'T WANT TO LOSE WHAT I WORK SO HARD AT. PLEASE HELP:sad:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    Tell him you had the first two he can have the next two. :huh:

    Hiding pills? That's a very dangerous game being played. Good luck with that...no really...Let us know how it goes. Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • Anna_Banana
    Anna_Banana Posts: 2,939 Member
    Tell him you had the first two he can have the next two. :huh:

    I totally agree.

    If he is hiding your pills he isn't respecting your wishes. Why is it so important for him to have another child? Maybe he is insecure in the relationship and is trying to find a way to keep you tied down or unattractive. Maybe you should try some councling to try to figure this out.

    Good luck
  • jlwhelan1
    jlwhelan1 Posts: 664
    Congratulations! You've saved enough money to pay for college for each of your first two already! And enough for your retirement, and family vacations, and enough to contribute to, if not outright pay for weddings. Wow. In this day and age that is a tremendous accomplishment. You say your husband is going to do all the diaper changes and getting up at night, and doctor's appointments and teacher conferences for this next baby. He's taking over the majority of the housework too?!

    Wow!

    (ok, sorry for the snarky sarcasm.)

    Really - you get final say in your body. If your husband is not respecting that the it is time for some professional intervention. It is just wrong for someone to force anything like this on another person. What gives with the hiding of pills? That is just plain wrong.

    I don't have words of wisdom for you. First and foremost take care of you and your existing children. I'm thinking of you. Please let us know how you are.
  • nightangelstars
    nightangelstars Posts: 337 Member
    Wow. I would probably tell him that he doesn't get any nookie without birth control and that's it, period. Also counseling sounds like a very good idea. Don't let him push you into doing something you don't want to do, especially that! :flowerforyou: You can do it! (or not.)
  • BBCoachKel72
    BBCoachKel72 Posts: 67 Member
    I would get hooked up with the NuvaRing or something that he wouldn't be able to hide, but
    other than doing things like that maybe you guys should sit down and have a long talk about the issue.
    Good luck to you, Kelly!
  • may_marie
    may_marie Posts: 667 Member
    i have the totaly opposite issue !!!!!!!!!!!

    i want kids so bad (ok maybe not this month but maybe in a couple years down the road) and he doesn't :cry: its to the point that im wondering if we are meant to be together... :sad:

    the thing is that he would be the most wonderful dad !!!,, hes got 2 nieces and when they are over he plays with them allll the time... sitting on the floor playing houses ... the other day we saw a mother trying to calm down her crying baby and he said looking all sad,, awww hes not having a good day is he... ( most guys would roll their eyes and wishing it would shut up..lol)

    i try not to push it on him.. hoping one day he will change his mind,,, but its always on the back of my mind,, what if he doesnt !!!!!!!!!! i'll have to choose between not having any or leave him ? witch i would feel terrible for. argghhhhhh :brokenheart:

    that and i think that the hormones are playing up a role into that,,, i call it the baby hormone and its crying out that im at the right age to have kids so get on with it... i get all sad when i see babys and kids........

    life is hard sometimes,,, sighhh
    may
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Each time I would lose the last 10 lbs of baby fat my DH would push for a night of unprotection and I would get preggers. the only reason it didnt happen with my last was my mom was dying and the issues were much different.

    My theory is: My DH was confident when I was over weight. When I lost the weight not only did I look better, I felt more confident.

    We have discussed this (kids are now in 20s) and he said he was jealous of how other men looked at me. The preggers thing was like tagging your property. He said it wasnt a consious thought, just nature.

    Sooo TALK to him. Tell him you really want to be sexy for HIM and healthy for him and the kids. Give him a time line of lets say 1 year to then reconsider how you both feel.

    Just my opinion....been there, done that. :flowerforyou:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    Tell him you had the first two he can have the next two. :huh:

    I totally agree.

    If he is hiding your pills he isn't respecting your wishes. Why is it so important for him to have another child? Maybe he is insecure in the relationship and is trying to find a way to keep you tied down or unattractive. Maybe you should try some councling to try to figure this out.

    Good luck

    This is what I REALLY wanted to say...My thoughts exactly.
  • SingleMomMandi1976
    SingleMomMandi1976 Posts: 18
    I was in a marriage for 5 years every time i started looking better and feeling better about myself my husband wanted to try having a baby. when we married i told him i have one and its dangerous for me to get pregnant again.. ( i lost a kidney ) and that i shouldnt have done it the first time when i was a teenager.. but the fatter i got the more secure he felt so it kept his wanting a baby at bay. IM not suggesting that this is his deal but i know that men get ancy when their woman feels good in their own body. i would love to find a guy who is happy the happier and healthier i am ... just think about it .. your in my thoughts...
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    Is there a medical condition name for this? Seriously, is there a name for this behavior? Not survivors guilt, but umm...

    Looking...
  • SingleMomMandi1976
    SingleMomMandi1976 Posts: 18
    i think the medical condition name is "some men are just scum".... but thats just my opionion.. no offence to anyone that may be male reading this...
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    Wow, yes, it sounds as though he's keeping you "safe" from other men. Sit down and have that talk with him. Figure out his true intentions and get hooked up with an IUD or NuveRing. Playing around with the BC is NOT ok.

    May-Sometimes people change, but sometimes......Sometimes you have to sit down and have that conversation that may hurt. Before you do that though, decide if it is a "make or break" issue and why. MSN had an article about this......

    :flowerforyou:
    Best to the both of you.
  • SingleMomMandi1976
    SingleMomMandi1976 Posts: 18
    OKay i take my comment back it was a tad harsh.. although i only was meaning my ex husband.... i will try to be a bit more positive...
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    OKay i take my comment back it was a tad harsh.. although i only was meaning my ex husband.... i will try to be a bit more positive...

    we've all been there sweetie :flowerforyou:
  • Quenofcrazzy
    Quenofcrazzy Posts: 358
    Well..I'm done having kids. I had my first son (6 lbs, 2 oz) at 17 (c-section) with my ex husband..
    Then I met current husband and had baby #2 (7 lbs, 10 oz) and baby #3 (9lbs, 2.5 oz). As soon as baby #3 was out..hubby was asking when we were gonna have another. I did some quick math, figured out the next one would be almost 11 pounds (each baby went up 1.5 pounds), and told him HE was going to have to have the next one. We still don't have another one..hehe
    I got my tubes tied, cut, and burned 6 weeks later for my 23rd birthday!
  • mamatjtr
    mamatjtr Posts: 20
    THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT INFO EVEN THE COMMENTS PEOPLE THOUGHT WAS HARSH?? I'M A VERY OPEN PERSON AND CAN TAKE WHAT EVER A PERSON GIVES EVEN THE BAD I THOUGH IT WAS FUNNY EVEN THOUGH THE DRAMA I'M IN IS CRAZY BUT THANKS ANYWAY........NOW TO THE ISSUE
    I'VE DONE THE NUVA RING AND MY DOCTORS NO LONGER GIVES IT AND WITH NO MEDICAL ANYMORE I CAN'T AFFORD $120 A MONTH. I'VE TRYED THE I U D TWICE AND WITH BOTH TIMES I HAD TO GET IT REMOVED BECAUSE OF PAIN.. I HAD A LEEP DONE NINE YEARS AGO (A LEEP IS WHEN THE DOCTOR CUTS A PIECE OF YOUR CERVICS OFF TO STOP THE SPREAD OF CANCER YES CERVICAL CANCER BUT I'M OKAY NOW AND IT HASN'T BEEN BACK. CHEERS TO GOOD HEALTH) I CAN'T USE CONDOMS, I BREAK OUT FROM LATEX.,, AND BIRTH CONTROL PILLS ARE FREE AT MY DOCTORS SO I HAVE TO STICK WITH THEM FOR A WHILE. I WOULD LIKE TO GET MY TUBES TIED BUT AGAIN NO MEDICAL AND WHEN I HAD MEDICAL I SIGNED UP FOR IT HAD MY DATE TO GET IT DONE AND TWO DAYS BEFORE I WAS TO HAVE IT DONE MY MEDICAL WAS CUT OFF CRAZY RIGHT. NOW I'VE SAT DOWN AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS, WE EVEN SPOKE ABOUT THE TWO FAILED PREGNANCY WE WENT THROUGH AND ALL HE COULD SAY IS" WITH TWO GIRLS I WOULD LIKE A BOY TO CARRY MY NAME " MY HUSBAND IS DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB BUT I UNDERSTAND BUT NOT ENOUGH TO FALL FOR THE B S..... I TOLD HIM NO WAY NO HOW NO MORE BABIES AND IF HE'S NOT HAPPY WITH THAT THEN WE GOT A PROBLEM BUT I'M HEAVY ON MY PILLS AND STICKING TO MY GUNS NO MORE BABIES DEAL WITH IT DUDE!!!!!!
  • cp005e
    cp005e Posts: 1,495 Member
    I'm married and I kept my name - maybe your daughters will, too. :wink:

    Seriously, it's only a 50/50 chance that you'd have a boy anyway - would he be disappointed and looking for a 4th if you had another girl? Hopefully you can convince him to love the family he's got. And hey, there's always adoption.

    But really, he has GOT to respect your wishes. Hiding your pills is NOT okay at all. Keep them in your purse or some other private place if you have to.
  • GinaB30
    GinaB30 Posts: 725 Member
    Yeah, another pregnancy does not mean a boy, he has to realize that!
    My cousin had FOUR boys before she got one girl!
  • pamelawilliams
    pamelawilliams Posts: 66
    Stick to your guns girl. I was in a similar situation. After my first pregnancy, a 80 pound weight gain, pre-eclampia and continued high blood pressure, my ex-husband wanted a second child. I explained that my health would be at risk with another pregnancy. In my case when I started to lose weight and look good, I think he got a little jealous and thought that having another child would hold me back. Continue to talk to your husband and assure him that your looking and feeling good will benefit the both of you. Also remember something, in hard times with medical insurance can you afford another pregnancy. If the answer is no, discuss finances with him. I think he will get the point then. Good luck and keep up the good work on your weight loss journey.:smile:
  • connieq288
    connieq288 Posts: 1,102 Member
    IF you already were going to get your tubes tied then here is another option that will be cheaper because they dont have to put you asleep or cut you open. It is permanent. After my 3 rd child last year I had what was called ESSURE. It is done in the doctors office. My insurance did pay for most of mine so I am not sure what all it costs. Anyway you go into the drs office and before hand they give you a valium to take to take away the edge. The doctor then goes in through your vagina and puts these things that look like springs into your fallopian tubes. It didnt hurt just a little pressure is what I felt. It took maybe 20 minutes for the whole thing. They tell you to use some other type of BC for 3 months. Then at 3 months you go and have a special xray done to see if your tubes are blocked. Mine were. YEA ME... During those 3 months tissue grows around the springs blocking it. I have had mine done for a year now and have no scares or nothing. The only thing they say is after the procedure you may have some cramping. I had my mother in law drive me because of the valium I took. You could check into that.
    ALthough I really didnt want it done myself but after 3 kids I knew we couldnt afford anymore and the last one I had a hard time during the pregnancy. I was always in alot of pain down below and had to go to physical therapy for it.

    I also agree with most of the other posts about your hubby. He may just be insecure in how he feels, which probably doesnt have much to do with you. He just may be worrying that you might leave if you look all hot and skinny. My hubby feels to secure with me LOL. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I just wish maybe once he would get jealous. I think he does he just doesnt show it. DARN HIM.

    Connie
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I like your attitude!
    00020165.gif



    The whole 50/50 thing stops when it involves our bodies.

    He must understand this is your body-and YOU are the one raising your kids. Period.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories