A Woman's Week at the Gym - Funny

You may have seen this before but I thought it was funny. :laugh:

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club . Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try .

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear .

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress .
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am . Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me . He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile . Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines . . I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today . Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around .

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door . Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile . His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile . I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me .
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WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it . I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals . Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop . I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot .
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members . His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying .
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster . Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life . He said some other **** too .
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THURSDAY:
*kitten* was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl . I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes .
He took me to work out with dumbbells . When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom . He sent some skinny ***** to find me .
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank .
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FRIDAY:
I hate that *kitten* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world . Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor . If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it .
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps . I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich .
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher . Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today . Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel . .
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over . I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy . I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!