Please NOTICE me...
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I think several people have probably already pointed out what I was thinking: 1) He sees you everyday, so he isn't noticing the gradual changes YET and 2) Most men gain all of their weight in their gut, while women gain it different places. Me, I gain ALL of mine on my butt. To look at me from the front, I'm not all that big. So a lot of people don't notice when I lose or gain at first.0
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We're men. Gotta give us a break. We're trying, but, honest to God, how are we supposed to notice that you changed the sheets in the bedroom from "Off white" to "egg shell". We're still working on putting the toilet seat back down.
I am so glad for these posts though. It's like "Husband 101". I'm learning a lot and applying it in the field.0 -
I totally get what you are saying! And I feel for you I really do. I have given up on my husband noticing my weight loss, I could walk in the room naked stand in front of him jump up and down and he would tell me to move out of the way of the Tv! LOL. Seriously, I think they just do not pay attention the things we do.0
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It's the same way here I have lost 15lbs and my pants don't fit the best anymore but unless I say oh look my pants are really big or I lost another pound this week then I get a oh well good job but I feel like I am fishing for compliments wish he would just notice and say something on his own.0
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Maybe he thinks that if he points out how great you look now, that you'll think he found you unattractive before. Some guys just don't want to risk sticking their foot in their mouth. :flowerforyou:
I'll vouch for this. But you still deserve to hear that you're beautiful. "Hey, you look pretty today" or "You make that dress look good" goes a long way. Just tell him this is what you need, I needed to hear it from my wife (her telling me to say it), and we've been married 13 years.0 -
Ha! I just was steaming over this issue myself. Last night I even told my husband about how a dad at preschool pickup complimented me on how much weight I had lost (I was pretty surprised for a guy to notice actually!) and I made the comment "you have not even noticed I've lost weight!" and he did not say anything but just nod absently. Humph. MEN.0
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Maybe he thinks that if he points out how great you look now, that you'll think he found you unattractive before. Some guys just don't want to risk sticking their foot in their mouth. :flowerforyou:
Exactly what my husband told me when I asked him if he noticed the changes in my body that I have noticed since I have been working out. He didn't want to say anything for fear of making me feel like he really didn't like the way I looked "before".0 -
Maybe he hasn't noticed because you have always looked beautiful to him.0
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having read so much about weight loss over the years
I have read that it's at least at the 20lb mark that people begin to notice
they say at that point it's a size difference give or take a bit
hugs hon he'll notice when he's ready
maybe he's a little insecure about you loosing and having others notice too
so it's not acknowledging0 -
I was feeling the same way....then the other night (total overshare ahead!!) when we were...well, ya know
... he was grabbing my hip area and out of no where he says "Holy crap-you HAVE been working out!!" He said it could feel a huge difference in my size and muscles. It made me feel good, even if it took that to make him notice! LOL He is a man afterall.
So, just climb on top of him! HAHA Sorry. I'm totally inappropriate!
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Maybe he does notice, but has his own insecurities and him telling youhow wonderful you look, in his mind he is worried you will start thinking you can do better and move on. I know this is howmy husband thinks. He loves me, he of course wants to see my healthy and happy, but deep down he likes having his fatty wife.0
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You know what, you're doing something really great for you and for your little one and i'm betting your husband appreciates it even though he might not seem to notice. But, don't forget that (some) men just don't understand how much you are working to make this happen or realise how much it means to you to get that affirmation.
Is there any local group like weightwatchers (or similar) where you can talk to other peope who are on the same journey - you can be sure they will notice!0 -
Couple things I've noted about men, especially ones who have had a crazy girlfriend/wife or two: They've been trained that fat/weight/looks are this *extremely* sensitive issue (as some guys have just said) and they're kind of afraid of stepping in a hornet's nest of one kind or another. It's true that "you've lost a TON of weigh" or even its kinder translations is something anyone's a bit hesitant to say to someone, therefore admitting they had that much to lose, etc. Also, men actually get kind of jealous; If you look hotter, what's up? Especially if other people are starting to notice. Are you gonna dump them for someone better? Also, though a part of them would really love to "show you off," what they really want to do is hide you away and keep you all to themselves. Of course nice guys–the only kind I have an personal experience with ; ) only experience these things to a small degree (except maybe the first), but they could be part of the reason. Of course it's possible that he just didn't notice, in which case you should suggest a visit to the eye doctor for new glasses :noway: Don't worry, he and everyone else will notice and you'll be so thrilled when you try on clothes, etc., that you won't even care.0
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I totally get what you are saying! And I feel for you I really do. I have given up on my husband noticing my weight loss, I could walk in the room naked stand in front of him jump up and down and he would tell me to move out of the way of the Tv! LOL. Seriously, I think they just do not pay attention the things we do.
I'd be speechless, too, if you walked into the room naked and stood in front of me.0 -
I actually had a convo with my hubby about this exact issue. I, like most people on a weight loss journey, need that little pick me up after a day of fighting cravings, hard workout, your tired, stressed and you just want SOMEONE to realize, wow, you are doing a great job! He told me that it is because he sees me everyday he doesnt notice the significant change that people who see me rarely do, but he does notice, he just didnt want to make me feel bad about how I was before. Now he compliments me from time to time and continues the encouragement but in a way that I recieve much better.
BOTTOM LINE: You must talk to him, guys have no idea what is going on inside of our head, as much as we would love that, it is simply not true. Sometimes life gets in the way and couples need to regroup to see where eachother is at, especially if you have little ones!! Good luck, and congratulations on your weight loss! You are doing great! 0 -
Maybe he thinks that if he points out how great you look now, that you'll think he found you unattractive before. Some guys just don't want to risk sticking their foot in their mouth. :flowerforyou:
I'll vouch for this. But you still deserve to hear that you're beautiful. "Hey, you look pretty today" or "You make that dress look good" goes a long way. Just tell him this is what you need, I needed to hear it from my wife (her telling me to say it), and we've been married 13 years.
Not all men are as responsive. I did ask my husband to..."tell me you think I am pretty or sexy every once in a while...when I get all dressed up tell me I look good" and his response was "I CAN'T! It sounds corny." What?? I don't HAVE to hear it, but it is nice to hear occasionally.0 -
Ok so I have 2 rolls of paper towels. Think of your body as one of the rolls of paper towels. The tube being the thin you. Each layer of paper towel is a # of fat. Pull of 15 paper towels of the 'you' roll and sit it next to the other roll. Not much of a differnce huh. BUT now pull of 15 more!-- now you are starting to really see the difference in the rolls. And buy the time you reach the tube (your goal weight) everyone is gonna notice!
What an awesome analogy!!!!!0 -
Oh man I totally understand. I actually had a rant on here a couple of days ago.
I have lost 12lbs no one has noticed. My husband lost around 14lbs with very little effort and everyone notices. I am feeling really hurt. We all need a little acknowlegement and encouragement.
Big hugs to you.
Yep, the same I've lost 14 kilos and no one other than my hubby has said boo.0 -
I think this is my favorite post of the day! :flowerforyou:This happened to me too. I was 158 lost about 15lbs before a few people started noticing. Once I lost 20 everyone is noticing. I Ok so I have 2 rolls of paper towels. Think of your body as one of the rolls of paper towels. The tube being the thin you. Each layer of paper towel is a # of fat. Pull of 15 paper towels of the 'you' roll and sit it next to the other roll. Not much of a differnce huh. BUT now pull of 15 more!-- now you are starting to really see the difference in the rolls. And buy the time you reach the tube (your goal weight) everyone is gonna notice!0 -
Don't feel too bad. It's a proximity thing I think. People around you don't seem to notice the baby steps downward. It wasn't until I had lost about 30-35 pounds before my co-workers noticed. After that, everyone was happy for me and very encouraging.
Keep up your resolve. A little further and people will notice!0 -
I would talk to him to tell him how you feel. He probably doesnt realise how much its hurting you, and that you need than encouragement to keep going. Having a supportive husband has really helped me, so speaking to him will help. You know we all support you!!! 0
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My boyfriend just asked me today...so have you lost any weight yet?
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I feel ya. Feel free to add me! We'll fight together!0 -
You look great, and your husband is an idiot for not noticing, but sometimes the people that see you everyday are the last to notice because it's happening right in front of them a little at a time. Hang in there he will notice, sometimes we men are slow on the up take.0
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Im the same......lost about 12lbs. My hubby is the same too. I would just get on with it (thats what I plan on doing) and NOT give up. I find sometimes its an excuse for me to give up, that hubby doesnt say anythng or not enough for me to feel better about myself. "oh its not working away", that kind of thing. Keep going, do it for you. I AM. Otherwise I would give up before hubby would say enough to make me happy.0
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Yeah me too - I'm up to 13 today but nobody here has noticed, even when i said so. I know and that's all that matters. Thankfully nobody noticed that I gained 30lbs either so.... pick your battles.
I know it sucks that hubby doesn't notice - it will take time and like kids growing, sometimes we suddenly see them and say hey... where's my little girl? It's hard to see the small steps along the way but when you (or others) look back you'll see how far you've really come!!
Don't give up hope.0 -
Ok so I have 2 rolls of paper towels. Think of your body as one of the rolls of paper towels. The tube being the thin you. Each layer of paper towel is a # of fat. Pull of 15 paper towels of the 'you' roll and sit it next to the other roll. Not much of a differnce huh. BUT now pull of 15 more!-- now you are starting to really see the difference in the rolls. And buy the time you reach the tube (your goal weight) everyone is gonna notice!
What an awesome analogy!!!!!
Until somebody spills a beer...
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