MFP Frenemies?

ashleighk2010
ashleighk2010 Posts: 135
edited September 24 in Motivation and Support
So this has probably been said before, but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

When I first started MFP I really didn't know anything about dieting, nutrition, weight-loss, exercise, etc. I joined this site to learn all of these things.

Through the forums and friends I made, I learned quite a bit. Still, when I started I kept my diary private. I knew I wasn't eating very well, but this was all new to me. I needed to adjust to the concepts of losing weight. I needed to see that this would work for me. And I didn't want to be lectured on what I was eating when I was still figuring everything out.

Now, if I had thought I would receive support, tips, and helpful suggestions my diary would have been wide open. However I had added a few friends who I could see dominating many diaries and posting negative, unhelpful and generally preachy comments.

And I have a question for them: WHY? This is in no way helpful. A lot of people who are trying to make these changes for themselves (ME INCLUDED) are already nervous, unsure, self-conscious. They don't need someone tearing them down. As a matter of fact, nobody needs that. If I had received some of those comments I may have left the site prematurely and I would never have lost the weight I have lost. I wouldn't still be losing weight and feeling better every day.

And I don't think they had bad intentions; I really think that they just don't know how to communicate effectively, or something. So next time you're posting on your new friend's updates just keep in mind that you can be helpful without being rude, you can make suggestions without being negative, and you can be informative without being preachy.

So after lecturing you to get off your soap boxes, I will get off mine. =]

Replies

  • GinaJ2006
    GinaJ2006 Posts: 67
    I think some people have the best of intentions, but I do also think that a lot of people just like to feel superior. If they can point out something that you are doing wrong that they are not, well suddenly they feel great about themselves and if they had to make you feel bad, oh well. I agree, it is not helpful at all. It makes it hard for people to want to put themselves out there.
  • Scncartist
    Scncartist Posts: 173
    Where is the like button???? :-)

    I originally signed up to loose weight for my wedding, one woman sent me a very mean and preachy message about how my intentions were incorrect and that I really needed to look at my life to figure out what was important. She was REALLY mean about it.

    Everyone's trip <meant journey> is their own to take. :-)
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    :glasses: Some people like tough love. Besides, when someone's sick, I can suggest remedies all day long, but when it effects me I go into retarded mode and forget all my basics. So I call people, and they give me "no duh" advise I should have been able to give myself.
  • Phoenyxlove
    Phoenyxlove Posts: 150 Member
    I agree. I like seeing peoples diaries because it gives me meal ideas! If I see someone didn't eat so great one day but stayed under there calories I look to see how they did it! And if they did go over, well we are all human and can't be perfect all the time and it's very inspiring to see them get right back on track the next day!
  • eveunderground
    eveunderground Posts: 236 Member
    This subject has been coming up a lot, I can't believe people would look through someone else's diary and then send them unsupportive messages. I can completely understand people keeping their diary private for this reason. I've mentioned before I don't use the MFP diary so I've never experienced this, but if I did and people left me those type of messages I'd unfriend them. It's often difficult to find supportive people in real life and that's why many turn to these online forums. No one needs unsolicited advice and criticism from strangers on the internet!
  • crystal_sapphire
    crystal_sapphire Posts: 1,205 Member
    i agree with your post

    then again i don't keep my diary open. i've been accused of "not being accountable" by keeping it privately. it's really because i have an ED and I don't need comments on what i eat tbh.
  • Nigel99
    Nigel99 Posts: 498 Member
    The whole "not being accountable" stuff is BS - at least for me. I'm accountable to myself, so I don't need other people to keep me honest. That may be different for other folks, but that is why I completely agree with the OP (though I haven't had friends lecture me on my diary).

    I love getting other ideas from friends' diaries, and just seeing ho other people are going about eating/exercising on their daily routine. There is a fine line between offering helpful advice and chastising people on their diaries.
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