Married to an enabler...
marlabelle
Posts: 55 Member
Tonight my house smells like fried hot wings & I also walked in on my husband emptying a packages of fun size twix & snickers bars in to his top dresser drawer. He tries to hide his snacks but if I know they are there & they haunt my dreams. I have asked him not to buy junk and he won't stop. I have asked him to keep his treats in his car but he forgets. The kicker is he is at an "ideal" body weight.
I feel as though I can use more support to push myself to the next level. I have been back on MFP since Jan 31 and have lost 1 dress size. I would like to loose another dress size by April. I know I am on a solid track because I feel like I've gotten most of my compulsive eating tendencies under control. However, I am surrounded by a lot of at home temptations.
PS - I didn't eat any hot wings & currently trying to forget the location of the chocolate.
I feel as though I can use more support to push myself to the next level. I have been back on MFP since Jan 31 and have lost 1 dress size. I would like to loose another dress size by April. I know I am on a solid track because I feel like I've gotten most of my compulsive eating tendencies under control. However, I am surrounded by a lot of at home temptations.
PS - I didn't eat any hot wings & currently trying to forget the location of the chocolate.
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Replies
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Im the same. I cant have that stuff in my house because I will eat it.
Would your husband be upset if you put all his junk food into his car for him? Remove the temptation yourself rather than waiting for him to do it - which he probably wont.0 -
I actually went through my house and literally threw away most of the candy that I found - I did keep some for my girls for an occasional treat, but for the most part - I literally was dumping bowls of candy into the trash can.
I already thought for Easter - they are gettin fruit, a healthy snack (they love our 100 calorie pack cookies), a couple candy items, Barbie clothes and a pair of walkie talkies in their easter basket. The easter bunny is on a healthy kick this year too! Oh and how can I forget - hard boiled eggs!0 -
Maybe your husband & mine can move in with each other LOL .. I have the same problem. He "tells" me he wants to help, but then we go to the mall, and he gets Chinese buffet type foods and sits at the table while I have nothing... Even my 8 yr old tries to help by asking if I want her white rice because she thinks its healthier.. UUGGH!! So I walk around the food court collecting nutrition guides, sit at the table while he stuffs his face with 5,000 cals (oh and a large root beer to boot), while I try and figure out what I can have under 400 cals.. Sometimes I think they just don't think.. Stinkin' men
PS - I'd put all this "goodies" in his trunk one day.. or better yet, just toss them in the trash.. I wouldn't be able to control myself for long so it's better to be gone then hoping you don't remember they are there :S0 -
I can totally relate. My husband is thin and always has been. He eats whatever he wants and doesn't gain weight. Also, he can sit around all winter for months, and just suddently one day decide to go for a nine mile run with no problem! Geez! I hate that.
He always has junk food snacks around. It's hard. I've talked to him about it and he's supporting my weight loss, but it's still hard when your spouse is not in the same "boat" as you.0 -
My husband is the type of guy who can eat 5000+ calories a day and maintain a BMI of 18. Not fair, is it? But, if your hubby is snacking on junk all day, it's not healthy, regardless of his weight. He doesn't want diabetes or cardiac disease later on. If he's receptive, sit down and talk to him about making changes in BOTH of your eating habits. My husband eats similarly to me during the day, then has a bedtime snack of whatever he wants. I make a point to be doing something else and not paying attention. This way, we are setting good nutrition habits for our children, but every one is getting the nutrients they need, and he is getting the caloric intake his insane metabolism requires!0
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My two cents. And recognize that I understand completely about compulsive eating and temptation. Isn't the whole point of being healthy learning to keep your head in spite of temptation? Isn't the goal here to take responsibility for our own healthy lifestyles? At first I asked my wife, also perfect weight, to avoid having goodies in the house. Really, though, that was just me shifting responsibility. Tempation is everywhere. This is America. There are twix bars within five minutes at any given moment. I'm not going to make my wife, friends, children, coworkers all diet because I am. I got myself into this, not them. Therefore its my responsibility to get back out. Everyone is an "enabler" if you think about it. One of my greatest victories in the past three weeks is that my wife has a chocolate stash, my kids have christmas (and even halloween) candy that they haven't eaten. I haven't touched any of it. That's something that transfers to the outside world. And really unless you never leave your house, that's what we are all working to achieve. Sanity in the outside world, twix and all. Don't you think?0
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I know it's so hard, trust me I do. I was in your position for months. Thing I had to remember that this was MY choice to do this...not his. He should be allowed to make his own choices with food too. I don't think it's necessarily fair for us to as them not to buy treats for themselves.
It sucks, but if he isn't wanting to do this with you right now, you will just have to be extra strong. It's not impossible. You can do it!! Good luck!0 -
oh...MY GOSH! my WHOLE FAMILY too! granted it's my husband, his two teens, and our two yr old. he buys chocolate ALL the time, or gummies, or some other random candy item and leaves it out in the open. normally we have to "hide" them from the teens because they will eat all of it (same with soda), but his idea of "hiding" is putting it in our room...in plain sight.
i have to hide candy from our 2 yr old because she already knows "coco" and "canny" and if she just sees a WRAPPER for one of them she goes on a begging streak. i've found though that when i hide them in the top of our wardrobes (they don't have closets here in germany) i tend to forget about what's up there. she's (and myself as well) still working on her christmas candy that i've hidden, and has barely even touched her valentine's day candy. i want to teach her moderation so it's out of her reach, out of her sight, and SOMETIMES we will have a piece of chocolate together, but not all the time.
when someone gives her chocolate i have to remind myself what i will look like if i eat it as much as her and DON'T run around. i also rationalize her ability to each so many sweets and not gain weight/look fat by saying "she's 2....she runs around ALL. THE. TIME. i'm 24. i DON'T run around all the time."0 -
He's hiding them. They are in his dresser. I wouldn't throw them away on him.
It is your eating life style, not his. He is doing what he can to be supportive but that doesn't mean he can't have those snacks if he wants them. I am caring for my two young brothers and they are still eating foods they like (but still healthy, they aren't running around on sugar highs) that I don't eat. I love those treats but I'll eat something else. it is the same idea of passing up the extra bread stick at dinner (which I have a hard time doing.)
Sorry but you have to take some control over it (meaning, yourself) and NOT by telling him he can't have it in the house, after all it is his house too.
You can do it.0 -
I know what you mean. I've only been at this for 2 weeks, but I've been able to resist if I know I shouldn't have something. I hope I can keep that up. I try to keep 100 calorie packs for my lunches or for those moments I just can't live without chocolate. My husband is supportive of me but has no desire to lose weight. Although, he probably needs to lose weight more than I do because he has a lot of medical issues that would probably go away if he actually lost weight. My only medical issue is actually being "obese" as they say. It's difficult when I make meals and he's having seconds and sometimes thirds and I'm trying to stick t one small serving unless I know I can afford to have a little more. And my kids are perfectly fine...young, fit, probably should gain weight more than lose it so I'm on my own at home. That's why I'm so thankful to have this site to lean on when necessary. To have that support system on days when I'm sick of going it alone. Good luck!0
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I do understand the difficulty of living with temptation; even if it wasn't constantly available at home (right now, two boxes of girl scout cookies and four packs of Ghiradelli dark chocolate raspberry squares), I'd have to face it all the time at work. There's an extent to which you have to learn to live with it, and learn to limit yourself. I use my MFP food logging to figure out how much I can eat and/or how much exercise is needed to work off indulgences. That said, I'm not so strict on myself that I'm not allowed to cheat; I allow myself to go over "on occasion" - without bothering to define the occasions.
If we're eating somewhere fattening, there's usually something sensible on the menu, or else I allow myself a very controlled portion. Self-control is not ONE decision - you have it or you don't; it's a lot of little decisions that add up over time.
Examples:
This week, somebody brought a cheesecake into the office - my downfall. I allowed myself a roughly 2-tbsp portion - just enough to enjoy it.
I also had a luncheon where the plate I got tallied 920 calories! I skipped most of the starch on the plate, scraped sauce off the potatoes, and enjoyed the parts I really cared about. I estimate I consumed about 500 calories.
This week, as part of a challenge, I did not have one bite of the aforementioned chocolates, because it was a contest, and I hate losing and refuse to cheat.
My daughter wanted to eat at Panda Express. We agreed to go first to the gym. Once done, I checked my days calories, picked my meal, and then calculated how much of it I could afford to eat. I got the steamed veggies instead of rice or chow mein, and stopped when I was supposed to.
A series of decisions that, taken together, contributed to this week's weight loss. You'll have to find what decisions work for you, but I have learned it's possible to live with candy and other temptations, if you find the right thoughts to keep you sidetracked until they become "normal" parts of your environment. From there, it gets a LOT easier. Good luck - I know it's difficult, especially at first.0 -
You are right it is my choice. Just like it is my choice to not want certain foods in my home. I think you missed my point. Which I accept responsibility for. My point was I need more support because I am faced with a lot of temptation. Maybe I wasn't clear when I mentioned how I have gotten over some eating issues and are seeing results. I didn't have hot wings & forgetting where the chocolate is. C'mon downers, quit being such drama queens.
Thanks for the input people!0 -
Buy him a little lock box, put all his "goodies" in it, slap a padlock on it, and give him the only keys.
That way, you can have insomnia too from spending all night going through his *kitten* looking for them. Just kidding about the last part!
Worth a try, though, until you feel you can resist the temptation. Good luck!0 -
WOW! It sounds like you're NOT taking responsibility if you're blaming the 'downers' (your description) who are only suggesting you live in the real world and don't expect others not 'dieting' to cater to your every need.You are right it is my choice. Just like it is my choice to not want certain foods in my home. I think you missed my point. Which I accept responsibility for. My point was I need more support because I am faced with a lot of temptation. Maybe I wasn't clear when I mentioned how I have gotten over some eating issues and are seeing results. I didn't have hot wings & forgetting where the chocolate is. Carmon downers, quit being such drama queens.
Thanks for the input people!
I don't think we missed your point at all! I think you are being quite sensitive because several members don't agree with how you want it handled.:noway: Reality is, candy and crap exists, in your home or outside your home. Why would you expect the whole world to alter their lives because you can't handle sweets? This is what's good about this site, others challenging us to accept reality. You being a member here since 5/09 it would seem you would understand how MFP works?
We won't all agree with you and that's OK, but that doesn't make us 'downers', or 'drama queens', it only means we have our own ideas and we share them because you brought the topic up! :frown: If you don't want to have others share, then the best thing to do is simply not open up the topic.:huh:
I think the drama queen might just be you for not simply accepting help from other members whether you agree with it or not, you can choose to take it or leave it, no one here will make you change your mind but hopefully broaden it to other ideas.
:grumble: People ask for help and then kick the people down that offer it? Some thing's wrong with this picture:indifferent:0 -
Very well put, I agree we all need to accept responsibility in our life changes! Putting it off on someone else will not help us to change!:noway:He's hiding them. They are in his dresser. I wouldn't throw them away on him.
It is your eating life style, not his. He is doing what he can to be supportive but that doesn't mean he can't have those snacks if he wants them. I am caring for my two young brothers and they are still eating foods they like (but still healthy, they aren't running around on sugar highs) that I don't eat. I love those treats but I'll eat something else. it is the same idea of passing up the extra bread stick at dinner (which I have a hard time doing.)
Sorry but you have to take some control over it (meaning, yourself) and NOT by telling him he can't have it in the house, after all it is his house too.
You can do it.0 -
Ditto ^ & Good for you making it work and learning how to avoid what foods you chose to not eat right now.My two cents. And recognize that I understand completely about compulsive eating and temptation. Isn't the whole point of being healthy learning to keep your head in spite of temptation? Isn't the goal here to take responsibility for our own healthy lifestyles? At first I asked my wife, also perfect weight, to avoid having goodies in the house. Really, though, that was just me shifting responsibility. Tempation is everywhere. This is America. There are twix bars within five minutes at any given moment. I'm not going to make my wife, friends, children, coworkers all diet because I am. I got myself into this, not them. Therefore its my responsibility to get back out. Everyone is an "enabler" if you think about it. One of my greatest victories in the past three weeks is that my wife has a chocolate stash, my kids have christmas (and even halloween) candy that they haven't eaten. I haven't touched any of it. That's something that transfers to the outside world. And really unless you never leave your house, that's what we are all working to achieve. Sanity in the outside world, twix and all. Don't you think?
We are each doing our own journey, expecting everyone around us to change for US isn't realistic and certainly isn't fair!
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My two cents. And recognize that I understand completely about compulsive eating and temptation. Isn't the whole point of being healthy learning to keep your head in spite of temptation? Isn't the goal here to take responsibility for our own healthy lifestyles? At first I asked my wife, also perfect weight, to avoid having goodies in the house. Really, though, that was just me shifting responsibility. Tempation is everywhere. This is America. There are twix bars within five minutes at any given moment. I'm not going to make my wife, friends, children, coworkers all diet because I am. I got myself into this, not them. Therefore its my responsibility to get back out. Everyone is an "enabler" if you think about it. One of my greatest victories in the past three weeks is that my wife has a chocolate stash, my kids have christmas (and even halloween) candy that they haven't eaten. I haven't touched any of it. That's something that transfers to the outside world. And really unless you never leave your house, that's what we are all working to achieve. Sanity in the outside world, twix and all. Don't you think?
Seriously, I'm sure she didn't need a lecture from anyone.. Shouldn't one be able to vent and find a shoulder to cry on instead of someone telling her to "deal" with it.. Maybe I'm out of line, but I would be offended by your response if this was my original post.0 -
My bf used to do that, until I told him how many calories and fat there is in the candy he was eating. Now I think i sorta guilt trip him.
I told him he can eat it if he want to but he says knowing there's 500 kcal in the chocolate bar makes it less yummy
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Positively_Fit1210 - how exactly am I blaming anyone or kicking those trying to help??? You've made some assumptions that are off base. I was merely pointing out that my initial post was not a whining session & that I have been taking responsibility for what I do and eat. I was seeking affirmation of the progress I have been making. Yet some people chose to overlook the positive completely. Your right, I can choose to take it or leave it but I can also call it out. Just as you are doing to me.
To all - the use of "downer" and "drama queens" wasn't intended to be hurtful. I do appreciate your thoughts & responses regardless of how I may or may not be perceived. I posted this topic to the motivation and support page. Thank you to those who did just that!0 -
My two cents. And recognize that I understand completely about compulsive eating and temptation. Isn't the whole point of being healthy learning to keep your head in spite of temptation? Isn't the goal here to take responsibility for our own healthy lifestyles? At first I asked my wife, also perfect weight, to avoid having goodies in the house. Really, though, that was just me shifting responsibility. Tempation is everywhere. This is America. There are twix bars within five minutes at any given moment. I'm not going to make my wife, friends, children, coworkers all diet because I am. I got myself into this, not them. Therefore its my responsibility to get back out. Everyone is an "enabler" if you think about it. One of my greatest victories in the past three weeks is that my wife has a chocolate stash, my kids have christmas (and even halloween) candy that they haven't eaten. I haven't touched any of it. That's something that transfers to the outside world. And really unless you never leave your house, that's what we are all working to achieve. Sanity in the outside world, twix and all. Don't you think?
Seriously, I'm sure she didn't need a lecture from anyone.. Shouldn't one be able to vent and find a shoulder to cry on instead of someone telling her to "deal" with it.. Maybe I'm out of line, but I would be offended by your response if this was my original post.
Thank you for getting it!0 -
This one is simple. Get a hammer and some nails and nail that drawer shut. That makes it too much work for you to get to the candy, and easier to forget about it.0
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Positively_Fit1210 - how exactly am I blaming anyone or kicking those trying to help??? You've made some assumptions that are off base. I was merely pointing out that my initial post was not a whining session & that I have been taking responsibility for what I do and eat. I was seeking affirmation of the progress I have been making. Yet some people chose to overlook the positive completely. Your right, I can choose to take it or leave it but I can also call it out. Just as you are doing to me.
To all - the use of "downer" and "drama queens" wasn't intended to be hurtful. I do appreciate your thoughts & responses regardless of how I may or may not be perceived. I posted this topic to the motivation and support page. Thank you to those who did just that!
I did not read a single post here that was not supportive to you. I just read posts that disagreed with the idea of him NOT having it in the house because you didn't think you could control yourself. He is being supportive of you, he is HIDING the food from you in HIS dresser drawer. Sorry if this offended you but I still say and feel it is downright unfair of you to tell him he can't have it in the house.
All the posts that disagreed with you did say you can do it, we are all doing it and we are all facing the challenges. No one said this would be easy.
No one was lecturing, everyone was offering support. If you are not willing to accept support that might challenge your way of thinking then I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for offering that support.
Great job on skipping over the chicken wings and chocolate. Keep it up, you can do it more. And if you fall (fall, not fail) one day there is always tomorrow.0
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