I just need to vent

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afulghum
afulghum Posts: 6
in Motivation and Support
I've had several acquaintances and friends ask me how I've been losing weight and say that they want to do the same. At first, I was excited about them being interested because I thought that maybe I'd be able to form a support group out of my friends; however, it turns out that when it came to them actually doing something, like joining me at the gym, they would ALWAYS decline my invitations. So, I eventually just stopped inviting people and for about a month I quit going to the gym too because I had lost motivation. When I realized I'd gained 5 lbs that month, I found my motivation and started going to the gym again :)

Then I started using this website last week and fell in love with it immediately! So, again I started inviting people to join me on it, even going so far as to put a link to the site on facebook so all they would have to do is click on it to check it out. I figured I'd have a couple people want to try it at the least, but as of yet, not one person has that I know of. I thought that checking out the site and seeing how easy it is to use and how other people are losing weight might motivate some of them to actually DO something to lose weight or get healthy rather than say that they want to.

I realize that I can't force anyone into anything and that the only way they'll have long term results is if it's something they really want for themselves. The only reason I've lost as much as I have and continue losing weight is because I'm doing it for me and nobody else. I guess what really bothers me, is that it would be really nice to have some support along the way. I don't mind working out alone, but joining an internet site doesn't take much time or effort, and not even my closest friends can manage that.

Replies

  • denise980
    denise980 Posts: 296
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    Just keep your head held high and continue to do this for yourself. Like you said, you can't force people into doing something that they don't want to do. I think that you are doing great!!!!!!!!!
  • Nelly711
    Nelly711 Posts: 52
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    I hear ya, people always want to lose weight, but yet want to do nothing to do it. I too, have invited several to do mfp, and some have, some haven't!! Right now, I have a group of 3 other ladies who are doing this with me, and it's our own little secret contest to keep it up! I mean, when I see that Tish has lost weight that week, I am going to work hard to lose weight too!! I keep my diary public, so anyone can see what I eat and get meal ideas from me, that's helps me to, when I can look at others.

    I'm glad you have decided to do it for you and YOU only!!
  • MaryDreamer
    MaryDreamer Posts: 439
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    Great post and so very true!
  • mangos4music
    mangos4music Posts: 126 Member
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    i COMPLETELY understand. what bugs me too (and i know i cant be everyones boss and mom, but it annoys me when ppl dont try) is when ppl ask me how im losing weight and i tell "being active and watching what i eat and my calorie intake, and mfp". they say "o yeah i have been working out and eating rite but ill check hat website out too". but then i see them put pics up on fb and stuff of them with giant ice cream sundaes or a plate full of fried foods and im thinking "now that is not eating rite, and you complain all the time about how much you weigh and how you want to change it". like i said, i know i cant hold everyones hands and be their mother, it just gets on my nerves.
    ur rite tho u have to do it for yourself. and maybe once you get to ur goal other ppl will take it more seriously and use u as a role model. good luck on ur journey!!!! :)
  • cindaboo1
    cindaboo1 Posts: 150 Member
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    I hear ya hunny I've had the same problem many times I've tried inviting friends/family to the gym, to my house, to walk around the neighborhood, and there's ALWAYS an excuse. Or they may do it once or twice with me and then that's it. I still keep going though, because yes, you have to do it for YOU. It's just upsetting because the people that you care about most are supposed to be your greatest support system but aren't always that. So this website is a PERFECT site for support trust me ever since I've started this I have been so motivated and positive because everyone on here may not know you personally but they are a GREAT support system!! And alot of times all you need to hear is that little voice telling you good job or keep it up and that's just enough to keep you going. Keep your head up and I'm here for support if you ever need it! GO GIRL!!!! :happy:
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
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    I hear ya, Sister. I stopped inviting others because I started experiencing what you described - *I'd* lose my motivation when they bailed.

    I've finally found a very small core of "true-believers" - two folks that always show up, always do their part, and are all about action. It took 5 years to find them - they are like gold to me now.

    If support is important to you, keep trying to find your golden ones, too. However, even they have off days and while they will ALWAYS return, even their very rare down days can affect me. Have a backup person. Or two. Or four.

    MFP is awesome and it's actually a pretty good way to quickly find out who's about action and lifestylve vs who may not be. PLEASE understand I'm not intending to knock anyone when I say this, but some people don't have the same goals as I do - so we're not the best match for support and friends. For example, if you are under your food goal, but only ate 1 meal and it was all fast food... we're not on the same page. And that's totally okay, but I'm not going to look to that person to help me reach my goals. I hope that doesn't sound too catty.

    Best of luck to you! Know that as you set your mind and achieve your goals, you DO inspire others. What they do with that is up to them.

    D.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    i started with four friends and every single one has deactivated their account and not lost anything. my mom, sister and uncle all noticed my weight loss and joined the site, but none of them ever log in. my sister-in-law complains EVERY time i talk to her about her weight but although i have repeatedly told her about this site, she is not willing to join.

    everyone is at a different place in their lives and many just aren't ready to put in consistent EFFORT or they don't have the willpower to stick with it. don't become demotivated because of them.
  • Macacadopai
    Macacadopai Posts: 183 Member
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    If I were you I'd focus more on my own goals and what i want to accomplish and not so much on my friends. U can get lots of support on MFP. But I wouldn't criticize my friends if i were you, everyone deals with stuff in their own pace. Don't hate because they aren't doing it with u, rather use it as motivation. Trust me once u loose a couple of pounds they'll be begging you to advice them on how to do it. :)
  • AshaDidIt
    AshaDidIt Posts: 28 Member
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    I can't even get my HUSBAND to join me in the weight loss journey. It's just such a personal decision and involves a whole life style change... you just have to accept that some people aren't ready. Meanwhile, you're doing great for yourself!!!
  • lwood42
    lwood42 Posts: 18
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    I know that feeling. The friends that are tapping into your motivation are just that. They lack the moivation to stick to it themselves and none of your encouragment will get them there without their committment to themselves first. When the right workout confidant comes around you'll know because you will feel motivated with them!! Hard to find I know but until then just keep to your guns! Hopfully your friends will still have the same things that interested you in them in the first place.
  • Mindful_Trent
    Mindful_Trent Posts: 3,954 Member
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    Everyone has their own battles to fight. You need to fight your battle, and let your friends/family handle their own. You can be encouraging/supportive, but they are the only ones who can decide that it's time to get serious. Also - keep in mind that MFP isn't for everyone - my S.O. joined, then decided he didn't like it and deactivated his account. That doesn't mean he doesn't want to lose weight or isn't serious, it just means he needs to do it his own way.
  • tcatdog63
    tcatdog63 Posts: 6 Member
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    when I first started I thought I would need people to go with me too, my husband does occasionally, but his job prevents him from going when I go. my friends have all done the exact same thing. I am doing this for me , it is nice to have the support but lets be real, I continue to go buy my self and actually like the me time, i can listen to any music I want, don't have worry about keeping up with conversations while I am trying to exercise. You are on the right track, keep doing this for yourself.:smile:
  • SMJohnson27
    SMJohnson27 Posts: 146 Member
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    I hear ya! I posted on fb that I had lost 12 pounds and got several friends asking me how and telling me how they really need to start a healthier lifestyle for them and their kids. I was excited to be able to share my secret (MFP) with them. I was really encouraging to them and was excited to have people I knew right here with me. They gave me a big thank you and said they would try it. About a week later I asked them how the site was working for them and they said they hadn't tried it yet. And now two months later, they still haven't. I have decided that I will keep going, because I am doing this for me, but was kind of disappointed that they didn't even give it a try. But this summer when I am at my goal and I see them, I am not going to listen to their "poor me" stories. They could have been half way to their goal by then. I am not usually like that, but I can't feel sorry for them if they ask for advice and then disregard everything I offer. Just keep up your motivation, and remember this is for you, not them. I know it is hard, but we have all come so far, keep it up!!!
  • heatypablo
    heatypablo Posts: 221
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    I have a friend who says they would like to lose weight... when I tell them about the success stories on here, the first questions is always, "Wow! How did they do it?" My reply is always the same, "Eating healthier, exercising, etc." Then the questions stop. Haha... or I'll get a text like, "I wonder if this (insert fad diet/energy pill at the time) works." Uhhhm no, it most likely doesn't.

    It gets frustrating but at the same time, I've got to just worry about me... I'm here for them when/if they decide to get serious about it! :smile:
  • AngelsKisses75
    AngelsKisses75 Posts: 595 Member
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    I agree with you 100%! I will say the ones that didn't join may have done us both a favor as it can bring us in to a dark palce when they add their lack of interest, or inactivity. Keep your mind on your goals and the peopel that ARE here to support you. Together we can do this! Wishing you and yours well! :flowerforyou:
  • Bermudabarbie
    Bermudabarbie Posts: 568 Member
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    I know exactly what you are saying! Through the months I have told so many people about MFP and only 2 joined and never really became too involved. They would rather PAY for WW or Jenny Craig and lose and regain all the weight back. Some won't give me a single compliment on my increased fitness level or my weight loss. They keep looking older and fatter and I get energized and motivated by the MFP community! So who is the winner in the end? Thanks guys!
  • afulghum
    afulghum Posts: 6
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    Just an update: One of my friends, who has recently started meeting me at the gym, has joined :happy: Her screen name is Holidayeisme. She has an amazing story! Please show her some love!
  • mowrynation
    mowrynation Posts: 91
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    Family and Friends are sometimes not the best support! I love being part of this family because Everyone that is here, Wants to be here!
    Keep up the Great Work Everyone!!
    xoxo
    Gail

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