Well.. Not Sure what to do... Help

devildog525
devildog525 Posts: 46
edited September 24 in Chit-Chat
Well where to begin, when I got out of the Marine Corps I weighed 185lbs, I was happy with that was going to school to get my EMT license. Got out of school started working in EMS which I found causes you to gain weight. I met my wife and things were good. I then realized that in the span of about 2 years I had gone from 185lbs to 256lbs... I wasnt happy with that I used to run 3 miles in 19min do 20 pull ups, I then decided to try that at what my weight was... I couldnt make it 2 miles, I could only do 1 pull-up. I decided at that moment 1 year ago I was going to either 1. get back down to 185 or 2. Get my Body fat % down to 18% down from 38%. Well I am now at 193 lbs, easily running 4 miles in 25 min, doing 15 pullups no problem, my body fat % is now at 15% and I am finally starting to get happy with myself.
Now for the part Im not sure about... the whole time Ive been doing this Ive gotten no support or motivation from my wife.... She actually recently told me that I am no longer attractive, Im too skinny, and that she doesnt want to be with me any longer because she cant deal with it any longer.. Im fairly certain that living a healthy life should be on the top of anyones list, Ive even tried to get her to do it with e and I get nothing. My marrage is falling apart because I wanted a better me. All I hear is how she needs a manly man and all this other ****. I can see my abs and my chest is huge, my biceps are now 16.5 inches, my chest 48 inches, my waist is 34 inches im 6 ft tall. How much more does she really need, Ive been to afganistan, Im a green belt in Marine Corps Martial Arts. So Im not fat anymore and Im not hairy so that makes me not manly? Really? I dont know what to do...

Replies

  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
    obviously she doesnt care about you. i understand you want your marriage to work, but if she doesnt accept you for the new, improved and sexy-licious you, you deserve to find someone who will.

    let her know if she wants a fat guy, she can go to mcdonalds and people watch for a man. you dont deserve to be treated like trash, she should be praising you and telling you how wonderful you are! and how much she realizes you have done.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    There sounds like there is more going on there than just the weight issue. Sometimes people are challenged by their partners getting thin because they think they may attract others. We also develop and grow at different levels, and for some that development is not matched by their partner.

    This sounds like a pretty desperate situation, and marriage guidance may be the way forward.

    GG
  • kdao
    kdao Posts: 265
    It's a shame that your wife is letting her insecurities try to hold back your effort to become healthy. I call BS on her, she is just jealous. Keep doing what you are doing, don't give up your health for anyone!
  • tigertchr23
    tigertchr23 Posts: 418 Member
    It sounds like she is treating you "surface deep." If she doesn't love you unconditionally now, I'm afraid it won't happen. Do what is right for you and maybe you need to re-evaluate if staying with her is what is right for the both of you.

    Feel free to add me and I'll do my best to support you on your journey to a healthier life . . . with or without people who bring you down.

    Best wishes :flowerforyou:
  • aimstein
    aimstein Posts: 94
    I'm wondering if her telling you this really has more to do with her insecurities. You said you had gained a fair amount of weight in the past few years....has she? If she hasn't been suppportive, perhaps it's doesn't have anything to do with you, but everything to do with her being unhappy with herself yet unwilling/not ready to start living a more healthy lifestyle. Of course, I'm totally speculating....
  • karriesue
    karriesue Posts: 19
    I don't buy it! You've made great strides. Become a healthier person. I don't think she's being honest. You've worked on you, she needs to work on her. Be proud, you've done great!!
  • devildog525
    devildog525 Posts: 46
    Im definately not going to give up on what Im doing, I hated that I had let myself get that big and now Ive worked way to hard to let it all go for something stupid. I appreciate the in put yall. She doesnt listen at all... Over and over again I hear how she "just doesnt find me attractive anymore" over and over.... She attempts to make me feel guilty for getting back in shape. Its frustrating.. Actually, the guys in my unit are telling me to bail. As are the people at work... who actually know her.
  • devildog525
    devildog525 Posts: 46
    She has, and she decided she was going to lose weight, I on the other hand am not allowed to for some reason
  • devildog525
    devildog525 Posts: 46
    Thanks yall for that advice here. I guess Ive just got a lot of thinking to do. Feel free to add me as a friend, never know when Im gonna need it again
  • dababers
    dababers Posts: 135
    She is insecure about herself. (just a guess)
  • millerll
    millerll Posts: 873 Member
    I hope this isn't inappropriate, but she's a tool. You look great, and obviously you feel much better inside and out.

    And for what it's worth, if I were 20 years younger..............:love:
  • Elbee1
    Elbee1 Posts: 2,236 Member
    There sounds like there is more going on there than just the weight issue. Sometimes people are challenged by their partners getting thin because they think they may attract others. We also develop and grow at different levels, and for some that development is not matched by their partner.

    This sounds like a pretty desperate situation, and marriage guidance may be the way forward.

    GG

    I agree whole-heartedly with what Pinkgigi said. Please look into marriage guidance/counseling. Don't just bail...
    And, congratulations for getting healthy & fit, again.
  • devildog525
    devildog525 Posts: 46
    Well thank you millerll lol. I would do the couciling thing but youd have to know her, He might be slightly crazy, and actually just mentioning that would probably cause a huge fight lol. Im not sure, shes actually the one that suggested a divorce.... yeah... then said she would go out of my way to make it the absolute worst thing ever. And drag it out and cause problems with my VA benefits, as well as getting my EMT license taken away. (She said she would make things up if she had to to make all those things happen). Im pretty much between a rock and a hard place...
  • gp79
    gp79 Posts: 1,799 Member
    Dude...a little insecurity on you're wife's part. I've found similar pushback from my wife, not wanting to hear about my progress. I just try not to talk about it in front of her. It's tough sometimes because I share everything with her. Assuming there's no other issues there, I'd say just back off the workout talk, save it for the guys and things will pass over in time. Good job in getting you're life back though.
  • gp79
    gp79 Posts: 1,799 Member
    It's about time you got yourself a digital voice recorder. Consider it an investment in your future. Keep it on the DL, it could save your *kitten*.

    A few of my Army brothers have some crazy *kitten* wives, lol....I *had* one once upon a time.
  • UmbraForzare
    UmbraForzare Posts: 137
    shes actually the one that suggested a divorce.... yeah... then said she would go out of my way to make it the absolute worst thing ever. And drag it out and cause problems with my VA benefits, as well as getting my EMT license taken away. (She said she would make things up if she had to to make all those things happen). Im pretty much between a rock and a hard place...

    Oh my god!!!!
    My heart goes out to you right now, hon.

    For what it's worth, I think you've done an amazing job with your health and well-being; so definite kudos to you for that.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    I don't know you or your wife, so take this however you want but...
    I volunteer for a juvenile first time offender boot camp, and I see a lot of broken families. It seems that when things like this come up they are usually because one partner is looking for any reason to split, and punish their mate. Usually for no real reason other than negative influences in their life; ie friends with broken marriages, drugs, another man/woman, health issue mental or otherwise.

    I can say that if the suggestion of counselling causes a fight, so be it. Regardless of the outcome it will be worth it.

    I wish you the best.
  • wiglitt
    wiglitt Posts: 22
    Seriously.....keep doing what your doing. Do you really want to be miserable, or better yet...Do you want to wake up 10 years from now and think, WHY did I not just move on along time ago.

    Bottom Line, life is short, to short to be with anyone who brings you down.

    Semper Fi.......
  • hollyb9871
    hollyb9871 Posts: 401 Member
    Sweetie your wife sounds like she's up to something. Threatening you if you leave her but saying she doesn't want you all at the same time. Sounds like she has something on the side but doesn't want to leave the comfort of what he knows. I was married to the devil incarnate when I was younger and he pulled all kinds of mental stuff with me. Threatening to kill himself if I left, kicking out car windows etc. I eventually had to walk out and say if you do this I'll call 911 when and if I return. I left all the same. When ever a significant other is belittling it's because of their insecurity issues and more often then not something they are doing that isn't right. Look out for yourself, do what you can to protect yourself (and your children if you have any). Seek help yourself for counseling even if she refuses to go, you can at least prove that you tried. Keep any letters, emails, vm she sends that is threatening or cruel, it can be used later.

    Best of luck to you, I know what you're going through and it's awful.

    Holly

    Feel free to friend me if you'd like
  • Grace76
    Grace76 Posts: 34
    So this is what I was wondering.... Were you married when you were deployed to Afghanistan? If so, was it really hard for her? Have you been deployed since you gained the weight?

    If yes, perhaps she is worried that if you get to be in "Marine" shape again, youi'll deploy and leave her alone for a few months. It's hard being a Military wife.

    But at the end of the day......... you know what you need to do to make yourself happy and healthy. And if you still love her, don't give up. She may just need the reminder. And sometimes its a continuous reminder, especially if she lacks in self-confidnece.
  • devildog525
    devildog525 Posts: 46
    No, we were not married at the time, we were engaged and she acted like she was fine with it until I got back, then things went south. That being said when I got off active duty I went into the reserves and then was deployed again like 2 years ago. I was right at my max weight and barely passed the Physical fitness requirements. Now Ive only got 1 year left in the reserves and no risk of getting deployed again.
  • Elbee1
    Elbee1 Posts: 2,236 Member
    Forgot to say this earlier... Thank you for serving our country!
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    Even if she does not agree to marriage counselling, go yourself, it will be worth it.

    Sending hugs your way.

    GG
  • kristyann86
    kristyann86 Posts: 140 Member
    wow. reading this breaks my heart. i definately agree with the other replies of insecurity issues. if you still love her (which sounds like you do, otherwise you prolly wouldn't have posted ) have you told her lately that you love her? or better yet "showed" her that you love her with the little things. sometimes i find that makes a huge difference. like holding hands, watching a movie together WITHOUT the cell phone or laptop, or flirting even. hope everything gets better!
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