Jealousy From Friends?
cem2168
Posts: 205 Member
This really makes me sad, but I have found that my diet success isn't supported by my friends. Being college aged, it seems as if the "stress to be thin" is really overemphasized. Although I am healthy with my weight loss and I DO need to lose weigh and tone up, my friends are constantly talking about me behind my back, whispering, and acting as if what I am doing is a bad thing. Although so far I have lost 22 pounds, (which is substantial on my frame) they refuse to acknowledge it! I know this because my best friend has listened to them talk about it behind my back, but never to my face. I have established that maybe they are jealous that I am succeeding in living a more healthy lifestyle? The lack of support from my friends really makes me sad.... does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts? Do you find that co-workers, family members, friends etc aren't exactly the most positive support sources? I don't want my friends to be mad, and I should not be ashamed of what I am doing...
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That can be very hard when it seems no one is supporting you....keep up the good work....don't let them get you down....just remember how good you feel...hopefully they'll watch and see that what your are doing for yourself is a great thing....give them time, they just might surprise you...0
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I have the same problem, with some friends and some family members. I just have to tell myself that I am doing this for me, not anyone else. My husband is very supportive and I am very thankful to have that!0
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Sounds like it's 'new' friend time. :devil: They are a negative influence now and may need to be put in the 'old baggage' area so you can move forward with the rest of your new life.
I have no problem doing this but please note that I am an *kitten*...:flowerforyou:0 -
Do you happen to know what your friends are saying behind your back exactly? I'm just really curious to know what negative things someone could possibly say about you trying to lose weight and be healthy. What's not to like?0
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I'm sorry to hear that your friends aren't being supportive. When you work that hard to accomplish something, a compliment here and there feels so good. Congratulations on your success!
That being said, I really think that this is why a lot of us are on MFP. My support group here is what keeps me going. Aside from my husband, I don't have a single real-life friend who supports me. Yay for MFP!
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I am having some problems with friends as well. Well...co workers. They made a "fit club" where some one brings in food everyday for lunch and they eat healthy together. I opted out of it because I like to control my own food and what I bring to eat for lunch and not rely on someone else because I never know what we will be having. I am glad I did because for example, they brought in take out pizza yesterday for lunch. Healthy? No! None of them have been losing and they have been at this for four months or longer...maybe one of them because she goes to the gym as well, but none of them acknowledge my own weightless which has been noticeable or if they do it is simple, a oh good job. I also had some issues with my mom being happy for me as well. She is starting to come around as I show her how excited I am myself but it has been a struggle. This weight loss thing is a lonely journey and not many understand it unless they have been there. Hopefully your friends come around soon!0
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I had the same issue, not just with weight, but with a new job, a new home we bought, and you know what I did??? I kicked them all to the curb, and I have never been happier! Surround your self with positive, influential people and kick the negativity to the curb!0
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I joined MFP with several friends and we entered a 90 day challenge with each other. Some of us are going for weight loss, some for endurance and others for general toning and healthy eating habits. We don't all have the same "pinpoint" goals, but rather all want to adapt a healthy lifestyle.
We are a group of Moms who are in our 40's and have realized that we are doing this for ourself yet can support each other as we attempt to reach our goals.
Some of what you are dealing with is age and environment. You are all young and want to have a great time with the "college experience" and are most likely away from home where you would have the support of close family. My advice to you, is to continue on your journey regardless of what others say and do it for yourself. Women have always been prone to take care of others first, learn now while you are young to make yourself a priority. Those who are your true friends will be there for you whether you are fat, thin, young, old, short or tall or whatever!
Hope this helps!!!0 -
Only my kids and my older sister (only see once a year) know i'm actually doing this. My younger sister who I see occasionally as she lives local still hasn't mentioned anything about my weight loss which I think at 43lbs down is pretty noticeable...and I KNOW thats down to jealousy!
She lost 2 stone last year on prescribed meds, I commented when I saw a difference and for the first time in our lives I became bigger than her, when they were pulled from UK shelves she tried buying them online but no success and the weight has slowly crept back on. I recently put a new profile pic up on FB and my older sister immediately messaged me saying how much slimmer my face is so it is noticeable.
If your end goal is realistic and not putting you in the underweight range then it probably is down to jealousy, if however your target weight is on or below the healthy range they might be genuinely concerned but not sure how to broach the subject in case it sounds like jealousy.0 -
Thank you for the encouragement everyone! Its nice to know that some other people are experiencing the same thing! I think I need to re-evaluate my friends and realize that I am doing this for ME! haha not them 0
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I have friends that I've had for over 30 years and granted we have not always seen everything eye to eye, we have ALWAYS supported one another. This is what TRUE FRIENDS do. I know that if I needed them I would just have to make that call and they would do anything within their power to come to my aid as I would do for them.
To me, and then again this is just my opinion, these people are not TRUE FRIENDS. And yes it sounds like these people are truly jealous of your journey.
Sometimes we just have to step away from people that we love because they do not share the values that we might have. And this is a very hard thing to do at times. It doesn't mean that we don't love them and don't wish them well but we must be true to ourselves. With that being said, you need to continue with what you feel is best for you and what makes you feel good about yourself as long as you are not doing harm to yourself. That is the only time your FRIENDS should step in with intervention because they care for you.
I hope this helps you with your journey and I wish you much success.
Vicky Jo0 -
If they are jealous of your accomplishments, then they must not be very good friends! They should be nothing BUT supportive to you! Maybe they are jealous because you look better than them?? Who knows, sometimes you just have to rid of the negative people in your life, or just simply ignore their thoughts and continue to meet your goals and live a healthy lifestyle! Kudos to you for the amount you have lost and good luck on your entire journey! It is YOUR life and you can only live it once, so do what makes YOU happy, not what makes your friends happy!
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This is the time to be selfish. I have yet to find someone who said that they started living a healthier lifestyle for their friends.
I have taken the approach that I am going to change my life (exercise and diet). I casually throw in the 'if you want to join up with me, you are welcome to come for the ride'. If they bite, great. If not, continue to move on.
Looks like you have a ton of support on this board. Stay focused, obtain your goals, post here!
Craig0 -
If you can't change the people you're with, change the people you're with. 0
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Sounds like the green eye of jealousy to me. While some of them are probably putting on 'the Freshman 15' (Im not saying your a Freshman, Im just stating the well known coined college phrase
), you have taken off the amazing 22lbs. They are probably jealous that you are able to keep yourself on track while still accomplishing great things.
You might want to take a look at the circle of people you are friends with and see if they are really 'friends' or not.0 -
Yes!! And people that actively sabotage my lifestyle choice.
Now that you have indentified those "friends" you can either rid yourself of them or if that is not possible, keep them at an arm's distance and keep your eye on them.
I find now, when I stand up to the would be saboteur it gives me an extra boost of "I can do this" and pride!
Keep up the good work and keep surrounding yourself with the positive ones!!
Someone once told me a quote that I love..."Sometimes you have to weed your garden". For one reason or another we outgrow people at times and there is nothing wrong with weeding out the ones that don't fit in with the growth.
:drinker:0 -
find out what they said and confront them. Ask them what the big deal is and welcome them to join you. If they find this insulting or get catty with you about it then tell them that is fine and you would be willing to be there for them if they ever need you but that you no longer need them in this game and that you will be looking for new friends.0
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They don't sound like 'friends' to me. Time to change!0
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What is it with the jealousy thing anyhow? I have 1 friend in paticular who is doing the same thing to me. Everyone else compliments me on my accomplishment but she has never said one word to me. It is very obvious that I have lost 20 lbs and I get comments all the time. I can tell my friend is jealous because she has alot of weight to lose but doesn't put forth the effort. I feel like she thinks this was given to me. I worked my butt off!!!! literally!!! Nothing was given to me. It does hurt though...0
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You know, if they were talking behind your back, they must be terrible friends. Maybe it is because I am a severe alpha-male, but I have only one male friend and one female friend. They don't know each other, and I like it that way. They both are really happy for me and my fitness. My friend Michael is eating better and my friend Jennifer is exercising more. Those are the people I hang out with. Ones that care and are not selfish and jealous.0
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I don't talk to any of my friends about my weight loss, this is because I have been on the other end of people who are losing weight talking endlessly about it, and I found it incredibly boring when I was not in that head space myself. I do however talk about fitness with other people into it like me, but not the weight loss.
My children don't want to be bothered with it either, so I look to places like this for support and encouragement (I'm a widow so now spousal support either).
I agree with what people say about 'weeding the garden', but maybe you just don't need to be talking to them about it? Just an alternative view, do with it what you will.
GG0 -
I've found recently that some of the people I thought would be supportive aren't really. I don't know if it is jealousy or not, but I have a couple friends in particular that could be grouped in the "know-it-all" section that I have talked to about my weight loss plans. I've gone on a low carb, low sugar diet because of my dietary needs (Insulin Resistance). When talking to these friends, I get the response "Well I think you just need to watch what you eat and have a smaller portion size." The worst part is that these are friends I haven't seen IN PERSON for months. They have no idea what I am doing or how much I am eating or anything else. They don't know my dietary needs or anything of that matter.
The thing is, people are always going to gossip and always going to try and talk about what other people are doing "wrong" in their lives. Honestly, I would sit everyone down and let them know that you know what's been going on. Ask them if they have a problem and tell them that this is difficult enough for you without their lack of support. If anyone does have a problem the least they could do is bring it to you instead of gossiping behind your back. Weight loss is hard for anyone, whether you need to lose 2 pounds or 200. As long as you are doing it in a healthy way and staying at a healthy weight in the end, then it really isn't their place to say anything about it.0 -
When I lost a huge amount of weight a few years ago (gained most of it back for a complicated reason), I got a weird vibe from some relatives. They couldn't believe that I was losing weight by eating healthfully and without a gimmick. "Can you eat ____?" "I can eat whatever I want as long as I keep things in balance." Some of them sit on the surgery excuse--"If I could only get bypass/lap band surgery, I could lose weight." I did it without anything like that (not that it isn't right for some people, it just shouldn't be an excuse to pile on the mayo) and I think it made them feel bad about themselves.
Now that I am back on the track to being healthy, I am anticipating more weirdness.
Surround yourself with supportive friends. You don't have to ditch the non-supportive friends but just let their comments roll off your back. They may fear your judgement because they might not be living as healthfully. You just be your same self, only healthier. And DON'T be guilted into eating poorly! Keep up the good work!0 -
I had the same exact thing happen to me. I lost 42 lbs while my roommates watched last year! Honestly, I don't want to be discouraging but there was nothing I could do about it but make new friends and branch out. You really find out who your true friends are because a few people are and were totally supportive, but I don't speak to any of my roommates from last year and I attribute it to them being jealous (it took me awhile to even think of how someone would be jealous of me! But I think that's what happened).
If they can't support you and be happy for you, then they aren't your true friends! True friends are excited for you through the whole process 0 -
Yep! I have experienced people not being supportive and acting as if nothing is going on even though it's obvious I have lost a good amount of weight on my frame. People are really rude at times and it's sad that people can't support someone who is getting healthier I mean really?! Keep your head up and keep up with the good work!0
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