I'm worried for my bother!!!!

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Terri73
Terri73 Posts: 238
in Health and Weight Loss
He worked since he left school and the was made redundant a few years ago since then he has piled on the weight , He did find a job but it was too much like hard work for him so he quit. He cant be bothered at all to do anything he just eats take out 24/7 and sits on his sofa watching tv all day.
My dad and i have really tried to help him but he wont help himself. He has not got any ambition and he is really big now and suffers with a bad back caused by weight. He wont go anywhere or do any thing as he says "i cant be bothered". Doctor has given him exercises but he cant be bothered with them. I told him just to go for a walk to help but as usual he cant be bothered. Hes getting bigger nd bigger with each month. Hes not depressed just lazy. Ive lost my mum and sister at young ages (not weight related) I dont want to lose my brother too.
Dont know what to do!!

Replies

  • wenders123
    wenders123 Posts: 338 Member
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    I'm not a doc, but it sounds like depression to me. Is there anyway you could start off by doing some things with him, to encourage him, just till he gets into it. Or maybe join some sort of group, like for walking, or cycling, where after a while he will have made new friends so will be happy to go on his own.
  • forestdancers
    forestdancers Posts: 146 Member
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    My suport is with you. It is hard to watch someone self destruct and know that you can't just step in and make them do better.

    Hugs
  • Terri73
    Terri73 Posts: 238
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    I'm not a doc, but it sounds like depression to me. Is there anyway you could start off by doing some things with him, to encourage him, just till he gets into it. Or maybe join some sort of group, like for walking, or cycling, where after a while he will have made new friends so will be happy to go on his own.

    Tried everything he cant be bothered honestly.
  • randa_behnam
    randa_behnam Posts: 488 Member
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    This does sound like depression to me im afraid. Hes gone through some tough times by the sounds of it and if he hasnt got anything to get up for then why should he bother! How does he pay his way and for all these takeaways??

    He needs to see a doctor who will listen to him. Unfortunatly its become quite easy for people to not work and just sit back. he needs something to motivate him. He needs a good kick up the bum!! good luck!
  • shaheerahs
    shaheerahs Posts: 79 Member
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    I'm sorry you are in this situation. Ultimately he's got to want it for himself. No one can make him do it. All you can do is show him that you love him and have his best interests at heart, hopefully one day he will come around.

    I agree with the others though it sounds like he is depressed or something else is going on that he hasn't shared. Going to a therapist probably could help him come to terms with whatever is making him feel the way he does.
  • rjlam
    rjlam Posts: 149
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    Your brother is what we call clinically depressed. He has gone thorugh some VERY difficult times and as randa_behnam inidcated it's just too much to bear. I would suggest that you contact your local community crisis centre to see what can be done to get him some help. I would also suggest you also get help for both your father and yourself. Yes you are both strong but you also have your limits. You need to give him an altamatium. It's called touch love. I work in the medical field and have seen this alot. HOPE THIS HELPS. I'll keep you in my prayers. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,672 Member
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    I think it's safe to say your assumption that your brother isn't depressed is probably wrong. In my opinion/experience, there's NO WAY he's NOT depressed.

    I know it's just about impossible to help a person who won't help himself. All you can do is stop enabling him. Don't give him money or food or the free time to be lazy. Make him work for what he wants so he can appreciate it. He's going to have to go through some physical and emotional discomfort to get better.

    Good luck.
  • Terri73
    Terri73 Posts: 238
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    He lives of the state and borrows off my dad (Ive put a stop to my dad giving it ). He lives minutes from a supermarket with lots of healthy choices but he cant be bothered to cook or make anything. Don't even want me to do it for him. He wont go docs as he says hes not depressed. Ive tried every approach even got tough but it falls on deaf ears!!!!


    I know hes depressed but he wont admit it to himself he said himself hes not depressed just lazy
  • Terri73
    Terri73 Posts: 238
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    Thankyou all so much for your replies.

    I know not a post for on here but helps to get some outside opinions.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
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    Everything is pointing at depression, which is a hard beast to wrangle.

    Good luck with your brother. I hope youre able to find a way to help him.
  • mikeyrp
    mikeyrp Posts: 1,616 Member
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    I'm afraid everyone here is correct - this looks like depression and it going to be up to your brother - not you - to beat it.

    There is a lot of support on the internet for people who want to help someone with depression. I think this link is a good start point.

    http://www.healthyplace.com/depression/living-with-depression/if-you-know-someone-whos-depressed/menu-id-1343/

    and a good link for your Bro...

    http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

    No easy answers sadly.
  • hroderick
    hroderick Posts: 756 Member
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    A great method to break the trend is service. Tell him you are nervous about going to volunteer and ask him to come with you the first time. The next time should be easier.

    I'd suggest maybe an animal shelter but there are many others.

    (note: is "bother" a freudian type?)
  • downtome
    downtome Posts: 529 Member
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    While I was separated for almost 4 years and now recently divorced, i was EXTREMELY depressed! I couldn't really pinpoint why but all that time I didn't really care about anything, not even myself. I just exsisted day to day and ate my way through it. 2-3 pints of Ben & Jerry's everyday and other crap foods to deal with whatever pain I was feeling! It didn't matter to me that anyone, including my concerned children were worried, I just didn't care because I was so depressed. Luckily something finally clicked all those years later and I am now on the road to a healthier happier life but it had to come from within me, I had to be ready and finally I was! He has to be ready for change. I know you are very concerned but unfortunately he has to be the one to make the changes for himself. Good luck and I'm sorry you have to watch him self destruct! I hope someday he will get the click he needs to get better, maybe starting with depressions meds. for awhile. Take care. Hugs to you.
  • Lady_G
    Lady_G Posts: 35 Member
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    Your brother is displaying classic symtoms of depression. He may be in denial but his behaviour is not normal. You should try and get him to speak to someone. He might find it easier to speak to someone outside of his family.

    I hope you are able to sort him out.

    Good luck.
  • fayepatterson
    fayepatterson Posts: 12 Member
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    I will place him on our prayer list at church. I really feel his pain I can remember when I was so depressed it really is hard to overcome but with God all things are possible. :smile:
  • rjcode6
    rjcode6 Posts: 15
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    Sounds like depression. Men show their depression differently from women. He needs to start moving and medication is probably the quickest way. Take a picture of him on the couch and show it to him along one of what he looked like. Place the pictures on the fridge so he is reminded everytime he opens it. Maybe it will sink in, but you can only help someone so much. Good luck...Ryan.

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