NSV.... Childhood bully!

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Still_Sossy
Still_Sossy Posts: 868 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok, I think we all have that one person who made our childhood he**. Mine had me so terrified through high school, my parents put me into martial arts and considered transferring to a private school. I walked different routes from school each day as to not get beaten up. I developed an ulser and had a lot of anxiety. Yes one person. Pure torture, I will never ever forget it. It was constant she was in almost every class I had and made it her personal mission to tease and humiliate me.
I saw that person today at the Dr.'s. She is an absolute train wreck, physically and from what I can tell mentally. She recognized me, I did not even know who she was. Time has not been kind to her. She sat down like we were always the best of friends and started spilling her life story. I actually felt bad for her and was beside my self for words. She also apologized (A LOT) for how she treated me. A little late but I guess later is better than never. It just felt good to have someone who defined a lot of pain and fear in my youth to come up and humble themselves and apologize. She also told me I looked great! Which felt SUPER! Shallow? Maybe a bit, I do feel really bad for her, but at the same time her admitting that she was so awful felt nice.

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  • thedeegan4
    thedeegan4 Posts: 422 Member
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    First, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that as a child. I hope and pray everyday that my kids don't have to deal with anything like that. Second, looking at your profile picture, you are beautiful. You are a much better person than I would have been by actually even talking to her. No way I could have done that. Congrats!
  • NanBar
    NanBar Posts: 283 Member
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    It was really good of her to apologize to you, I mean really good. A lesser person would have ignored you or not even spoken to you. We all do things we regret later, but very few realize it and have the strength to apologize.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
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    Closure and resolution heals many injuries. She must have had a very difficult youth and found another to take out her own pain and anger on as my guess would be that it is all she knew. I would not be surprised to find out that she was being severely abused during that time.

    You have a kind heart to have forgiven and given her your ear to listen to her struggles.
  • ObviousIndigo
    ObviousIndigo Posts: 382 Member
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    That's great that she has apologized. When we grow up and we have regrets like that from the past it takes a lot of courage to aproach the person and admit that you were a horrible person earlier in your life. No doubt her life had some issues in it for her to act that way. It is sad how much that effects us when we are little. It must be like a shadow from your past has been erased. Many people don't get apologies for things that caused them pain in their childhood. I am so happy for you!!!
  • JoyousRen
    JoyousRen Posts: 3,823 Member
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    I don't think it's shallow at all. As adults, we are often told that things happened so long ago and we should just forget it but things like that shape you into who you are even if it's not something you dwell on constantly. I think is amazing that you got some of the resolution that most people never do. :smooched:
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    Thats great for you! I can't say I'd be pleasent with "that person" in my life. You're a bigger person than I am.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    One guy used to terrorize all the other guys on my block. Used to avoid him when I could, but his mother was the Den Mother in my Cub Scout Troop. Made it hard. Name was James.

    One day, me and 3 others were getting ice cream from the ice cream truck. This was back in 1967. You actually got Ice Cream Cones. About a nickel. Only 5 cents but I didn't normally have a nickel to spare. James walked up and demanded my cone. In front of my buddies, Barry, Donny and Larry. Nowhere to run. All the other guys were watching. I shoved the cone in his face. Then tackled him and started hitting. He started crying. Never messed with us again. I wondered for long time, why we put up with his *kitten* for so many years.

    I still hate bullies.
  • paticap
    paticap Posts: 21
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    What an awesome story! Thanks for sharing. They say that bullies are really people who have inferiorities themselves. Your story proves that true in this case. I have a strong heart for the underdog. I can speak from experience with my children that, most of the time, the victims come out better people for it. You clearly have compassion and inner strength. Good for you!!!
  • improvstitute
    improvstitute Posts: 45
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    Bullying is incredibly harmful and has lasting effects. I have been bullied and I have been the bully. Generally speaking bullies do what they do to try to replace something that has been taken from them. Sometimes it is their power. Sometimes their dignity or respect or self esteem. As a parent, I have already had to deal with my son being bullied at the age of 5. He was being thrown into a trash can at his after school care facility and being punched and kicked. I found out later that the two boys (brothers) who were treating him this way were being abused at home.

    Just last night my son told me that when he grows up he wants to prevent bullying [eyes fill with tears]. I guess your post is a sign that I need get my a** in gear. Last year I started a small anti-bullying initiative called Stand Together. I have to make it happen in my spare time which is pretty limited. However, I have done very little with it lately. Time to get busy! If you want more info, msg me and I will be glad to share it.

    I am sad to hear that you experienced that when you were younger, but I am also glad that you got an apology directly from the person who antagonized you. And who knows...maybe that was the thing she needed to do to get her life on track. I believe in karma (or whatever people choose to call it) and I imagine she has built up a ton of it in a negative way. Maybe seeing you after all these years means she has an opportunity to start banking some good karma!
  • runningneo122
    runningneo122 Posts: 6,962 Member
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    Karma is a B!tch. She seems to have gotten her come-uppance and you got your beginning of recovery from that horrible time in your life. Kudos to you for being so gracious. :flowerforyou:
  • FORKDOWN
    FORKDOWN Posts: 1,754
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    My daughter has been dealing with the "mean girls" at school. Its been all verbal abuse but it has definitely wounded her. I feel so helpless and angry that I cant help her more.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
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    Bullying is incredibly harmful and has lasting effects. I have been bullied and I have been the bully. Generally speaking bullies do what they do to try to replace something that has been taken from them. Sometimes it is their power. Sometimes their dignity or respect or self esteem. As a parent, I have already had to deal with my son being bullied at the age of 5. He was being thrown into a trash can at his after school care facility and being punched and kicked. I found out later that the two boys (brothers) who were treating him this way were being abused at home.

    Just last night my son told me that when he grows up he wants to prevent bullying [eyes fill with tears]. I guess your post is a sign that I need get my a** in gear. Last year I started a small anti-bullying initiative called Stand Together. I have to make it happen in my spare time which is pretty limited. However, I have done very little with it lately. Time to get busy! If you want more info, msg me and I will be glad to share it.

    I am sad to hear that you experienced that when you were younger, but I am also glad that you got an apology directly from the person who antagonized you. And who knows...maybe that was the thing she needed to do to get her life on track. I believe in karma (or whatever people choose to call it) and I imagine she has built up a ton of it in a negative way. Maybe seeing you after all these years means she has an opportunity to start banking some good karma!

    If you'd like it as a resource, I had professor last year that did an entire anti-bullying program at her school when she was an administrator and she wrote a book full of ideas, concepts, exercises, plans, etc.
    "Fight Free School: Creating a Caring School Culture that Promotes Achievement" by Dr. Margaret R. Dolan. ISBN-13: 978-1-880463-14-7, ISBN-10: 1-880463-14-8, $30. Published by Rising Sun (www.rspublishing.com).

    I'll send you a PM also in case you don't check this thread again.
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    It has taken way too long for schools to start opening their eyes to the bullying problem. It's only been getting worse over the years. It's kinda like when they decide to install a traffic light somewhere. So many people have to get injured and/or die first before they do something about it. I was made fun of and bullied for years by multiple people, from kindergarten through early high school. It still affects me today. It's one of the reasons I don't want to have children.

    Hearing an apology years later is a nice gesture on her part. The fact that you sat and listened to her talk for as long as you did shows that you are the better person. I wonder if she would have been apologetic if life had been a bowl of cherries for her up to that point? Would she have apologized if she hadn't run into you by chance? Would she have put the effort into looking for you so she could apologize?

    I remember my parents telling me as a kid how screwed up these kids would be later on as adults. It did not help me feel better at the time. The powerlessness and intimidation have been hard feelings to shake.

    One of my bullies has actually made local news quite a few times over the years with his stupidity. Every time I'd see something about him getting in trouble, I'd have a laugh. His whole family was evil. He played for the Detroit Lions and after getting thrown off their team, he started playing for the Broncos. Not sure if he still does or not.
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
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    It has taken way too long for schools to start opening their eyes to the bullying problem. It's only been getting worse over the years. (...) So many people have to get injured and/or die first before they do something about it. (...).

    This isn't, generally, true. I'm sorry if you experienced a delayed reaction by the adults in your community... that's terrible. However, bullying has *always* been around and to a pretty violent extent. It just used to be an accepted part of childhood and it wasn't nationally publicized as it is now. If a girl got raped, it wasn't talked about. If she got pregnant from that rape, she was sent away to bear out the pregnancy and give the child up. If a boy gotten beaten to a bloody pulp, his father would tell him to man up and fight back. And I'm sure murders occurred - but they were kept quiet. No one wanted gossip about their cities or towns. Unless it was race driven... in which case, it was okay because it was generally accepted that it was okay to pound a black man to death just because. ugh. Yes, bullying has been around always and it has always been very violent.

    What has changed are: 1) the number of children - therefore, there are more incidences but the percentage of incidences is probably about the same as it was 50 years ago. Many stats are like that. 2) social media. Now we can bully at a distance and it can be reported within minutes, depending the case. We didn't have that technology so long ago.

    I do think the extremities in some cases has gone beyond what once was - but I honestly can't say that for sure. It certainly seems like it. But if a school shooting occurred in 1951, we aren't going to know about it now. It would probably take some research into old news archives to find out - in every city of every state in country. Personally, I'm not really up for that. lol....

    School policies have changed as well in order to mitigate any problems. Do they work all time in every place for every person? Of course not. But they do the best they can when all is said and done. I wouldn't call this a blame situation because really, bullys LEARN that behavior; usually from a parent, who learned it from their parents, who learned it from there parents... how far back do you go before the blame stops and problem solving begins? It's not the school's responsibility - it's the entire communitie's responsibility. But too many people are afraid to get involved. If you saw it on the street, would you intervene?

    We'd all like to say we would... but really.... would you? I probably wouldn't. Not directly anyway. I am not trained in such matters and being of small stature, it'd be more likely than not that I would end up injured. Who does that serve? But most people just walk by. There was recently a video experiment of a little girl being "kidnapped" .... her parents and the police put this on, the daughter was acting but as the father (unbeknownst to anyone in the street) grabbed her and she screamed for help, saying that this man was not her daddy and kicking... guess what people did? walked by. Maybe a turn of the head to watch for a moment and then kept walking. It took HOURS for anyone to get involved... even so much as to get out their cell phones to call the police.

    This is what we have bred in our society. Indifference. Bullying hasn't gotten worse, we have.
  • improvstitute
    improvstitute Posts: 45
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    [/quote]Bullying hasn't gotten worse, we have.[/quote]

    I agree. Our disposable world is made up of disposable people and disposable relationships (thank you Fight Club...although I am not supposed to talk about that). Nobody means anything to anyone else these days. This disconnect will be our downfall if we, as a society, don't realize that all people have equal value and that we should treat all people with dignity and respect. Forget the golden rule...follow the platinum rule to "treat people the way they want to be treated".
  • muth3rluvx2
    muth3rluvx2 Posts: 1,156 Member
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    Bullying hasn't gotten worse, we have.[/quote]

    I agree. Our disposable world is made up of disposable people and disposable relationships (thank you Fight Club...although I am not supposed to talk about that). Nobody means anything to anyone else these days. This disconnect will be our downfall if we, as a society, don't realize that all people have equal value and that we should treat all people with dignity and respect. Forget the golden rule...follow the platinum rule to "treat people the way they want to be treated".
    [/quote]

    Amen. btw, I LOVE your ticker!!!

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