Ellelit - Day 13

Well i am finally startig to fell better... yay!! yesterday went well, and i weighed this morning and i am down another pound... i got in a bit of walking yesterday, so that's good too. watching tv last night a commercial for DQ came on and for about 5 seconds i had a craving for a cheesebuger, but it quickly passed and i didn't think about it again.

i'm so proud of myself that i haven't overate or binged for almost 2 weeks!!! this is very exciting for me. if i want something i'll eat it, i won't deny myself, but i haven't even wanted anything sweet since the first couple of days. at work there was a big bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies sitting on the much table since monday and i haven't had one, and haven't even really wanted one. i know what the cookies taste like, it's no big mystery lol. the staff birthday cake was an icecream cake from DQ, and even thought it was MY cake, i still didn't have any. i'm so happy with my progress.

so yesterday went very well. here is how it broke down:

breakfast:
1 cup skim milk
1.5 cups cheerios
1 fruit cup

snack:
4 fibre cookies
1 yogurt
1 kiwi

lunch:
2 cups spagetti with 100g lean ground beef and tomato sauce

snack:
mini carrots
sliced cukes
1 apple sauce

supper
1 1/4 cup rice, 200g pork loin chops, 1/2 cup green beans

so all in all a great day, i went under my cal, and feel great this morning. i remember i used to feel bloated etc. and now i feel normal and have alot more enegy. makes you wonder why we eat the sh it we eat, doesn't it? here's to today!

for me honestly, it was seeing a picture of myself at 315 pounds. i was HORRIFIED!!! i really can not believe that i let myself get that big. i was disgusted and really thoguht hard about what it took to get me to that place. i evaluated if i was really happy like that and if the binging was actually making me happy or making me feel horrible. so, 2 weeks ago, i stopped. cold turkey. the first 2 days SUCKED!!! and during that first weekend i wanted to cheat soooo badly. but i didn't. i realized that it's totall not worth it.

my mom's best friend's sister passed away yesterday. she was 52. things like that scarethe crap out of me. i don't want to have a heart attack and die when i'm 50. i have so much living to do, and i don't want being fat to cut my life short. it's SSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO not worth it. so not worth it.

i know what pretty much every food known to man tastes like. i've been there, i can remember it, so i realize now it's not like i'm missing anything. and if i really want something i'll have it, but just a little bit.

another big change for me has not eating out. i used to eat out daily, sometimes 3 times a day.... i had my birthday brunch out, and other than that, zero, zip zilch. my friends were confused the first couple of days, but now they get it, so they don't even ask anymore. i'm going to do one a month (but mine month is being used up this weekend) just for the social aspect and to have something yummy, but other than that, nope. it's made a big difference.

my stomach doesn't hurt, i have nice big fiberous poops (i know, TMI), i'm less grumpy, i don't have the extreme highs and lows anymore and most importantly, i'm not obsessed about food anymore. i used to plan my whole life around when i could get my next fix. no more. i've moved on.